Fathers (Scenes 9-10)
9
By the time they got to their house at the end of a cul-de-sac, it was 7:25 p.m., and both wanted to sleep early tonight. Kendra could sleep in tomorrow if she wanted, since it was winter break, but Roy had no such luck. Due to all the commotion Kendra and her friends caused in the abandoned Rancaster district, as well as all the damage they caused to the surrounding area by the obliterated wall, he would be up to his eyeballs in paperwork tomorrow.
Hence, Kendra was still grounded, which meant that her smartphone privileges were still restricted for a month. In fact, Roy made it clear to her that she was not to use her phone outside of school and emergencies. He also made it clear that Kendra would not meet with her friends outside of school and school-related activities; that meant she could only meet with her friends out of school to participate in Connie Davis's sleep experiments. Other than that, he expected Kendra to be in her dorm studying, or eating, or sleeping.
And on the subject of sleeping, he added one more stipulation, just to make things crystal clear, so she wouldn't bend the rules later on.
"And one more thing," he added. "No sleeping with anybody else in your dorm, got that?"
Kendra stared at him in disbelief and pouted, folding her arms over her chest. "You're kidding me, right? That's not even an issue. I don't even sleep with my friends, let alone with anybody else," she said, then stomped her way to her room to dress into her sleeping clothes.
In the meantime, he stripped off his clothes and placed them in the hamper in the corner of his room, then opened a few drawers, pulled out a clean muscle shirt and boxers, and put them on just in time.
Kendra now poked her head in through his bedroom door as he was getting ready for bed. Despite the winter cold, she had on short shorts and a T-shirt loosely tucked into them, and her hair was undone. She said, "Oh, and you don't have to put cameras in my dorm, or pay anyone to spy on me. I'm a good girl, and good girls don't do any of the perverted things you're thinking of right now."
"What makes you say that?" he said. "Think I'm psycho or something?"
"Mayyyyyyybe," she said.
"Kendra, I'm a cop. I'm naturally paranoid, but I'm not psychotic," he said. "What you’re thinking only happens in the movies."
Kendra rolled her eyes and gave him a wry smile, saying, "Surrrrrre."
She then did something unexpected. Instead of heading towards her room, she walked towards his bed as he was tucking himself under the sheets.
He sat up, saying, "What are you doing?"
"I'm going to sleep," she said, grabbing the sheets and lying right next to him, pulling the sheets up over her face.
Roy shifted a little further away from her and said, "Why are you sleeping in my bed?"
That's when she pulled the sheets down, revealing just her eyes, and pulled the sheets down her face, revealing a stern expression that held his breath when she said, "Because I trust you, and I want you to trust me, too."
Roy saw her licking her lips and staring up at him, only to look away from him when she shifted to her side away from him on the bed. Only then did something, possibly his conscience, tell him that she was trying to bridge the gap between them, making all the moves and going all the way, while he had stood aloof and met her halfway like the workaholic he had been since the death of Kendra’s father.
"I'm sorry, Kendra," Roy said. "I know it's hard for you, but I'm trying my best, believe me."
She shifted to her side again, facing him, but stayed silent for a time.
"Believe me," he said.
A warm smile appeared on her face, and she said, “You don’t have to hide it, Roy.”
“Hide what?” he said.
She then propped herself up and leaned over, kissing Roy's lips, and said, “That.”
Roy propped himself up on one elbow and said, “Why did you do that? You know that’s—”
“I did it, because you’re lonely,” Kendra said and watched Roy, though he tried his best not to give away too much. “I want you to depend on me, Roy.”
He said, “I’m not like that.”
“Like what?”
Roy grimaced and stayed silent, gulping down his qualms yet refusing to give Kendra another reason to prod him, even when he knew that she was the last link he had to Kendra’s father, Edmund Tellerman, Roy’s mentor and friend and partner.
“Roy,” she said, “I kissed you, because I know what my father meant to you, and I know you’re still mourning him. I’m not asking you to let him go and forget about him: I’m just asking you to share with me what you shared with my father. I know you loved him as much as I did.”
Roy gulped again and avoided her prodding gaze, so Kendra proceeded to kiss him again, but he put two fingers to her lips and said, “Don’t do that.”
“Don’t you trust me?” Kendra said.
“It’s not about trust,” he said. “I just can’t bring myself to love you like that.”
“Like the way you loved my father?” Kendra said.
Roy gulped yet again and said, “Why do you keep bringing him into this?”
“Because you loved him,” Kendra said, then smiled and licked her lips again. “I know you did.”
“It’s not what you think, Kendra,” he said. “I never loved your father the way your mother loved him, and he never loved me the way he loved your mother or you, for that matter. He was like a brother to me, yet I only became his partner after he had lost his wife, your mother.”
“I’m sorry,” she said and turned over and faced away from him. “Can I ask you something?”
“What is it?”
“How did you become my father’s partner?” she said.
“My father mentored Edmund before he died,” Roy said, “and he blamed himself for my father’s death even when everyone in my family and his family knew it wasn’t his fault.”
That’s when Kendra turned back over and faced him with wide wondering eyes and said, “Daniel Dolan?”
Roy nodded.
“The former head of the Phantom Office?”
“The same, yeah,” he said, nodding again. “Your father never was the type of guy to show much emotion on the outside. He preferred keeping things bottled up for a while and expelling it when he thought it was the right time.”
“That definitely sounds like him,” Kendra said.
Roy gave a rueful smile and said, “Your father and I were like brothers before I entered the Police Academy. So when I heard what had happened to your mother, I came to him during her funeral and offered to take you in for a while, so he could get his act together without upsetting you.”
That’s when he noticed Kendra averting her eyes from him, before she turned back over and faced away from him again.
“What’s wrong?” Roy said.
“When my father died,” she said, “did you take it the same way?”
“Kendra—”
“You don’t have to answer me,” she said. “You knew my father better than I did. I just want you to trust me like you trusted him. If you can.”
“Kendra . . .” Roy’s words slipped away from him when he heard her crying, so Roy sat up and said, “Look, I trust you. Believe me, I trust you.”
“Then be honest with me,” she said.
“I am being honest,” he said, then paused for a spell and looked at her still facing away from him, looking for some way to make it up to her and bridge that gap of silence between them. “What do you see in me, anyway?”
“Take a guess,” she said.
“Your father?”
“Too obvious,” she said. “Guess again.”
“Your friend?”
“Too bland,” she said. “Guess again.”
“Your mentor?”
“Too unreasonable,” she said. “Guess again.”
Roy smiled at the subtle jab and said, “Your lover?”
She turned back over to face him and smiled, saying, “You wish. Guess again.”
“Your older brother?”
“Ewwww,” she said, pulling a face at him like he was a pervert, which he wasn’t—most of the time. “I never thought you’d be this bad at guessing.”
“Then give me a hint,” he said.
“Okay, I’ll make this easy for you,” she said. “It’s the Scotland Yard inspector who’s also friends with Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson. Now take a guess.”
“Lestrade, are you serious?” he said.
“Of course, I’m serious,” Kendra said, smiling. “He fits you to a T. Now,” she added, “what do you see in me?”
“A girl who won’t let me sleep?” he said.
“Ewwww,” she said again, pulling another face like he was a pervert, which he wasn’t—most of the time. “You sure have a dirty mind, Roy.”
“You’re the one thinking that, not me!” Roy said.
“Surrrrrre, you’re not,” she said and lay down flat on her back, looking up at the flustered man still sitting in bed next to her. “I can only imagine the kinds of naughty stuff going through your head right now, lover boy!”
“At least this boy’s got some common sense,” he said, smiling, “unlike someone I know.”
“Sense that belongs to the majority isn’t very deep,” she said, “but you’re deeper than most,” and she reached over and grabbed one of his hands and placed it on her cheek. “So be yourself, Roy. You don’t have to be like my father. I like you the way you are.”
Roy just looked at Kendra in shock, knowing that she had seen right through his tough-guy facade and into the clear depths of his soul teeming beneath like fresh water from an untainted spring. And when he peered into her eyes, he saw a moment’s respite from the clusterfuck of his weary mind, and when he looked at her parted lips, he saw an invitation to partake of something he had once shared with Kendra’s father.
“Kiss me,” Kendra said.
“What?” he said. “There’s no way I’d—”
“I never said I saw you as my father, Roy,” Kendra said. “Now kiss me.”
“What about Randal?” he said.
“I never said I’d marry you, either,” she said and smiled at him, “but I know you’re lonely, and I know what I did today brought back some really bad memories for you, and I know saying ’I’m sorry’ won’t cut it, so I want to make it up to you. Now kiss me, or I’ll keep pestering you.”
He bent down and partook of her lips and lingered there in her embrace, brushing his hands up against her waist and feeling her breasts in the palms of his hands, feeling himself getting hard and teetering on the edge of doing it with her, but he pulled away just in time and lay down, closing his eyes and taking long deep breaths to calm himself.
“I can’t do it,” Roy said.
“Don’t you trust me?” Kendra said, smiling at him. “I asked you to kiss me, not fuck me,” she added and turned over and planted a kiss on his lips, a warm kiss, a familial kiss, a kiss of affection that bordered on the edges of lust. In this world, there were three kinds of kisses: the family kiss, the loving kiss, and the kiss of death. Of the three, the first was the purest expression of affection anyone could experience or give to another, like a breath of mountain air or of water from a spring. It was a kiss that fed the soul and gave new strength to weary minds, and she gave it in lengthening doses on Roy's lips, making him hard again. “Do you feel better?”
Roy just looked at her, saying, “I don’t understand—”
“I’m increasing blood flow to your brain,” she said, “so you won’t feel depressed all the time. Do you feel better?”
"Mayyyyyyybe," he said.
So Kendra smiled and said, “Good, but don’t expect more than that,” and she shifted on the bed again beneath the sheets and snuggled herself against his body, and Roy felt the back of her thigh against his erection.
“Kendra!”
“I don’t mind,” she said.
“Are you sure about that?” he said.
Kendra pulled his arm around her waist and snuggled deeper against him, saying, “It’s not what you’re thinking. I’m just really cold. Don’t blow your load now.”
“God, don’t be disgusting!”
Kendra giggled and went to sleep with an expression of complete trust and faith in him on her face, saying, “Sweet dreams, Roy.”
Roy wondered at his stepdaughter, the scion of his late mentor and friend and partner. Kendra had that unshakable faith and an analytical mind, qualities she shared with her father, Edmund Tellerman. Even in Roy’s rookie cop days, Edmund Tellerman had more faith in Roy than Roy himself could muster on his own and saw more in Roy than what he could see in himself reflected in his own mirror.
He then turned over and reached for the lamp and turned off the light, then turned back over and laid his arm over Kendra’s waist again and stared into the abyss that was the ceiling, saying under his breath, "Like father, like daughter," and he went to sleep hoping that one day he would find the courage to be his own man, whatever that was.
But such a hope lay in the future, for Roy was still cognizant of the present moment just before his own dream dive into the Phantom Realms. He was as much a dreamer as Kendra, since he had learned the ropes of dream-diving from Kendra’s father and had proven himself a lucid dreamer by most standards of lucidity, yet he knew his limits. In fact, just as Kendra had often taken the epithet of Sherlock in her observations, Roy found himself entertaining a similar epithet. On his better days, he often thought of himself as the promising Watson, but he settled for the conventional Lestrade due to today’s debacle.
He took a deep breath and exhaled, repeating his breathing exercises for a few minutes to clear his mind, and closed his eyes and thought of the Daimyo and Bangsian hotels, as well as the three drop zones in the Phantom Realms where Stephen Larking’s op would play out in less than 24 hours’ time: one drop zone at a clothing store; one at an abandoned fort atop the hill; and one at a nondescript warehouse. All five locations he had staked out in last night’s dream dive.
Last night lay dead and buried, and today was put to rest, and tomorrow has yet to emerge, but in the present moment, Roy had one more assignment to finish before resigning the Cairns case to the jurisdiction of the Phantom Office: to set up everything in both hotels and the three drop zones for the rest of Inspector Stephen Larking’s Phantom Office colleagues on a massive bastard of a case.
10
Like almost every night, Kendra dreamed that night, and on this night, she dreamed of the same weird staircase Officer Todd Curvan had told her about back at the Police Station. And lo and behold! It was the same scene she had pictured in her mind when Todd had mentioned the details.
First, there was the house in the Lucky Valley neighborhood in the northern outskirts of Larkington, dwarfed by the Sharps Valley Sand Dunes that loomed in the horizon like slumbering giants. Then there was the detached staircase leading into footless halls of air beyond the last step, whereon the toddler of Todd's story stood reaching up into the sky in his sleep. Then there was the dragon snaking its way above the sand dunes and closing in on the houses below it, spotting the child atop the stairs and swooping in to snatch him up. And then there was that poor mother screaming her head off, watching it all in horror, probably on the verge of fainting or going insane, whichever came first.
And now there was Kendra Tellerman in last night’s mandarin dress running up those steps towards that boy on that last step in the slow motion of nightmares, reaching out to him just as the dragon swooped down ever closer like a meteor trailing sparks against the air. She was just bare inches from grabbing at the boy, only to see him disappear before her eyes and feel the rush of wind billowing over her on that last step, as the dragon passed overhead and disappeared over the sand dunes far out ahead of her.
And for a moment, she tottered on that last step on the balls of her feet, bent over and waving her arms wide, struggling to keep herself from teetering over the edge and into the abyss of dreamless sleep. But once she regained control and steadied her feet on the top step, she looked up into the sky.
Mara Cairns was there in the sky in the same blood-soaked clothes Kendra saw her wearing when she found her unconscious in the crater last night. Now she was floating amid a group of smaller dragons snaking around her like a living idol, or a willing sacrifice.
Kendra waved her hands wide and yelled, "Mara!"
When she saw Kendra on the last step of the staircase, she glared down at her, and psychic waves of energy flowed through Kendra's dreamscape, blurring out the house and now warping the outer edges of the staircase into blurry shapes, shaking her footing on the last step.
"Mara, please!" she said, struggling to regain her balance. "Just calm down! I didn't mean to—"
But Mara had enough of her, saying, "You made a promise to my sister, but you fucking LIIIIIIIIIIED!"
Now the lower part of the staircase warped into blurry shapes below Kendra's feet, and looking back, Kendra knew she was losing time and space. "I know, I know! I only got angry," she said, standing firm on the last step through the rush of Mara's psychic waves, "but that doesn't mean I lied to her! You have to believe me!"
But Mara didn't budge, only saying, "Prove it!"
Kendra now wavered, wondering how she could convince someone so dead set on disbelieving her. She looked back down the steps and saw the warping of the lower steps continuing slowly up the staircase and blurring into empty depths. She looked back up at Mara and noticed her standing in midair, as if she was standing on something she could not see.
And so she closed her eyes and imagined more steps going up beyond the top step of the staircase, leading up to Mara who was waiting for her to make that leap of faith. So with the words of her fortune cookie now repeating in her mind, Kendra took one step past the threshold.
Then another.
And then another.
And then another step.
And then another one after that.
And one by one, step for step, Kendra climbed the footless staircase up through Mara's psychic waves that buffeted her as she went, now reaching up into the sky and reaching forward with hands of faith and reaching out for Mara's hand. And when she felt that human touch caress her fingers, Kendra grasped onto Mara's hand in a firm grip, hoisting herself up onto Mara's level, and only then did she open her eyes and look back down on the steps she had just climbed.
And there they were, each step glimmering in the blurry haze that had clouded Kendra's thoughts with doubt.
"You did well, Kendra Tellerman," Mara Cairns said.
But when she looked back, she no longer saw Mara Cairns: she now saw Nico Cairns the way she had seen her in the ruins of the dream mansion, like a ghost fresh out of limbo. And in that space of recognition, now looking into her eyes, Kendra stepped towards her and pulled her into a tight embrace and said, "Don't ever doubt me, you hear? I'm better than that, so don't you Goddamn forget it!"
Nico smiled at her words, then cupped her hands around Kendra's face and planted a kiss on her lips.
