Free Will

Right now I find myself on yet another beach. It seems that to celebrate the victory against my people, Elise decided to come to this place to enjoy a day of fun with all her concubines. The monster that destroyed my home was now near the sea enjoying with two other girls, but these were not living beings, they seemed to be two metal girls that had more in common with yesterday's golem than with humans, but still, they were playing happily with an inflatable ball trying to keep it in the air as long as possible. A little further away were two other strange creatures, one of them looked human but the purple or blue color of her skin with wings on her back and horns on her head, she was next to another girl just as strange, because although she looked a little more human she was as transparent as water, it was hard to distinguish her from the rest of the landscape, both were sunbathing as many other humans do, but isn't that useless? The blue girl did not seem to have changed color, while the glass girl did not seem to have any skin, to begin with. Near the car is the woman everyone calls mother, trying to get something out of a couple of suitcases with the help of her daughter, the girl I helped to kidnap before. There was also a super small girl, one that anyone could hold in the palm of their hand looking at them trying to find a way to help them despite their small size.

All this was so strange.

Another one of the girls came walking up to where I was sitting looking at the beach, she was a girl quite similar to Elise, she had the same animal features, but she was much taller and less white in comparison, she seemed to be more of a human than the rest of the strange girls.

"Are you having fun?"
"Are you comfortable?"
"Do you need me to get you anything?"
"If you need to go somewhere let me know and I'll help you to move around"

"No"
"I'm fine thank you"
"Don't bother so much, I'm heavy enough to be dragged around all the time"
"I don't want to bother you"
"...."
"Tamamo right?"
"That's your name"

"That's right!"
"The pretty and cheerful Tamamo-no-mae!"
"I am glad to hear you already learned my beautiful name."

"Then you must be the first wife, as I understand it."
"The concubine who is above the rest"

"You are wrong"
"I am not the first wife"
"And no one here is above anyone else"

"...."
"I see"
"...."
"So the order changes depending on Elise's tastes of the day?"
"...."
"you know, it doesn't matter, you don't need to answer me"

"Why so depressed?"
"Is there something that worries you?"

"Well, I don't know what I'm going to do about myself in the first place"
"Was my whole life a lie?"
"Was I just a tool for someone else's goals?"
"What makes it different from now?"
"Was I even free in the first place?"
"...."
"Maybe this will be my last day seeing the sea"
"But surely these are things a slave has no right to think about, right?"

"Well, it's natural for you to look at it that way"
"What happened to you was really terrible"
"...."
"But if it makes you feel better, why don't you take this as an opportunity to start over?"
"The chance to start making your own choices for yourself"

"And what choice can a slave do?"
"I'm just a trophy now, a spoil of war"
"I'm nothing anymore, just another of Elise's toys"

"But what do you mean you have no choice?"
"You have hundreds of decisions in front of you right now"
"Right now you can stay here, or you can go out there"
"You could go and talk to the others"
"Or you could go to the ocean, swim as far as you want, and leave all this behind"

"As if Elise would let me go"

"You know, none of the girls are here out of force"
"All the girls you see are here by  their choice."
"They are here because they want to be here"
"The truth is Darling doesn't like to give orders"
"She does it only in extreme cases when someone's life is in danger."
"The only one who has restrictions is Lisa, and even then they are very punctual things"
"...."
"If you want to leave, you are free to go and tell her, I can assure you that she herself will take you to the sea so  you can  leave."
"...."
"But why don't you wait a bit and see what it's like to be with Darling?"
"Despite all the crazy things that happen all the time, it is always fun and joyful"
"Wouldn't you like to be part of a family that accepts you no matter who you are before?"
"...."
"Elise has tried so hard to make it all work despite the problems she has."
"She doesn't say it out loud, but she's been suffering enough, and yet he keeps it all to himself just so she doesn't bother others with his problems"

"And what do you think I should choose?"
"I don't even know what I am anymore, a mermaid or a shattered human?"
"Is there something for me in spite of that?"

"The decision is not up to Elise or me"
"You are the only one who can choose what you want to be"
"If you want to be a mermaid, you can be a mermaid, if you want to be treated like a human, you can be a human too"
"The others will treat you like a normal human if that's what you want."
"But the choice is yours in the end"

"So why did Elise let me live?"
"If she doesn't want me as her toy, then why didn't she kill me like the rest?"

"Most likely...."
"It was probably out of selfishness."
"She probably wanted to rescue herself, thinking that maybe this would be a way to apologize"
"I'm sure deep down she thinks she's responsible for what happened to you, she thinks it's her fault that you were kidnapped and they transformed you into a mermaid"

"It was Father who separated me from my mother"

"But not in Elise's eyes"

"Hey Tamamo!"
"Can you help me with this for a moment"
"I need you to help me get the fire going for the barbecue"

"I'm on my way Okasan!"
"...."
"Just don't think about it too much, just make the decision that you think will make you the happiest"
"Darling will respect whatever decision you make."
"Although personally, I would like to continue to have the opportunity to keep talking to you"

The girl got up and ran to help, leaving as cheerfully as she arrived. Although she was also a slave, she seemed more like a free spirit. Someone who could get along in almost any situation, always smiling. She didn't really seem like someone who was under the control of a tyrant. Were all of them really all okay with their situation? 

When I turned my gaze back to the ocean I got a terrible shock. It was the girl with horns, she was just inches away from my face, with her dark crimson gaze that seemed capable of stealing souls.

"Grrr"
"...."
"You know, this family is everything to me"
"These people are the only ones I consider my allies"
"Darling, my great love, is my last chance not to fall into the eternal darkness of regret in which I found myself"
"My daughters Kazumi and Charlotte are extremely important to me, for they are the proof of my love"
"I will not let someone who does not want to be with us ruin this"
"My last bastion"
"I don't want this family to be destroyed by you, Levia"
"Now, since it was Darling who saved you and brought you here, then I will accept it"
"If you want to be a part of this family I will accept you just like he did"
"Just remember to make Darling as happy as possible and that way we'll get along as well"
"Easy to understand right?"

The blue girl did not wait for my answer, she simply turned around and walked away, carrying several fish still alive between the claws of her fingers. She took them to where the food was being prepared.

Everyone else on the beach gathered their things and started heading to where they were starting to grill the food. Elise went straight to the others, but the golem girls said something to her and then came to me.

"So you are our Mother Levia."
"We are Kazumi and Charlotte"
"Electronic Warfare DOLLS"
"But we like to be known more as daddy and mothers daughters."
"Nice to meet you" they both greeted me in perfect synchronicity.

I was surprised to hear them both speak the way they did, as it was something I had not expected.

"We know that our family is quite strange and difficult for others to understand" said the girl on the left.

"But it is quite funny and nice"
"There is always something amazing going on" added his sister to the left 

"Even though we are all so different we all get along pretty well"
"We are grateful to all of them because they treat us with love"
"Even though we are just a couple of androids, everyone treats us just like any other human"

"I know you don't know everyone yet but I'll try to give you a little overview of everyone else"
"Mother Tamamo is the tall fox girl, she always acts cheerful and a bit silly. But she's actually quite intelligent and understanding, she's a very loving and kind mother"

"Mother Lisa is the girl who looks like a villain, she is quite unpredictable. She tries to do things with good intentions, but her own personality betrays her, she tries to control herself and not go completely crazy. But she's the person you always want to have around when there's trouble"

"Mother Momo is the glass girl, but don't tell her because she doesn't like to be reminded of it. She is the weakest physically, but she is a technical genius, there is no piece of technology that she can't fix or modify. She is very good at assisting dad whenever a problem arises"

"Mother Tifa was the newest of the group. She is quite shy with everyone except dad but tries to help where she can. She is quite afraid of a lot of things so if you see her around you should remind her to protect her"

"There was also someone else, Mother Nanami, she was the first one, but we don't know her. We don't know what happened to her, but dad is very sad for her. If you see him crying it is probably because of her, don't panic when it happens, usually mother Tamamo takes care of him so he stops crying"

Each of the sisters was talking right after the other with perfect coordination, it was as if they were talking to only one person. But the thought of them scared me. What were they, and why did they put so much emphasis on Elise as their father? Plus having them as my daughters? I was just another broken person, I didn't know how to take care of myself, on the surface I am so useless that I need help from others to live, how could I be prepared to have two daughters and share them with several other girls?

"I'm sorry but I don't think I'm a good mother, I don't think I can be the mother that you want me to be"
"I'm not ready for this kind of responsibility, I'm so sorry" 

I told them sincerely, responding to the trust they had placed in me in spite of my origin.

"Don't worry too much Mother Levia"
"We know how rare this family is, but we still love it"
"You don't have to try hard, it's the thought that counts, we appreciate that you have been honest with us from the beginning"

Both sisters took each other by the hand and started walking towards the place where the food was being served. Even though their faces hardly moved I could not help but think of the joy their words conveyed as they spoke to me. Although perhaps I was more surprised to see how they also began to eat without problems despite being golems.

Adelis walked towards me carrying a bag with something inside. She was one of my most important targets, Father would have killed for me to have this opportunity to get close to her and sing, but that didn't make sense now, it wouldn't do any good.

"All right, I brought you the food"
"I don't know what the mermaids eat or how much food you need, so I'd better give you the bag of food and let you choose for yourself"
"There is everything, beef, ham, vegelates, fruits, cookies"
"Does it feel good to see fish cooked? Does a can of tuna make you feel bad? You don't have to eat that"
"Please let me know if you need a lot more food, I can try to find more."

"Many fish eat from other fish"
"that's how the food chain works"
"Mermaids are not an exception"

"So ....."
"Does that mean you also want grilled fish or should I hide it?"

"Yes, I can eat fish, there' s no problem"
"Although I think this will be my first time eating something burned by fire"
"As for the amount of food ...."
"....."
"I have two stomachs, one is that of a human"
"And the other one is more or less around here, it's much bigger but it has the same function"
"I don't really know how it works, but I do know that the food down there lasts much longer"
"It's mainly for storing food in times of famine"
"So if I eat regularly I shouldn't have any problem"
"I can live on the same food that a human would eat"

"Oh how fortunate, then you will be able to enjoy the fish that Lisa caught."
"I'll bring you one"
"Not to brag but they were delicious."
"I was also worried about how to eat well, but it's a great comfort to know that you eat the same as the others"
"I just thought that since you are almost like three humans combined you must eat a lot"

"....."

"What's the matter?"
"Why the sad face? Are you feeling well?"

"Are you okay giving me food too?"
"Aren't you mad at me for what happened?"
"You don't have to be nice to me, I know I'm your enemy, it's normal for you to be mad at me for what I did"

"Well, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't upset"
"But ...."
"You did all that knowing what you were really doing, the damage you were committing?"

"I thought it was fair"
"I thought it was because of the humans that my life was miserable"
"I did it thinking that with my actions I would be helping my allies"
"But it all turned out to be a deception on Father's part"

"And now that you really know the harm of your actions"
"Would you do it again knowing that it is wrong?"

"No"
"I don't want to hurt anyone ever again"
"I don't want to be the person who separates families from their loved ones anymore"
"I don't want them to end up like me, used and broken"

"So then I forgive you"
"I forgive you for what you did to my daughter and for the terror you gave me"

"!!!!"
"Really?"
"You don't hold a grudge for what I did?"
"Wouldn't you like to hurt me for what I did against your family?"

"My children are the most precious thing in my life,"
"I am very grateful to all these girls because it has been thanks to them that my family has managed to stay together despite the difficulties we have gone through"
"If there is someone who is indebted to them, it is me"
"...."
"If you want you can also be part of this family if you have nowhere else to go"
"And if we want to be a family, everyone in the family must get along, we can't be having anger and rejection all the time."
"I can't hold a grudge against someone who has decided to change to try to be a better person"

The lady brought me the food she promised me, it was cooked fish along with vegetables and some kind of sauce. It was quite tasty, it was the first time I ate something cooked, but I still didn't feel any problem eating it. But the other mermaids hated this kind of food, from time to time some ship would drop its food into the sea and we could take the opportunity to taste the food of the humans, all of them always said that it tasted horrible and poisonous, but for me, I didn't seem to suffer from that problem. Was it because I was part human? Was it that part of me that allowed me to enjoy this food? This is another proof of who I was originally supposed to be.

When everyone had finished eating they lay around enjoying the sun. Everyone except Elise, who seemed to be more affected by the sun because she was white, in almost 20 minutes when she arrived it seemed that her skin had changed to red, so she was most of the time under an umbrella and putting something on her skin. Adelis' daughter came towards me, it seemed that she wanted to talk, although in the distance I could see how the dark girl was watching me, watching what I was doing.

"How was your day?"
"Have you been enjoying it?"
"Do you need me to bring you anything? Water maybe?" She said without taking her eyes off my inferior body.

"I'm fine, thank you"
"I can be on the surface without problems"
"...."
"I usually went to the island crags to sing most of the day"

"Really?"
"How fortunate, I was getting worried that maybe you were getting dehydrated out here"  Said the girl, with a face quite similar to her mother's.

"I...."
"I'm so sorry for what happened...."
"I made you suffer because of me"
"My allies tried to separate me from your mother and used you against your will"
"I am so sorry"

"All right, it's all right."
"Everything turned out all right in the end, didn't it?"
"I'd actually like to apologize for what my brother did to you"
"I'm sure that was much harder"
"Besides, thanks to you I was able to be special too for at least 3 days!"
"Kazumi took a picture of when I came out of a wall, it was so cool!"
"Too bad I can't remember it, I wonder how it would feel to be able to do that" Said the girl with a big smile on her face.

"Is everything okay with your body?"
"No side effects or residual effects?"

"Yes, everything is fine"
"Tamamo checked me first and said that they are completely human again"
"But my brother wasn't completely convinced so he took me to other angels to be checked out as well"
"Now I am just another ordinary human again"
"...."
"Although the truth is that I would have preferred to have something left"
"I really wanted to be able to walk through walls, Lisa always does it and it seems so useful and fun"

She was standing in front of me, drinking something from a bottle. Although I was much bigger than her, I had to see her from below, as my tail did not allow me to move on the surface. So I had an inner doubt, what would have happened if I had not been transformed into a mermaid?

"Tell me..."
"...."
"How does it feel to have feets"
"How does it feel to walk on the ground?"

"...."
"Not as surprising as you think it is"
"...."
"I used to be a very sick person, so I spent a lot of time in a hospital bed"
"I was a lot like you actually, I always needed someone to help me to get to the different places with doctors"
"I also wanted to be able to walk"
"I was in a wheelchair for a long time, but I am glad that unlike me you are completely healthy and don't hurt all the time"
"...."
"Eventually, my brother saved me, I began to heal and  the time came for me to relearn how to walk again."
"It was hard, it took me a long time, but then when I finally did it was amazing, I felt like I was capable of doing anything"
"...."
"But eventually you get used to it and think it's no big deal."
"...."
"Wait, I think I said it wrong, I should have said it differently"
"Well what I meant was don't worry about it, you are you."
"Even if it's hard for you to move you can ask for help from everyone else"
"I wouldn't mind being the one pushing the wheelchair this time"

"It's ok"
"I think I understand what you meant"

I looked at my tail, sadly reminding myself that I was supposed to be like her, to have feet and walk on land, but now I was destined to this, a dead weight, to be a nuisance to others every time I was out of the water, in the place where I was supposed to belong. It is now that I see how stupid the idea of dominating the surface was, out of the water we were just immobile animals. If we couldn't even defend ourselves on the surface, how were we supposed to dominate the skies? If there was one thing Elise was right, it was that Father was an idiot, and it took me until his death to realize it.

"Hey!"
"Can I ask you a similar question"
"May I know how your mermaid tail works?"
"Is it true that you can lose it and it will grow back?"
"It looks so cool!"

"It's not as good as you expect"
"Out of the sea, all my tail is useless"
"I'm too big and heavy even for myself"

"Well, I think that's normal"
"But what is it like underwater?"
"Can you breathe water? How do you do it?"
"How fast can you swim?"
"You're huge down here, is this where your heart is?"

"That's a lot of questions"
"Yes, I can breathe underwater just like you do up here."
"As far as I know, I have four lungs, two up here like humans, the other two down here, all of them for the surface"
"As for breathing underwater, that's what gills are for"
"They are these here" I told her, taking off the piece of clothing that hid them, showing only a couple of hard-to-notice lines.
"They close and seal when I come to the surface to allow my lungs to inflate and breathe."
"As for speed, I'm pretty fast, I could go as fast as a human speedboat in the open sea, but accelerating and braking took me a long time"
"I also have two hearts, one human and the one in the tail."
"...."
"You know, better just think of me as a human who got attached by the waist with a big fish, I think it's easier that way"

"So you have two pairs of organs of everything?"

"Almost everything"

"Interesting!"
"What about magic!? Can you use it?"
"You're a fantasy creature, aren't you?"

"Well, yes"
"I can use a little magic, but it's not my forte"
"The mermaid wizards never wanted to teach me"
"I can control water a little bit"
"Maybe raise a small ball of water"

I tried to lift some water from a bottle, but despite my efforts to control it, it exploded soon after.

"Awesome!"
"Maybe with practice, you could do much better"

"You don't have to pretend to be shocked"
"I know that was pathetic"
"My strongest suit is singing, that's what got me into trouble in the first place"

"You are right!"
"Mermaids have magical songs that enchant people!"
"Can you do it? Can you sing now?"

"No"
"I can't do it, I can't sing anymore"
"Elise has forbidden me"

The girl looked at me thoughtfully and then spoke to me again.

"My brother would never have forbidden you to do that, he is not that kind of person"
"Surely you are confusing the order he gave you."
"Probably what he forbade you to do was to use your singing to manipulate people"
"Have you tried singing for the sake of singing for fun?"
"Without any bad intentions behind it?"

Was that really possible? Was it something so simple that would make a difference? I was so focused on it being a toy now that I never thought about doing anything in the first place. I had to try, to see that there was still something left.

I started humming just for enjoyment, to try to cheer up this little girl that I had hurt. And the sound started to come out of my mouth, a joy-filled me, and the voice followed. She was right, I could really sing.

But a cry interrupted the singing. It was my own tears, seeing that all was not lost, I still allowed myself to do what I most enjoyed doing. I felt it just like this girl in front of me described it, I thought I was capable of anything if I tried hard enough. Maybe even enjoying life again.

"But how beautiful you are"
"I would like to record a video of you singing on those stones over there?"
"Do you think you can do it for me?"

It was the first time someone asked me to sing for them. Someone really wanted to hear me sing, and not because of magic, but because they really appreciated me. I accepted by shaking my head because my voice could not hide the desire to cry from the emotion I felt. Maria tried to lift me on her own but it was too heavy for her, but right after Lisa appeared, she could move me to the place without any problem, she didn't even complain about my step. I was well settled and then the young girl took out one of those human tools and gave me the signal to sing.

I sang from the bottom of my heart because my small audience was happy to hear me, they did it because they wanted to, and I could not disappoint them. It was the first time that my voice brought joy and laughter, all because this time it was born from the desire to improve and make amends for the past. To prove that even without magic my voice was loved. Time went by and my spectators were more and more, all of them were the people who brought me here, they were Elise's family, but they came to hear me sing. Tamamo the other fox girl asked me to sing something that expresses my feelings of joy at the moment, and when I started to do it she took out a metal fan and started to dance a very elegant dance, she followed the rhythm of my voice even though she didn't know my lyrics, but it was beautiful to see how her body moved to represent my joy. She looked like a  priestess of a shrine trying to heal a wound in the world, with the beauty of her dance and the hope in my voice.

The afternoon of the day passed and everyone left to start packing up and heading back to the car. But the two Golems stayed with me until the end, listening attentively to every song I showed them, their faces didn't say it, but the look on their eyes let me know they were delighted with what I was doing. When night fell they lit a fire and began to eat by it. I was now in the wheelchair, this time it was Elise who approached me to talk to me, a little further away from the others.

"I just wanted to tell you that I am very sorry for everything that happened underwater"
"I know what I did must have been horrible for you, I hurt you terribly and it may never heal"
"You don't have to forgive me for what I did"
"I just wanted to say it because I thought it was the right thing to do, that I owed you an apology"
"Well, you are not a mermaid by  your choice, you were forced to be one, because of a mistake I made"
"I'm sorry for the pains you have suffered in your life because of me"

Said the one who yesterday was a proud and powerful Ruler, now showing a sign of apology, lowering her head in front of me.

"...."
"I don't know what to think about this"
"..."
"On the one hand I love them because I grew up with them, they were my friends, my family"
"But on the other hand, we were all used by that man who was only looking for his personal benefit and not for all of us"
"I did terrible things for them, and at the same time they lied to me and never revealed my true origin"
"...."
"Is it really right for me to feel almost nothing in this situation?"
"Do I have the right to be angry at you, or should I feel glad for telling me the truth?"
"..."
"I don't know"
"...."

"...."
"Is there someone who you believe was innocent as well?"
"Someone who you think didn't deserve what happened?"

"My friend Edra, she was the one who always accompanied me when I swam to the island to sing"
"She probably knew about my origin but never told me so as not to hurt my feelings"
"Now I understand the sad face she used to have from time to time when she talked to me"

"Then I apologize for Edra."
"I know it's nothing to ease the pain you feel, but I'm truly sorry that things couldn't have worked out better for everyone"

A horrible silence fell between us. None of us knew how to proceed. But it was Elise who took the first step.

"Tell me, what would you like to do now?"
"Do you plan what to do from now on?"

"Do I really even have the opportunity to choose?"
"Am I just your toy right?"
"Didn't you want to take me away to enjoy destroying me as you did before?"
"This collar you put on me makes me your slave, doesn't it mean then that I don't have the right to resist your command?"
"Why bother to listen to what I have to say about this?"

"Well, you're right about that"
"But I still want to give you the right to choose."
"You can go back to the sea if you want, you can live with us to learn how humans work and then go live on your own later, or if you want you can be part of my family and live with us forever"
"Whatever your decision is, I will respect it, you have my word."
"Just choose for yourself what you want to do"

The little girl stared at me waiting for my answer but made no gesture. From where I stood I could see both the sea, now dark, and the rest of the girls eating by the fire, enjoying themselves and laughing. The choice before me was important, to decide whether to live a completely free life in the sea, but as the only one of my species and alone for the rest of my life. Or stay with them, with an uncertain future, but accompanied by people who seemed to be quite kind to each other. I tried to think of myself in every possible scenario, what would happen if maybe this, maybe that. But among all of them, there was one thing that gradually caught my attention more and more.

What was it like to live with humans?

After all I was supposed to be one of them for real, but because of my body now that will never be true. However, this family doesn't seem to mind that and would like to treat me as one of them too. Being with them would be the closest thing to being a human. Maybe the mermaids were wrong about them, maybe we were the bad guys, but that was something I would not find out by being alone in the sea. I had to try, the risk was worth it, maybe my real mother would have wanted at least this for me.

"All right, I agree to stay"
"But it is because I am now your slave, your trophy, your spoils of war, not because I want to!"

"What the hell was that?"
"Are you trying to sound like a tsundere?"
"I hate tsundere's."
"New order, you are forbidden to act like a tsundere.
"I'm too much of an idiot to talk in innuendo"
"Just say what you want to do straight out!"

"Moron"
"I wanted you to call me pretty!"
"I wanted you to see me as a treasure to you!"
"You idiot!"
"I can't believe I'm going to say this ...."
"It's ok, I'll stay, it doesn't seem like being your toy is so bad"
"The others are having a good time and I wanted to keep enjoying happy moments too"
"I'm your possession, are you happy now?"
"Just don't torture this now slave of yours too much"
"Once a week I think is enough right, even if I can regenerate, I need time to heal my mind."

"What the hell are you talking about!"
"I'm not the kind of person who enjoys torturing people!"
"That's Lisa!"

"Your tastes are similar"
"With what you did to me that day, I didn't get that impression"
"My new arms still hurt a little"
"....."
"Now back to being serious"
"...."
"I'm so sorry for what happened that day"
"...."
"Calling you a breeder was really rude of me"
"I won't do it again."
"...."
"Now I understand that what really matters is to see what is beyond the body and see the person for who they really are"
"That's why even though I'm a mermaid I want to be treated as just another human"
"And in turn, even though you are a breeder I will treat you like a human too."

"Thank you...."
"Thank you very much..."
"...."
"On behalf of Nanami, I thank you...."
"I'm sure she would be happy too for you also being able to see her for what she really is..." Said the white girl with tears in her eyes.
"A person..."