Fu Zheng leveled a frozen glare at Ning Wan.

She didn't keep him in suspense. "Liu Guizhen isn't raising the chicken for herself. She's taking care of it for her employer, who asked her to watch it while he's abroad for a holiday. She has worked for this employer more than ten years. When she first moved here to Rong City, she had trouble fitting in with the locals and faced some prejudice. Back then she had a foreign accent, and her husband had gotten into a car accident. Her child was sick and she herself had no education. No one was willing to give her a job. Her employer took pity on her and hired her as a cleaner, paying her twice what the market rate was back then. Because of him, her family made it in Rong City.

"Just looking at her, you may think that Liu Guizhen is uneducated and poor, that money will easily buy her over. If one thousand isn't enough, then two thousand should do it. Perhaps someone from a good family like you might not know that poor little folks like us could also have a backbone?"

"Even if I couldn't buy that chicken," Fu Zheng defended, "I could use law enforcement to force the culling. Although it would difficult, it is not necessarily impossible. It is illegal to raise chickens in the community regardless."

Alas, his words did not impress Ning Wan at all. She giggled, "Fu Zheng, why are you so uncurious? Haven't you ever thought to ask Liu Guizhen what her employer wants this chicken for?"

"It's none of my business," Fu Zheng replied with a straight face.

"Of course it's your business. Liu Guizhen's employer is an artist who owns a painting studio." Ning Wan winked at him. "If you had been just a little more curious and looked him up, you would have found that he's actually quite famous. His specialty is poultry. Recently, he's been teaching drawing classes in his studio, so naturally he must have a live chicken as a model. This course is divided into two parts. Last year, he taught the drawing of heads and feathers, along with wings and tails. This year he will be continuing with how to draw torsos.

"So you see, this chicken is neither kept for food, nor as a pet, but for teaching purposes," she smiled. "It modeled just like a human anatomy model in Class 1 and quite naturally, the model cannot be so easily changed for Class 2. It has to be this particular chicken. Therefore, Liu Guizhen is very unwilling to dispose of it, fearing that she might let down her employer, and you just..."

Her shrewd gaze assessed him. "There is no way to bring in the Department of Environmental Sanitation because although the Regulations on the Administration of Urban Appearance and Environmental Sanitation stipulate that chickens are not allowed in urban areas, there is an exception made for teaching, scientific research and other special needs. Unfortunately, this bird of yours is the most honourable of chicken models. The artist, you see, is quite law-abiding. Before handing it over to Liu Guizhen, he had it specially registered."

“……”

Fu Zheng had never in his wildest dreams imagined that a chicken might have such a backstory.

Since this was a perfectly legal teaching chicken, Liu Guizhen was determined to not to be shaken by money, leading to a dead end to the issue of noise disturbance.

Fu Zheng had nothing to say. His face was black and his lips compressed. Ning Wan, however, looked like she was enjoying a cool spring breeze. She glanced at Fu Zheng. "There's no way out, isn't there? You could always beg me. "

"You're deceiving me," Fu Zheng said in a chilly tone. "You can't possibly have a way."

"And if I do?"

"If you do, I won't just call you Teacher Ning, but Father." Fu Zheng eyed Ning Wan. He felt a little uncomfortable. "If you can't do anything, you handle Shi Xiaofang tomorrow."

"Alright."

 

Even though she had just made a promise, Ning Wan did not seem to be in a hurry. Fu Zheng watched her stare at her phone, tap out some words, then wait again, as if chatting with someone. Seeing her so absorbed in waiting for a reply, he figured she was probably continuing her lovey dovey affair with her boyfriend.

How did she get anything done with this perfunctory work attitude?

For the third time today, Fu Zheng regretted his decision to come to the community. Instead of tempering himself, he felt like he had come here to have his time wasted.

Fortunately, Ning Wan finally ended her chatting right then and smiled at him. "Just confirming in advance, but this is your case and I'm just helping you wipe your ass. So the funds for the case..." She coughed delicately and gave him a meaningful look.

Fu Zheng wet his lips. "I will reimburse the expenses." He was interested to see what she would do.

"Then let's go." She stood and beckoned Fu Zheng to keep up.

Still in the dark, Fu Zheng nonetheless got up and followed. Unfortunately, even now, she didn't seem to show any sense of urgency. Instead, she went straight to Liu Guizhen's building and headed to the fruit shop outside.

"These strawberries look good, give me two pounds."

She tried a cherry. "Sweet and fresh. Give me two pounds."

……

Fu Zheng watched her pick out a bunch of fruit. Then she beckoned him over. "Fu Zheng, come and pay."

“……”

Although he had said that he would cover the funds, surely Ning Wan wasn't going to milk him under the guise of a case?

Enduring an incoming headache, Fu Zheng paid up expressionlessly. "You need fruit to handle cases?"

"Of course." Ning Wan looked at him, "Or did you want to go to Liu Guizhen's house empty-handed, without a meeting gift? Why should someone open doors for us and be willing to communicate with us? Just because you insulted them by trying to bribe them not long ago? "

Upon finishing her thoughts, Ning Wan peered at Fu Zheng and suddenly realized, "Did you think I was embezzling your case-handling funds to buy fruit for myself?" She narrowed her eyes, a smile spread across her face. "I, Ning Wan, don't bother with nonsense like scamming people out of fruit. If I want fruit, I'll eat the fruit that you offer up in gratitude to your teacher. "

Fu Zheng bit a lip and didn't speak. He felt that Ning Wan was merely boasting, and didn't believe that a few boxes of fruit could possibly change anything.

 

Only by following Ning Wan to Liu Guizhen's house did he find out that she was right. As the saying goes, an angry fist does not hit a smiling face. Although Liu Guizhen was reluctant to see them come to the door, she could hardly drive them out after receiving so much fruit, and somehow let them into the house.

Indeed, as Liu Guizhen had said, the inside of her home was spotless. There was no peculiar smell from the chicken at all.

Just as Fu Zheng was thinking this, Ning Wan had already put it into practice. She praised Liu Guizhen's clean home without holding back, and talked about their daily lives while looking at the photos hanging on the wall. Even after chatting for nearly half an hour on topics ranging from the reorganization of the vegetable market to the subway bus line, Ning Wan still didn't cut to the chase, but was leisurely talking to Liu Guizhen about her grandson's education.

"Auntie Liu, isn't your Xiao Mao in his third year of high school right now? What a crucial time for growth! You should make sure he sleeps well. I've heard that there are several high school children in your building whose parents complain of the square dance music downstairs at 8 o'clock every night. They say it's too loud, that it disturbs the children's study. Your floor is high enough that I don't know if it affects you."

Although this lady lawyer looked young, she had brought fruit in apology, and instead of talking condescendingly about the provisions of the law and wanting to dispose of the chicken, she was patient and approachable. Liu Guizhen had calmed down a good deal. When the the topic of the square dance came up, she immediately concurred.

"Although we are on the 12th floor, the voices are so loud! We don't know what's going on, but it just pierces right upstairs. And the music! My family's Xiao Mao can't study peacefully with how loud it is. The children get distracted at 8 o'clock, and they don't get their homework done until midnight. Then they have to get up early in the morning, and they never sleep well."

At this point, Liu Guizhen sighed and began to complain about the property managers. "I've put in a complaint so many times, yet they still don't deal with it. It's not like I have a problem with the dancing, but will they die if they turn down the music? They're so eager to collect HOA fees, but when us residents ask them to do something they just push the ball around the court..."

Taking a sip of water, Ning Wan was about to continue, but she looked up just then to find Fu Zheng staring straight at her. The young master had obviously run out of patience. He was probably only still sitting here to watch her crash and burn.

Unfortunately...

Not only would she not crash and burn, but she now had a well-thought-out plan. Smiling at Liu Guizhen, she said, "Auntie Liu, you can rest assured that many residents have been putting in complaints to our office about the square dance music. I'll be handling the matter in the coming few days. Although eight or nine o'clock isn't a strange time to be raucous, who doesn't like peace and quiet at home?"

When Liu Guizhen heard her promise, her eyes lit up. "That's great! Thank you so much, Lawyer Ning!" She wasn't a fool. She knew why Ning Wan was here, and her next sentence was awkward. "But I really can't help you with killing the chicken. You see, this chicken is actually..."

"I know, Auntie Liu. You're truly are a trustworthy person. You're raising this chicken for Teacher Guo, and because it's being used for his class, it can't be culled. I am aware of all of this."

Liu Guizhen had always considered the community lawyers to be Shi Xiaofang's accomplice. Hearing Ning Wan's words, she was deeply moved. She hadn't expected the lawyer before her to have investigated the case, to believe that she wasn't just some other selfish person who was raising a chicken for food.

Ning Wan saw that the time was ripe. Softly, she said, "Though I know your difficulties, but if you put yourself in her shoes, you should also understand the troubles Auntie Shi is facing. Xiao Mao gets up early, so the crowing doesn't bother him, but isn't he troubled by the square dance music? He can't sleep well and focus on his studies. Auntie Shi's family is in the same boat due to the crowing in the early morning, especially her little granddaughter born not long ago. This has to be considered infringement, and you do have a responsibility to take care of it."

"But..." Liu Guizhen's face was ashamed. She was at a loss. "But Lawyer Ning, what can I do? I've already given my word. Teacher Guo will be traveling for the next two months, and I have to watch the chicken for him until then."

"How about this?" Ning Lan smiled. "Before I came here, I found Teacher Guo on Weibo and contacted him. Teacher Guo wants to draw a chicken. So long as the chicken is alive and no large changes are made to it's appearance, he has no issues. Therefore, as long as the chicken isn't disfigured, we can tackle the problem of the crowing while still ensuring that Teacher Guo's needs are met."

Liu Guizhen raised her head in amazement, and Fu Zheng frowned slightly at Ning Wan. So as it turns out, she wasn't sending insignificant text messages to her boyfriend before a date, but was urgently contacting the chicken's true owner, Teacher Guo...

Ning Wan threw Fu Zheng a "watch carefully" look, paused, and then said with great fanfare--

"So let's castrate the chicken!"

“……”

Fu Zheng was silent. Fu Zheng hesitated. Fu Zheng thought that maybe he had heard wrong.

Ning Wan paid no attention to Fu Zheng's many changing expressions. She explained, "The rooster crows because it's a rooster. Once castrated, it will not longer produce testosterone, promptly making it into a eunuch chicken, which will not crow! Furthermore, Teacher Guo's poultry painting will not be affected. After all, he doesn't paint rooster testicles!"

Liu Guizhen paused for a moment, before epiphany broke out over her face. "Yes. Yes! Why didn't I think of that! But..."

"You can rest assured that I have consulted with Teacher Guo, and that he has already agreed. If you don't believe me, feel free to call and reconfirm with him. You also need not worry about the procedure. There is a chicken farm outside the city whose owner's skill at neutering roosters is first-class. On his farm are thousands of capons, all of them neutered by him. None of them contracted an infection after the operation. I've already contacted everyone for you, and the farm owner happens to be free tomorrow. Shall we go together? The castration will be quick and fairly painless, and with the proper follow up treatment, everyone, from the rooster to myself to your neighbours, will be satisfied. "

“……”

Although Fu Zheng was flabbergasted by this seemingly magical turn of events, Ning Wan had indeed solved the issue in just a few words. She made an appointment for the next morning with Liu Guizhen, and Fu Zheng's imaginary catfight scene never occurred. In the end, not only was Liu Guizhen extremely grateful, but she begged Ning Wan to take home a package of chestnuts that she had just fried.

……

Fu Zheng thought back to the weird pick up lines that he had heard her saying when they had met for the first time, and the abnormal way she made conversation. He suddenly came an inner realization. Could it be that mentally handicapped children were truly happier, and mentally-ill patients more creative? Ning Wan's ideas were all insane...

 

Upon leaving Liu Guizhen's house, Ning Wan put away all pretense of being gentle and gracious. She looked at Fu Zheng triumphantly and said, "Well? Convinced of your loss? "

“……”

It was humiliating, but Fu Zheng was indeed forced to admit his loss. He thought it over and just as he was ready to concede frankly, he heard her burst into laughter--

"Who knew I would suddenly have a son so much older than me? Hahahaha!"

“……”

When she had laughed her fill, she narrowed her eyes at Fu Zheng. "You don't need to call me 'Father'. I wouldn't be able to handle a son like you. I believe in 'spare the rod and spoil the child', and the way you are I'll probably end up having a heart attack. Not worth it."

"..." Stony faced, he ignored her words.

However, Ning Wan was in high spirits. "But not calling me 'Father' doesn't mean you don't have to call me 'Teacher Ning'. Come, come, let me hear it."

"..." Fu Zheng stifled his objections and was silent for a long time. "Don't ask me to call you Teacher Ning. You can ask for anything else you want. I'll buy you anything you want."

"No way." Ning Wan batted her eyes at him, "This is all I ask from you. If you insist upon not calling me Teacher Ning, then I shall reluctantly have to accept you calling me 'Father'."

In his whole life Fu Zheng had never been pushed to such desperate straits. For a while his eyes were red with anger. For the fourth time, he deeply regretted coming to the community to obtain some experience. He was truly a tiger who had left the mountains, just to be bullied by a dog.

However, a gentleman could not go back on his word. Under Ning Wan's gloating eyes, Fu Zheng could only tamp down his surging emotions and forbear. "Teacher Ning."

"BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

What rose up to meet him was Ning Wan's villainous laughter, mad with success.

 

Eventually she laughed her fill, peeled herself a chestnut and tossed it into her mouth. Like a small squirrel, her cheeks puffed up as she ate it. "Then you can come along tomorrow," she told him.

"To do what? Is there a case?" he asked, dazed.

"This one, of course." Ning Wan gave him a look that said: 'Idiot'. "You'll come to the chicken farm with me tomorrow for the castration."

'The chicken farm'. Fu Zheng felt like he could almost smell those three words...

He refused immediately. "There's no need for both of us to go just to neuter a chicken. I'll stay and man the office. You go to the chicken farm."

"There's no need to be on duty tomorrow morning. The office building gets cleaned then, so we're closed for half a day." Ning Wan smiled at Fu Zheng. "So it's not negotiable. You'll come to the chicken farm with me."

“……”

"Also, in the future, pay attention to your speech." Ning Wan said solemnly, "It is the demand of our roles that we must speak with civility, not use vulgar words."

"What?"

"Don't say 'chicken'¹An untranslatable joke here. 'Chicken' 鸡 is also a slang for 'prostitute' in Chinese. I considered making it into a pronoun joke about the chicken's soon-to-be change of sex, but couldn't come up with a good one so I decided to just leave a footnote.. Civilized beings use 'you', 'me' and 'they'."

“……”

 

The author has something to say:

[Mini Theater]

Partner Fu, beaten by life: I'm so very tired. Just let me die

Ning Wan: Cheer up, young man! You're stronger than you think! The punches of life have just begun!