Ch. 11 – The More That Things Change
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The entire walk over was accompanied by no end of grumbling and cursing under my breath. In a desperate attempt to keep myself from falling apart, I was trying my best to reach for anger. And I could do that fairly easily; unfortunately, my body had decided that wasn’t the only emotion it would be surfacing. Perhaps it was the sea of new hormones flooding my body, but the whole way there I was blinking back tears and little sobs between ill-fated attempts to clench my jaw and twist my lips into a scowl. Some weird, lingering bit of masculine pride was telling me that I shouldn’t cry, but stoicism was apparently no longer something I had in my arsenal in situations like this. 

 

And fuck it, I was sad, like really, really sad. Hurt, too; it wasn’t that I had no idea this was coming, I’d known from the get-go that this would be a possibility, but part of me hadn’t wanted to believe it. Even as I’d thrown myself deeper and deeper into femininity, part of me had hoped deep down that I’d somehow misheard Olivia that morning. Or that I could somehow just pretend that the phone call and subsequent conversation had never happened at all, and just be a girl for her. Or, rather, at the time, be a feminine guy for her. But apparently not. Realistically, I couldn’t blame Olivia for not having seen me as a girl before. 

 

She was a lesbian, it wasn’t her fault for wanting to leave me and date women instead of what she’d literally been told was just  a feminine guy exploring his presentation. But the cheating, the cheating was fucked. It didn’t make any sense; she didn’t seem like that kind of person, but maybe that was the point. People didn’t go into relationships expecting to be cheated on. I’d held on for so long to this idea that it was fine, throwing myself into this whole femininity thing in place of actually confronting what I’d heard that morning. But it was so much easier to keep a lid on it all before things became as real as they were now. When it was more just my own funtime adventure with accidental gender identity exploration, and not me losing my girlfriend to a huge violation of trust.

 

Realistically, I didn’t know what the hell my plan was. I was going to show up at this party where Olivia apparently was and then what? Just yell and scream at her? That wouldn’t actually help me. At the end of the day, she’d have still cheated on me, I was really only making a fool of myself, but frankly, I didn’t care. I just needed to get these feelings out, I was pissed and I was sad and I was hurt. And I needed her to know that. 

 

What was worse, however, was that Olivia turning out to be a shitty girlfriend was possibly the lesser of my problems. Just what the fuck was I going to do about the missing pills? I’d been wracking my brain over and over, but the only thing I could think was that I’d left them in the changing room at the store, and that store closed early on Sundays, so I couldn’t even bother checking. Thinking about the consequences of that just made me feel even worse than before. I was already in too deep; there was no going back, the concept of losing this body was revolting, sickening. The mere thought of it had me trembling. It was a complete mystery just how long it would take for Dylan to whip up another transformation spell, And until then I’d have to just be in my old body and -- I shuddered visibly, forcing myself to think about other things. Unfortunately the only other thing my brain would let me think about was this thing with Olivia. 

 

By the time I was nearing my destination, I was so overcome with emotion I could barely think. I stomped up to the front door and, upon realizing I had no idea whose house I was standing in front of, let out a defeated sigh and pulled out my phone to text Dylan. Honestly, nothing takes the wind out of your sails like forcing an emotional moment to come to a screeching halt in order to text your best friend asking to let you into the place you were supposed to be having said emotional moment inside of. I waited a few minutes out there on the doorstep, awkwardly trying and failing to keep a handle on things as I idled. The door opened, and I was looking up at Dylan, who, upon seeing the state I was in, gave a sympathetic smile.

 

“Ah, fuck. Look, I’m sorry, Abigail. I’ll go get her; when you’re done, let’s go get a beer or something, get your mind off things.” He turned and marched away purposefully before I even had the chance to reply, leaving me once again awkwardly twiddling my thumbs while trying my best to not completely lose it. When the door swung open, I found myself eye to eye with Olivia. Which was weird, since we definitely weren’t usually eye to eye, but I very quickly got over that weirdness and instead felt a wave of powerful emotions overtake me. The problem, however, was that I couldn’t actually get those emotions out. Seeing her like that had me choked up to the point where I could barely force out a breath, let alone anything comprehensible. Olivia stared at me in confusion for several moments before recognition dawned on her.

 

“Oh my, god, Jesse? That’s really you isn’t it? Wait, you’ve been using magic to change your appearance haven’t you? I mean, fuck, of course you have, there’s literally no other explanation for it. I’m an idiot, I should have realized that the first night.” She pulled me into a tight hug, which I certainly didn’t reciprocate, but found myself unable to pull away from as I hung limply. “What’s wrong? Is it that existential crisis? Want to go somewhere and be alone just the two of us so I can help you feel better?” She backed away, and reached out to stroke my cheek; I flinched, and stepped backward.

 

“Wh-what the fuck is wrong with you Olivia? How can you just act like this after everything you’ve done to me?” I was barely able to choke out my retort through hiccuping sobs.

 

“Wait, what do you mean? What did I do?” She suddenly looked mortified, eyes fixed in place, mouth agape and frozen in guilt. But I had no interest in playing into that act of hers.

 

“Don’t give me that crap. I know you’re cheating on me. I know you’re seeing some girl.” I spat.

 

“I -- what? I promise you there’s nobody else, not besides you.” She was tearing up too now, seemingly shocked that I’d even accuse her of that.

 

“D-Don’t you dare lie to me.” My voice was getting louder and shriller by the moment. “I fucking heard you. I heard you yesterday on the phone with Trish just after I woke up. I heard you talking about leaving him to be with her. And Dylan heard you literally at this party, bragging to everyone about your girlfriend and denying that you have a boyfriend.” As I finished, Olivia just looked at me in stunned confusion.

 

“W-wait, what? I mean, yeah. Yeah I have a girlfriend, she’s you. You’re not seriously still in denial about being a woman, are you? After everything you told me?” Her hurt seemed to be evaporating by the moment and replaced by bewilderment.

 

“What do you mean, everything I told you? I haven’t spoken to you all day. And yes, yes I am a woman. But I only realized that like, three or four hours ago, so there’s no way you could know that, since the only other person who knew was Dylan, and he didn’t tell you.” For a moment I almost felt triumphant, I’d completely eviscerated her shitty excuse like it was tissue paper.

 

“I -- You -- you literally. Oh my god.” Her eyes widened as realization dawned on her. “The fucking blackout. You told me you remembered the important parts from Friday night.” She put her palm to her forehead in frustration. 

 

“What are you talking about?” Something about the amount of sincerity radiating off her was disarming.

 

“After we left that party, you kept telling me we needed to talk. So we did. We found a nice private place, and you told me about how you desperately wanted to be a girl. We had a heart to heart, agreed you were trans, and then went on with our night. And you, god dammit. You forgot all of that, didn't you? Fuck, I’m such an idiot for not realizing,” she sighed. For my part, I could only stare at her in stunned silence.

 

“Wait, really?” Olivia answered me with a silent nod. “Well, fuck. I actually forgot literally realizing I was trans?” 

 

“You kinda had a rough night after. I tried to keep you from drinking too heavily, but you were really struggling to come to terms with everything and kept sneaking in drinks all night. I should have done a better job keeping you under control. I meant to talk to you more about it yesterday, but honestly, I thought you already had it all figured out, given everything you were doing and the mood you were in.” Things were making more and more sense, and the more she told me, the more faint memories began to stir.

 

“Yeah, I um, that kind of rings a bell actually. Pretty crazy coincidence, right?” I admitted. 

 

“Wait, what coincidence?” It was at that point I realized Olivia didn’t actually know the reason I’d had Dylan do wizard shit to me to begin with. So I told her. I told her everything from my dazed morning, my accidental eavesdropping, my plan, the magic, the changes and my reactions to them, and finally my more recent heart-to-heart with Dylan and eventual self-discovery. Olivia looked on silently, occasionally asking clarifying questions or giving me a look that suggested she thought I was out of my mind. When I finally finished, there was silence for several moments, before Olivia broke it. “So wait, you only even got this body because, when you came to believe I was cheating on you with a woman, your first and only reaction was to feminize yourself?” 

 

“Well, uh, yeah when you put it that way it sounds worse than it is.” I looked at the ground tracing my foot in little circles. Olivia rubbed her temples, then pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation.

 

“Babe, listen, you’re great. Honestly, you’re a wonderful girlfriend but, fuck, sometimes you can be really dumb.” I tried hard to argue with her, opening and closing my mouth several times in a futile attempt to come up with a response as I reached my hand into the air to grasp at nothing, I couldn’t deny it. She was right, after all.

 

“That’s fair.” I huffed, slumping forward as Olivia gently caught me in her arms. “By the way, um. I go by Abigail now.” 

 

“Cute,” Olivia cooed as she gently tickled my belly, sending me into a fit of giggles all while I tried to control the very visible blush spreading across my cheeks.

 

“Be nice to me.” I bowed my head, covering my face in my hands as my lips formed a little pout.

 

“How is this not being nice, Abigail? I’m calling my very cute, very pretty girlfriend exactly what she is.” This woman, absolutely merciless, the audacity. 

 

“I’m fragile.” I held the last syllable for a while as my tone dipped low and pouty.

 

“I can see that; you’ll be fun later tonight when we take your body for a test run, I can already tell.” Olivia’s smirk only widened as I found myself blushing all the way down to my neck. “What a pretty shade of red! I think I’d like a dress that color.”

 

“I call time-out.” I pulled away and crossed my arms, turning my gaze away from her. She leaned forward and lightly kissed me on the cheek, causing my knees to wobble a little. Luckily just then I was saved by Dylan, who suddenly filled the doorway, scowling at Olivia. He was suddenly owed quite the explanation, which we were happy to provide. A few minutes later he was leaning against the side of the house, scratching his chin contemplatively.

 

“Okay. Yeah, uh, well that definitely fills in some gaps. And sorry, dude, I’m with Olivia on this one; you and I were both kind of dumbasses.” That had to be the betrayal of the century right there. Et tu, Dylan?  “By the way, did you bring the pills?” And with that, my mood, which had been buoying upward, was immediately grasped by some shadowy tentacle and dragged into the depths of the Shitty-Feelings Sea once again. 

 

“I lost them,” I whimpered, hanging my head in earnest this time as new tears began to collect. “Dylan, please. I’ll do whatever you want, just please find a way to keep me from losing this body.”

 

“Hey, hey, hey. Abigail, stop. It’s fine. I said good news, didn’t I? I mean, I also said bring the pills, but it’s not a big deal. You’re not going to lose that body.” He laid a hand on my shoulder, and I slowly tilted my head up to look at him, lip still quivering.

 

“I’m not?” Part of me didn’t believe it, felt like there was no way luck would be on my side this time. Why would I get the easy way instead of -- I shuddered at the thought of the alternative, of going back.

 

“No, look, fuck, I’m sorry. We could have figured this out way sooner if I’d paid more attention in class, but I fucked up the translation. The medicine isn’t supposed to give you your ‘typical’ shape, but your preferred one.” He was speaking very quickly, seemingly in a hurry to quiet my doubts.

 

“Wait, so like, it could have given me any body I wanted?” I asked.

 

“Not exactly; for one, you can’t actually control what happens to your body. The translation to ‘preferred’ still isn’t perfect, but we don’t really have a word for it in English. Either way, basically the spell is meant to give people a body that matches what we consider their ‘internal self,’ if that makes sense.” Dylan definitely was making sense, I could already tell where this was going.

 

“Yeah, and for me, my ‘internal self’--”

 

“Is a girl!” he exclaimed a little too enthusiastically, practically fist pumping. “I wanted the pills to test if you even needed to keep taking them in the first place to keep changing. But I know for a fact that, worst case scenario, you’re just going to be as you are right now until we can get you some more pills, because your body isn’t fighting the changes even a little.” As he finished, there seemed to be a collective sigh of relief from all three of us.

 

“Well, shit. I guess things really did work out, after all.” I breathed a sigh of relief. And, with impeccable comedic timing Dylan awkwardly cleared his throat.

 

“Uh, actually, well, there is one problem,” Dylan said, wincing. “It’s not a huge one, but--”

 

“What is it?” The apprehension already palpable in my wavering voice.

 

“Well, there might be a tiny side effect. Nothing major, but from the research I did I’ve found that people who have experienced similarly major changes like this tend to get really well, um. Just maybe buy some anti-itch cream? The rash will probably start in the next couple days, then likely subside by next Thursday.” Dylan awkwardly brought his hand up to scratch the back of his head as he offered a sheepish shrug. “Sorry I uh, only learned this was a common thing today. Otherwise I would have warned you. They don’t put warning labels like that in old grimoires. Look on the bright side, you could have wound up like half frog or something!”

 

“Just be glad that some weird rash is 100% worth it, cause otherwise I’d find some way to kick your ass right about now,” I mumbled, then giggled a little. With that moment of levity, the other two joined in as we broke into fits of laughter. 

 

“So, uh, well, party?” Dylan asked, gesturing back into the house. Olivia and I looked to one another, shared a glance, some mutual shrugs and silent correspondence, then turned back to face Dylan, speaking simultaneously.

 

“Sure.”

Would you look at that, things are finally starting to go well for our girl. Next chapter will be the epilogue, but I also currently intend to write a bonus chapter within the next few days, so look forward to that. Since the story is about done, I won't entice you with patreon early access to the rest (since there really isn't anything left to early access with this story). THAT BEING SAID, if you subscribe there you can get early access to what is written of my next story -- about a witch who, when trying to summon her ideal girlfriend, summons some random guy instead, I wonder why that is? -- That, along with several other benefits such as exclusive audio content, exclusive writing, and pictures of my cat are available at my patreon for as little as $2 a month (cat pictures are gonna cost you extra though, sorry).

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