I flopped back onto my pillow, and raised my left arm to the ceiling, letting that crash down too.

Okay, so there was a lot to get in order in my head before I felt like I could do anything else.

First of all, my previous world. I could basically rule out any thoughts of going back there. For starters, I had no idea how such a thing could possibly be done. The manhwa gave basically no clues for how the “reincarnated in another world” thing actually worked, it was basically just there to throw in a fish-out-of-water protagonist. Certainly no meeting with god in a featureless void. Since I had no leads, I’d have to give up. Which… really sucked.

Like, come on! Of course I had regrets! My life was just starting, there were so many things I wanted to do, so many places I wanted to see, so many things I should’ve said. I know I joked about Sydney being glad to be rid of me, but I really did owe her so much that I won’t ever be able to pay back. Jenna, Sneha, and Kyle were the first real friends I’d made in a long time. Mom… I still couldn’t hate her, despite everything. And, and, and…

Of course I was bawling by now. I… What else can I say? I wasn’t ready, but I guess no one ever is. Melissa Barnett’s story had ended, but Dahlia Regisberg’s was just beginning, and I needed to let go of regrets I couldn’t do anything about.

At least, that’s what I told myself, as I wiped my face on my blanket. I was definitely not over this, but bottling up stuff for later was a skill I had unfortunately developed quite well.

Alright, next important topic. Why the hell am I here?

This is serious. I know I said I didn’t meet with god or however it usually goes in these stories, but thinking it through, there’s basically no way me being here isn’t deliberate. Even assuming reincarnation is just how things work, the chances of me in particular (a person who was reading the manhwa right before her death) being born into this world around the time the story takes place, as a character that’s recognizable from the comic, are astronomical. So unless I see really strong evidence otherwise, I’m gonna assume that there is someone who’s in charge of all this stuff, and that they put me here on purpose. Huh. I guess that means I believe in a higher power now. Well, I guess it doesn’t count as “faith” when it’s a conclusion I’ve come to after reasonable analysis. This is kind of a big deal, actually. Too bad trying to tell anyone would be an easy way to be sent to the loony bin. I guess there’s also the fact that reincarnation being real probably means that most religion, both here and back on Earth, is probably wrong. Suck on that, Aunt Christie. Ahem. That was a little mean. (But she deserved it.)

Okay, back on track. Where was I? Right, I concluded that God had made it so that I’d end up in this comic world, for some purpose I don’t know. Or novel world. Whatever.

…Actually, that might be important. I had assumed that this was the world of the manhwa. But it might very well be the world of the novel inside of the manhwa. After all, if I accept that I had been reborn inside a fictional world, being reborn in a fictional world in a fictional world isn’t a stretch. There’s no real way for me to tell without seeing Rosalia, but that can’t happen for a bit. But either possibility doesn’t bring me closer to the question of “why”, and more specifically, “why me” .

I’m taking it as a given that someone wanted Dahlia Regisberg to have Melissa Barnett’s memories. But I have no idea why that would be the case. Foreknowledge of the manhwa? But I was only in the middle of reading it! It had been pretty close to completion in Korean, I think, so why pick me, who didn’t know the endgame? Was I just the only recently deceased person who had acceptable enough knowledge of it?  Or did they want someone who’d be disoriented, who’d have to make leaps of logic for how things were going to progress? Or is it my other knowledge that’s important, not stuff related to the manhwa? A semi-common isekai thing is that the fantasy world needs outside ideas and innovation, and that’s where the protagonist comes in. But uh, I didn’t exactly have much knowledge to offer. I was passing my classes and knew some specific stuff related to my degree, but I wasn’t on the level of being able to start an industrial revolution by myself. As for general knowledge, I was typical. Unless all they want is a child with the mind of an adult, and anyone would do? Bah. I don’t have enough info. Or any info, really. I guess I’ll have to table the “why am I here” inquiry. Unless God shows up in a dream to tell me. In which case, I think I have a few choice words for Him.

That leaves the other big question: What the hell am I supposed to do?

These villainess isekai stories usually make it really simple. The villainess gets killed in the original plot (or exiled, if they’re a little kinder). So the poor person who wakes up in their body, or who turns back time to before they died, or whatever, has a very simple and concrete goal. Don’t die. Find a path that doesn’t lead to suffering. Of course, that always turns out to have its own twists and turns, but there’s always that very easy to understand danger for the protagonist to try and avoid.

But that’s not the case for me. As far as I was aware, I was not headed for any kind of “bad end”. Dahlia Regisberg was a minor character, but definitely not one who seemed to be in danger; the last bits I remember of her appearing is her and Rosalia becoming partners and friends. I couldn’t rule out that bad stuff would happen to her later, of course, but I couldn’t exactly plan around “maybe bad things will happen at some point”. Without anything to go on, I really can’t come up with a better plan than to just live life as usual and maybe keep an eye out.

Wow, great plan, me. “Do nothing and hope for the best.” A regular Sun Tzu, am I.

Oh yeah, I should probably write down all the stuff I remember from the manhwa while it’s as fresh as it’ll ever be. Would be more productive than wracking my brains out over this. Ugh, I still felt like crap, but this needed to be done ASAP if it was going to be useful. It’s a good thing I’m a lefty in this life too, or else I’d have a serious problem. Yep, just gotta slowly nudge myself out of bed and-

“Waaaaaaah! Big Sister!”

Or not. Sigh.