Top Secret File
=====================================================================================
Date of print: 24/12/2021
Name: Elijah White
Nickname: Eli
Codename: Hourglass
Rank: First Lieutenant
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: 10/10/1997
Religion: Atheist
Place of Birth: Born in America
Family: All deceased
Spouse: ex-girlfriend, Marie Jones
Appearance: Black hair, light brown skin, 1.8m height, Broad-shouldered, and Athletic build.
He has a Tattoo of a broken hourglass on his left hand.
Biography: Born to a Jewish Clockmaker and an Atheist mother. When he was 6, his parents were murdered by Palestinian
Terrorists. All his assets were frozen by the state until he reaches age 18,
and was transferred to st. Kroll orphanage in New York.
At 10, In self-defense, killed a 15-year-old bully with a sharpened pencil to the
Carotid Artery. He was sent to juvie where he hospitalized another 2 older bullies in self-defense.
At 12 was diagnosed as having limited sociopathic tendencies, specifically towards killing and hurting others.
At 15 was released from juvie, where he finished High-school normally
at Bronx High-School of science with top grades.
At 18, got scouted to the Black Ops unit 'Luden's Dagger'. He completed his training with the
best track record. In the line of service, killed 96 people, saved 7, including 3 children.
Awarded the Distinguished Service Cross, 1 silver star, a Legion of Merit with combat V,
2 bronze stars with combat v, and 3 purple hearts.
Medical Record: On 06/05/2019, suffered 3 bullet wounds in non-lethal areas, while saving a child, earning him 3 purple hearts.
On 12/12/2021, A few fellow soldiers spotted him having a shaking hand. He was suspected to have
PTSD. Later it was proved wrong when he started coughing blood and was sent to a full body check in a nearby hospital.
In the check, they found he has blood cancer. They concluded that it is untreatable, and he has,
at most, 3 months to live. He was immediately raised from Second Lieutenant to First Lieutenant and was Honorably discharged.
Instead of being hospitalized, he requested to go home, and it was granted.
=====================================================================================
Current status: Dismissed
The general who was currently holding this document sighed. Hourglass... No, his now Eli, was one of the best soldiers he had. A man with issues, sure, but still the best of the best. He practically raised the guy from the moment he entered.
With an audible sigh, he cursed, "Fuck you cancer!" As he put the file angrily into place.
you have my interest with the intro.
as a comment the side slider on the casefile was slightly inconvienient and it would have been better in my opinion to make it fit the standart scribblehub screen size.
thank you for the entertainment and i wish you much inspiration and avoiding whritersblock
"athiest" -> atheist
good start
Whoops. Happens lol. Fixed.
Though you can be nicer on the comment on sh*t like this.
like athiest -> atheist. The way you said it sounded really aggressive for a simple mistake.
@bignt I kinda wandering. Maybe typo and actual comment were unrelated? Like: "here's the typo. Good start, BTW"?
That's confusing. Was it praise or sarcasm.
But for me I kinda liked it. Only that I've always found it unrealistic when documents written as you wrote: "he has a tatoo" etc. Never saw official documents written that way. In docs there are only dry facts.
Appearance
General traits:
Hair - short, black.
Skin - light-brown. No defects.
Frame - wide, athletic, broad-shouldered.
Special traits:
Tattoo in form of broken hourglass on outer side of left hand, about size of actual hourglass.
Or something like this. Thou this is too not that correct. But it's closer.
More structures such only dry facts. It's not a story that meant to be read but set of traits grouped by some factors. That's that a document of this kind is.
Looks kinda like status screen usually.
It's OK like you wrote too, but this style is more suitable.
@doltramir @bignt
Interruptions by my wife do that to my thinking process...
It was definitely meant to be praise though. I like @bignt 's work :)
MC hand was shaking from post nut clarity
With an audible sigh, he cursed, "f*ck you cancer!"
Literally everyone who has a friend/family member with cancer
Good start but reading the file was a pain on the phone.
HABLO ESPAGNOLE ?
Visited this story from your other one, not gonna lie, already hooked.