My mother summoned me to her palace. It was the first time she called for me after she was forcibly removed from my side. When she moved into the Queen’s palace, she lived a different life. It was even more different from the life she lived back when father put her in that detached palace with me and Cedrin. 

I sometimes get a glimpse of her through my temporary palace window. She takes a stroll with her maid and her escorts in the garden, donned in very expensive fabric and jewels glittering underneath the blare of the sun. Her appearance was much more luxurious than back then. 

It only ever highlighted her beauty. 

Mother was always a beautiful woman. In fact, when she was much younger, she was the most beautiful one in the empire. Bright blonde hair, deep-green eyes and very delicate features; it was enough to make men swoon. Of course, that included my father.

It was a story many in the Empire knew about. A story so absurd that it made me question if it actually happened in the first place. 

He met mother when she was twenty, at a banquet held by my grandfather. The moment my father laid his eyes on my mother, he already knew he was going to marry her. He courted her for a long time, and after that, their love blossomed and the kingdom welcomed a new member of the imperial family. 

It would’ve been a perfect story only if it were true. But I knew it was just whispers made by the fanatics of the Imperial family. Nothing as pure as that happened between father and mother. My father was and will still be a cruel man. And he is bound to my mother by a contract between the Duke and the royalty. It was nothing more than a shallow and simple thing like a written pledge. 

Love is an emotion that doesn’t exist between my parents. 

“Sit down, Cecilia.” Her voice was tender and warm. It was nothing like my father's cold and harsh tone when he spoke to me. Mother was different. “You called for me, mother?” 

“I just wanted to see you,” she flashed me a smile. A smile I so missed. 

She picked up a block of sugar and dropped it into my tea like she usually did when I was younger. Back when mother and Cedrin used to live with me in the detached palace. Those memories were precious and we were happy. So happy to the point where I slowly believe it was nothing but a dream. “It must’ve been hard on you,” she started. “To be staying in that detached palace for so long. You must’ve felt lonely” 

I shook my head and met her tender gaze. “No,” I said. “I have Alice, Bennet and Jane with me. You don’t have to worry about me being lonely, mother.” 

Her deep-green eyes met mine. “That’s a relief.” She heaved out a sigh and picked up one cookie from the plate to give it to me. 

Mother was always like this; warm and kind hearted. And it was because of that, that she was having a hard time being in the palace. After all, the palace doesn’t need warmth and kindness. It is a place filled with cold marble floors and empty corridors. A place void of such gentleness. Being in the palace doesn’t suit my kind mother. 

“Does Cedrin come visit you, mother?” I asked, genuinely curious. 

My mother slowly raised her head and looked away. “That kid…” she said. “He changed and it’s worrying me. I only have the two of you in this entire palace. But my dear Cedrin seems like he doesn’t want to be associated with me.” 

“So…” 

“Do not worry, my dear Cecilia.” She grasped my hand and squeezed it as a form of reassurance. “Cedrin must be busy with his duties as the heir to the throne.” 

“But it doesn't mean that he shouldn't visit you!”

“Shhh…” she cooed, reaching out to touch my hand. “I know you are upset, my love. But please understand your brother.” 

I looked away. How many times has she said that to me? Even when Cedrin stopped coming by when we were children, she asked and begged me to understand him. But I couldn't. 

How could I? 

I was young back then and I wanted to wholeheartedly believe that my only brother did not throw us away like father did. But no matter how many times I waited and tried to understand, I couldn’t get a grasp as to why Cedrin drifted away. We were so close back then. But maybe it was because we were children. 

I would’ve understood if he only hated me like father does. But Cedrin knows better than anyone, that mother only has me and him in this entire palace. And yet he doesn’t even spare a little time to spend with the woman who birthed him. 

“Cecilia?” I was brought back to reality by my mother’s worried voice. I jerked my chin up and met her gaze. “How have you been, mother?” 

She smiled, bright like a child; the joy reaching her eyes. “Your father visited me before you…” 

“He did?” 

That man did? I was taken aback. It was out of character for him. He would never want to be anywhere near mother unless it was for official duties because he’d rather be doting in his chamber with the stable boy he so loved. “Why would he?” I mumbled. 

But mother heard what I said as her brows knitted together. She frowned and aggressively placed down the teacup she was holding. “Are you still waiting for him to notice you, mother?” 

“Is it wrong for a wife to want her husband’s attention?” 

I sighed. “It’s not wrong, it’s never wrong mother…” 

“Then why are you acting this way? I just want your father’s love, is that too much to ask for, Cecilia?” Her voice started becoming louder and louder as she looked at me with unfocused eyes. 

It was happening again, one of her many episodes. 

“Mother…no matter what you do,” I said. “Father will never look at you!” 

“Why would you say that?!” She slammed her hands on the table and I flinched. 

“Because father’s a sodomite!” 

“Jehanel…oh, Jehanel…” She sat back down and shook her head. And after a few mumbles of my father’s name, she raised her head up, eyes once again focused. But mother was stone faced. “Did I do it again?” 

I nodded. “It’s getting worse and worse…” 

“Are you alright mother?” Mother shook her head and heaved a very deep sigh. She looked exhausted. 

My mother is sick. She’s very sick.

Most of the time she is sober, her mind quick and working. But there are some times where she just feels like a completely different person, like earlier. She becomes very obsessed about my father and only has him in her eyes. And if someone talks bad about him in her presence while she’s having another episode, she goes crazy. 

I do not know when exactly her episodes started. But I know that her episodes are getting even worse than before. “I think it’s best we stop our teatime, mother. It would be good if you go back to your room to rest.” I walked up to her and held out a gloved hand. Mother looked up at me and flashed me a warm smile. “I knew I could rely on you, Cecilia…” She said as she pulled me into a hug. 

“I’m sorry…” she whispered and my heart trembled. 

She did nothing wrong. She shouldn’t apologise. 

I watched as mother’s knight escort and her maid walk her into her palace before making my way back to mine. The figure of my thin mother’s back was etched into my mind. 

 

*

That night I woke in terror. There was an uncomfortable pit in my stomach. When I moved, the more uncomfortable my feeling became. There was no other light in my chambers aside from the tiny dots of stars outside my window; no moon in sight. I took a deep breath in an attempt to regain my composure. But the ominous feeling-–this uncomfortable feeling—stayed despite my attempts at calming myself down. Beads of sweat trickled down my forehead, some reaching my eyes. It stung. 

I realised that I wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep tonight if I don’t get rid of this awful feeling. So I decided to take a nighttime walk in the garden. I slipped out of my chambers, past the maids standing on guard and made my way into the only corridor in my building leading to the garden. 

I hadn’t noticed it earlier but there seemed to be an increase of knights in the area. I walked around in the dark with only my nightgown and a shawl over my shoulders to fend off the cold. I followed a group of knights with their swords to another building. Mother’s palace. 

What has happened? Did something happen to my mother? Please let me be mistaken.

As I drew closer to my mother's palace, the uncomfortable feeling that sat in my stomach since earlier grew even more. Her palace was lit; even the lights in the attic that nobody ever went into or bothered to clean. Dozens of knights surrounded her palace with some even having their swords unsheathed. They point it to one lone woman standing in front of the palace’s door. She was standing dignifiedly behind a knight who had his sword sheathed and pointed towards the other knights. 

“Mother?” A small whisper escaped my mouth. And before I could shout out loud, I was pulled behind a hedge. I jerked my head up to see who it was and to my surprise, Cedrin’s angered face greeted me. “What do you think you’re doing being so out in the open like that, sister?!” His voice was low and firm. He clenched his jaw and tightened his grip on my shoulders.

I winced in pain. “Let go of me, Cedrin!” I said. “If I do that, what are you going to do?!” He asked. 

I clenched my fists and looked away. “Were you going to run towards mother without a single thought?” He asked me angrily. His voice was low and firm as he whispered into my ears. “Do that and the knights will strike you. Do you want to get killed, sister?!” He was right. What was I even thinking? If I ran out there then it would’ve been the end of me. 

But Cedrin didn’t need to know my thoughts. If I told Cedrin, he wouldn’t care. He never cared. 

“What are they doing to mother, Cedrin?” My hands were shaking. Cedrin blinked and shrugged. “I came here after seeing the commotion outside of my window. I have no idea what they’re doing in our mother's palace or why they're pointing their swords at her.” 

“Can’t you do something?! You’re the crown prince! Between the both of us, you have more authority.” 

Cedrin lowered his gaze and furrowed his brows. “I can’t do anything about this, sister. Look…” He raised a finger and I followed it. And my eyes landed on my father’s figure standing in front of the knights. He was looking at mother with an angry expression. And it didn’t look like he was faking it as well. 

What the hell did mother do?

“Seraphina Luned von Hathem,” It was the first time my father called my mother by her name. His voice was as cold as ice. And I’m pretty sure there was a hint of anger mixed in his emotions as well.  “For the crime of adultery and sullying the imperial family’s name, you will be sentenced to capital punishment alongside the knight you committed adultery with.” 

“Nonsense!!” Mother’s knight yelled, eyebrows knitted together as he looked at my father with disdain. 

Adultery?

My heart pounded profusely in my chest as I watched my father confront my mother. Mother’s face remained stoic and unfeeling. It was the face she would always wear when she’s involved in a banquet she doesn’t even enjoy being in. 

But what was this about adultery? 

“Do you have any last words?” 

My mother inhaled and said. “I have never committed adultery.” But father was adamant about mother committing the crime with her personal knight as the partner. “I was always faithful to you throughout our married life and have never once laid on one bed with another man.” Mother’s words were elegant and full of emotion. 

But my father turned a blind eye. “Your lies have been found out, Seraphina.” He scoffed at her. “Execute them.” 

It happened fast. The knights charged towards my mother's knight. He put up a short fight before ultimately getting overpowered by more people. And when the knight fell into the pool of his own blood, they went for my mother. My helpless mother who couldn’t do anything to defend herself. She stood there, chest up and chin up, as if she was actually ready for it. 

The knight’s blade slashed against my mother’s neck. Cedrin held me in his arms as he tried to get me to close my eyes. But the damage had already been done. The image of my mother’s head dropping to the ground was fresh in my mind. I couldn’t scream and I couldn't cry. 

The shock was too much and my body ran cold.