First of all I'd like to apologize for the false alarm of a new chapter as it's not a new chapter ><
I'd like to open a discussion 'thread' with you all about this novel in general, especially since I'm in the middle of editing for the light novel release (volume 1 is planned to have the content from prologue until chapter 24/Extra 1. You can highlight your opinions about those chapters in the comment if you'd like to, or just everything in general). Like, what are your favorite moments and moments you dislike? Anything from the novel you feel like need to be changed for the better? What do you think of the characters so far and what are your expectations for the future? Anything you'd like to tell me? I'd like to hear your feedback as the readers of this story.
...I might delete this 'chapter' in the future especially if there's little to no response, haha.
Note: You're always welcome in my Discord server if you want a live discussion.
So far I've found this story to be one of my absolute favourites. The Hartmann parents are wonderful and with their backgrounds I feel like they act quite believable towards their children. Honestly anything I would 'complain about' would be minor nitpicky stuff.
I would have to go back and reread some of the early chapters to give a definite idea on my feelings towards what you're putting in the novel release. But I don't remember anything written then that I disliked. Really if you pulled my leg and demanded I give some critique it would just be the massive number of characters. As this seems to slow down the progression on some of the plot hooks that caught me early on. Still I wouldn't want you to change anything about it.
I love the character of Lyra. Especially as she has had enough significant events to really "be Lyra" and not just "the reincarnation of Reinst". I would like to see her come clean to her parents about the whole "past life memories thing". But it feels like you're already working towards that with the whole "mastering dark magic" thing. So I'm very happily going with the flow here.
My least favourite character is Clavis. Not that I exactly have any problems with him or anything. He's written well. I understand his motivations. I get his struggles with werebeast, and his affections were well telegraphed. He makes sense. But he sadly is just one of the characters whose growth I don't feel tons of interest in.
Honestly the most suprising character for me was Briar-Rose. I legit did an eyeroll when her and the Miracle Twins were recruited. I was like "heck even more sidekick characters..." But I have found myself super interested in her story! I am actually very interested to see Briar's path forward.
I do like seeing Lyra be more childish too. In her early years I was like "you're squandering your chance to be selfish and bratty!" But since the twins were introduced Lyra has seemingly had more moments that match her age. It's nice. She didn't get a real childhood the first time around. So she needs it!
Oh! The Mazoi(sp?) jewel seems like it has no place in the story at all. I got a little grumpy with it. But I'm sure you have plans, so I look forward to reading it. The whole chapter where it was introduced, described, and had its power of "Choosing the heir" displayed. Felt kinda forced. But I realize sometimes you need those kinds of chapters to set up plot elements for the future.
I don't usually write comments on anything. But I hope I gave you the feedback you desired. Keep up the good work, I love this story.
I somehow have all the exact same opinions as you, thanks for writing it all down first! =D
Thank you for your well-written feedback and for your kind words! I really appreciate you taking the time to write them out for me. I'm glad to know that you think they're fine the way they are and wouldn't want any of it to be changed.
I hope you will continue to enjoy my work from now on too, as it will be my joy
I usually don't really comment and stuff because anxiety reasons but I think it's a pretty neat story so far, it's cute and fluffy but still has it's serious moments so I think it's a pretty enjoyable read
Thank you for your kind words! I'm happy to know that and glad that you commented despite the anxiety. I hope you will continue to enjoy my work
@LynneSuzuran Yeah I plan to keep reading~
I used to enjoy this series until the twins got introduced into it. It felt to me like the entire story lost track of itself at that point and you wanted the story to suddenly be about the twins and Lyra was forgotten. So, I wound up dropping the series. (Also, naming them directly after Norse gods was a little off-putting as well. That sort of thing is a classic Marry-sue element, and the twins together definitely read like a pair of Marry-sues.)
Before that, I very much enjoyed aspects about the school arc and wish you would have slown down a bit at the earlier stages of it, maybe shown a few things she was actually learning and not just things that she was able to do.
However, I think the BIGGEST issue I've had with this series by far is that, up until the point I read to, there were 3 significant conflicts. 1. Her fear of being discovered. 2. Her fear of her dark element. 3. The family that attacked them.
I think all three of these conflicts had a lot of potential to drive interest within the story, it's what caught my attention from the start. However, they were VERY poorly handled and it left me feeling disappointed. The first two seem to have just simply been forgotten and swept under the rug. I would have enjoyed this series much more and might have stuck with it even through the mess with the twins if those 2 themes were either followed through more effectively to a resolution or were somehow still making themselves known as a presence in the story other than her having not yet told her parents about her identity and her not using the dark element. Avoiding the problem does not count as it still being present.
As for the third, my issue with that is the fact it resolved too cleanly and was left behind. It was actually a pretty good demonstration of Lyra's abilities, and I would have really liked to see more scenes like that. However, nothing like it ever happened again and the family was completely dealt with. And, there were no attacks by other groups moving forward. Overall, it became another false promise like the first two conflicts that caught my interest.
Ultimately, I think my big issue with this series is that it has shown a pattern of rather than resolving it's themes it merely forgets about them. It kinda makes me lose confidence in the writing and doesn't make me want to get invested in it further.
Ok, gotta acknowledge and correct the bit about her fear of being discovered. That one DOES keep coming up, but it starts to read like a tired old gag that I got sick of after a while. Rather, I got very interested when I saw the part with the parents already suspecting she retained her memories from a previous life and actually had all but figured out her real identity to the point where her real identity was the only suspect on the suspect's list but they weren't 100% yet and therefore didn't want to commit to stating it as a confirmed fact.
I was left constantly disappointed that nothing came of that, and I would have appreciated this series a LOT more if it had decided to just have the true identity revealed so she could grow up realizing just how loving these parents are to love her as their daughter even knowing about her retention of her memories. It's the fact that absolutely nothing came of them noticing this.
Also, I do not think removing this dynamic is a solution. If the parents love her, they ARE going to notice. If they notice, the parents are incredibly smart, so they ARE going to reach the conclusion they did. The thing that would have improved things for me would be if you took that final step and somehow had Lyra realize she had been found out by her parents. Perhaps take the opportunity at some point to have her up at night and the parents talking about her, and she realizes that they've known all along and just haven't said anything. It was actually you squandering just such an opportunity that had my attachment to the series already shaken when the twins showed up and became the final straw for me.
@Jemini Some of the frustrations you expressed were dealt with by this point in the story I think, seeing as she is actively training her dark magic by now, and she is actively considering when the best time to tell everyone of her past life is, but I can appreciate some of your frustrations about the introduction of the twins. Again, though, I think it get's better after that. One of the big reasons that I have read to this point and enjoyed it so much, was that I recognized that LynneSuzuran was probably a new author, so I pushed past some of the minor issues with the expectation that it will get better, and so far, I haven't been disappointed.
I know some may disagree, but for me, it just felt like there were mild bumps in the quality of writing occasionally, but it was mostly just a matter of time for those to be resolved and most of that was simply a matter of mixed story pacing which I ended up quite enjoying in the end.
@CIHisui I always appreciate someone who can acknowledge my points and still disagree. I'm not quite at a point where I'm ready to pick the story back up again because I dropped it right in the middle of the twin's introduction, and they were REALLY a bad influence on the story. It's going to take me some effort to get back into it.
@Jemini Fair enough. Best of luck, and whatever you do, have fun with it, life usually feels better when you enjoy what you do.