4. Lost Stars / Adam Levine
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Announcement

Ilani glanced at the clock mounted on the kitchen countertop.

The time was 11:39 PM. 

Somewhat anxiously, he looked at the front door of the Esme's apartment and wondered when she might be coming back. It was pitch dark outside, and this certainly wasn't the safest neighborhood in Brooklyn. While he knew that Esme was working at her part-time job at a 24/7 pharmacy, he couldn't help but feel uneasy. It felt risky to be wandering around alone in this part of the city after dark.

Ilani sighed as he scrubbed the dishes in the sink with soap.

It was an understatement to say that that Esme's apartment was an utter disaster. There was a mountain of dirty pots and plates piled up in the wash basin. Trash and crumbled bags of chips were strewn about, with half-eaten convenience store meals, socks, and dirty clothes scattered on the floor. The cluttered space was the epitome of a messy teenager's room, except in Emse's case the entire apartment was indistinguishable from the mess in her bedroom. 

Of course, some bachelors were like this when they lived alone... but Esme's case was quite severe.

Ilani reminded himself that Esme was extremely busy. She was nearly constantly working, and furthermore as a Vtuber she didn't really have to worry about physical appearances. In all likelihood, she didn't have very much time or energy to clean... probably.

He sighed again.

As a guest, it probably wasn't his place to nitpick or nag. He hoped it wouldn't be too rude if he cleaned up a little bit. Ilani had started with clearing the sink because he had eaten a late dinner a short while ago, and it didn't feel right to leave his dirty tableware on top of the pile of soiled dishes. 

So he kept scrubbing with more soap.

+ + +

While Ilani was tidying up the living room, he moved Esme's spare VR headset from the couch to the kitchen table. Those high-end visors were insanely expensive, and they could cost as much as a car. That said, the difference between cheap equipment and professional gear was like night and day. With the best visors, virtual reality was nearly indistinguishable from the real world. Some headsets could even simulate smell, taste, and the faintest sense of touch.

Ilani had only tried one of the professional models once. The demo that the salesperson had shown him was a virtual rock concert, and he had been swept away by the vibrations from the thumping bass line that practically shook through his bones like earthquakes. It was incredibly realistic, and it was a totally different experience from virtual reality simulated with a budget headset.

It would be bad if he accidentally broke it while cleaning.

The 21-year-old started thinking about Esme's offer again.

She had basically asked him to stream with her while he lived here. Ilani hadn't even agreed to take part, but the shrewd girl already started rambling off about splitting the donations 60-40, subscriptions, royalties, and various other arrangements. To be honest, he hadn't been listening very carefully, but she mentioned something about at starting an idol agency for indie musicians. It would work something like a virtual band crossed with a Vtuber group, and the agency would take care of producing the EPs, publicity, and distribution. In addition to making songs, everyone would be expected to stream and entertain subscribers on a regular basis.

In either case, there was no way that Ilani could agree.

All of that was impossible for him.

He'd have to find an opportunity to decline before Esme got too carried away.

Ilani didn't know that much about Vtubers, but he didn't think it suited his personality. He wasn't the type to crack jokes and he barely had the self-esteem to pull himself through his regular mellow life.

Moreover the gender thing...

It felt like a bad idea to put oneself out in the open spotlight.

Gender was deeply personal to him. Even though he grew up using female avatars in his private spaces online, it didn't mean that he felt comfortable about displaying himself like that in public. Personal self-expression was a totally different from live performance. To some extent, being a virtual idol meant playing an imaginary character, and that left a heavy sense of unease inside his heart.

Wouldn't it feel fake?

It was too difficult to explain his convoluted gender situation to others.

Most people jumped to one conclusion or another, and Ilani rarely had the energy to fight peoples' assumptions. On Earth, Ilani looked mostly male, so most people used male pronouns. Online, Ilani looked mostly female, so most people used female pronouns. Even the androgynous territory was difficult to manage, and people were quick to judge whether somebody was a masculine girl or a feminine boy.

It was one of the many struggles of living in a binary world.

Honestly, Ilani just wanted to focus on his music.

Worrying about the audience was too much of a distraction, and he didn't want to deal with it.

+ + +

A while later, Ilani wiped his wet hands on a dish towel and walked over to the kitchen table.

Hesitantly, he reached out and touched the VR headset.

Esme had told him that he was free to use it whenever he liked. Her apartment wasn't very large, and she invested most of her cash on digital equipment for virtual reality. It was a basically a professional setup that must have cost a fortune. Ilani's frank opinion was that she was way too generous. They weren't even that close, yet she already treated him casually as if they had known each other for ages.

It made Ilani feel guilty.

He couldn't stop thinking about her request.

She hadn't asked him to pay rent, but she was even letting him use her recording studio for free. As an aspiring musician, having all this fancy equipment available at his fingertips was incredibly luxurious. It would save him a lot of money if he didn't need to rent his own space with commercial vendors, and he could keep working on his original compositions. It had taken all of Ilani's willpower to stop himself from jumping onto virtual reality immediately.

Could he really turn her down?

He picked up the headset hesitantly.

Was this okay?

 

Finding the right songs is always so hard!

Out of curiosity, why are people reading this novel? Is it the genderbender aspect? ^^ I was clicking on people's reading lists and that was the impression that I got. Sorry if this story is kind of dull!

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