It felt like a bad case of déjà vu. Again.

After that inexplicable turn of events, I found myself sitting directly across from the Demon King I had been sent here to slay. The tall, busty succubus with the whiplike tail brought over a hefty tankard overflowing with beer foam and laid it down on the table before me. Countless eyes gazed at me expectantly from the newly reformed crowd standing around us.

Was this a gift, or a challenge? Or… something worse?

Zack offered me a thumbs up from where he was seated next to me. Even if this wasn’t poisoned, getting drunk here surrounded by a small horde of testosterone-fueled men was probably a bad idea for the sake of my bodily integrity.

The Demon King appeared to read my unease. “Fear not, lass; my succubi keep the handsy lads busy. Drink up!”

“That’s… good to know.” Well, I was never one to back away from a challenge. I might finally be able to put the one thing I learned in college to good use.

There was only one option: I hefted the tankard up to my lips and began chugging as hard as I could. My body was smaller than I was used to chugging with, and the container was larger and filled with more liquid than I had ever experienced, but this was the best damn beer I had ever tasted in my life! Or my previous one, for that matter.

By sheer force of will, I resisted the urge to gag as I vanquished the ale gulp by gulp with hardly a drop spilled. When I had finally drained the tankard, I finished by slamming it down onto the table and shouting, “That’s how it’s done, fellas!”

The room fell awkwardly silent once more. Then, I nearly jumped out of my dress as an eruption of cheers roared around me. I braced myself against a barrage of pats on the back and boisterous high-fives from the enthused spectators. Even Zack gave me an impressed nod of approval.

I patted my stomach that felt like it had swelled to several times its size. In hindsight, that was unquestionably one of the most unladylike things I could have done. I was going to risk blowing my cover if I kept… ah, screw it. That was the best thing that’s happened all day! And I wasn’t just thinking that because the booze was starting to reach my head!

“Well done, lass!” Mao bellowed. “I knew there was a lot more to you than just the finest pair of bosoms I’ve seen in a thousand years!”

He’s… Even the Demon King is a pervert?! Will someone hurry up and slay him already!

My temptation to punch him in the face was only quelled by the mellowing calm of the beer taking effect. No, I was still pissed. “You know, you shouldn’t be so laid-back, man. The ‘powers above’ seem to really want you dead.”

The Demon King took a long drink from his keg before slamming it back down on the bench beside him. “Bureaucrats. It’s always the god damned bureaucrats!”

Another round of cheers rang out from the crowd as a handful of men shouted in unison.

“Yeah, you tell ‘em!”

“Preach it, Mao!”

“Hear, hear!”

And just like that, my attempted jab at his ego backfired. “What’s the deal with him?” I whispered to Zack. “Just how popular is this guy?”

“Isn’t it obvious?” he said. “This is the only place in the city where commoners and nobles ever stand on equal ground. He’s a legend, a real ‘man’ of the people!”

“That doesn’t even… You know what, forget it. Hey Mao, I heard you were trying to take over the world. What happened to that?”

“I already have taken over the world!” Mao announced triumphantly. “My signature Demon King Pale Ale is the finest brew in the land. No man can resist downing a glass after just one sip! What’s more, I run my own line of taverns; every major city on the continent has its own Age of Depravity!”

Huh. Either he was being galactically tight-lipped about his real backstory, or this made him a… corporate kind of Demon King? Maybe John used a very broad definition of the word ‘evil.’

“Okay, that’s cool and all, but what aren’t you telling us?” I asked him.

The Demon King emitted an uncharacteristic groan and massaged his bony forehead. “A thousand times I’ve told my tale, and a thousand times it’s brought me to tears. I cannot bear to do it again!”

A man with a well-groomed beard next to Mao clapped him on the shoulder and spoke up. “Go on, that never gets old! Just once more for old time’s sake!”

Mao let out an almost theatrically exaggerated sigh. “Oh, the things I do for you lads! So be it.” He paused until he was sure he had the whole room’s rapt attention. “Long, long ago, when the world was still young and the very idea of ‘nobility’ was but a twisted fantasy in the darkest hearts of men, I was the mightiest spellcaster in all the land. None could stand before the wrath of my army of demons I brought from the Underworld! I slew every wayward champion who dared throw himself at me, and with the strength of my forces, I united every last bastion of humanity on the continent under the banners of the Gadean Empire. They called me… The Demon King.”

I was going to need another drink if he kept this up. “And after all that time, people still call this city ‘the capital?’” I prodded.

“I tried calling it ‘Gad,’ but the name never caught on,” he huffed. “Now where was I… yes, the Empire! After my glorious conquest, I gathered up all the spoils of war. Every enchanted weapon I happened upon and enough gold to make a dragon piss itself silly went into my castle’s treasury. I had accomplished damn near everything I had ever dreamt of—all that was left was to fall at the hands of a worthy party of heroes and reenter the cycle of life to do it all over again! And so I sat in my throne room and waited. And waited! And waited!” The room shook and trembled as he pounded his fist onto the table. “And no one ever came!”

“So… where is this castle chock-full of loot?” I tried.

“Flying over a volcano,” the Demon King answered as if that were the most obvious possibility. “Was it my fault that every adventurer always died trying to reach it?!”

No shit, Sherlock. “You know, if you’re really looking to ‘pass on,’ I’m sure someone could help you with that…”

“Bah, if only it were that simple!” He took another swig of ale. “Back in my years of burning ambition, I achieved immortality by splitting my soul into seven fragments and storing them within certain mementos. I cannot truly ever die as long as they all exist. It even takes me seven times as much ale to get as drunk as a normal man!”

That was the reason for the unbalanced sides in the drinking contest? I supposed that made just about as much sense as everything else he was saying. “Okay, then where are your soul fragments now?”

“I haven’t the foggiest idea where they’ve all ended up!” he stated with unnatural calm.

Hearing that made me feel nauseous on so many different levels. Had my task of slaying a Demon King who wanted to die just turned from a cakewalk into some kind of nightmarish fetch quest around the whole damn world?!

“It’s your own soul, isn’t it? Why can’t you just sense them?” I asked, trying to keep the frustration out of my voice.

“Can you sense a strand of your own hair that fell off on the other side of the room?” he retorted.

“Well, when you put it like that…”

After a deep breath, Mao continued, a little more emotional this time. “There was one thing I never could accomplish in my many long years. All I had ever truly wanted was to settle down and raise a family with a woman I love. I can still imagine it perfectly: every day I would head out to a simple job doing honest work, and in the evening I would return home to a kiss from my wife, and two children who would run up to me and give me a big hug, and… and…!”

He covered his face with a hand, and many of the other men standing around responded in kind. Some choked back tears and sniffled while bowing their heads.

The bearded man next to Mao put an arm around his shoulder. “I feel you, brother. My wife and I are still trying to have kids.”

Where did this suddenly depressing atmosphere come from? I wasn’t tearing up. I wasn’t!

Uncountable minutes of painful silence passed until the Demon King spoke up again. “I gave that all up ages ago, of course. The first to go were my dreams of love, then my demon army, and now I’ve nearly lost all hope that I will ever be reborn. And so I have resolved to sit here in my tavern and drink away my sorrows, waiting for the hero who will finally take up my quest and see it through to the bitter end.”

“How… How exactly would said hero do that?” I asked.

Mao produced a small dark sheath and placed it on the table between us. “No ordinary blade can destroy the magic binding my soul fragments to the mortal world. This one, however…”

He gestured for me to grab it. I held up the sheath in front of me and pulled on the protruding hilt to reveal a breathtaking obsidian dagger. I flipped it back and forth in my hand, staring at my reflection in the side of the beautiful pitch-black blade.

“Lass, will you accept my request and grant an old soul his last wish?”

Was this really happening? This weapon looked immensely powerful, and he was just going to give it to me? After everything I had endured in this world… was something finally starting to go my way?

I drunkenly fought back the tears that threatened to overwhelm my composure. “Yes! Thank you so much, Your Highness. I’ll be the one to slay you—I promise!”

Every trace of grief vanished from the Demon King’s face as he spontaneously let out another hearty guffaw. “Now that’s the spirit! I think I’ve taken a liking to you; I’d feel mighty awful if you got yourself kidnapped by a dragon and starved to death. Why don’t I give that a free enchantment!”

He waved a hand over the dagger and the side of its blade rapidly lit up with a network of shining violet lines. After a few seconds, the intricate magic symbol faded to a dim glow.

“Make sure not to cut yourself on that!” he added.

I nodded my head in thanks again and again, too drunk and overcome with emotion to give a proper response.

I never had many gamer bros I could brag to about my exploits without blowing my cover, but right now, he would do. Once I had collected myself, I leaned over and said, “Zack, look! Did you see this badass new weapon I just got?”

He looked away. “Beryl, you’re too close…”

I couldn’t blame him for being jealous. It was starting to feel like everything I had put up with to this point had been worth it after all! Now I could finally take my first real steps toward paradise and begin my quest to…

Oh, right.

“So Mao, where do you think your soul fragments ended up?” I asked.

“Already told you!” he replied. “You’ll have to find them yourself.”

“Come on, you have to give me something to go on; I don’t even know how freaking huge this world is! Don’t you have any clue where they could be?”

The Demon King hummed to himself. “I suppose I might. But I can’t have you running off by yourself to meet certain doom! Haven’t you heard it’s dangerous to go alone? Return to me with your own party of adventurers, and perhaps then I will point you in the right direction!”

I gave Zack a pleading look, but he just grinned and shook his head. “I’ve got a nice cushy job here. Like I said, it’s been pretty peaceful these days—except for one or two cases.” He shot me a wink.

Damn it all! I had gotten this far only to run into some bullshit gatekeeping like this?

“I hate to see a fine young lass making a face like that!” Mao bellowed. “If you ask nicely, I’m sure you’ll have your pick of the lads here at the mercy of your feminine wiles!”

“Okay, I’ve gotta stop you right there, Mao.”

I slammed both my hands on the table between us and leaned forward.

“Let me clear something up before you get the wrong idea. I am not like the other adventurers you’ve met, and I am no mere ‘lass’ either. Back on my world, I was practically a god at this. And now you’ve even given me the tools to finish the job! So are you going to work with me here? Or are you going to keep pissing away your golden years on cheap booze because you never figured out the real way to get what you want?”

I expected I would be getting some kind of rise out of him this time. What I hadn’t counted on was the sheer… transformation of emotion that all at once overcame the Demon King.

He raised a gauntleted hand into the air and balled it into a fist. The keg next to him collapsed into itself like it was being crushed by a massive invisible hand. The resulting pressure unleashed an explosion of ale like a giant beer grenade, the newly drenched crowd hollering in shock.

A terrifying conviction burned in the Demon King’s ghastly eyes as he stared into mine. “What did you just say?”

…Shit.