It was mostly my fault we were at the library to begin with. Sam, that annoyingly observant and empathetic asshole, had noticed how down I was after the last calc test and after a lot of coaxing got me to reveal exactly how badly I was doing in the class. I didn’t want anyone to know about it. I wanted to keep all my feelings safely bottled up inside, like usual, until I felt so abjectly terrible that I could motivate myself into getting shit done. And I was very close to succeeding there - I had realized that failing this class would put my whole scholarship at risk too, maybe get me kicked off the soccer team as well.

But Sam had to stick his nose into things, and then once I had blabbed all the details, he offered to study with me. What a boy scout. And of course, since Luke was there to overhear, he quietly offered to help as well, even though he was brilliant and in an even higher level math class and this had to just be a waste of his time. 

But, well, I guess it was all part of our eternal bro pact. We had each other’s backs. It made me kind of uncomfortable to be the one on the receiving end of getting help—I’d rather be the dude that Sam calls to help lift heavy boxes when he’s moving dorms, or the guy who protects Luke when some bully tries to pick on him. But whatever. I’d cram those feelings down too, and we’d get this shit taken care of. Then everything could go back to normal.

At least after I managed to bash my head through the solid brick wall of derivatives. We had been there for hours, it seemed like, and I was barely making any progress at all. Sam kept patiently trying to break things down into smaller and smaller steps, and Luke chimed in occasionally to correct us on some detail, but all I was getting was a headache. After a particularly thorny problem that I got yet another wrong answer for, I let out groan, slouching back and jamming my fists into the pockets of my letter jacket.

“This is bullshit,” I announced. “Math is bullshit.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Look, I realize it’s unintuitive, but once you grasp the details, you’ll feel better about it.”

“No, he’s right,” Luke said softly, attracting a skeptical look from Sam. A smile flitted across his lips. “Just cause I’m good at it doesn’t mean I like math either.”

“See?” I said. “Even the nerd agrees.”

“Ugh, you two…” Sam sighed. “Why don’t we take a break? I’ll grab us sodas or something.”

“No way, bro,” I said. I reached down to get my water bottle from my backpack. “Hydration is important, but drinking that sugary shit is awful for you.”

Sam smirked and muttered something under his breath, but left to go check out the vending machines.

Luke stayed behind, flipping through his notes aimlessly. Honestly I don’t know that he really knew how to study at all. He just seemed to pick everything up the first time he heard it. Bastard.

I sat there, my chin in my hand, watching him for a moment. Honestly though, I didn’t really resent his brains or anything. I mostly felt proud at being able to be his friend. I knew he was going to do great things some day - like he’d invent some new app or discover a new planet and I’d cut out a newspaper article about him and carry it around in my wallet to show to everyone I knew, like, ‘that’s my friend! I know him! We went to school together!’ And Sam would be some kind of famous politician or high-ranking diplomat, and I’d be… a middling player in a minor-league football club, but whatever. And we’d still be bros, and get beers and wings on the weekends together. Somehow. We had to. I couldn’t quite imagine a future without those two as permanent fixtures, but whenever I tried to see the details, when I tried to imagine the three of us as old men hanging out at a golf course or some shit, it got more and more fuzzy and started to make me feel sick to my stomach.

But that was a train of thought I didn’t need to worry about right now. The more pressing problem was calculus. Ugh. Math. And I was sick of thinking about that too.

So I just kept gazing at Luke, my mind wandering off on strange tangents. Something about him seemed different lately. He had always been very reserved, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it exactly… Was it that he seemed a little more content and self-assured? But then sometimes he seemed more uncomfortable too. It was like both the highs and lows were more extreme. Was I just imagining things? Was it just something simple throwing me off? Maybe… “Hey, dude,” I mused. “Your hair is getting pretty long. You wanna go with me to get it cut sometime?” 

He froze, looking panicked. I narrowed my eyes, watching as his fingers twitched, sending his pencil rolling off the desk and onto the floor. He shakily pulled the hood on his black hoodie up, shrinking down into his clothes. “Oh? It’s fine,” he said, his voice growing more and more quiet until I could barely hear it. “Don’t worry about it.”

“You sure, bro?” A frown creased my face. “It’s just… it looks pretty girly, you know?”

“And what’s wrong with that?” Sam said loudly, setting down two soda cans. He dropped back down into his seat, distracting me from the blush spreading across Luke’s face.

My grimace deepened. “Well, I mean… Come on, dude! It’s just gross.”

Sam and Luke shared a glance. I looked between the two of them, confused. What? Was there something I didn’t know? There should be no secrets between bros!

“Taylor,” Sam said, sounding serious. Something in my gut twisted. “You know… you can really be kind of a dick sometimes.”

I stared at him, mouth falling open.

“Like, I get it,” he said. “You take pride in being all manly and such, but sometimes it comes across as toxic and misogynistic.”

“Wh-what?”

“Bias against women? Like you hate girls and anything even the slightest bit feminine.” 

“Yeah dude, I fuckin’ know what misogynistic means, I’m saying I don’t— it’s not like that.”

“Then what is it?” Sam said, raising an eyebrow. He took a sip of his soda.

I let out a groan. “I’m just trying to look out for Luke, okay? He gets teased enough for being soft.” I waved a hand at him. “At least you’re not wearing that one t-shirt with the girly anime shit on it anymore.”

Luke’s eyes slid to the floor. “Because you spilled blue powerade all over it in, like, eighth grade,” he said flatly.

“Trust me, I was doing you a favor.”

“Or what about when I was dating Claudine? You treated her terribly!”

“Because she was bad for you,” I said hotly. Even the thought of her got me all worked up again. “You deserve better! I told you, and sure enough, she dumped you like a month later. C’mon dude, bros before—”

“You better not finish that sentence,” Sam snapped. Even Luke was looking at me in this weird, disappointed way.

“I— I…” I ground my teeth. “I’m just saying, girls are trouble. And girly shit is… is trouble too!”

“Why?” This time it was Luke. Normally when Sam and I got in a fight, he just stayed out of it. Now I felt a little bit ganged up on.

“We’re guys,” I said flatly. “As such we have a responsibility to act certain ways. Preserve a certain amount of masculinity, yeah? Gotta respect guy code. I can’t believe I’m even having to say this. That’s just the way it is.”

“But what if one of us wasn’t a guy?” Luke asked. Sam looked concerned, reaching out to rest one hand on his arm, but Luke shook it off, staring me down with a surprisingly fierce glare. Sam shrugged, and went back to drinking his soda. “What then?” Luke demanded.

I just stared at him. “What? Dude, what the hell kind of question—”

“Answer the question. Please.”

I froze, trying to think about it. Like actually think about it. I owed them that much, right? Even if it was totally fucking ridiculous. If one of us was a girl, wouldn’t that change everything? It’d throw off the whole dynamic. With guys, we knew where we stood. We knew how important we were to each other, but we also knew better than to ever actually admit that. Who even would be a girl? Sam? He could be hella empathetic and kind sometimes, but that was more protective and reassuring than, like, motherly. Luke? Okay, that one sort of made sense, but just because Luke acted a little unsure and got picked on sometimes didn’t make him less of a guy. Or did he mean, like, me, hypothetically? I mean, if I was a girl, then… then…

But that brings up the other problem, right? If one of us was a girl then wouldn’t that throw off the whole dynamic? Without the strict rules of masculinity, wouldn’t our comfortable closeness get… confusing? And if… if two of us started dating, then what? The third would be left out! No way, that’d be terrible. We were a trio, a team! Bros!

I shook my head, trying to think of what to say. It was clear that Luke was pissed at me. And Sam looked…

Sam looked positively green. What?

He let out a pained groan, clutching his stomach.

The tension between Luke and I vanished, as we immediately rushed to his side, trying to help. “Sam! Sam, are you okay?”

“I…” His forehead was slick with sweat, and he clutched his midsection even harder. I heard a wet popping sound that sounded like some kind of bone moving and I recoiled.

“Can you lie down?” Luke said. “Would that help?”

Together we eased Sam out of the chair, his groans still coming. On the floor, he curled up into the fetal position, hugging his knees close. Something strange was definitely happening, as I could see his muscles twitching and straining under his skin.

“He’s…” I gasped. It was like our previous conversation had cursed us. “He’s turning into a girl!”

“What.” Luke’s voice was laced with a horror of his own.

“I don’t understand,” I said. “This is impossible. What could he have…?” My eyes lit upon the can of soda sitting on the table. It was some weird brand I had never heard of before. Clownfish orange? What? Who makes sea-creature themed sodas? You’d think that’d be unpopular what with all the fish-themed aliens attacking every week or so. Unless… I sucked in a breath. “No! The soda. Could it have been?”

Sam moaned weakly, and I grasped his hand, squeezing it gently. “Hang in there, dude. We’re here.”

His writhing slowed as the changes finished. He was… he was undeniably more feminine now, even if he didn’t look that different. But from the curve of his face, the slight swell of his chest, everything was more… womanly. My stomach did a flip. His hair was still pretty short, but now he looked like a girl with a boyish haircut. Even his eyelashes were longer, more delicate. They fluttered as his eyes opened again, his fuller lips murmuring a confused sound.

“Are you okay, dude?” I said, trying not to stare.

“Wh— what happened?” His hands flew up to his mouth. “My voice! That… that can’t be me.”

“It seems like it,” I said grimly. “Something with the soda is my only guess.” A thought crossed my mind. “We need to make sure no one else drinks—”

There was the loud click of a can popping open. I looked up in alarm to see Luke with the second can, staring down towards it. And then, before I could even protest, he brought the can to his lips, chugging it furiously.

“Dude! What the fuck!”

“Shut up, Taylor,” Luke whispered, and then he grabbed his own midsection, letting out a surprisingly feminine moan. He sunk to his knees, but Sam was already clutching my hand so tightly that I couldn’t let go. He let out another pitiful sound in turn. 

As I watched, Luke went through his own transformation, though luckily it didn’t seem to be nearly as traumatic. He just folded into his clothes a bit, shrinking so as his already-oversized hoodie became even bigger in comparison. When he lifted his hands, he had to pull back the sleeves to see his smaller, slender fingers. He blinked at them, looking for a moment utterly confused. I was distracted by how his round glasses looked even more adorable and owlish on his slightly smaller face. Meanwhile his shaggy hair that I was previously complaining about became glossier than before, fluffing out in a mass of curls. I felt my breath catch in looking at him, particularly when his eyes met my own and I swear I could see a sparkle in them.

Oh no.

Oh shit.

He was cute.

Sam groaned again, trying to sit up. His hands floated above his body, like he wanted to touch and feel the changes but was too scared to. I didn’t quite understand: why had it worked so well for Luke but so badly for Sam? Sam looked different, but not that different. Luke on the other hand looked completely transformed, a totally new person. But then when I looked at… at her, I could still see my friend from before, too? She definitely seemed more comfortable, where Sam moved stiffly, a grimace on his face. His eyes were dull and glassy, like he was in shock. Could it really just be their attitudes that made so much of a difference?

Sam finally grew still, pointedly not looking at his own body. Instead, he looked over at Luke, and gave him a clearly forced smile. “Congrats, I guess?” He looked over at me. “And I guess this makes the hypothetical real. Because now two of us are…” His mouth worked, trying to form the word. “…Girls,” he said, saying it like he had a bad taste in his mouth.

Luke dropped down, taking Sam’s other hand in her own. “Hey,” she said softly. Even her voice was cute now, a bit higher pitched and breathy. I could tell that it surprised her too from how her eyes widened, but she put on a serious expression. “Sam, we can get this back to normal. We can fix it.”

“Yeah,” I chimed in. “I’m not sure why you’re in such pain, but…”

“Really?” Sam said, sarcasm clear in his voice. “You don’t know why I’m uncomfortable? I’d say it’s pretty obvious.”

I shrugged. “C’mon dude, it doesn’t seem that bad to me.”

“It doesn’t seem that bad?!” he practically shrieked, then clasped his hands over his mouth at how high his voice had gotten. He stared daggers at me. “I’m a girl,” he said, trying to make his voice as deep as possible, but it still definitely sounded girly.

I just didn’t get the big deal. I guess I had been complaining about girly stuff like five minutes ago, but seeing it in the flesh, this seemed not bad at all. I bit back a quip about who was misogynistic now, because Sam was clearly not in the mood for jokes. Maybe I was just more secure in my masculinity than him? That made sense. Still. “Luke seems to be taking it fine.”

“Elise,” she said. “My name is Elise.” When I looked over at her in surprise, she was blushing. “A-at least while I look like this, okay?”

“See?” I said. “Elise is taking to this girl thing like a duck to water.”

“She’s always been a girl, you dumbass!” Sam snapped.

I stared at him. “What?” 

Elise pulled her hood up, disappearing into her hoodie even more than before. Except now it was twice as adorable.

Sam noticed, and his face grew pale. “Oh. Oh no, I’m sorry, Elise.”

“It’s okay,” she mumbled.

I just glanced between the two of them, completely lost.

“I… I hadn’t figured out how to tell you,” Elise said. “You’ve always been so… well, you know. And so when I figured out recently that… that I want to be a girl… that maybe I already am, or always have been… I just didn’t know how to say it.”

“Bro…” I said. Then at the pained look she gave me, I froze, cursing myself. I took a deep breath. “Sis, that’s… that’s okay. You have to be you! I… I’m going to need some time to adjust but I’ve always got your back, you should know that! If anyone gives you shit you let me know and I’ll kick their ass.”

Oh shit, now she looked like she was going to cry. What had I fucked up now?

But to my amazement, she just moved closer, wrapping her arms around me and burying her head in my chest. She was crying a little bit after all, but giggling too.

“You’re going to be such a good girl,” I said. I patted her head awkwardly, distracted by how soft her hair felt. We’d figure out the details later. I’d… I’d find some way to deal with the fact that Elise was absurdly attractive and nice and now that she was a girl that made those feelings newly dangerous. Right now I had to be there for her.

Sam was sitting with his knees pulled up to his chest, staring at the two of us, something mysterious and pained in his eyes. When I caught his glance, he looked away, frowning.

“We’re going to help you too, Sam,” I said. “If… if you don’t want to be a girl, then I’m certain there’s things we could do. 

Elise let go of me, but her fingers found their way into my own. Then she took my hand and guided it back to Sam’s. Before I knew it, we were sitting in a circle all holding hands again. “Yeah,” she said. “This is weird but maybe it has something to do with the monster attacks? If so, I’m sure the Euphora Rangers will save the day. And… and if not, if worst comes to worst, just because your body has changed doesn’t mean it has to stay that way. There are, um, hormones you can take and stuff.”

“There are?” I said.

Elise gave me a side-eye. “Yeah. If your body doesn’t produce testosterone, you can take it yourself with injections and that’ll masculinize your body.”

“Oh.”

“…In the same way you can take T blockers and estrogen and have the reverse happen. That’s, um… That’s what I was planning on doing. But…”

“But you got the body of your dreams easily,” Sam said, sounding a bit despondent. “I’m sorry Elise, I want to be happy for you, I really do, I just… This all feels so… wrong.”

“Yeah,” she said. “I know. Trust me.”

Sam and her shared a look. “You felt like this all the time?”

“Yeah,” Elise admitted. “Especially once I realized everything. For a long while I just felt like that was what normal was, the same that everyone else felt. But when I realized that things could be different, that I could actually like the way my body looked, rather than just having to accept it as what it was ‘supposed’ to be… The feelings got a lot harder to deal with.”

“And I already know that things aren’t supposed to be this way,” Sam said morosely.

“We’ll get through it. Together.” I felt Elise squeeze my hand and I looked down at it, blinking. Oh. She must have squeezed Sam’s hand, too. Right. To be reassuring.

“Together,” I repeated. “Like everything else. We stay together through thick and thin.”

Sam nodded, giving us the first genuine smile that I had seen since he transformed. “Right.”

Except that wasn’t exactly right. We weren’t exactly together in this.

The two of them had drunk the soda but I hadn’t. That was… that was probably… good. Because then I’d… I’d be suffering too, like Sam. Right? Right. But then I’d understand. I’d understand what Sam was going through now, and what Elise had been feeling before the soda. As it was now, I was left on the outside. They had some kind of quiet secret that I didn’t know. That maybe I couldn’t ever now.

That… that had to be what was bothering me.

...Why the fuck hadn’t I been thirsty?