These Bitches Crazy
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“Back so soon?” Mary raised a brow. She sat atop the bed with her legs dangling neatly off the side. 

 

“I decided to let them go.”

“My, how generous of you.” She quipped lightly. “I remember how kill-happy you used to be back in the Dry Lands. Are you perhaps going soft?”

 

“If I am it’s definitely because I’ve got two cute trees keeping me in check now.” I looked at the destruction caused by my mother’s earlier rampage. “This is just painful to look at.” I sighed. 

 

The woman dipped her head. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” I shrugged. 

 

“How is it not?”

 

“I mean I had a hand in it too. And Mother’s crazy. Woman needs a good smack sometimes.” Sadly he wasn’t strong enough to give her one right now and his dad seemed unwilling to really let loose on that ass. He knows her weakness and doesn’t even use it. Smh.

 

“Anyway,” I continued, “Shall we get started?”

 

For just a moment, the corner of her lips quirked into what approximated a smile. “I really do indulge you too much.”

 

“And I’m ever grateful for it.” I replied. 

 

We came here to be loud, and we were.

 

***

Now, I was raring to go finish up my business with finding out what was going on with my Kingdom and Alex, but I decided I could take a detour a little to check out the Dwarves’ hometown. So after several hours of coitus and sleep, we were back in the great forest. By then it was already morning and everyone was looking for us, only for us to pop in through the trees as if nothing had happened. Even though I knew from Mother and Rhea’s looks that they’d smelled something.

 

“I can’t believe you’d choose to copulate with this weed over me.” Rhea sized Mary up. “Even if you are my husband, you should choose your concubines more carefully. I could have found a good Fae woman for us to enjoy. Instead you’re here hugging moss-covered trees.”

 

She sounded surprisingly clear-headed, eh?

 

“Lady, I don’t even know you and we haven’t talked much since you first showed up in this story. I don’t know why you’re acting like me being your husband is a foregone thing. I liked you better when you were just Chef Milf. Now you’re here insulting the cute tree I’m carefully cultivating like I wouldn’t throw you over my knee and spank you like a petulant child.” I narrowed my eyes at the woman. 

 

“Pfft!” Mother snickered. “Well said, son!” She gave me a thumbs up. 

 

“You guys think he’s joking.” Bubbles snorted.

 

“He’s my son. I know he isn’t. That’s what’s so great about it! Go ahead, m’boy! Mommy here will help you put the bitch in her place!”

 

“You’re lucky you’re my mother-in-law. I’d have killed you for that comment.” The woman in question said indifferently. “As for my husband, if he wishes to put me over his knee we can save that for the bedroom.”

 

“Mother-in-law!” Mother gnashed her teeth. “You think you get to call me that?! And as if you could kill me. If you were capable, you’d have done it by now!”

 

“Shall we have a match and test it?”

 

“Hmph. So rude to a woman you just called mother.”

“If a tiger doesn’t show it’s claws people will think it a kitten.”

 

Vera took that moment to chime in. “A tiger is just an overgrown pussy anyway. And no one likes those.”

 

The Fae Queen locked gazes with the younger woman immediately. “And who are you, little twig?”

 

Vera shrugged and jerked a thumb towards me. “I’m that guy’s manager.”

“...What?” That one was me. Since when was she my manager? Wait, well, Bridget did say something to that effect once I think….

“It’s bold of you to think you can have any sort of relationship with him without my approval.”

 

“Watch your tongue, girl. I may restrain myself for my husband’s sake--”

 

“Again, I barely know you, so where do you get off acting so--?”

 

“--but I have limits to my patience.”

 

“As do we.” Vera calmly informed. “Isn’t that right, mother?” 

 

Mary hesitated. “Well…”

 

“I said--”

 

“Yes, I know.” Mary interrupted. “But I’m not sure I have a right to speak in this matter myself.”

 

“You’re my lover. Of course you do.”

 

“By Vera’s grace, yes.”

 

“I mean, I told you I wouldn’t stop seeing you regardless of that.”

 

“Do you think I’d have accepted that if she didn’t allow this?”

“What other people allow or not have nothing to do with this. I’m my own person. I’m glad she didn’t raise a fuss over it, and I do care about her opinion, but if you choose to fuck your fiance’s mother its a bit late to be worried about how she’d react. I already said, I won’t let either of you go for anything. Ever.”

 

“What an unreasonable guy.” The mother and daughter pair said as one, shaking their heads in a perfect mimicry of each other. 

 

“Completely selfish.”

“Indeed.”

The way they radiated a sort of unseen happiness was an indication of their satisfaction with his words.

 

“It’d be nice if a bit of that unreasonable selfishness was directed towards his real wife.” Bubbles observed mildly with folded arms. Her sister nodded silently, giving her quiet support.

 

“My real fake wife?” I asked.

 

“Again, it’s legally binding.”

 

I sighed. “Honestly, just give up. You’re being--”

 

“You don’t have the right to call me any variation of the word stubborn.” She cut me off sharply. And fuck me if she wasn’t right!

 

“Alright, fine, do what you want.” This. God. Damned. Harem. It’s exhausting. Just dealing with all the women who wanna jump my bones is tiring. Was it always this bad? Really? I’m not sure. 

 

“Thanks. I didn’t need your permission, but thanks.”

 

Vera looked her up and down. “By the way, didn’t you mention you were of Royal blood?”

“...Yes, why?”

 

The girl considered for a moment before shaking her head once more. “No, never mind. I really don’t like you.”

 

“Say what?” Bubbles turned frosty. “You mind reiterating that?”

“No.”

 

“You really are one arrogant--”

“Okay!” I spoke up. “Enough bickering.” I nipped it in the bud before it could escalate.

 

“My son’s ability to collect women really is something else.” Mother rubbed her chin. “So many high-class “treasures” are gathered here for him.”

 

“Father is, as expected, a popular man.” Mira sat on the chair I’d made her the other day and patted her belly. “Your grandpa is quite sinful, little one. You really mustn't learn from his example!” 

 

“See? See? The Young Master has always been quite vile. Just no-good scum! I don’t see what you two like in him. ” Bazette said morosely. 

 

“Be careful or you’ll find out exactly why we do.” Vera teased.

 

“Bah. He’s only good at cooking.”

 

Mary also joined in the fun. “I’d watch your words, daughter. Remember, you’re a girl now and the Young Master can be quite odd in his punishments. Take care that he doesn’t decide to stuff you like those pies you so like.” 

 

The color drained from her face. 

 

“We may end up sister-wives in the future, even.” Vera went on sadistically.

 

“Now wouldn’t that be something. Should I just teach you how he likes to be touched now, then?” Her mother asked.

 

“S-Stop it…”

 

“You know, he likes when you lick his earlobe.”

“I don’t care!”

“There’s also the fact that he enjoys when you wrap his little Damien in your breasts...though, that may be too soon for you.”

“Mother...why…” Baz got a haunted look in his eyes as he gazed at the woman who’d given birth to him talk so lewdly about his former best friend.

 

“He gets really excited if you bite his lip.” Vera supplied.

 

“I...I...You guys...knock it off! I hate you!” The tears slid down Baz’s cheeks in a steady stream. “I don’t need to know any of this!”

“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I chuckled. “You’re so pretty now, Baz. You know, maybe this is a good thing, you being a girl. I can show you all the ways a woman can feel good. Did you know that their orgasms can last up to two minutes? Their bodies are so sensitive. I should really let you experience it, wouldn’t you agree? My little cookie slut.”

 

“No! S-Stay away!” 

 

And she vanished. 

 

Everyone watched on with raised brows.

 

Mary blinked. “Well. That was fun.” She determined.

 

“ Very.” Her other daughter agreed.

 

“This should be our thing. Teasing Baz.”

 

“I’d like that.”

 

“Seems a bit mean though.” I was almost a bit sorry.

 

“You have your small pleasures, we have ours.” 

 

“You guys really are mother and daughter.” I tsked. 

 

“Isn’t that part of our charm?” I was playfully poked in the stomach from both sides

 

I coughed.

 

“This is pissing me off.” Mother had her arms on her hips. 

 

“Seconded.” Rhea monotoned.

 

“Agreed.” Bubbles tapped her foot on the ground. I saw her holding a small notepad, quickly hidden upon noticing my discovering.

 

“Um, it’s slightly uncomfortable to watch.” Minerva, who’d been silent all the while, finally spoke up. “S-Sorry, Master.” She winced and apologized.

 

I was about to ask why she felt the need to say sorry to me, but then Evie cut in. 

 

“Wait. I don’t get it. Is everyone here trying to be Master’s body pillow too?”

 

Me, Mary, Mother and Bubbles looked at her oddly.

 

“My what?” 

 

“Pardon?”

 

“My son’s what now?”

“Is that another thing he likes? He did like to cuddle, if I remember right…”

 

“Oh...you really took that to heart, didn’t you?” Vera was the only one who seemed to understand.

 

“Evie! I-I told you not to talk about that in public! People will misunderstand!”

The girl didn’t listen. She, still donning her signature mummy-bandages, stepped forward boldly. “It’s no use. I’m the one who’ll be Master’s best, warmest, most comfortable body pillow!” She declared.

 

“Hm. I see.” Mother realized something. “No, dearie, don’t worry. Your position there is safe. They’re fighting over something else. You just continue working hard for my son. Perhaps you’d like me to help you. I happen to know all sorts of techniques for comforting--

 

I bonked her on the head. “No.” 

 

“Heh.” Rhea let out a small laugh. 

 

“Mother. That’s not funny.” Mira scolded. 

 

“Is it not?” 

 

“It’s not.”

 

“Agree to disagree.”

Mother seemed stunned by my treatment, though I don’t know why. “I want to get some stuff done so let’s stop all the nonsense. Come on.”

 

I kicked awake the lead dwarf and asked him to lead the way. “Ah...so early...why can’t we go later?”

 

I kicked him again. “Fucking prick.” He yawned. Lit a joint. And stretched. “Damn that’s good stuff….Aight mate, let’s go.”

 

***

The Village Hidden in the Smoke.  That’s what they called it. The whole inner area of the forest was covered in a thick, familiar-scented smoke so it was obvious where they got the name. 

 

“This is great.” I nodded.

 

Mary sighed dishearteningly. “It’s embarrassing.” 

 

Mother and Rhea walked beside each other in total indifference to one another. “It reeks.” Mother snorted coldly. 

 

“How are you not high as balls right now?” I squinted, ignoring her comment. “You were the other day.”

 

“I was off-guard then, honey. I took some measures today.” She explained with folded arms. 

 

“ As did I.” Rhea glanced around. “This is a strange place. There’s power here, but not like any I’ve ever felt. It’s almost…”

“Divine?” Mary suggested. 

 

“Perhaps, yes.” 

 

“I’ve never really been here. It definitely does have a similar feeling to those bird-brain bastards. It reminds me of White, that lucky bitch.”

 

“Now that you mention it, it does.” Rhea agreed.

 

The name tickled something in my head. “Who?”

“Archangel White.” Mother told me. She gave a disdainful look. “She’s the firstborn of the Goddess of Light. A very powerful bitch. She’s hard to hit.”

 

“Quite an unsavory woman. I could never get a direct attack on her.”

“It’s that damned luck of her’s, isn’t it? So annoying.”

“It’s a part of her powers, yes. It’s a broken ability, really hateful.”

 

“Gods I dislike that slut.”

 

“Tell me about it.” 

 

The two were busy trash talking the woman for some time before Mary cut in. “I don’t know about her.” She began. ‘But perhaps she’s related to my creator?” 

 

“Who? Ah....that’s right. Your breed were born from the blood of my ancestor. I honestly forget about that sometimes.”

I think Yesmina once mentioned something about that, didn’t she? That his blood spilled over the many realms and connected them, or something like that?  So Mary was born from Okeanos’ blood when he was fighting the gods however many years ago. My blood, really. Well, that incarnation of myself.  The original me, I guess I could say. 

 

 ....Wait. Does that make me her father, too, since I created her? What the heck. So am I just fated to fuck my past self’s daughters and wives? Like come on, just how many people am I related to through that guy? Half the Mortal realms must be littered with my descendants.

 

Eh. Well I suppose Mary’s not strictly a “daughter” in this case. She did say “creator” after all.  Anyway even if she could be called my daughter, no way am I minding that. Once you go green you never go back. Vegetarian for life, yo.

 

“It’s just up ahead. The southern gate should be coming up any minute.” I was informed by a dwarf nearby.

 

Suddenly a new voice joined in.

 

“...Darius, my man! What’s goin’ on, dog? Come on baby-boo, tell me ‘bout the do.”

 

From out the thick, misty smoke came a lone figure. He was taller than most Dwarves. A sombrero-like hat covering his head and a long-ish coat fluttering in the wind. As he approached you could see a bright orange light near his mouth. 

 

His steps resounded like they were in tune with the heartbeat of the earth and his voice was smooth like chocolate. 

 

As he came closer I could make out a boy of perhaps my own age, but shorter and thinner. He looked like Peter Pan and talked like Snoop Dogg. 

 

“Lord Puff.” One of the dwarves, Darius, greeted. “Just here to drop off a few curious visitors. Pretty chill fellows.

 

“This is?” I asked the dwarf who previously talked to me. 

 

“Thats Lord Puff, the third Smokage of the Village Hidden in the Smoke.”

 

“Why’s he here?”

“As the strongest of the village he has the greatest senses. He also keeps watch over the southern gate. Of course he’d come. He’d want to personally verify your intentions.”

 

As we talked, Lord Puff looked over at our group and whistled low. “Mm-mm-mm. Some fine bitches up in here now.” He took a puff. “Ya’ll lookin’ to have some f--” His head exploded before he could finish. 

 

Mother and Rhea lowered their glowing hands while the rest of us stood there, stunned.

 

“Holy hell!” Bubbles was the first to break the silence. I shared the sentiment perfectly.

 

“Lord Puff!” The dwarves accompanying us cried.

 

Meanwhile I was also freaking out. “What the fuck?!” I exclaimed. “What’d you do that for?!”

 

They shrugged. “He called us bitches.”

 

I looked at the other dwarves warily. Their faces were painted in shock, disbelief and rising anger.

 

“...So, I know how this looks. But--”

“KILL THEM!” They roared. 

 

“Goddammit!” I cursed as they raised various weapons from bows to hammers. “You two crazy bitches! Look at what you did! They’ll never let us in their village now!” 

 

I tensed up and readied for a fight when Rhea pointed a finger and a beam of shining white energy shot out and decapitated every dwarf that’d come with us, man and woman, down to the very last. It happened so fast I didn’t even have time to react. 

 

“Evie, don’t look!” Minerva shielded her young ward’s view even as she shook herself.

 

“Min, I saw...there was--” The girl gulped. “Blood. So much. Min, there was so much blood”

“Don’t say it. J-Just be quiet, okay? I-It’s okay. It’s okay.”

 

Now Minerva and Evie’s traumatized. Fucking great! They’d never seen this kind of horror scene up close before, how are they going to process this, huh?!

 

Rhea’s lips quirked.“There. No witnesses. Happy now, husband?”

 

I was done. “You stupid little….of course not! Fuck! We have to get the hell out of here. Mary!”

 

But the woman was too busy looking at the carnage. I could only imagine how she felt. These were people who lived near her for who knew how many years. They probably worshipped the woman. Well, tree. And now they were just killed off. So brutally, so casually. 

 

I saw her turn to Mother and Rhea with a strained expression, a tightening around her eyes. 

 

“Mary…”

 

“It’s fine.” She waved me off. “This is how they are. I shouldn’t have...it’s my fault.” 

 

Mother yawned. “ What? It’s almost as if you two are mad as us. What’s the problem?”

 

I blinked at her. I was honestly not sure how to respond. 

 

“The little man demeaned us.” Rhea stated. “That is intolerable. He is nothing and no one yet he dares to look at us with such leering eyes? And those other little ones, too. I was merciful the other day due to being out of sorts, but there is no world in which I allow such disrespect towards me and mine. Not only did they demean me, they also cast lustful looks over my husband. It was only right they die.”

 

“Yeah. And I mean I could have tolerated it myself, but why should I? Elias isn’t here to get mad at me, and the little ones deserved it. What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” She tilted her head just then. “Come to think of it, where is Ellie anyway?”

Hell. Just listen to these two! It’s the first time it was really driven home what Father told me about back in the Dry Lands. Mom is cray-cray. And not the fun, mostly lovable kind like me, but the legit murder-happy kind. I’d never actually seen her speak so carelessly and kill so easily. I’d never seen her kill at all, even. As soon as she had any small reason to and Father wasn’t around it seemed like she just let loose. 

 

And Rhea…

 

I had to worry. What precautions had they made to stave off the effects of Mary’s aura? I couldn’t be sure drugging her would work anymore. 

 

These guys are ticking time bombs. Especially Rhea. She’d surely try kidnapping me first chance she got. It’s the only reason she showed up, after all. It could definitely complicate shit. 

 

“M-M-Master.” Minerva’s terrified stare struck me hard. 

 

I roused myself from my thoughts and reassured her. “It’s okay. Close your eyes. Don’t think about it.”

 

“T-They just killed them. For no reason. They didn’t do anything, but--”

“Shh.” I stopped her. “It’s alright. Come here.” I took the initiative to give the two scared women a hug. “Don’t think. It’s okay.” I soothed. 

 

I sent an apologetic look towards Vera and Mary, but given what happened I don’t think they minded me comforting the two.  

 

“Let’s get out of here.” I started.

 

“Wait. You don’t want to go inside anymore?” Mother asked. “I thought you wanted to meet Mary’s physical form.”

 

I glared at her.

 

“Hm? What? What’s wrong? Fine, whatever. Be mad. Hmph, you’re so uptight, just like your father.” She stuck out her tongue at me. “ But seriously, where is he? I haven’t seen him.”

 

“Find him yourself! You fucking idiot couple!” I couldn’t help it. I snapped. Such an unreasonable woman! 

 

“...Hm. You are mad. Okay, okay. Mama understands. She was wrong, alright? Forgive me? Please?”

 

“Vera. Please.”

 

“I know.” She nodded. 

And everyone was gone

 

***

 

“Elias. There you are.” We came back to the house. Father was on the floor still tied up. “Is that...Angel hair? What’s that doing here?” 

 

Vera turned to me. “We couldn’t just leave him there.” She explained. 

 

“You were able to bring him even though he wasn’t with us?”

“Mother can.”

 

“Should’ve just left him there. Him and his psycho wife.” 

 

“I don’t think I want either of them there.” Mary spoke quietly. “Certainly not your mother.”

 

I sighed. “Yeah. I wouldn’t either. Anyway, let’s not stop here. Take us to the Milf Kingdom. Just us, Evie and Minerva.” He can’t leave them with these people. I considered. “No, Bubbles and Mira too. I guess Becks as well.” Mira being heavy with child, and given how her mother never approved of Claude, I didn’t really feel right leaving them together either. Even if Rhea is her mother and she hasn’t shown any hostility towards the baby. Her recent display of cruelty meant she was not a good influence.

 

Not that I am myself, but I don’t go around killing quite as easily and meaninglessly.

 

As for Bubbles and her sister, the Dry Lands is their home. Or at least the place they lived up to now. Bubbles had reason to come, at least, and it was only right the sisters stick together. Maybe they’d want to go meet that adoptive grandfather of their’s, too.

 

“You really named it that?” Mary asked.

 

“Yeah. Why?”

“....Nothing.”

**********

Author: So...sorry for the month long delay. BUT i wasn’t idle. I was actually working on a new novel, two actually. The MSTV: Alternate story is already up. Start from chapter 6, the previous ones are just copies of the original first five chapters here.

 

I think im going to leave it on only Scribblehub for now so be sure to keep track of it here.

 

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/141728/my-sister-the-villainess-alternate/

 

As for the OTHER new novel….i think yall gonna like it. Here it is with already five chapters out

 

https://www.scribblehub.com/series/141744/yandere-dating-system/

 

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