Author: As promised, froggo, the discord invite

https://discord.gg/cHeN3KR

Someone please join. Someone who isnt a filthy lurker. Froggo is dying to meet new people. Apparently she's tired of the rest of us TT^TT 

**********

That day, a golden God descended upon the world and set the church aflame. He hung in the air upon great white wings clad in splendor. Each beat gave off powerful winds that sent everything flying. His face cold and impassive, merciless and cruel, he brought destruction in his wake. Using naught but his bare hands to rip apart stone and iron, bringing down the mighty cathedral.

 

“No!”

 

“Stop him!”

 

“To arms!”

The church’s devoted followers cried in anger and despair, rallying to face this disaster. They gathered en masse, fearless of pain and death, ready to lay down their lives for the cause.

 

The great golden God cast baleful eyes upon them. “Pagans.” He murmured, and his voice carried for miles. The accusation enraged the crowd.

 

“My once pure flock tainted, twisted.” He sighed. “I shall cleanse you. “ A shroud of boundless sadness overtook his figure. As if the suffering of the world weighed on his shoulders. 

 

Then he raised his hand, palm towards the sun...and he clenched. Immediately hundreds of wooden tendrils broke through earth and captured the furious crowd. 

 

He raised his other hand. Balls of water manifested. 

 

“Alright until you all renounce your pagan ways, you’re all getting your heads dunked.”

 

And as one, the captured men and women had their heads repeatedly put inside the balls water for several seconds, taken out, and then put back in. However a few of those balls of water froze and instead of being dunked, several people were beaten by the solid masses of ice.

 

Mary beckoned him to come down, after which she asked, “Since when could you do that?”

 

“What do you mean? I’ve always had excellent control of my wood.” Damien replied.

 

***

 

“YOU!” As the crowd of pagans continued to suffer, a tall and wiry man entered the scene and pointed a furious finger in my direction. His hair was greying and his haggard face was adorned by thick reading glasses. There was a severe note of exhaustion about him, a kind of slovenly demeanor only College students spending days in the library desperate to decode their professors’ assigned work and failing miserably could ever fully understand. 

 

The way he had to squint in the sunlight, his cheeks and chin an unkempt stubble. This was a man on his last legs. On his dying breath. And he chose to spend it cursing as me.

 

““You motherfucking waste of your father’s cum! You ruined my life!”

 

I was unimpressed. “Do you have any idea how little that narrows it down?” But then as he got closer and I got a better look at his face, I paused. “Wait...Cass?”

“Well who did you fucking think I was?” The man growled.

 

I gaped. “Dude, you’ve aged twenty years! How the hell am I supposed to...no, nevermind that. What the heck happened to you?”

 

“You fucking left me here, that’s what happened!” He snapped. “I’m the one who had to pick up your slack when you went jacking around.”

 

“Hey man, I had school, alright? And I left you my clone. It couldn’t have been that bad.” 

 

“What clone?”

“...Ah, hell. That’s right. He got kidnapped by Dolly on my wedding day.” I could only have one active at a time, so...yeah. No wonder Cass had to deal with everything by himself.

 

“What? I don’t...what are you even…? “ He grunted. “ Forget it. Anyway, I and Kathryn had to take care of all the goddamn logistics ourselves! Do you have any idea at all how much paperwork is involved with running a growing Kingdom? Well, do you?”

I coughed uncomfortably. “Uh. No?”

 

“Of course not. Fucking prick.” He cursed again. “Never should’ve gotten involved with you and your nonsense. Fuck!” The man reached into his pocket and took out a small metal container. From it he took a cigarette and match, lit it, and took a long drag.

 

“You smoke now?”

“I need the nicotine. Fuck off.”  He blew out a stream of heavy smoke. “So? What shit are you pulling now?” He waved towards the crowd of people being tortured. “You realize that cathedral there wasn’t cheap, right?”

 

“They’re pagans. What’s it matter? And don’t tell me we can’t afford it.”

“We can afford a hundred, but the point is I approved the building of that damn atrocity.”

 

I then recalled something SIster Agnes said. “You told them about blackjack and hookers, didn’t you?”

 

“Will’s been bitching about it for ages. I gave the okay to stop his whining.”

Oh no way! “WIll’s here?”

“Not anymore.” Cass shook his head. “He went back a while ago. That boy is whipped so hard it took one letter from that lady he fancies talking about a new business plan she was working on and he was gone by the next morning.” He sighed. “Oh. Jacob’s gone too. And the Prince has been missing since forever as well.”

 

“Shit. Alex is gone? I was wondering why he didn’t show up for school. Do you have any idea where he went?” The Queen is going to kill me if I end up losing her son!

 

And Dolly is down a potential husband. I need to get the girl hitched before her brother complex has her going full Yosuga No Sora on me. 

 

Fuck. Who am I kidding? No way is it going to be that wholesome.

 

“Not really, no. He did get a letter once, I remember. Seemed worried about it. Then he was just gone.”

 

“Balls!” I swore. “I don’t have time to be looking for him right now, I’ve got a Whore of Angels to bamboozle.”

“What are you on about now?” 

 

“Nothing that concerns you, don’t worry. Shit. I really don’t have the time to go searching for him.”

“Ask that manservant of yours. He’s the last one who saw the boy. I tried looking for the Prince myself but his trail went cold fast, and I couldn’t find that green-haired brat again after the day he showed up here. So talk to him.”

 

“Baz?” What? Why would Baz and Alex have…

 

Motherfucker. Don’t tell me…

 

Did that traitorous shit recruit Alex?! I knew he tried to assassinate me during that last drug adventure, but was Alex in on it too? Wait, hold on...did I kill Alex?! I can’t even remember how many assholes I shanked that night! He might have really been one!

 

...No, no, wait again. Baz was a boy still back then, wasn’t he? Cass recognized him. And if he was a girl by the time he visited Alex, Cass would have thought he was Vera instead. So…

 

Something was weird. Unless Baz has been planning my unfortunate demise since before he started fearing I’d make him into my woman. But that’s crazy. Me and Baz are bros.

 

Well, I’ll have to ask him anyway. No point in trying to guess at things right now.

 

“I see. Alright, will do. Okay, I guess that’s the end of my curiosity here. I’ll ask Baz about it later. “ If I couldn’t find out where Alex went I’ll just have someone investigate for me. I should think that Mary and Vera will be able to handle that while I’m gone. “I really only came to check how things were doing. Now that that’s done, I can--”

 

“Hold it right there.” Cass gripped my shoulder painfully hard. “I am not going to go through this shit anymore. You find someone else to fill in this position, I’m done.”

 

“I mean, did you even delegate the work load, though?” 

 

He stopped. “What?”

 

“ I mean like ministers. You can create departments and place competent people in charge. If you have to, train people for it. If you’d done everything so far with just two people you obviously know how things are done. Just teach more people how to do specific jobs and assign assistants to them.”

 

“...That’s…that...fuck. Fuck! Then why didn’t you do that?!”

 

“Hm? It was too much work, I didn’t want to. My clone was supposed to deal with things here. I can’t give you another one either. The one I have now is busy keeping a bunch of Angels occupied. But yeah, just delegate. Know what? You can be this place’s King. Yeah.”

“You can’t do that.” He squinted. “ Can you do that?” 

 

“Hey man, I’m this place’s God. Of course I can do that.”

“King...huh. Well, if I’m not going to be worked to death anymore that might not be so bad.”

“It’s settled then. Congratulations, Cass. You’re a God’s chosen King.”

 

The man’s face turned sour. “Why do I feel not a single lick of accomplishment? Actually, know what? I don’t--”

 

“Too late!” I pat his back. “You’ll do great. Now hold on while I announce you to the world.”

While a group of heretics were being cleansed of their sins, Cass had to endure the stares of countless people as I flew into the sky and loudly proclaimed him my chosen King. 

 

When all was said and done I took everyone to the Palace Cass had commissioned near the very center of the Kingdom.

 

“By the way, there were a few other smaller palaces nearby, weren’t there? I saw them when I was in the air.”

“Huh? Ah...those. Yeah, the locals made that for your pets.”

 

“My pets?” I asked, only to smack my head a moment later. “Oh fuck! Arbok! Patches!” 

 

“Mhmm.” Cass surpressed a yawn as he slumped into a sofa in one of the rooms of the Palace. A moment later someone came to deliver a pitcher of wine. “They’ve been recognized as holy beasts and are revered as guardians of the city.”

“Shit, really?”

“...Yeah. I mean it makes sense. They got big. And smart.”

“How smart?”

“You know, Arbok has started composing music. He’s pretty talented.”

“You’re kidding me.” That’s insane. He had to be pulling my leg here. 

 

“No, really. And Patches is a damn good chess player. He’s told me I’m too cautious. Eh, well, he actually said I lack balls and that’s why he always beats me. The big fluffy motherfucker.”  

 

“Jesus. I would love to see that. But I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to leave, and I have to. Hell.” I sighed. “Maybe when I get back “

 

With that, I went to say my goodbyes to Bubbles and her sister. They were going to stay a while. Bubbles felt the need to see to her people, and Becks expressed a desire to see her adoptive grandfather again.

 

I told Evie and Minerva to stay as well. No way am I taking them back home where Mother and that equally insane Rhea is. As for Mira...I asked her what she would prefer, and she said she’d like to go back and talk things over with her mother. 

 

Plus Claude was still gone and apparently he’d been caught up with Mother and Father’s latest misadventure when they went to go recruit Lucy. So she had to ask them where he was, and when he’d be back. She couldn’t simply stay here, seemingly half a world away.

 

Having taken care of all that, Vera, Mary, me and a very pregnant Mira--seriously is that baby ever coming?--went on our way.

 

“My Lord...forgive me...please, let me serve--Ah~!” 

 

PA!

 

“Shut up, heretic.” Oh yeah. Sister Agnes has been stripped down to her undies. And periodically beaten with a horse whip. She’s a particularly bad seed. Her cleansing has to be administered personally. Until all impure thoughts are expunged, she’s coming with me! 

 

I need someone to carry any stuff I may pick up on my trip anyway. She’ll be my Lydia.