7. The look of Yearning
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Original Story: "La Xtabay" (The Yucatan Times telling)

Link to original: https://www.theyucatantimes.com/2019/11/the-legend-of-la-xtabay/

Adaptation Author: uwu_Nabong

Find the author here on Scribble Hub: https://www.scribblehub.com/profile/35706/nabong_uwu/

And here on Novel Updates Forums: https://forum.novelupdates.com/members/uwu_nabong.237082/

Content Warnings:

Spoiler

Tragedy. Themes of slut-shaming, systematic bullying, and betrayal by a lover. Emotionally manipulative relationship dynamics. This story contains descriptions of bodily injury inflicted by an implied violent attack, an attempted sexual assault, and murder by strangulation - these are not cases of domestic abuse.

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What is love? Is it the promise of never ending affection, not disturbed by the passage of time, nor deceived by mundane corruption? Is it the faithful company that knows no boundary, stays loyal in death, seeks candor in life, and never betrays?

Why is it, that even love, as intangible and mysterious as it is, can be denied and mistaken?

 

Long time ago, in a village which name is now forgotten, lived two beautiful women, their names were Xtabay1Xtabay, Maya name pronounced as: ‘Esh-ta-bye’ and Utz-Colel. Both of them were enchantingly beautiful. Xtabay was an untamed beauty with long hazel hair, tanned skin and lively eyes, her rosy lips always wore an enthusiastic smile and everyone who saw her was awed breathless. Utz-Colel, on the other side, had a chaste beauty, with inky hair and pitch black eyes, her lips were thin and timid, with a misty aura giving out an untouchable feeling.

 

They were different as fire and water.

 

Unfortunately, people’s opinions about them were also different. Xtabay was constantly belittled and judged because of her involvement in various love affairs. Villagers claimed that she was sick of love and called her a sinner, she was judged wherever she went, yet, against everyone’s expectations, she was warm and kind hearted, helping the old, sick and poor.

 

Meanwhile, Utz-Colel was loved by everyone, known for her purity and virtue, but her heart was cold and unfeeling, like that of a snake, uncaring about anyone but herself.

 

So why were their hearts judged unjustly?

 

That 's hard to say...

 

On a warm summer night, a cozy breeze caressed the leaves of the trees emitting a whistling sound. Xtabay was walking barefooted with her long wavy hair hanging loosely, her expression was joyful and her lips were curled on an unconcerned smile. She was humming a song, lost in thought.

 

“It’s not safe to wander late at night.” Xtabay suddenly stopped. At some distance there was a slender shadow in the middle of the uneven road, her upright figure standing out from the dark environment. Utz-Colel lifted the corners of her mouth mockingly, giving Xtabay a meaningful look, she said: “Only devils and malicious beings wander at night.”

 

Xtabay looked at her with some annoyance and helplessness. She suddenly thought of something. “Why are you roaming, then? Which are you, a devil or a malicious being?”

 

Utz-Colel choked, she stared at Xtabay before turning around to leave. Xtabay was smiling, drowning herself in satisfaction when she heard the other drop one more sentence. “Either way, be careful, Xkeban2Xkeban: Name used by the people to refer to Xtabay, means something similar to prostitute or loose woman. Pronounced as ‘Esh-ke-ban’..”

 

Xtabay frowned when she listened to that name, lowering her head. “I’m not a loose woman.” She murmured, seeming hurt.

 

Utz-Colel laughed as if listening to something amusing. This time she left.

 

Xtabay stood static, her lonely figure covered by the shadow of a Ceiba tree. The lively appearance she wore had almost vanished completely. She sighed and shook her head, walking slowly to the village where she didn’t seem to fit.

 

In the mist of that cozy night, both women walked through different roads, towards different destinations, each carrying their own lonely thoughts.

 

.

 

Xtabay wore simple clothing, consisting of a colorful huipil, a long skirt and a large piece of cloth, like a blanket, she wrapped around her upper body. She dressed simply but beautifully.

 

Even if royalty and novelty were the only ones able to wear ornaments, such as gems, feathers, and embroidered clothing, it didn’t mean others’ clothes were less gorgeous.

 

She walked carrying a big basin. Her eyes were enthusiastic, her face was wearing her characteristic smile, as if not caring about the gossipy and disapproving gazes setted on her.

 

Loose woman. Xtabay had asked herself many times why people were dead set on calling her that way, she was just liberal in love, but after asking herself many times, she gradually got tired of questioning the ‘whys’. It was easier to let the issue be.

 

After a while, she arrived at the riverside.

 

She gazed at the thin water body and at the woman who was sitting near it. Xtabay diverted her gaze and silently approached the river not wanting to disturb Utz-Colel whose gaze was strayed on the ever flowing water.

 

She crouched, using the clay basin to collect some water, her movements were silent and agile, but they weren’t ignored by Utz-Colel at the end.

 

“Do you know how to love?” She asked abruptly, her voice was low and fragile.

 

Xtabay stopped her motions, the basin fell from her hands and the water sprayed all over the ground, she stared at Utz-Colel with a confused gaze. “Do you?” She asked again.

 

“I…” The words were stuck on her throat, had she ever loved before?

 

“Then, can you teach me how to love?” Utz-Colel asked. “All of them say I’m pure and virtuous. If you asked them, they would say without a doubt I’m kind hearted and generous. But my soul is rotting and my heart is decaying. Why couldn’t Ixchel[3] bestow me the ability to love?”

 

Xtabay looked at the woman whom she had never talked to properly before asking her now if she could teach her about love.

 

She was silent for a while, unsure of how to answer her.

 

“Since you’re human, you can love.” Xtabay answered decisively. Utz-Colel raised her head and their eyes met.

 

“Even Ixchel3Ixchel - Maya goddess. She has the particularity of being a dual goddess, represented as a young miss, sensual and kind, in charge of human well being, health, fertility and childbirth. On the other hand, she is portrayed as a grumpy elderly woman, pouring a bucket of water to humanity fostering it’s destruction. Either way she is represented, she always carries a snake. is a dual goddess, on one hand she holds maternal affection and cares about human’s well-being, but on the other side she is a destroyer. So, even if a part of you is rotten, that doesn’t mean you’re completely incapable of loving, there's still another side of yourself.”

 

Utz-Colel laughed standing up. She looked at Xtabay, examining her. “So you do know about love.” She murmured inaudibly.

 

Utz-Colel picked up the basin and approached the riverside filling it with water. “It’s heavy, I’ll carry it.” Xtabay watched dumbfounded as Utz-Colel’s figure slowly disappeared in the distance carrying her clay basin towards the village.

 

.

 

Utz-Colel started to frequent the river every morning, she didn’t know why she did it, she didn’t have a reason, and neither did she need one.

 

Just as before, she would ask Xtabay a question and once she got a satisfactory answer she would help her carry the water basin until they reached the entrance of the village.

 

She had gotten used to the woman's vague smile and vivacious eyes. Her lovely smirks and warm company, so even if she was just acting like a mute spectator, watching as Xtabay talked about everything and anything, she felt as if she had started to form part of the other’s life.

 

Ever since she remembered, she was praised and cherished by others, she was loved, but she had never loved someone. Utz-Colel had listened more than once to the rumours about Xtabay’s love affairs. Xtabay was a woman who had strayed because of love, everyone said.

 

She was so passionate, she had so much love, so, couldn’t she share that love with her?

 

Utz-Colel knew she had no right to covet any of those pure feelings, she was despicable, agreeable on the surface, deceitful on the inside. Even she herself had no hope in her heart, yet Xtabay had said: “Since you’re human, you can love.”

 

The question was, could she really love?

 

That day she went to the riverside as always, waiting for Xtabay to come. Time passed, but the lively woman was nowhere to be seen.

 

Utz-Colel bit her lips, feeling somewhat disappointed. Where was she? She stood up and after a little bit of consideration she went towards the place where Xtabay lived.

 

There, the woman who she was so concerned about, was standing, gazing fervently at a tall man, she held his hands and their fingers were intertwining. Their bodies were close and their foreheads were touching.

 

Utz-Colel felt her heart stop, uncertainty enveloped her. She felt as if she was falling and the vertigo suffocated her senses. Sucking in a cold breath, Utz-Colel stared at Xtabay, she didn’t know what she had been waiting for, but she felt as if it had been snatched away.

 

She left as silently as she came, leaving behind the two lovers who were murmuring sweet words in a secretive environment which had no room for herself.

 

.

 

Xtabay came the next day, she bore a cheerful attitude and approached Utz-Colel with familiarity, they had become closer with the passage of days, or at least, Xtabay considered it that way.

 

Xtabay’s smile reached her eyes while she took Utz-Colel’s arm. “Hi.” She poked her cheek.

 

Utz-Colel was unresponsive, her lips were pressed on a servere line and her mood did not seem right. “You didn’t come yesterday.” She commented casually.

 

Xtabay smiled bashfully but didn’t answer, instead she sat down beside Utz-Colel and looked at her. “I’ve been thinking of the question you asked me the other day.” She murmured. “What is love?” She paused. “And I realized… That I don't have an answer for that question, then I also realized, there are many other questions I don’t have an answer for.”

 

Utz-Colel looked at her, pensivebly, lowering her head. That was the question she had asked Xtabay the day before yesterday, “What is love?” What could it possibly be?

 

“I may have the answer.” Utz-Colel said mysteriously, smiling at last. Xtabay looked at her wide-eyed, waiting for her answer, but Utz-Colel shook her head, chuckling. She saw Xtabay’s expectant appearance finding it amusing. “I’ll show you tomorrow.” Xtabay frowned deeply, looking as if she had been wronged.

 

That afternoon, Xtabay was wandering the woods, the day was dawning and the sky was tinted with flaming hues, the clouds were shimmering with incandescent colors and the sun silently hid on the horizon.

 

“Haven’t I told you not to wander before?” Xtabay was startled. Utz-Colel was staring at her, with unknown thoughts concealed in her eyes.

 

“Yes…”

 

Utz-Colel was leaning on a Ceiba lazily, her lips slightly parted as if she wanted to say something else.

 

“Since we met again, you won’t have to wait until tomorrow for me to show you…”

 

Utz-Colel gazed at her in a way that almost made Xtabay feel a sense of danger. Her eyes were deep and almost threatening. Utz-Colel walked towards Xtabay, approaching her lazily, when they came face-to-face Utz-Colel reached out for Xtabay’s hand, holding it lightly, she closed the distance between their bodies and tremblingly touched Xtabay’s forehead with her’s. They were so close they could hear each other’s breathing.

 

Utz-Colel’s movements were clumsy, yet full of determination. She leaned forward and lightly planted a kiss on her lips, it was timid and quick, like a trembling caress.

 

“Is that love?” She murmured.

 

“I…” She used her other hand to remove a strand of hair from Xtabay’s face, but quickly withdrew it.

 

“You said…” She stopped. “... That I can love.” Utz-Colel bit her lips.

 

“Yes, I did.” Xtabay muttered with a trembling voice.

 

“I don’t think so. Today I told you I know what love is, but I need you to teach me.” Her lips came near Xtabay’s ear and quickly brushed her earlobe.

 

“But, I can’t teach you.” Xtabay sucked in a cold breath feeling the tips of her ears burn.

 

“You can.” Utz-Colel squeezed her hand.

 

“How?”

 

“You just need to teach me what you do with your lovers.” She whispered in her ear making Xtabay’s whole body melt. Utz-Colel then blushed bashfully and lowered her head, looking defeated, as if saying that simple sentence had exhausted all her forces.

 

Xtabay felt a little bit speechless watching Utz-Colel, who looked imposing just a moment ago, now looking so vulnerable.

 

She frowned and raised her hand to touch Utz-Colel cheek, the tips of her fingers caressed Utz-Colel, the look in her eyes was curious as she watched Utz-Colel’s defenseless appearance. The other one was startled by her touch, her eyes holding a vigorous eagerness that could not be hidden.

 

Utz-Colel, took Xtabay’s hand and pressed it against her cheek, she then took it to her lips and kissed it lovingly. Xtabay blushed furiously, wanting to withdraw her hand and stand back, but Utz-Colel was faster and leaned forward to peck her nose. She felt her heart skip a beat.

 

When she came back to herself, she took Utz-Colel’s chin and raised it, she got close and gently licked the other’s lips mischiveously, kissing them after it.Utz-Colel looked at her in disbelief, but then smiled widely.

 

That night, neither of them returned to the village. Under the soothing moonlight, they cuddled together, watching the endless sky extending peacefully above their heads. They held each other tenderly, laying under the protection of the sturdy Ceiba tree which had become their eternal witness.

 

Everything felt surreal, though, like a sweet yet deceitful reverie.

 

Starting from that day, they started meeting with more frequency than before. Every morning they would meet at the riverside and every night they would attend to a nocturnal rendezvous.

 

But even if they could trap themselves in a sweet realm, they couldn't extricate themselves from reality.

 

Their love was forever an unmentionable secret, even if they murmured sweet words to each other when they were alone, in the eyes of other people they continued to be undeniable foes.

 

Xtabay had asked Utz-Colel many times why they had to put on a show of indifference and disdain, but Utz-Colel would not answer her, she’d just avoid her gaze, sigh and peck her cheeks. “Don’t think about it.”

 

Xtabay had never felt as if what others’ thought of herself was worth worrying about, even if hurtful words made her uncomfortable, she would never take them to heart. But something she couldn’t bear was listening to those harsh words come out from Utz-Colel’s mouth.

 

Maybe she just wanted Utz-Colel to accept her and praise her, to stand for her or back her, to deny all her rumors, but that was just her wishful thinking.

 

In public, when looking at her, Utz-Colel would hold disdain in her eyes, she would contribute with the corrosive gossip and call her ‘loose woman’ behind her back. Why did they keep pretending?

 

Every time she felt it was unbearable, she would break crying at night on Utz-Colel’s embrace, the latter would cajole her like a child. Xtabay would ask her if she really thought of her in that way, if she really was an ‘easy woman’ in Utz-Colel eyes.

 

Everything would be denied by her, but since she didn’t think that way, why keep saying those painful words?

 

Why?

 

Once again, Xtabay started asking herself those endless ‘whys’ she had once been too tired to question.

 

What answer was he waiting for? From whom was she waiting to get said answer?

 

Countless times she had asked Utz-Colel those questions that tormented her and after never getting an answer, Xtabay stopped questioning her, the only thing left was the painful inquiry in her eyes.

 

“Why aren’t you looking at me?” Utz-Colel laid on Xtabay’s lap playing with the other’s waist length hair.

 

“I was distracted…” Xtabay murmured, her lips smiling slightly. She stroked Utz-Colel hair gazing at her with endearment. “Thinking… Thinking about something.” She chuckled hopelessly.

 

“What were you thinking about?”

 

“I was asking myself, if you…” Xtabay bit her lips. “Do you like me?” Utz-Colel smiled widely.

 

“I don’t know, do I?” She asked half-jokingly. Xtabay frowned and pouted. “I’m kidding.” She intertwined her fingers with Xtabay’s. “I like you. I like you more than everything I have ever liked before and there will be nothing I like more than you.”

 

Xtabay smiled bashfully and her face heated.

 

She pondered for a while and asked. “Then, do you love me?”

 

Utz-Colel was taken aback for a moment, she looked up and encountered Xtabay’s expectant gaze. She stood up from Xtabay’s lap and kissed her lips faintly. “Just what things are you saying?” She chuckled, averting her gaze.

 

.

 

Days later Xtabay went to their appointment with a teary face. In the dark of the night her tears glowed with the sorrowful moonlight.

 

When Utz-Colel arrived this was the picture she came across: Xtabay curled under the Ceiba with her face buried in her arms and her shaky body.

 

When she heard Utz-Colel’s steps she stood up and threw herself to her arms, burying her face on the other’s neck and holding her tightly, her body shook as she let out heartbreaking sobs, not letting the other see her face.

 

“Just cry, everything is alright.” Utz-Colel patted her back and caressed her hair, feeling as if her heart was stabbed everytime Xtabay let out a sob.

 

After a while, Xtabay stopped crying and only her faint hiccups could be heard. “What happened?” Utz-Colel asked.

 

Xtabay shook her head, keeping it buried in Utz-Colel's neck, her legs then failed, losing their strength and the other’s arms were the only thing that kept her from falling to the ground. Suddenly, Utz-Colel had a bad premonition.

 

She gently pushed Xtabay’s body from her and took a look at Xtabay’s face, she felt her blood boil.

 

Xtabay’s lower lip was broken and there was a scratch coming from the tip of her brow to the corner of her mouth, even if it was no longer bleeding, it was red and swollen. Her left eye was tinted with a dark violaceous color that extended to her cheekbone. While all her face was covered by little scratches and her body with bruises, the skin of her forehead was broken with remnants of blood tinting the savage wound.

 

Utz-Colel could almost guess what had happened. She caressed Xtabay’s cheek sorrowfully, her heart burning with rage.

 

Not wanting to be away from her, Xtabay approached to hug her again, not speaking until she felt Utz-Colel’s arms wrapped around her in assurance, but this time Utz-Colel noticed she was limping and the fabric of her skirt was torn and dirty.

 

“Today I was walking on the road when I heard some people say you were unfeeling. They  said that even if you looked so upright your heart was cold, I wanted to intervene, I know you’re not like that.” She sobbed. “I wanted to say to them that you’d a warm heart, they know nothing! But when I started to speak, they said I had no right to talk about you, that I’m too filthy to even say your name, then, then…” She didn’t say what happened next, but Utz-Colel could guess it by Xtabay’s appearance.

 

With a pitiful look in her eyes Xtabay continued. “Why can’t I call the name of my lover? Haven’t I said it many times before? If I can’t even say the name that is so engraved in my heart I even call it amidst dreams, then what is the use...? What is the use of surrendering my heart to you.”

 

 “Why can’t I even talk about you? Why can no one know how much I love you? Why can’t I shout it so that everyone knows my feelings for you?” She gripped Utz-Colel’s hand. “Why do they keep judging me?” Tears were falling down her cheeks. “W-why do you badmouth me in front of everyone? I can bear with everyone’s judgements, but not yours… I just want you to praise me and to tell me how much you like me because I fear you watching my flaws, I fear your harsh words, but what I fear the most is your rejection. If one day you disdained me, I would break down.”

 

“And I ask you, why do you keep trying to mend everything with the words, “I don’t think that way”, but doing nothing to show me otherwise? Sometimes I don’t need your reassuring words but your reassuring actions.”

 

“Could you tell me? Utz-Colel, do you love me?” Her voice sounded tired and the look in her eyes was agonizing. But Utz-Colel didn’t answer, she stayed silent, watching Xtabay’s inner struggle and desperate venting. She knew that if only she gave her a positive answer, Xtabay would forget everything that bothered her, that if only she apologized, Xtabay would forgive her even if she committed the most outrageous crime, but she kept silent. She raised her hand using her thumb to wipe away Xtabay’s tears.

 

Xtabay calmed a little. “I’m imperfect, I know it’s not easy for you, but I can’t help but get upset, I feel like I’m drowning… Maybe I’m making a fuss about something unimportant.” She rubbed against Utz-Colel’s palm.

 

Utz-Colel sighed.

 

“I’m sorry.” She apologized. “I feel as if I have let you down.”

 

They held each other amidst the light of the waxing crescent moon. Weren’t they just two dependant souls who restlessly desired companionship?

 

Xtabay had once said to her. “I’m not scared of loneliness, I just yearn for your company.” But she was not the same, she was indeed scared of being alone, it terrified her. She wanted to be forever surrounded by people so as to not feel lonely, even if their company was just a pretense, she could at least feel assured.

 

She couldn’t leave behind that reassuring feeling. She had seen before how Xtabay was excluded by everyone, how everyone treated her as an outsider with mean stares and harsh words.

 

She had seen how others pushed her and made her trip, how they beated her when she was down and pointed their fingers at her, laughing when she met misfortune. She suffered daily aggressions, some minor, some were graver, and so she was scared of turning into the target of those aggressions.

 

Xtabay could bear it, but she couldn't. She preferred to keep silent. She’d rather her relationship with Xtabay stayed hidden in the shadows than being forced to face the hardship and loneliness of public opinion.

 

She had indeed disappointed Xtabay, she had let her down

 

.

 

The next day came, Utz-Colel went to the riverside and waited once again, but Xtabay was nowhere to be found. She guessed the other was still upset because of the events from last night and she sighed heavily.

 

Day turned into night. The sun once again crossing the inscrutable depths of the Xibalba4Xibalbá (Hidden Place). Is the Maya underworld. It was ruled by the deities of death and sickness: Hun-Camé and Vucub-Camé, also known as the Lords of Xibalbá. (Shi-Bal-Ba). The village was drowned in silence, the shadow of the night extended over everyone's heads and the moonless sky was tinted with mournful stars as the reflection of distressed foreshading.

 

Was everything just a vicious story about loving and losing?

 

It seemed like it.

 

Each time they met again, why did it seem that the closer they held each other, the further their hearts drifted away?

 

Between sweet words and timid murmurs they smiled. On the surface, they ignored everything that distubed them, but underneath, they heard the cries of eager crows waiting to eat the decaying flesh of their romance.

 

Words were left unsaid, questions were left unanswered, confessions were left unknown. Their fragmented shell lingered around a thread of meaningless words and dying sentiments, yet, they bore vivacious smiles…

 

This was how they passed their days, both caught in the illusion that things were getting better, but what would break that seemingly perfect reverie?

 

.

 

It was now Autumn, mornings where sunny yet cold and blankets of leaves covered the ground. Just when everything started going smoothly, they had an argument once again, that day they fought and parted ways in bad terms.

 

Utz-Colel could still remember telling Xtabay. “Don’t wait for me tomorrow.” But what had the argument been about? How had it started? 

 

She could no longer tell.

 

She let the days go by, not attending to either their nocturnal meetings or the diurnal ones, too prideful to go looking for Xtabay and at the same time, waiting for her to come and find her.

 

This went on for five days until Utz-Colel gave up. The next morning she went to the riverside and waited uneasily for Xtabay to appear, but the other didn’t come as expected.

 

She frowned indignant. Where was she? It’s been a day, doesn’t she dare to show up?

 

Anger filled her heart when she thought Xtabay was avoiding her.

 

She had asked about Xtabay’s whereabouts many times in a roundabout manner , but everytime she got the same answer. “She must be pleasing some men.”

 

Every time she heard these answers, she would feel her blood boil from wrath and frustration. No one, but her, was worried about Xtabay, everyone else was spreading misleading rumours about her, not caring about the truth.

 

She was the only one who really knew Xtabay! She was the only one there for her!

 

You were the only one, yet you left her alone. A voice in her heart whispered.

 

She choked. How many times had she turned a blind eye to Xtabay’s low mood and hurt eyes? How many times had she fanned the flames of the torments Xtabay suffered? How many times had she spit scornful words about Xtabay for others to hear?

 

How many times had she answered with indifference to Xtabay’s questions and actions? How many times had she stayed silent when Xtabay inquired about her love?

 

She was the one who abandoned Xtabay first, and even after so long, she hadn’t gone to look for Xtabay after she went missing.

 

Why was it?

 

Xtabay was a committed lover, but she, on the other side, couldn’t even look for her beloved after she had gone missing for days.

 

Utz-Colel stood up and hurried to Xtabay’s home, feeling her heart in her throat, she couldn’t disappoint her again. She pushed the door open, but Xtabay was nowhere to be found.

 

Distressed, she felt her body turn shaky as she perceived a pleasing perfume lingering in the air. She smelled it without being able to determine what it was, she followed the fragrance… It reminded her of something, but what?

 

Utz-Colel felt lost for a while, caught in the fragrant reverie. After she came back to herself she cautiously walked forward, the fragrance getting stronger as she walked.

 

The trace of smell led her to the forest and to a path she had taken many times before. She looked as if she was sleepwalking, like caught in an illusion.

 

She then came face to face with the Ceiba tree where the smell was denser. She approached it feeling a bad premonition in her heart. She saw a slender figure leaning against the tree trunk.

 

Suddenly her heart was brimming with joy, she ran towards the tree pulling the issue of the mysterious fragrance to the back of his head. Only when she was about to see Xtabay did she realize the enormous space the other occupied in her heart and the silent dependence she formed. Only when coming near her, was she able to feel assurance.

 

She wore a smile on her face. “Xtabay!” She called.

 

But then, Utz-Colel's heart sank, she took a step backwards and felt all her strength leave her body.

 

She looked again at the delicate body lying motionless. Utz-Colel realized that the gentle bearing she thought she had seen was nothing but the liveless elegance of the death.

 

Xtabay was leaning against the tree, her face was pale and her lips were bloodless, her empty eyes were open, gazing at the distance without the liveliness they once owned. Her skin had long since lost it’s warmth and was now freezingly cold.

 

But even after so many days, her body was still intact, without a sign of decaying. Utz-Colel then realized that the intoxicating scent was emanating from Xtabay’s body.

 

Utz-Colel kneeled on the floor, still immersed in shock. She felt warm tears wet her cheeks as they rolled down. A horrifying oppression suffocated her heart, and strangled her throat, it was as if her chest was suddenly empty, but then was filled again with grief, despair and pain.

 

She sucked in a cold breath, feeling her breathing turn messy. Her whole body was tense and couldn’t stop shaking, her lips were trembling mumbling unclear words.

 

When she was able to react, a heartbreaking wail escaped from her mouth, a mournful cry filled with grief. Her eyes were so flooded with tears she could no longer see.

 

All the happiness she had previously felt for seeing Xtabay had now turned into anguish and dismay.

 

Utz-Colel took her lover’s hand adoringly, and put it against her cheek, rubbing it again and again as if that action could bring the warmth back to Xtabay’s body. She leaned and hugged her, burying her face in Xtabay’s body while clenching her fists.

 

Then, she noticed a rosy imprint that enveloped Xtabay’s slender neck, the mark had turned purple on it’s edges, and even if it was subtle, it still couldn’t go unnoticed, it was in that moment that Utz-Colel understood.

 

After they had gotten together, Xtabay had cutted all her relationships with her former lovers, refusing to see them again, at least in a romantic way, but that didn’t mean they were willing to stop looking for her.

 

Xtabay had mentioned to her before how one of them had continued to harass her, yet, neither of them had considered it a big issue, since it hadn’t been constant.

 

Thus, the day they argued, Xtabay went to the Ceiba as always, waiting for Utz-Colel to appear, even if she knew the other would never come. she waited and waited, and once it started to dawn, she decided to go home.

 

But against her expectations, she met that molester who was listlessly wandering in the woods. But she was not the only one to notice him, the other spotted her too. She took a step back, but her back bumped into the Ceiba.

 

The molester approached her and wanted to kiss her. Xtabay refused and started to struggle desperately, he tried to coax her into calming down, but Xtabay started screaming, throwing kicks and fists at him. The man got mad at her aptitude, and was scared of her screams attracting someone’s attention, thus he covered her mouth with one hand and strangled her neck with the other.

 

Xtabay started to suffocate, unable to break free from the other’s grip, but even then, her eyes were filled with unwillingness and determination. She’d not be forced to do something she didn’t want to.

 

Utz-Colel cried while shaking her head trying to convince herself that Xtabay was not dead.

 

“Didn’t I tell you not to wander at night?” She sobbed in dismay.

 

Her pitiful moans were the only thing that could be heard.

 

Was everything just a hopeless story about grief after parting?

 

She whispered in Xtabay's ear, even if the other could no longer hear her. “I’m not scared of loneliness, but of you not being here.”

 

Tearfully, she picked Xtabay’s body and embraced her, she was instantly enveloped by the overwhelming fragrance as she carried Xtabay’s body in her arms, walking in the direction of the village.

 

Even if her arms had never carried much weight and started to hurt after a while, even if her legs were sore, and her hands were numb, she didn’t stop. As it was dawning, she was walking carrying her beloved in her arms, proudly showing off to the world her deep love.

 

But, what was the use now?

 

She came to the entrance of the village, she couldn’t feel exhaustion, just deep painful regret.

 

It was almost dark and there were not too many people out on the streets, but she continued to walk towards the core of the village. Her hopeless procession of one, being only accompanied by the dreadful halo of daybreak.

 

The perfume quickly spread in every direction and the air was then flooded with its fragrance. People came out of their houses looking for the owner of the mysterious smell.

 

When they came out, the only thing they would see was Utz-Colel crying as she walked, carrying Xtabay in her arms.

 

Many would follow behind her, some were lured by the perfume emanating from Xtabay's body, others were intrigued by the sequence of events, either way, the lonely procession soon became crowded.

 

She arrived at the core of the city and placed gently Xtabay’s body on the floor. She stood up and turned to look at the crowd of people who had followed. If she was surrounded by so many people, how come she felt so lonely?

 

Everyone realized what had happened and started to murmur words of regret when they saw Xtabay’s corpse. Everyone had cursed her in life, but now pitied her in death.

 

Utz-Colel laughed with self-deprecation. She wasn’t better than them, evenmore, she was worse. Her helpless laughter was hysterical. She had a crazed look as she blamed herself, with tears flowing down her cheeks and sobs being interrupted by sudden bursts of laughter

 

The villagers decided to bury Xtabay. No one was able to guess why her body emitted such a smell, but they imagined it would disappear after she was buried.

 

Utz-Colel kept lingering around Xtabay’s burial place. Some people thought she was jealous of Xtabay’s fragrance, others thought she was fulfilling her duty as neighbor by mourning her death, but no one ever thought she was just mourning her lover.

 

Utz-Colel stopped going to the river in the mornings and to the Ceiba tree in the nights, she just stayed beside Xtabay’s tomb watching as beautiful flowers of exquisite smell bloomed around it, when she saw them, she new they were alike Xtabay, they were pure, gentle but wild.

 

The day Utz-Colel died, the whole village mourned. It was such a tragedy! Everyone gathered together and gave her a solemn burial, feeling their hearts filled with sorrow and regret.

 

Many of the villagers were sure that since Utz-Colel had such a kind heart, her body would smell as fragrant as Xtabay’s or even more, but they soon realized it wasn’t as they thought.

 

Utz-Colel’s  heart had been too tormented by grief and self-loathing, it had been silently consumed by regret and anger to the point it had silently started to rot. Thanks to this, over Utz-Colel’s tomb little cactuses with unpleasant odors started to grow.

 

In the afterlife, they met again. “I regret it!” Shouted Utz-Colel to Xtabay. “Please forgive me.”

 

Xtabay looked at Utz-Colel and wanted to stretch her hand to hold Utz-Colel, but she couldn’t, they were too far away.

 

While Xtabay had turned into Xtabentun5Looks something like this., an aromatic flower, after death, Utz-Colel had turned into a Tzacam,6Looks something like this. a kind of cactus.

 

Utz-Colel could see her lover, and her lover could gaze at her, but they could never reach each other, their roots where deep into the earth and even if they tried to stretch themselves to touch each other, Utz-Colel’s thorns would prick Xtabay’s delicate petals.

 

She stopped trying to get closer to her, she was reluctant to harm Xtabay once again.

 

In desperation, Utz-Colel let out a desperate cry for help. Malicious beings came quickly to assist her, with twisted smiles and wicked giggles. They promised her to give her the chance to reunite with her lover under the Ceiba tree once every year, but she’d be cursed to wander forever on the paths at night, luring promiscuous men who indulged themselves in pleasure.

 

Xtabay, on the other hand, would be cursed to suffer forever the pains of death, illness and aging. She would be born again every spring, reach adulthood every summer, age every autumn and die painfully from either illness or old age every winter.

 

Both of them agreed. Utz-Colel started her eternal task of seducing and killing, like a lonely succubus who hid in the dark and Xtabay started her eternal cycle of death. One of them incapable of dying, the other one short-lived.

 

But all the pains would be forgotten once they met again. During ages, they’d felt as if the other was an untouchable desire, separated from them just by a thin layer of unrealness, but now they were so close they could reach the other just by extending their hands.

 

Once a year they would met under the melancholic moonlight, beneath the shadow of the Ceiba tree, they would hold each other in that one and only summer night and profess their love, begging the gods to hear their prayers and lift their curse, so that they could live together for eternity, embraced in the arms of passion, forgetting past worries, never to part again.

 

From uwu_Nabong:

Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

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