DerbyGhost

Oh dang there's more story huh. Well, let's see what happens next.

So it turns out heaven truly is a place on Earth. Well. As far as I know anyway. Last thing I realize is I’m deader than this planet is in like 30 years. And yet, here I am. Warm and wrapped up in massive fluffy blankets. Craning my head to look around I see that I’m surrounded by what appears to be Kass’s room. But that’s impossible. Because Kass’s room isn’t some massive cavernous zone. The scale is all off. The bed stretches and stretches for what seems like ages and the door might as well be a whole apartment away. 

But maybe I’m in some eternal waiting room in the afterlife. Maybe God, whoever she may be, has crafted a very comfortable and relaxing  place for me. Snuggling into the blanket I wrapped myself a little tighter in the calming scent of vanilla that seemed to absolutely envelop me. I guess all I could do is wait for whoever has my number to come sort me out eventually. 

I always felt more relaxed in Kass’s room than I had in my own. Probably because Zie decorated it in a way that really felt comfortable to me. I will admit to a certain extent I followed the, uh, spartan bachelor lifestyle that many single cis men are accused of. It’s not like I didn’t want nice things. It’s not like I thought I didn’t deserve a bedpost or a nice big fuzzy comforter. I just didn’t really see the point in investing in myself for just these four years if I was going to be getting a job and just buying nicer stuff later. And anyway I spent more time in Kass’s room anyway, so why make my room nice if it was just a place that I’d pass out later. Check and mate, atheists. 

Putting my panic at being in heaven’s waiting room aside I decided to take some time to take stock of what happened before my unfortunate departure from Earth. I guess I should have been more shocked that I died. That didn’t really seem to bother me much, and that actually bothered me. Shouldn’t I be wailing and gnashing my teeth because I’d departed from this mortal coil. All, oh woe is me I have no body to call my own. Cut down in my prime. But really, death just kind of did me a favor. I’m aimless right now. No real goal after graduation besides getting a job and producing profit for a capitalist society. Maybe death really is better. 

God that’s grim.

Maybe I shouldn’t say that to someone else. They might worry about me, huh.

Haha wait a fucking second who’s going to worry about me? The Grim Reaper? I’m sure she’s a nice gal but she’s pretty dang busy. Rushing to and fro telling people they were dead as hell. Oh maybe if I could talk to the reaper I could get a job as an apprentice and then there would be some funny misunderstanding and I would be a girl like her. Ha. That would be pretty goofy if that happened. But then if that was the case I’d still be dead. Dead. Capital D all permanent like, do not cross go do not ever see your friends and loved ones again.

Did I even believe in heaven? Sure our parents dragged me and my sister to church every week under whispered threats of punishment, but it’s not like I was really Christian. I stopped seeing mom and dad years ago, so it’s not like I had anyone left in my life to force me to go since it never really resonated with me. I was always jealous of people who had that THING in their life. Religious people were so sure of themselves, they had a greater plan to trust and that was cool for them. I just had way too many doubts and way too much snark. 

Let’s move on from these morbid ideas here and onto something else a little more pleasant, hmm? 

Like how fucking good this blanket feels against my skin. It must be the afterlife because my skin is so soft and sensitive and. Wait. Hold on just a second. 

I looked down at my body for the first time since waking up and realized it wasn’t really my body anymore. Instead my whole body was covered with this white fluffy… fur? I don’t know if it’s really fur but it looks kind of like what would cover an especially soft stuffed animal. I held out my arms, or what my arms had become and saw that they were slender and small and ended in a rounded point. I could still, weirdly enough, grab things like I had hands, but instead I just kind of moved things around and interacted with them like I was some kind of haunted doll. What the fuck. What the fuck. What the fuck.

“What the fuck is going on?” I say in a voice that certainly isn’t my voice. Well okay it sounds enough like my voice, but if someone took my voice and ran it through a pitch modulator to make it sound all androgynous. Higher than my ol’ gravely counterpart used to be, but not high enough to mark it in the “girl” register either.

I clamped my hands, no can’t really call them hands huh. Paws? Would they even be paws? They couldn’t be paws, they didn’t have those cute little beans that animals with paws had. That would be an improvement to be fair and what am I even saying I just have powerpuff girl appendages for hands what is wrong with me. But anyway I clamp my little paws around my mouth out of shock because I have no idea what’s going on.

And that’s when I see my best friend, or at least a wumbo sized version of hir.

Kass. 

The massive door on the other side of the room swings open and there’s my friend, fucking taking giant strides over towards me, seemingly crossing blocks in single steps. Honestly if I was into the whole macro thing it would be kind of hot, but that’s never really been my scene, no kink shaming obviously. 

And I start to think, okay. What if the room’s not big. What if I’m. What if I’m just. 

Small.

For a second my brain is like “damn okay sounds cool” and I hush it up because I definitely don’t want to be this small. Sure there have been times in my life where I wished I wasn’t six feet. I didn’t want to loom over Kass and the other girls because I always felt awkward about that. Well it seems like the tables have been fucking turned because I’m the person that is being loomed over. 

I think Kass was worried about the height difference or something because zie lowered hirself down where zie was crouching besides the bed, a look of worry painted across hir punk face. 

“Kass,” I said, stating the obvious. “Um. . . What the fuck happened. Am I dead?”

“Well…” zie paused, thinking about the right thing to say. “Uh. . . Technically?”

“TECHNICALLY?”

“Yeah technically yes you died.”

“How can one technically be dead. I kind of thought it was a yes or no proposition, here.” If I was breathing right now I would be hyperventilating. Wait? I don’t breathe? Shit I guess not. I was just vibing and it wasn’t until I thought about it did I realize that whatever this body was wasn’t inhaling in oxygen. Shit fuck what the hell.

Zie sighed. I guess I was making things difficult for hir but I think I had a right to be freaked the everloving fuck out. “You, Jerrod Lane, died when that big asshole truck smashed into you. Well technically you walked into it but everyone knows it was that bikers fault.”

“Oh God I’m dead.” I gripped at my chest, feeling the tension of my paws but not the pain. For a moment I wanted to rip the fur off of me, to rip myself out. It was all so much. So overwhelming.

“As a doornail. Or at least, you were.” Zie nodded, taking in a deep breath. “So, everyone has a soul right.”

“I swear to God I didn’t know you were religious but if this is you keeping me alive long enough so you can convert me-”

Kass waved hir hands in front of hir body frantically, “No no nononononono no. Nothing like that. It’s just this basic idea right? Everyone has at their very basic level this essence of who they are. It shapes them, although for some people like me that essence doesn’t exactly mesh with their body.”

“You’re talking about dysphoria right?” Zie looked at me with a shocked look on hir face. “I had this trans friend in highschool Cass, I did a ton of research so I could support him as best as I could.”

Kass nodded, “Right dysphoria. So when the essence doesn’t mesh, there are a lot of ways that magical society deals with it. There are potions, sure, but they take about as long as HRT and deliver results that are better than HRT so it can be a little hard to explain to normies. So that’s uh. . . Well that’s where Knot Things can be an alternative.”

“Knot things? Really. That’s a name for a legit thing.”

“Yeah. They’re handmade and hand woven. Back in the day before they perfected the process they were made out of burlap and knots to uh, bind the soul. There’s a ton of complicated magic shoved into your fluffy little body. Knot things are absolutely fascinating! I want to study them more in my masters program, since they can be so vital to helping people.”

“But knot things, Kass? KNOT things?” I said, placing a strong emphasis on the word knot. “That doesn’t sound, uh, kind of odd to you? Like there could be something slightly off with the name?”

“N...no. Should it?” Kass scratched hir head. I wish I could scratch my head, wait, maybe I could? I lifted my cute lil plush arm and kind of ruffled what felt like soft fluffy hair. Kass let out a quick giggle and I realized that I probably looked really adorable…. Whatever I looked like. The sensation of heat raising to my cheeks brought my paw immediately back under the covers because I was way too freaked out by the sensation of blushing. I didn’t blush. I didn’t show emotions like this. I was always the stoic one. Cool as a cucumber, or at least I tried to be. 

“Oh my God wizards need to spend more time on the internet so they don’t give things very awkward names. From henceforth I will refer to these things as KTs because I can barely say knot with a straight face.” I grimaced thinking about way too much fanfiction that I read “ironically.”

“Shush for just a second JJ. So these KTs are like. . . well they start out as little dolls that are blank slates. You put a soul in them and over about a month the body grows and fits the essence and reflects how one really should look.”

“Oh.” I said, brain frantically trying to put together all the pieces “So I’m. Right now I’m uh, in one of these things? These KTs?”

Kass burst out crying, “I’m so so so so so so sorry Jerrod. I shouldn’t have put you into a KT without your permission but you were dying and the ambulance wasn’t going to get there in time and I panicked and didn’t know what to do. This was the only way that I could think of that would save your life. I’m so sorry. I did it without your consent.”

“Couldn’t you have, I don’t know, cast a healing spell or something on me?” I shrugged looking at hir, it seemed kind of convoluted.

Zie shook hir head, “Unfortunately not. Healing magic is actually pretty difficult and requires a ton of resources. None of which I had on my person, but weirdly enough essence extraction from a dying human is pretty straightforward. Your soul kind of wants to leave your dying body.”

“So what you’re saying is, you took a desperate last ditch effort to save my life without my consent and you’re feeling…. Sorry for doing that?”

“Well when you put it that way,” Kass sniffed, “I sound kind of silly phrasing it like that.”

“I mean I get it, it sounds kind of a drastic measure, but it was a drastic time. So if it’s really eating you up I 100% forgive you for plopping my vital essence into a haunted doll. Oh wait, does this mean I’ll look different than I used to?”

Kass nodded, a smile slowly growing on hir face, “Yeah! You’ll probably end up looking like a brother that you never had, but close enough that people will be able to connect who you are to who you once were. Especially if your essence was pretty spot on with your old body. Think about this giving you essentially your ideal form! Oh this is so exciting I can’t wait to see you at the end of this.” Of course hir enthusiasm had me blushing all over again and I had to hide a smile. 

“Oh one thing I should say Jerrod,” Kass said, hir eyes settling into a serious expression. “Sometimes there are chances that people end up looking completely different than they used to. It’s an odd chance, but sometimes people change a LOT while using a KT.”

“Hey,” I smiled. “It’s not like me and my body were best friends but don’t worry. In a month you’ll have your old friend back again! No complications, no worries.”

DerbyGhost

I'm going to be releasing a chapter every Monday/Friday until I either catch up to where I am, or until I finish this story. Although maybe if I'm impatient I might publish a chapter or two early. We'll see.

If you've enjoyed so far leave a comment to let me know! If you really really have liked the story so far I do have a kofi if you want to leave a little tip. No pressure, obvs. I'll see you all next Friday as Jerrod learns how to get back to living.