DerbyGhost

Congrats! You made it to Friday. In this episode, Complications have arrived in the form of two fuzzy ears!

And sure enough, as soon as zie mentioned it I became acutely aware of the two little points on the top of my head. How did I miss it? It felt so natural, like it was a part of me. Which of course it was a part of me, it’s ears, dingus. Duh!! But I couldn’t... It couldn’t be. Why? How?

This couldn’t have been a normal everyday occurrence, nor from my perspective should this have even been possible. And I know that’s a ridiculous thing to claim now that I know that magic exists, but dang it. I am not just pressing X to doubt I am slamming it.

See the way KT’s work was explained to me and it seemed pretty straightforward if you asked me. Go in doll, get new body. Easy peasy! Everything would just work out. I was promised that it was just a slim chance that something would go wrong, and of course with my luck something had to. 

My ears twitched and I almost jumped out of the chair right there from the sensation of their movement. No, this couldn’t be happening. This had to be some sort of major magical malfunction, not the reflection of the shape of my essence. Kass was still studying hir magic, maybe something was cast wrong. Tentatively I reached up and touched my ears and sure enough, they were as fluffy as the rest of my body. They flicked in response to my paws feeling their edges as I felt the alien sensation of touching my new ears. It was kind of nice but at the same time a very surreal feeling. Is this what it was like for babies to realize that they had body parts? Do babies even realize they have body parts? Was I going to get nostalgic for my boring old ears? Probably not, honestly. 

It was approximately at this point where my brain went into full panic mode. Sure the ears were nice, felt good, and helped me hear. But what was wrong with me? Were my parents right? Am I just some kind of. . . If I had lungs I would be hyperventilating right now, but in the absence I settled for literally falling out of my chair in overwhelmed shock. It’s that same instinct that possums have when they play dead. Too much is happening at once and your brain just latches onto the idea that just collapsing truly is the best path to solving its issues. 

Breaking my landing on the ground, however, was another new addition. Something was off, there was a presence there that shouldn’t have existed. I’d know if I had something above my butt normally! I had that butt for all of my life. What was it? An extra limb? No, feeling around this was definitely not a leg. Attached to the base of my spine, happily swooshing back and forth was a fluffy tail. A cat tail, long with delicate soft looking strands of fur. This was too much. I can’t handle this. 

Every cell in my body was shouting ‘what the fuck is going on,’ but I couldn’t figure out if I was upset about the new additions to my body, or mostly the shock of having body parts that I wasn’t expecting. My ears flattened to my head as I realized I was sulking. Thank God at least the ill feelings had departed, but now I was left with an absolute mess of emotions. 

If a KT was supposed to reflect me, the big question that was left behind then was ‘did I want this?’ Not only that but also a smaller part of me was wondering if I even deserved this. This whole experience really, especially when someone like Kass deserved to be in hir dream body before I did. Zie probably wouldn’t become a weird animal person. But above all of those questions and fears, I had one very very pressing thought. It burned through my entire brain and I needed to know the answer immediately. Tact be damned.

“Kass.”

“Yeah Jay?” Kass’s voice was calm and measured, like a parent about to tell their kids that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. The ol’ kid gloves technique. Zie probably didn’t want me freaking out anymore than I already was. 

“There are a million and one questions flying through my head right now but uh. I can’t stop thinking about one of them. Am. . . Am I cute like this? With the ears, and tail. Just kind of curious cuz if I’m stuck with these I really want them to be cute and I don’t really want people judging me and I don’t even know why I have these ears in the first place and what if this means I’m some kind of weirdo I mean wh-”

Zie cut me off, “Oh my God, yes. Yes Jay. You’re adorable, especially when you word overload like that. You’re like a scared little kitten right now. All energy and emotion.”

“Really? Like, just like that it’s okay? Like, I’m allowed to look cute? I’m allowed to be part cat? This should be wrong right? I shouldn’t like this. It’s weird to like this.” I don’t know why it mattered to know that I looked cute. It just did.

“Of course it’s okay to like it. They look good on you, like they belong. Especially with how you’ve been behaving recently.” Kass smiled and I smiled right back. Well, if I was cute. Maybe I could deal with this. I’ve never really been cute before. I could work with this. Behind me my tail stood straight up, lazily swishing back and forth. Yeah, I think I can pull this off. 

“Okay cool and great. Follow up question, how the fuck did this happen? How is this possible? Is this,” I yanked at my ears and yelped in pain, “A normal response to the KT? Y’all told me there were minimal side-effects! Like hella minimal! This feels like maximal at the very least.”

“I don’t know! Every text that I read said that having a mutation like this is a 1%ish chance!”

“Well, dang, I guess I’m just lucky huh.” I whimpered, “Isn’t there any way to, I dunno, reverse this so I can be normal again? Is there a magical emergency room or something?”

“There’s one thing that we can do, but I know you’re not going to like it.” I braced for impact. “We can take you back to Three Card and see if Daphne can fit us in. That’s kind of the best case scenario, y’know.”

I nodded. “Well. My brain is still halfway between being cool with this and freaking the fuck out, and since there doesn’t seem to be an immediate solution let’s eat. I worked hard on this food and I really wanna see how it turns out! I can have an existential crisis later when I’m full. I’m a growing boy.” And with that we tucked in.

~~~

“This is so embarrassing” I muttered from the confines of my new prison. It was worse than a padded cell. It was worse than solitary confinement. It was worse than all the nausea that I experienced at the beginning of the day. Much worse. 

It was a cat carrier. 

Now to be fair, it was one of those nice padded ones. I was riding in apparently the height of style, at least for a cat. Kass apparently had a friend in the program that had a ton of cats that zie borrowed it from, telling them some sort of fib about finding a stray cat and needing to take it to the doctor. Well I certainly felt like a stray cat in this situation. 

After a very awkward breakfast, we both agreed that it was probably for the best if we left right away to head over to Monty’s. No point not to, especially since we have no idea when they’re going to be able to see me. I tried putting the idea of it off for the entire meal, but I couldn’t escape from the terrifying thought of having to go back and face the grand dickbag society of magical jackassery. Now I looked even more like, well like a pet. I was already talked at vs. talked to at our last meeting, and if I wanted more of that attitude I’d get on a train and go visit my parents. 

But she had the knowledge and Kass admitted that zie didn’t know much about people who experienced irregular KT transformations, so I had to give up. Kass was right and I hated that zie was right, which leads to my current mode of confinement. I bumped up against the fuzzy wall and wrinkled my nose at my predicament. I was just a little too big to really comfortably curl up in the carrier, and I kept awkwardly falling on my tail or bumping my new ears into the ceiling. Eventually I settled for curling up in the middle and trying to nap, something that of course wouldn’t come when I wanted it to. Damn cat brain, running on too much energy.

“Well you’re too big for my backpack now, and you can’t just walk down the street. That would be a recipe for disaster.” I imagined that Kass was shrugging while saying this, content to talk to hir little stuffed friend in a movable cage. 

“Why can’t wizards make house calls?” I know that I was whining, something that I had surprisingly been doing a lot of recently. I had asked this question multiple times and Kass just rolled hir eyes every time. Even now I knew zie was rolling hir eyes.

“Listen to you, house calls. Doctors barely make house calls nowadays, why do you think some of the most prestigious wizards on the Southern East Coast would go out of their way to see a lowly grad student and hir KT? At the lowly grad student’s house? There’s no way in hell they would go out of the way to do that.”

“Yeah wizards suck.” 

“True. These particular wizards have their wands up their asses. But they’re the experts.”

“Meh. Experts in being complete jerk-butts. What is their deal with KT’s anyway? Last time I was there it felt like Daphne was going to bite my head off for standing up for you.” 

“Daphne is.. Yeah she’s super strict. I had to work for months to try to get the permits and permissions to, uh, study KT’s. Daphne is very by the book, and she’s not known to be the nicest towards people who are, uh, looking for a change.”

“So she’s your classic gatekeeper.” All this was doing was giving me flashbacks to high school when my friend Joanne wanted to get on hormone blockers asap once she figured out she was trans. She had to deal with a whole year of the runaround from all levels of the medical bureaucracy before someone finally got her on the meds that she deserved. 

“I swear to God Jay, you know so much about trans culture. Are you sure you aren’t trans?” I couldn’t see hir face but I knew that Kass was smiling. I didn’t want to point out that it was rude to joke about someone being trans, but I just shook my head.

“Nah, I’d know if that was the case, and I’m a pretty good judge of myself if I do say so myself.” I decided to be serious in answering Kass, I didn’t want to offend hir by joking back since being transgender is still kind of a controversial subject for some bigots who can’t get their minds out of their asses. 

“Hmm.”

“Anyway, let’s change the subject. What do you want me to make for dinner.”

“Uh, I thought we could order in for once.” Kass said, “I know you’re feeling better but I really think you should take a break today. You’ve been pushing yourself so hard recently that I don’t know if it’s really healthy.”

“But it’s fun! And I’ve got so much done.”

“I know you’ve gotten a lot done, but you also pushed yourself so hard this morning that I thought you were dying for a second time so maybe just ease up on yourself a little bit? Like you can still cook and clean if you actually like doing that-”

“I do!” I interrupted, almost shouting.

“Well, then just do it in moderation, y’know. Don’t worry about me so much. You’re going through such a big change. A lot of people say being a KT is super draining, like cramming another puberty into the span of the month. So don’t worry about me so much and save some of that energy rather than zipping around like crazy.”

I wanted to argue more, or maybe even push that I had to make hir life easier out of guilt, but by that point we made it to Monty’s. It was still pretty early and I was surprised to see Craig the manwich himself standing at the bar again, playing around with balls and cups. There were three red solo cups on the counter and they shuffled them back and forth, mesmerising patterns that you could really get lost in. Even if we hadn’t seen which cup the ball was in, it was fascinating to watch an obvious master at his work. Upon realizing he had an audience, Craig slowed the cups down on the table and cocked an eyebrow at Kass. “Well well well, first you bring a KT in and now you’ve got a pet. Let me guess, you’re finally going to register a familiar? Most of the other people in your program have some sort of animal or totem. You’re going to have to get one eventually if you keep wanting to grow your powers.”

“You can do that!” I gasped from the carrier, causing Craig himself to gasp.

“Oh I see, your KT has grown a little bit huh.” Kass nodded. “Alright, let ‘em out and I’ll go see if Daphne’s not too busy. She’s got a light schedule today so she should be able to squeeze you in.”

“There’s like, nobody here!” I grumped from my miniature mobile prison. “I’m sure she could take a little bit of time to see us if she’s so gracious.” I hated this dumb wizard society. Hated these dumb rules and all the stuffy importance. They were hidden in the back of a bar for God’s sake. 

“Jay…” Kass whispered, “that hallway connects to basically all of the magical hubs from Virginia to Florida. This place is kind of a big deal.”

“Oh fuck…”

“Yeah. She is kind of very important and very busy. Everyone here is.” Kass unzipped my prison and I was free! I sped out onto the bar and did a big stretch, making sure to arch my back to really get out all the kinks. 

“Alright you two, Daphne says she can see you both rea- Oh.” Craig studied me for a moment and pointed. “I take it that this is why you’re here. Well look at you!” Craig put his hands on his knees and leaned over until he was at about my eye level. His voice taking on a sickly sweet tone. “You’ve grown a bit since I saw you, wow. You’re adorable, what a cute girl. Did you pick out a new name yet?” Craig reached out and tried to scratch behind my ears, but fortunately I was able to duck out of the way throwing in a hiss for good measure. I don’t know where the hiss came from but it just felt right in the moment. Way rude my dude, you don’t just touch a person without their permission, even if they were “cute” according to their roommate.

“Hey don’t be a creep to my friend!” Kass shouted.

“I’m just talking to the girl, it’s so interesting to see just how much she’s grown since you last brought her in here. And that tail! It’s the same chocolate-y brown color as her hair and ears, and it’s moving like crazy. What a good girl!”

“Hey, I’m a boy!” I shouted. “And seriously don’t talk about me like that, that’s weird and I don’t like it.” I crossed my arms in anger and glared at Craig but all that got was an aww in return. “You know I’m a human being right and not a fucking creature.”

“Well, technically yes, you’re human. But you’re a Knot Thing right now. And you’re taking on animal traits, oh hey speaking of that, you might actually need to take her over to animal registration once she unravels. They’re going to need to have her on file and have all of her data.”

I couldn’t take his creepy stare anymore. It was just too much. Being around Kass was nice because I felt human, not like some kind of other. But no matter how much he bugged me, I couldn’t panic in front of him. People like Craig would just get encouraged if I blushed or shouted back at him even more. Instead I sought shelter behind Kass’s leg. Zie started tearing into him about how he should ‘wait until I make my own decision about my presentation”  or whatever and how he was “crossing a major line.” A lot of words were shared and from the sounds of it the conversation was kind of heated, but I kind of lost my ability and interest to listen in. 

Instead of paying attention I was somewhere else, far away. I watched myself cowering behind Kass, ears flat against my head like a god-damned coward. Time passed around me, but all I could do was wait. I spent time looking at Kass’s black leggings and realized that they were covered with my fluffy white hair. Wow that really got everywhere, just like cat ha- Aw fuck. Eventually however I was yanked out of my isolation brain by movement in front of me as Kass turned to pat me on the head. 

“Jay. Jay? Daphne’s ready for us.” Kass called down at me and I nodded. Anything to get out of this room. Anything to get away. I scurried to the eternity hallway, desperate to get some answers but even more desperate to just get away.

~~~

Daphne’s office was as distracting as usual. This time every few minutes the furniture shifted materials, hopping from onyx to hardwood to stainless steel and everything in between. It was at least less viscerally upsetting than the wallpaper.

“Well well, if it isn’t my favorite accidental Knot Thing and their owner.” I bristled, but remembering last session kept quiet. My nerves were still janky after our Craig altercation, so I just sat listening to them go over magical theory. 

“And it seems,” Daphne said, standing up from behind her desk and walking to get a better look at me. “That you my dear are experiencing what we call in the business ‘complications.’”

I huffed, “You can say that again Daphne. It’s all going real fucky-wucky.”

“I’ll overlook this outburst for now, Knot, because indeed we are in what one would call quite the fucky-wucky. Mutations are pretty rare for Knots, so I’m going to have to run a magical diagnostic on your body. See if there’s anything interfering with the magic, or if this is just the shape of your essence. There’s also the potential issue that this is a caster error that didn’t show up until later in the process. That’s extremely rare, even in the case of a mutation, but it can happen.”

I blanched and Kass spoke up, “Which is the better option for Jay?”

“Mmm.” Daphne paused, “Well I think it depends on just how well he’s adapting to these changes. If he enjoys it, then really none of this matters. If it makes him miserable, well then we might be able to force an early unraveling, but that’s very dangerous.” I could see Kass jump in hir seat as soon as the subject of unraveling was brought up, but all that did was make me feel even more lost and frustrated. Today was shaping up to be a real doozy of a day. 

“We’re not unraveling him early. He’s my best friend!”

“Is that, uh, bad.” I mumbled. From the looks that the two of them gave me I assumed that yes, very yes. In fact unraveling someone before the KT had finished its work was quite bad.

“Besides,” Kass added, “Jay’s getting used to -”

Daphne cocked an eyebrow, “Jay?” We both nodded. “Alright let me update his paperwork, as well as updating it with a detailed log of his current transformative state. Good lord this is a nightmare. This is why we thoroughly vet people who undergo a Knot to make sure they are mentally stable enough to handle it.”

“Hey I’m a very stable individual! I’ve been thriving!” I looked at Kass for support but zie was basically catatonic, a look of worry stuck to hir face. “Well I have been, I’ve been more energetic and happy than I have been since… well probably since I was a kid. I’m doing new things. I’m taking risks. Yeah I’m napping a lot, but I’ve been absolutely on top of things.”

The entire time I was giving my “no I’m very mentally stable thank you so much” talk Daphne was steadfastly ignoring me and writing down information on the medical charts in front of her. When I was finished she looked at Kass, “alright since we need to get this diagnostic going, Mx. Montgomerie, please place your Knot Thing on the desk.” 

“Oh I’m definitely not doing that. He won’t let me.” Kass shook hir head. 

Daphne let out a long sigh. “Fine. Knot, please jump up on the desk so we can begin our evaluation.” After a moment of hesitation I leapt from my chair to the top of the desk, once I got settled I pulled my tail around me and held it for a little extra bit of comfort. Daphne put on what I guess were reading glasses and nodded at me. “Good, thank you Knot. Now let’s get this show on the road.”

DerbyGhost

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