Q: Hello, Mr. Hagerman. Thank you for meeting with us.

A: Yeah. No probs.

Q: Our first question is, basically, why did you decide to write all of these poems?

A: Um, I’m not sure. Boredom. And I thought maybe writing would make my mind tired so I could fall asleep.

Q: But the opposite happened.

A: Right. I know…

Q: Okay...so, what are you hoping to achieve?

A: Um. Nothing really. Like I said, these were just to push myself to sleep--

Q: No, we mean achieve in life?

A: Oh...Um...Shit, dude...I have to get to work in a few hours…

Q: You didn’t seem too concerned about that earlier.

A: Yeah, well. Things change...in a couple of hours…

Q: What changed?

A: Um...now the fire is burning under me I’m realizing how stupid I was. And I’m a coward.

Q: Hm. Hmmmmm.

A: Hm?

Q: Hmmmmm. Sooooo. Why did Janice leave you?

A: Cause I’m a weird creepy asshole?

Q: ...Why did she go out with you in the first place?

A: I don’t know.

Q: You don’t know?

A: Well, I think she thought I was something I was not.

Q: Which was?

A: A person. With thoughts and ideas. I think after a while she realized how boring I was and realized I couldn’t change.

Q: So, she was trying to change you?

A: Yeah. Trying to get me to go out more. To exercise more. To talk more. But I just didn’t care. I mean, I tried, yeah, but I guess it wasn’t enough...I feel bad...but what you see is what you get. I think she finally realized that. She’s probably seeing someone new already. Water under the bridge.

Q: Riiight.

A: Um, it is right.

Q: Right, right, right.

A: Um...can I go now?

Q: No.

A: What?

Q: You can never go. Because we are you. And you can’t leave yourself.

A: ...Okay…

Q: We will always be there. Questioning. Interrogating every decision you make. And, despite how truthfully you answer you will never change. Because it’s not enough to simply analyze yourself. It’s what you like to do. You convince yourself by doing this you will simply start doing the right thing. Whatever that is.

A: ...Okay. A bit hostile. A bit weird too.

Q: Look who’s talking.

A: ...Me?

Q: You were never the brightest, were you?

A: Gee, thanks homeslice.

Q: Anyway, next question--

A: No. No--

Q: What do you have against cyclists?

A: What?