Chapter 19
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"You do have your phone right?" Mom asked as Cindy walked out the front door.

"Oops."

"I knew you would," Mom shook her head with a smile, "what would you do if I didn't remind you about everything?"

Cindy laughed. "I'd forget about everything," she said matter-of-factly.

Mom hugged her. "Good luck Cindy."

She hugged Mom back, and tried her best to not feel uncomfortable that mom knew. It was getting harder now around dad and Jason. For two weeks now, she'd been thinking of herself as Cindy, a girl, and Mom and Sammy had interacted with her accordingly.

"Bye Mom," she waved as she went out the door.

She walked down the front walk to see Matt in his pickup parked at the curb. She waved to him as she tried to distract herself from her twisted feelings.

She focused on her skirt. Unlike the denim skirt she'd worn on their last date, this one was a much more soft fabric. It was a creamy blue. Even though so much about her had changed since she realized she was a girl, things like her favorite color had remained the same.

Matt got out to open the door for her, and he helped her in.

"Sorry that we have to take my rusty pickup," Matt said once he climbed back in. "All our other cars were tied up."

"It's all good," Cindy said, "I wouldn't call it rusty, so much as rustic."

Matt laughed as they started down the road. "I'm also sorry that I had to cancel last week. I completely forgot that it was the 4th. We could've gone out then if you wanted to though."

"Don't worry about it," Cindy said. "I don't want to take you away from a family gathering. Did you have fun?"

"Yeah," Matt said. "One of my uncles is trying to kickstart the tradition of a Fourth of July Piñata."

Cindy burst out laughing. "What? Did he like, fill it with firecrackers?"

Matt laughed. "Close. He filled it with things like pop rocks, weird, Mexican spicy candy... I don't know. It was fun though."

They pulled up to a stoplight, and Matt turned on the radio to some soft rock. Cindy observed Matt for a moment. He seemed a lot more comfortable this time. Cindy felt more comfortable too. She was glad that they had done a double date first to get to know each other a bit.

They didn't have any real substantial conversation as they drove. They asked each other things about their families, or interests. It was nice to get to know Matt better, but what Cindy spent a lot of the drive thinking about was her feelings for Matt.

She'd tentatively decided she was okay with liking guys; now she was trying to decide what about Matt she found attractive. He had darker hair than Liam did. And he had green eyes. Something that she noticed she liked was just... just kind of the way that he moved, how he carried himself. She couldn't really put the idea into words in her mind.

What she was sure of though, is that she thought Matt was handsome. When they got to the movie theater, Matt once more opened the door for her as she got out.

Once he'd locked the truck and they started walking, Cindy tried to take some of Sammy's advice. She casually brushed her hand against his as they walked through the parking lot. He didn't get the message.

They arrived in the theater and joined a line of people to get their tickets. They'd decided to see [RARE FOURTH WALL BREAK INSERT RECENT FILM HERE].

Although they wouldn't be getting to know each other as much with less conversation going on, Cindy felt that she could relax knowing that neither of them would have to worry about holding conversation. She was also happy seeing that Matt was buying them popcorn and drinks. She jokingly told herself that the best thing about being a girl was having a guy pay for you.

Cindy enjoyed the movie, but what stood out to her more was what transpired halfway through. During an emotionally charged scene between the two love interests in the story, she discreetly moved her hand close to Matt's, so that she was touching his.

Matt, unfortunately, didn't seem to get the message. But he didn't move his hand. So Cindy flexed her fingers a bit, rubbing her hand against his. This time, he got it, and he put his hand over hers. She smiled, hopefully indicating to him that he'd been right to do it.

She changed her hand position, and he changed his accordingly, so now, they were really holding hands. By the time they left the theater, Matt no longer seemed cautious about holding her hand. Cindy inwardly smiled with glee, and her face betrayed a bit of her inner emotions.

Like their last date, they went to the same ice cream place, though this time, they got smaller cones, because it was later, and they'd already had the popcorn and soda. Cindy suggested that they could grab their ice cream cones at the drive through, and then go to the park and eat them there.

Once they'd gotten to the park, they sat on a hillside watching as the sun turned the sky pink. They talked about the things they liked in the movie, and a few things that didn't make sense, but they laughed at.

Unlike their last date, Cindy didn't feel like they were struggling to keep the conversation moving, but that everything flowed more naturally. They started talking about other movies they liked, and laughing as they quoted lines. Matt was pretty good at doing Disney character impressions.

Once they were done with their ice cream, they continued to talk, and
Cindy went to hold Matt's hand again. He accepted, and he seemed adjusted to doing it now.

There was a lull in the conversation, and Cindy saw that the sun was close to setting.

"I like the longer days in the Summer," Cindy said.

"Yeah, I agree. A lot of people moan about daylight savings time, but I'm grateful for it on days like this."

"It's one of the many reasons why I love Summer," Cindy said. "I don't have to worry about school, and I can do things for fun like this more often."

"So... so you had a good time?" Matt asked. He looked a little nervous.

Cindy gave him a warm smile. "Yeah, I did. You'll have to let me know when we can do something again."

"Y-yeah," Matt said, "I think that'd be cool."

Why does he seem so nervous all of a sudden? He's been fine for most of the date.

Cindy decided to scoot a bit closer to him, as the sun began throwing up increasingly vibrant colors. It was a really pretty sunset this evening.

She turned and smiled at Matt.

And she realized why he was nervous.

Cindy's heart began to race slightly. She forced herself to focus on the moment, and not become distracted by her thoughts.

She calmly leaned in closer to him. He leaned in closer to her.

And they kissed.

It felt amazing. She hoped she was doing it right. She hoped that Matt at least knew a bit more than she did!

It only lasted a few seconds, but they were wonderful. She let herself enjoy her newly discovered attraction to guys. She thought of the ways she thought he was cute.

They pulled back, and she saw her smile reflected with one of his own.

Her first kiss. It had been better than she'd imagined.

Matt took her hand in his, and she laid her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes. She felt so happy. She'd always wondered what it would be like to feel this way about a person, and now, she was starting to have a taste.

Matt let go of her hand.

Cindy opened her eyes, confused at his abrupt withdrawal. She looked up at his face.

He was not smiling anymore. What she saw instead was a look of confusion, and maybe even shock.

"What is it?" she asked, feeling a bit unsettled.

"I-i-it's nothing," he said, turning his eyes away from her.

Cindy didn't understand. Why was he acting like this? Why...

She looked down. And there, she saw a subtle bump in the fabric of her skirt.

No. No no no no no. Anything but that... anything... but... that...

Tears didn't take too long to start flowing. The bump had sunk down now, and was no longer visible, but the damage was done.

She began to feel absolutely horrible, and glancing slightly to see Matt, she saw that he was shaking, trying to disguise it.

But it was too late. It was out. And Cindy's very visible tears made it impossible for her to try to recover.

She briefly tried to look in his eyes, but as soon as their eyes met, she couldn't bear the shame, and shot her gaze away. She wheezed, and began to sob harder.

"Matt... I... I'm... I'm... so... sorry...."

After a minute passed, she forced her eyes back up to his, only to see the horrible anguish going on in him.

"Cindy... what... what's going on?"

She squeezed her eyelids tight, but her tears forced their way through.

"Matt... I'm... I'm... trans... gender."

Revealing her secret did not make the situation better at all. Matt brought his shaking hands up to his head, running his fingers through his hair.

Cindy felt completely destroyed as she watched the pain going through Matt. She wished she could help him, that she could do something. But in her heart, she knew that she couldn't.

You were right Mom. You were right.

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