The light was starting to fade by the time they both got a bit of control over their emotions. The sun was long past, and dusk was giving way to night-time.

"And... and so," Cindy continued to explain, "I saw that you were really upset. And I felt very bad, so... yeah."

Matt had cried, but not as much as Cindy. His voice had gone stale, devoid of emotion.

"But you didn't know you were trans then," he said.

"No."

"So you, a straight guy, intentionally agreed to go out with me? Why didn't you just say no, or give some kind of excuse?"

Cindy cringed. "I was on the spot. I couldn't think. All I knew was that I couldn't bear to watch you think that a girl had decided you were unattractive, or something."

She saw a few more stray tears come out of his eyes.

"I wish that it had ended there," he said. He put his head in his hands.

"You... you have a right to be mad at me," Cindy said. "I deserve it. I... I handled all of this irresponsibly."

"I'm not mad at you," Matt responded immediately. "I'm just... mad. I'm mad that my first kiss turned out this way. That everything was going great."

Cindy closed her eyes and whimpered. Everything had been going great, and it had been messed up so badly. And it was completely her fault.

"What makes me feel worse," Matt said, "is that now I feel like a terrible judgmental person. I... I think that it's nice that you feel happy that you're transgender. I think that you should live life how you want to."

Matt sniffled, and let out a quiet whine.

Cindy gasped for breath, feeling tears going rapidly down her cheeks. She had broken this poor boy. For the first time she could think of in her life, her actions had seriously hurt someone else. Someone she cared about.

Horrible, gut wrenching pain stung her whole body. She'd... she'd never felt worse in her whole life.

"I think all of that stuff is great," Matt started saying again. "Great for you. I... I feel really horrible saying this... but... I just don't feel comfortable dating you anymore."

Cindy's tears gushed far more, the brokenness in her tearing at her soul. This was not heartbreak, this was a breaking of everything that was within her.

"I know that's super horrible," Matt cried, "I know that it makes me transphobic... but I just... I just don't know if I could be comfortable around you anymore. I... I just have trouble seeing you as a girl... at least, right now."

Every time Cindy felt like she had reached the limit of her capacity for emotional pain, the dagger of torture twisted deeper into her. She kept feeling worse... and worse... and worse...

She was constantly shaking as the tears coated her face. Her shirt was covered in stains from her tears.

Matt had been quieting down, but she heard him start crying again too. "Cindy, oh Cindy please please stop crying! I feel really bad about all this, and I'm sorry that I'm not the guy for you, but I can't watch you tear yourself apart!"

Cindy didn't answer.

He doesn't feel comfortable dating me. He says he supports me, and acts like I'll find someone else. What if I never do? What if it's always like this? Am I going to have to wear a badge that says 'transgender' on it before I can ever date again? I just... I don't want to live in fear... I don't want to be afraid of every relationship ending in failure.

So much happiness had been in her life for the past few weeks. Then it had been destroyed. There was nothing wrong with Matt. It was his choice who he wanted to be in a relationship with.

No. It was her fault. Something was deeply wrong with her. She'd deceived Matt. She was deceiving her friends.

Cindy sat on the ground, feeling absolutely hopeless.

She felt Matt put his arm around her. "I'm sorry to have to end tonight like this, but it's dark out. I need to get you home."

Cindy's crying became a tense fit for a moment, and she nodded her head, standing up. She didn't open her eyes, but let Matt lead her back to the truck. Now, the touch of his hand felt impersonal. Lacking in affection.

She managed to creak her eyelids open, just enough to see the blurry parking lot, dark except for a few haunting streetlights. She got in the truck, and put on her seatbelt. When Matt put the truck into gear, she leaned her head against the door, and continued to cry.

She was a liar. An impostor. A liar to her friends, and a liar to Matt. She'd lied to herself many times too.

Cindy started to question her identity. Was she really transgender? Did she actually want to be a girl, or did Danny just like crossdressing and wearing a mermaid tail?

She thought about how everything would have gone if she had never developed her breasts. She felt a stab of pain. She wouldn't have ever doubted her identity as a man. Was this a phase? Some kind of placebo? She was looking like a girl, and liked some girly things. Was she all imagining it?

She wept, thinking of what could've been. If her hormones had been in the right balance, and never caused all of this. She was mad at herself for having such a dumb, bizarre interest like dressing up as a mermaid.

That was something that little girls did. And he was a teenage guy.

Danny put on his male disguise once again. No, that wasn't right. He had just made up that silly little metaphor. if there was a disguise, it was Annie. She'd been born out of him wanting to deceive people. That wasn't who he really was.

The vicious conflict inside of Danny was unbearable. He'd never imagined that he could feel so much pain without having any kind of physical trauma.

This was all a phase. A terrible, bizarre phase that would weigh on him the rest of his life. He wanted to go back to before he'd developed his stupid chubby chest. When he could run around with his friends and just be an ordinary guy.

He'd get his surgery in the Fall hopefully, and then, all of this would be over. He'd go back to the way he was. But then, he would think back on this time. He'd reflect on this time that he'd had his breasts, and wonder in the future if he truly was a girl inside.

Doubtful. But he knew he would agonize over whether he'd made the wrong choice. He'd long for the lies he'd gotten himself and others to believe.

Danny began to think about how it would feel when he got home. He didn't want to talk to anyone. Especially not Sammy.

He thought of his friends. He didn't want to go to their house tomorrow like he'd been planning. Somehow, they'd discover who he was. And even if they didn't get angry, they would all feel uncomfortable around him, wondering if he was hiding the fact that he was a mervert.

Danny's mind felt like the most horrible place in the world. Worse even than his current reality. But he couldn't escape his mind. He couldn't escape his mind as long as he continued to live.

He felt a tiny shred of something other than soul-rending depression. He'd almost told everyone he wanted to be a girl. He'd acted so enthusiastic about it, and Sammy had gone along with it so cheerfully. What if he had "come out" to his family, and then realized what he was realizing now - that it wasn't for him? He'd dodged a bullet.

Danny wiped the tears from his eyes, and glanced down at the stupid skirt he was wearing, as it was briefly lit up by passing street lights. He felt ridiculous wearing these clothes. He felt ridiculous with his stupid painted nails.

Once he could regain some shred of control over his emotions, he was going to tell Mom that he wanted to cut his hair short.

Danny didn't want to feel like a liar anymore. Once he got home, he was going to try to eradicate Cindy. And he was going to start with that stupid mermaid tail that had ignited his deceit.

Scattered thoughts continued to boil in his mind. Eventually, he felt the truck stop, and heard Matt turn off the ignition.

There was silence.

Horrible.

Painful.

Destructive.

Silence.

"I... I don't know what I can say," Matt said. "I... I wish that tonight hadn't ended this way."

Danny was silent.

"Even though I... I don't feel comfortable dating you, I don't think that you're a bad person, or anything like that. You're really funny, and you're a really nice girl Cindy."

"Don't. Call. Me. Cindy. And don't... call me a girl."

Danny got out of the truck, and walked down the front walk, keeping his eyes glued to the ground.

He walked up the steps, and through the front door.

"Hi Cindy," Mom called, "how did it go?"

He didn't answer. He walked downstairs.

He went into his room, and slammed the door.

Immediately, he started pulling off his horrible, lying girl clothes. He pulled off the skirt and panties, and pulled on some boxers instead. Then he pulled off the shirt he'd been wearing. He pulled off his bra with it. He didn't like that thing either.

He snatched a looser fitting shirt from his closet, and pulled it on, his nipples rubbing uncomfortably against the fabric.

Then, he went to his dresser, and pulled out his hair clip. He roughed his hands through his hair, making it messy, and less styled.

He glared at his painted fingernails. He felt infuriated looking at them, but he didn't have the patience to remove the polish right now.

The door to his room opened.

He turned and saw Sammy there, complete shock on her face.

"Cindy... what..."

"Never, ever, ever call me Cindy or a girl, EVER AGAIN. LEAVE. ME. ALONE."

Grief came to Sammy's face, and he saw a few tears come as she turned around, and went back down the hallway.

Augh! She'd left the door open. He slammed it shut again.

Danny went into the bathroom, and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He hated it. He hated what the stupid hormones had done to his body. He struggled to think of the reflection as that of a guy, but the conditioning he'd done to his mind in the past weeks had messed him up. He would work hard to reverse that.

But even though he looked like a girl, at least he didn't look girly. Forcing himself to settle for his current look, Danny walked back into his room, kneeling down next to the bed.

He threw back the clothes he'd shoved underneath, all of it hiding away his secret. So many secrets. So much lying. He was finished with it.

He grabbed the stupid pink mermaid tail, and sitting down on the bed, he shook as he held it in his fists. If he'd never bought the stupid thing, he never would've dared to creep his way into Lucy's group.

He never would've tried to act like a girl, and trick his mind with all this nonsense.

He hated it. He hated it so much.

But he couldn't bring his weak self to tear it apart, or throw it in the trash. His stupid self still liked merpeople for some reason. He was mad at himself, that he couldn't finish the job.

He was just too weak.

Too weak to be a man.