Chapter 21
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Cindy was dead. 

That's what he hoped, anyway.

The morning after the deception he'd called "a date," he felt absolutely miserable. He laid in his bed for much of the day, alternating between sleeping and crying.

The few moments during the day that he felt some lucidity in his nightmare, he did what he could to regain his lost self.

In the group's discord server, Danny found that they were all asking where "Cindy" was. It took all his willpower not to type out a deprecating confession of his guilt. No, instead, he removed himself from the group's server.

The action didn't go unnoticed. Lucy texted him. When he didn't respond. She tried to call.

So needy. They wanted so badly a person who didn't exist. And it wasn't just Cindy that they wanted. They wanted someone who wasn't a filthy liar. They wanted someone who wasn't a boy with breasts.

Danny removed accounts online he'd used to explore transgender places of discussion. He removed subscriptions on YouTube to anything that was related to trans stuff, girls, or mermaids. Lastly, he went to games that he played, and like the other digital places in his word, he eliminated Cindy from them.

But it still did not make him feel better. After changing the look of his character, and removing everything girly from his house in Animal Crossing, his desire to actually play the game did not come.

Nothing would stop his pain anymore. He felt no desire to watch any YouTube videos that were comedic. He didn't want to be in a good mood. He had done so many things wrong, he deserved to suffer for it. This was not an appropriate time to laugh.

So he laid there. Every hour passing like an eternity, yet lacking in any real perception of time, as there was no substance to it whatsoever.

As the light coming into his room from the window well indicated that it was evening, he heard a knock at the door. It opened.

"Danny," Mom said, "I have a plate of food for you right here that I'll put on your dresser, okay?"

Danny, obviously, did not respond. Mom closed the door.

He felt no desire for food.

Food would make him feel better. It would make him happy. But someone who did what he did should not be feeling happy, free of consequences for his actions.

The shaft of light from the window stretched up onto the wall. The shadows in his room became more prominent, and darker.

Shadows. Shadows all around him. Shadows in his mind, lurking around to destroy any thought that would make him feel better.

Eventually, he was in darkness.

It felt so horrible. It was just a constant feeling of guilt, shame, fear, and confusion. 

But at least it was not happiness built on a lie.

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