Tiny monsters. People don’t think about them much, but they exist. Like the insects they share their diminutive stature (and sometimes form) with, they can often fly, and many of them utilise powerful toxins and acidic excretions to defend themselves.
Almost without exception, they are only copper ranked monsters (perhaps even less), but their tendency to swarm can escalate their danger to steel or even mithril levels. Luckily for us, the vast majority of them find the smokes and fumes of civilisation repugnant.
What’s really scary, though, is when you get one of those rare exceptions - when you find a tiny monster with the physical capabilities of a normal-sized monster. They’re bloody impossible to hit, and they pack a fair punch, too…
-An unknown scholar
As we follow behind Ren, the gnome, at a pace that makes me want to yell with restlessness, I can’t help but look around and notice how orderly everything here is. The streets are very neat and methodically laid out; I could probably find my way around this place without much difficulty, even though I’ve never been here before.
Eventually, we reach his house. It’s not small, but not large. Actually, if I were to describe it by height, it is small. Ren turns the knob – no lock? – and opens the door, walking in. We follow after him.
“Sorry for the mess.” He says, not sounding at all sorry. “I wasn’t expecting visitors.” He begins picking up the pieces of paper that are laid out all over the tabletop. “Most of this is no longer relevant anyway. I’ll have to clean out your rooms, too. In the meantime, take a seat.” He lifts stacks of papers off of the tiny stools.
…I sit on the stool. I feel as if I’m sitting in a kindergartener’s chair. It creaks ominously beneath me. I decide to remain standing. As I look around the comfortable but annoyingly short room, I notice that the boards around one of the doorways are blackened, and the door itself is of a different design to the others in the house.
“What happened over there?” I ask the busily moving gnome.
“That’s my lab. I’ll have to ask you to never go in there. With your size, you’re likely to turn around, tip over some vials and burn my house down. As for the what happened…” Ren sighs. “Well, you stay around the village long enough, you’ll find out anyway. May as well tell you.”
Setting down the papers he is holding, Ren takes a deep breath and starts talking in an almost clinical tone. “It happened when I was young. Like me, my parents were alchemists. The best in town. They were working on something – I don’t know what, as they wisely kept me out of the laboratory. Something went terribly wrong, and the entire laboratory exploded, killing them both and incinerating most of their notes.”
Walking up to the wall, Ren adjusts one of the paintings slightly. “They had been working on that project most of my life. And I’ve been trying to finish it.” He sighs heavily. “But without any notes, it’s nigh impossible. That’s why I’ve been trying to recreate their failure, instead. At least then I’ll have a starting point.”
“Wouldn’t that… kill you, too?” I ask.
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Ren snaps. “I’m working with miniscule quantities precisely to stop that from happening.”
Raising an eyebrow, I note, “They don’t sound too miniscule.”
“The reactions often produce more sound and smoke than they do actual explosion. I assure you, I am taking every possible precaution. However…” Ren continues begrudgingly, “I am running out of reagents. Herbs, powders, raw materials. It isn’t difficult to get more of the common herbs around the village, but…”
Ren sighs, absent-mindedly readjusting the painting with a frown. “I have long suspected that my parents were using rarer herbs, from farther abroad. Very few are willing to brave the danger, fewer still while escorting a non-combatant such as myself. Then you came along.” He smiles. “It’s as if the heavens want me to succeed.”
“Can’t you just… you know, use that monster repellent?” Xiltroth chimes in.
Ren shakes his head. “The town gets a bit larger every year and with it, so too does the amount of monster repellent we must produce. Our annual harvest of the requisite herbs is barely enough as it is, and the rest is needed in case of emergency. This may have been my sole dream for the past decade, but I’m not so enamoured by it that I would risk others to complete it. Besides, the effects are reduced on stronger monsters.”
“So, you want us to help you collect herbs?” I say. “We can do that. We’ll need to work out what the payment will be, though.”
“Yes, that’s fi- I’VE HAD IT WITH THIS!” Ren screams halfway through his sentence, storming off down the hall.
“Was it something I said?” I ask the others in confusion.
“Not you!” Ren’s voice calls back. “This!” He comes striding back down the hall with ruler, square and spirit level in hand. He begins measuring every dimension of the painting, checking that it’s level and that the corners are 90 degree angles. “It’s not a perfect rectangle!” Ren says in disbelief. “The bottom is wider than the top! No wonder I kept feeling that something wasn’t right.”
“Are… Yeh alright?” Jakin asks quizzically.
“Perfectly.” Ren says, taking the painting off the wall. “I’m going to get this fixed. Don’t touch anything while I’m gone!” He walks straight out the door, leaving us with mouths agape.
“Well that was… Strange.” Mutters Jakin.
Boaz concurs. “Aye.”
“D’yeh think he has a screw loose?” Wonders Jakin idly.
“No, he’s just eccentric.” I reply, shifting uncomfortably.
“Yeh’re eccentric.” Jakin retorts.
I shrug. “Why thank you.”
“Is that a compliment?” Jakin asks Boaz. “I don’t think that’s a compliment.”
“Not usually.” Boaz replies.
Xiltroth suddenly speaks up. “Am I eccentric?”
Jakin looks askance at him. “What? No. A bit quiet, maybe. Yeh need a healthy dose of confidence, I say.”
Nodding in agreement, Xiltroth resumes his silence.
A short while later, Ren comes bustling through the door with his painting in hand. Stepping up to the wall, he hangs the painting back up, takes a step back and looks at it critically. “Perfect!” He beams.
Turning back to us, Ren asks, “What were we talking about again?” Before we can reply, he raises a hand. “Oh yes, payment. What amount do you think would be adequate for your services?”
“Well…” I say, scratching my head. “We don’t actually know anything about your currency, so we aren’t sure.”
“That does make things difficult…” Ren nods.
After a lengthy period of questions, we get a rough idea of their currency and therefore how much we should get paid.
“Alright. When do we leave?” I ask.
“One moment.” Ren says, opening the door to his laboratory. “According to my calculations-”
BOOOM!!!
Orange smoke explodes from the doorway. “The reaction should be starting soon.” Ren finishes, looming out of the smoke. “As I said, sound and smoke. It’s for precisely this reason that I had a chimney installed in here.”
The smoke sinks to the floor instead of rising to the ceiling.
“…And vents in the walls along the floor.” Ren coughs.
I eye the tendrils of smoke pooling across the floor. “So, when can we leave?”
“Let me just…” Ren jots down a few notes on a piece of paper. “Right, let’s…” He looks down at his clothes – a restrictive lab coat, stained slightly orange by the smoke. “I need to change first.” He disappears into another room.
He comes back wearing more simple, rough clothing, coupled with gloves and a woven basket filled with small glass jars. “Let’s go.”
Ren leads us out of the house, out of town and into open plains. Here he slows slightly, keeping an eye on the ground as he walks. Occasionally he picks up some piece of grass or fern and places it into a jar, but for the most part he ignores everything there.
We move further and further away from town, and eventually – inevitably – we run into a monster. It bursts from the ground beneath us, taking us all by surprise. Still, we all manage to get out of the way, Xiltroth grabbing Ren as he goes.
I turn around, warhammer in hand, only to find that it’s already gone, leaving behind only a hole in the dirt.
“A giant mole!” Ren shouts from underneath Xiltroth’s arm. “It’s impossible to predict where they’ll show up next, we should just run!”
“We’ll be fine.” I say, carefully looking around. “It retreated instantly once it saw it didn’t get us. That means it’s not confidant in frontal encounters. Probably doesn’t have very thick skin.”
“What does that matter if you can’t hit it!?” Ren yells.
“Aaron, below you!” One of the twins shouts, prompting me to leap backwards and sweep my warhammer down at my previous position in the same motion.
The mole’s head sprouts from the ground just in time to get pulverised.
“Told you.” I say to Ren, then wave to the twins in thanks.
“What – how?” Ren splutters.
Boaz pats the dirt. “I could feel it moving through the earth. Benefits from our mining days.”
“Okay, let’s keep going. Doubt there’s anything we want on a mole.” I say.
Xiltroth sets Ren back down and we continue on our way. Monsters pop up every now and again, but we defeat them all without difficulty and Ren slowly grows more and more relaxed as he searches for herbs.
He leads us into sunlit woods, where a gentle breeze tugs at the boughs above us, creating a soft rustling sound. Just walking amongst the trees makes me feel more relaxed.
“Are yeh sure we can’t go into some cave or dungeon to look fer herbs? Every place we’ve been lately has just forests or woods… I’m sick of all these trees!” Jakin groans.
“Well, herbs that grow underground very well could have the properties I’m looking for.” Ren muses thoughtfully. “Perhaps tomorrow?”
Jakin grins. “Great!”
We continue deeper into the woods. Ren stoops down here and there to ease some mushroom or flower out from amongst the roots of a tree or the hollow of some rotten log, carefully shaking each one free of dirt and sealing each within separate glass jars.
“Behind!” Xiltroth warns.
I turn to see a large bear padding towards us. Its fur is a light brown, although its legs are much darker compared to the rest of it, and for some reason the sunlight is reflecting off of its fur. Growling, it charges towards us.
Jakin and Boaz raise their tower shields together, attempting to block the bear’s charge.
But instead of smashing bodily against them, the bear somehow manages to worm its way in-between the twins’ shields, pushing them to either side as it continues its charge towards me, Xiltroth and Ren.
Screaming, Ren attempts to climb a tree.
Lifting my warhammer, I strike down at the bear’s hear, only for it slip straight off with little more than an annoyed shake of the head from the bear. As I struggle to bring the heavy weapon back under control, I notice the reason why: the bear’s fur is covered in a thick layer of water.
Just as it is about to reach me, Xiltroth thrusts at the bear’s front ankle with his staff. Against all expectations, his relatively flimsy wooden staff does not slip, and in fact causes the bear to trip over itself and topple to the ground.
It rights itself almost immediately, but even that brief respite is enough for me and the twins to collect ourselves and turn to face the lumbering beast once more. Now better informed as to the bear’s peculiarities, I take my left hand off of the haft of my warhammer and project a disorderly cloud of earth mana from it towards the bear.
The earth mixes with the coating of water around the bear’s fur, turning it into mud – and completely blinding the beast as its eyes are suddenly covered in dirt. Fire magic would probably be more effective and damaging, but that wouldn’t be a good idea here; I have made some progress in magic control, but not so much that I’m confident in not burning down the woods.
Roaring in rage, it raises itself up on its hind paws and claws wildly before itself; warding off everyone but hurting no-one.
As it stops flailing and starts to return to standing on four legs, Xiltroth again darts in and thrusts his staff swiftly and precisely into and through the bear’s eye. The bear shudders and falls to the earth with a heavy thump that causes the ground to tremble slightly. Water flows off of its body and onto the ground, creating a wet patch of grass.
“That… was close.” I sigh in relief. “Good job Xiltroth.”
Xiltroth scratches his head, smiling slightly. “I only had the opening because you blinded it.”
“Is… Is it dead?” A quavering voice comes from the treetops.
“Yes, it’s dead.” I reply.
“Oh thank God.” Ren quickly shimmies back down the tree.
I look at him. “You… Do know that most bears can climb trees, right?”
Ren freezes. “Of course! I… Just panicked. Let’s keep going now!” He tries to divert the conversation.
There’s no real need to make a big deal out of it, so I just shrug. “Not just yet. We need to strip the bear, and we may as well have a meal at the same time. We haven’t had anything all day.”
“Well, if you put it like that…” Ren nods, looking around at us. “Did anyone bring any extra food? I’m feeling a bit famished myself, after that.”
I look at him, confused. “What do you mean? There’s more than enough here for everyone.” I point to the bear. “Wait, you aren’t vegetarian, are you?”
“No, I just…” Ren stops himself. “Bear? Is it even edible?”
“I don’t see why not.” I reply, unsheathing my knife and beginning to saw into the bear’s sodden fur. “We’ve had worse.”
“I think…” Ren pauses, looking at the blood oozing out of the bear as we skin it. “I think I’ll just step away for a moment.”
Shrugging, I continue to cut up the bear.
We soon have a small fire set up and cook portions of bear meat. With its prodigious size, we have a veritable feast – and it actually doesn’t taste half bad either. Once we finish slicing up the bear carcass, Ren rejoins us and quietly samples our cooking.
As we finish filling our stomachs and lick the last of the grease from our lips, a strange laugh sounds from nearby. “Hyahyahyahyahya!”
“Who’s there!?” Jakin barks, looking around.
“Hyahyahyahya!” Finally, I spot where the laughing is coming from. A little brown man – slightly smaller, even, than Ren – wearing leafy green clothing is leaning against a tree, blending into its trunk almost perfectly as his impish face twists wide with laughter.
“Catch me, and my fruit is yours! Eat my fruit, and you’ll live as long as me!” It shouts gleefully, motioning to the round, bluish green fruit bobbing from a stalk that seems to sprout directly from its noggin.
Jakin rubs at his beard. “And how long would that be?”
The thing shrugs. “Eternity?” Its mouth splits into an inhumanly wide grin.
“Forget about it.” Ren interrupts. “I’ve read about this thing. People have been trying to catch it for three thousand years without luck. It’s impossible. Besides, the only proof there has ever been that the fruit does as it says are its own words.”
“Hmph.” Jakin grunts. “Didn’t want immortality anyway.”
It loses its smile. “Nobody chases me anymore!” it shouts, shaking its tiny fists at us. “People got boring in the last millenia!”
“Why do you even want to get chased?” I ask incredulously.
“Come on, chase me! I’ll go easy on you, I’ll only go at half my full speed.” It says persuasively.
Jakin strokes his beard, considering, but Ren cuts in between them again. “Records say that it’s highly intelligent and sly. If it’s offering you half speed, that’s only because it has determined that you won’t be able to catch it at that speed.”
“Oh come on!” It throws up its hands. “Stop getting in my way!”
“Am I wrong?” Ren raises an eyebrow.
“Just because you’re right, doesn’t mean he shouldn’t chase me!” The little man yells belligerently. “There was once a man who chased me every day for twenty years! Never caught me,” It says with a hint of smugness, “but word on the grapevine was that afterwards he was hailed as ‘Lightning Sam’ on account of his speed. Think of what you could gain by having someone like me as your goal!”
At this point, none of us are even slightly interested. “Twenty years?” Jakin rolls his eyes. “I have better things to do than chase a little man around.”
“What are you, anyway?” I can’t help but ask, never having seen anything like him before.
“The name’s Tuig, fastest in the land!” It proclaims, before flicking its wrist smoothly. “Here’s my card.”
A single leaf shoots out, slowing down to float gently into my hand. It reads, ‘Tuig. Catch me if you can!’ I look back at him. “But what are you?” I ask again.
“Unique.” Tuig says smugly.
“Can I have that?” Ren asks, indicating the leaf.
Shrugging, I give it to him.
“Thanks. Nobody knows about the fruit, but the leaves have been confirmed to be an incredibly rare and useful alchemical ingredient.” Ren smiles.
“What!?” Tuig shouts. “Damn, no wonder everyone kept asking for my card. I’ll have to stop giving them out – no, actually, could you spread the rumour that I’ll give leaves to people who chase me long enough?” It suddenly does an about-face and asks.
Before any one of us can answer, it cuts itself off. “Never mind. I just remembered that it doesn’t matter anymore. Goodbye forever, suckers!” It disappears, and a moment later a shockwave strips dozens of leaves from the trees, sending them spinning into the air to drift gently down moments later.
A damned sonic boom. Good thing we didn’t try to chase it, we wouldn’t have caught it in a million years.
“Come on.” Ren says, breaking the silence left in its wake. “We still have herbs to collect.”
Hours later, we return to Ren’s house, him happily clutching at a basket full of herby goodness and us tired and splattered with blood.
Ren places the basket down carefully on the table and enters one of the house’s rooms. He comes back with a coin pouch, from which he starts counting coins. “Excellent job. Couldn’t have done it without you – and that isn’t just an empty compliment.” He looks up at us. “None of the warriors or magi in town are as strong as you four. It makes me wonder whether the difference is due, at least in part, to the more dangerous environment you grew up in. The monster repellent powder has granted us an age of peace and security, but it seems there have been some negative side-effects, after all.”
He proffers the handful of coins, which I take. “Can’t say I’d know about the deeper details, but it seems logical to me that an individual exposed to many hardships will be more resilient than one exposed to few.”
“Quite so.” Ren agrees. “Now, I need to ensure these herbs are properly stored, so you’ll have to excuse me. I’ll have dinner ready at around ten, but until then I shall likely be otherwise occupied. Feel free to roam the town – I’m sure there are quite a few people who would be more than interested in a chat.”
“We’ll probably head off to that stream we passed earlier, first.” I reply, motioning to the blood on our armour. “Need to get cleaned up.”
He nods, and we head out again.
After scrubbing the blood and muck off of our armour, weapons and clothes, we head back into town and decide to have a look around.
As we do, I discover that the town is designed in such a way that the town as a whole has multiple axes of symmetry around several main roads, which in turn have roads connecting them at intervals in a sort of concentric circles/wheel spokes pattern, making it incredibly simple to navigate.
An enticing scent leads our feet through the town, our rumbling stomachs reminding us that we haven’t had a taste of civilisation for… Must have been at least a couple of months by now.
Reaching the source of the smell, we see an open-front bakery with a few tables and chairs nestled under an awning. There is a female gnome at the counter, the same one that bribed Dex with a pastry. Noticing us, she beams and waves at us. “Hello! Planning to buy some baked goods?”
“We weren’t planning on it,” Smiles Jakin, “but with a smell like that, how could we resist?”
“Well, isn’t that lovely of you!” She beams. “I have some bread, baked fresh this morning, or some pastries if you’re in the mood for something sweet. In fact…” She turns around and walks into the back.
“You’re in luck, boys! The apple pie just finished cooking!” She calls back to us.
There is a collective and audible gulp.
After a few seconds, the smell intensifies noticeably, practically leaving us drooling. She comes back around holding a large pie with mitted hands, and deposits it on the counter. “So, what’ll it be?”
“How much for the pie?” I ask breathlessly.
“Twenty-five copper a slice.” She smiles.
“No, he meant for the whole thing.” Jakin replies.
I look at him, and he looks back at me. “What? I need some pie in my life right now.”
Shrugging, I nod to the lady.
“I hope you’ve already found work, because it’s not cheap.” She raises an eyebrow. “Two silver.”
“Pay the woman, Aaron.” Jakin’s stomach growls noisily.
Although it is a significant portion of our earnings today, I hand her the coins.
“Thank you.” She says, putting the coin away deftly. “Now, you boys take a seat at one of those tables, and I’ll fetch you some cutlery.”
We walk over to a table. Taking off my pack, I set it on the ground and gingerly sit on one of the chairs. It creaks slightly but doesn’t seem to be in danger of collapsing. As I fully settle my weight down on it, she comes around to the table with the pie and four spoons on a tray.
Thanking her, we begin attacking the pie with gusto. For a moment there is silence in the room.
“That.” Jakin swallows the remnants of a bite of pie. “Must be the best apple pie I’ve had in my life. How do yeh even begin to cook something that good?”
“Ah ah ah!” She tuts. “A girl’s got to have her secrets.”
Slowly but steadily we go through and polish the dish clean. “That was definitely worth the cost.” I sigh contentedly. It’s been a long time since I’ve had food this good. Since before I came to this world, in fact.
“So, what has Ren had you boys doing?” She asks conversationally.
“Protecting him while he collects magical herbs, so far.” I reply.
She sighs, shaking her head. “Of course he has. Ever since… Has he told you about..?” We nod, and she continues. “Ever since the incident, he’s been single-mindedly working day in and day out, refusing guests and only coming out of his house to restock on herbs or sell potions when he runs out of money.”
“It’s just not healthy.” She shakes her head sorrowfully. “But you can imagine why we were so surprised he volunteered to give you a place to stay. It makes sense now. Most of the hunters and warriors in the village refuse to help him, now. Every time he just wanted to go further and further out, get rarer herbs…” She sighs.
“They didn’t want the danger?” I ask.
“No, most of them are fully capable of at least escaping from that level of danger.” She denies, smiling sadly. “But they aren’t capable of protecting someone else. They refuse because they don’t want to see him get killed.”
A couple of gnome children run up to the bakery, starting when they see us sitting at a table. One of them steps up to us hesitantly. “C-can I see your sword?” He asks hopefully.
“I don’t have a sword.” I reply, reaching over to where my pack – and subsequently, my warhammer - is. “But I do have a warhammer that works just as well.” I continue, setting it down beside him.
The kids look at it in awe. “Holy-”
“Language.” The baker chastises, before looking at us. “At least try to talk to him, when you can. Much longer like this, and he’ll burn out.”
Shrugging, I say, “We’ll try, but I don’t know how successful we’ll be. Regardless, it was nice meeting you, miss…?”
“Vel. Don’t worry if you don’t remember it, I’ve already forgotten all of yours anyway.” She replies with blunt honesty.
And on that note, I stand up and pick up my pack. “Well, I think we should go now. It was a pleasure meeting you, miss Vel, and thank you for the delicious pie.”
“Mm.” There is a note of general assent.
“I’m glad you enjoyed!” Vel smiles.
And with a not so distant explosion punctuating our exit, we head towards the plume of yellow smoke.
