As I rushed through The Trainyard and into Broken-Hallow, I could feel the tension fizzing at the back of my mind. I’d been on the edge of panic when the start of the tournament had gone the way it did, but so far this was actually the best performance I’d ever given. Who knew that playing a male avatar would have held me back when outside the tournament I only played as a female? Everything just felt more smooth and natural that way, I wasn’t working so much for my shots, and moving through obstacles just came second nature now. It felt right.
I nearly cringed again thinking of my idiocy, I can’t believe I’d made such a dumb mistake. A month prior to the tournament they had contestants upload the avatars they intended to use while competing (using the extra lead time to get a head start on marketing, I guess). I’d selected the same guy I used every tourney. Plain guy, fit, and kinda edgy. Honestly, just a popular preset I had tweaked, but for whatever reason I just couldn’t really get any excitement for playing him. Anyway, long story short, I fucked up and sent the wrong file, and instead of him, they got the avatar I use whenever I’m playing from home. My fault for not giving the files clear names, I guess (Note to self, change them to something other than “Avatar, and Avatarr”.)
What’s done is done, though. Thankfully, I managed to play off my change as a part of some new strategy. Having a small hit box or something, yeah. What was really throwing me off though was that Alex, the guy who always seems to be neck-in-neck with me, and gets on my last fucking nerve, is also playing a girl this year. I don’t know what he’s playing at, or if it’s just another way for him to taunt me, but I would not let it get to me. Even if I felt a little off balance around Alex’s new avatar.
A whizz and snap pulled my head out of my ass, and I flung myself behind a pile of crumbling masonry just as a hail of bullets raked where I had just been walking. Gods, this whole mixup really wasn’t a big deal, I shouldn’t be letting it get to me like this.
Rolling around the other side of my cover, I peaked out and down the sights of the rifle I had picked up. I smirked as I saw the figure of my assailant running through the open in a bid to get away from the tightening ring of the death zone. Slowly I let out a breath, squeezing the trigger up to the wall as I relaxed my muscles. He was free of cover, but it was still a decently long shot. Just as I let out the last of my air, I flexed my finger just so, and as the wall broke, my vision turned into the blur of recoil. By the time I had gotten back on target, he had already fallen in a heap, his body dissolving into a stream of pixelated light. The counter in my hud ticked down with another player taken out of the running. He’d drop whatever items and upgrades he had, but I already had what I needed to win this. As long as I could stay focused.
***
The player count had slowly fallen, several more by my own hand, as I carefully made my way towards where the death boundary seemed to be herding us. I liked to play it safe, sticking close enough to the wall that I was out of the thick of the fighting as I rode it in, but not so close that I was at risk of falling victim to it myself. I found myself playing more aggressively this year though, actively stalking the other players through the ruined buildings and copses of trees.
The player count slowly continued to tick down, though aside from a few moments of excitement as I spotted a player and stalked them. My journey continued in relative silence, only broken by the occasional sound of distant gunfire. This was the part of the tournament where it was easiest to slip up. Getting high on your own success and becoming reckless, or simply growing complacent after not seeing someone for twenty minutes. Many a player had gotten into the final ten, only to get picked off over a dumb mistake.
I edged my way along a final ridgeline before the wreckage of an old castle that appeared to be our final battleground. I gave a careful eye to the area, trying to think of possible cover and hiding spots for my approach. Just as I was about to slip over the ridge, I saw a flash of movement near the castle’s crumbling wall.
Another player had taken shelter in some rubble, and in a blur of motion a dark-clad figure had slipped in and taken the guy out in a show of dominance that made me feel a little funny. It wasn’t until they stood up that I realized what I had seen. Apparently that dirtbag, Alex, had made it through all the fighting and was here in the final arena. I gritted my teeth, a mixture of anger, frustration, and something else flowing through me as I saw my chance to strike at that smug arsehole.
I brought my rifle up quickly, pulling Alex up into the scope as he stalked his way towards cover. I placed the crosshair between his shoulder blades and prepared to take the shot. Alex’s avatar was certainly a lot more shapely than mine was, a snug bodysuit hugged full curves, decorated by various straps that were as much for showing off the avatar’s assets (emphasis on ass, jesus) as serving as functional storage. Alex’s hips swayed, and inexplicably I hesitated just a split second too long, and he slipped out of sight.
I cursed, my face growing warm. What the fuck was that anyway? It was ridiculous, I shouldn’t be getting flustered over the most frustrating person I’ve ever met’s avatar. I shook myself, before activating the temporary active camo I had found and made the sprint across the clearing to where Alex was hiding. I’d get him this time.
The castle’s interior was dimly lit, and a crazed mix of tight winding corridors and open courtyards, all of it ready to fall apart beneath you at any moment. Beams of sunlight streamed in through holes in the ceiling, giving enough light to move easily, but plenty of shadows for others to hide in (I’m sure the audience found it all very cinematic and exciting. I mostly just found the glaring light hurt my eyes).
I spotted Alex several times as I stalked him through the crumbling halls, often seeing only a glimpse of him lunging, knife in hand, just prior to another subtraction from the remaining players. As much as he rubbed me the wrong way, I can’t deny how bloody good he is.
Making a few subtractions on my own in our game of cat and mouse (and yes, I’m the cat dammit) the remaining players had fallen to only five when a blaring announcement jerked me to a stop, my heart racing.
“Congratulations players! You’ve been selected to participate in this year’s challenge round! Survive together and win the greatest prize we’ve ever given, or die and settle for the original stakes. The choice is yours!” the booming voice said, just as a shock wave ripped through the castle, nearly knocking me to my feet. Through the window next to me I could only watch, stunned, as a towering monster ripped itself free from the earth, letting out a terrible screech like tearing metal.
The monster was covered in huge chitinous plates, and looked like a horrific mix between a starship trooper’s bugger (the original, not the 2042 remake where they’re all hot bug-girls) and a malformed tarantula. Dozens of red glowing eyes suddenly flickered open, and I could just tell it was looking right at me. The abomination opened its maw, revealing far too many teeth as it leaned back suddenly. The next moment happened so fast I could barely keep up.
A huge glowing green glob flew from the bug’s mouth, flying right for me, then something struck me hard from the side, sending me skidding across the hallway just as the green glob smacked into the window I had been next to. An incredible stench of acrid burning filled the air as the bug spit melted right through the stone, leaving a bubbling crater where I had just been. That’s when I noticed the weight on top of me.
I groaned, rolling onto my back, and was met by the most piercing eyes I had ever seen. They were a deep emerald green, almost glowing with an internal brilliance, ringed with a shimmering amber, and winged with sharp black eyeliner. (And wow, that was a killer eyeliner job. I’ll admit to trying my hand at makeup a few times. Just out of curiosity’s sake, of course, but I don’t think I’ve ever made myself look like much more than a drowned racoon in the eye department, and that’s after stabbing myself in the eye repeatedly at that.)
This all contrasted starkly with the pale, angular face, and short cropped black hair. The sight had my heart hammering, and not because I had just narrowly avoided being turned into a puddle (though perhaps it’s not too late for that). The girl gave me a cocky smirk which seemed to kick my brain back into gear, since I finally realized it was Alex whose lips were just inches from my own (I was definitely not staring at Alex’s lips).
“You’d better keep your head on a swivel, never know who’s behind you,” she said, her voice warm and feminine. Deep for a woman’s, but in that way that makes my spine tingle. (Wait, am I referring to Alex as a girl now? Goodness, I think I really am losing it.) I spluttered, pushing her off of me and scrabbling to my feet, though I couldn’t quite get rid of the feeling that her being on top of me had kindled in my core.
“I suppose we’re going to have to work together then,” I said, trying to sound disgruntled, and mostly failing.
“I suppose so,” she shot back, a smirk on her lips as she started moving deeper into the castle, and away from that thing. I grumbled to myself before chasing after her. This was just not lining up to be the year I get my sweet revenge for all the times she’s yanked victory from my grasp (not that I’ve never done the same to her, but I can’t just let being beaten last year slide!)
Deafening roars and crashes shook the castle around us, the crumbling structure releasing ominous bursts of dust and small stones to rain down on our heads. The occasional burst of gunfire could be heard before being quickly silenced as the last few players fell to the monster’s rampage. I’m not exactly humble about my gaming skills, but I’ll admit I wasn’t confident in us coming away with that bonus prize.
I can’t say I didn’t consider shooting her in the back for a moment as we put some distance between us and the thing bellowing like an angry chainsaw. It crossed my mind, but just immediately felt wrong. As much as I wanted to win, and to crush her in the process, it was too much to do so after she had saved me, and honestly wouldn’t even help me at this point. If we were to win, we would have to win together.
“Alright, I think I recognize your avatar after all. You’re Fleur in Hunter’s Mark Online, aren’t you?” Alex asked suddenly, causing me to stop in my tracks, my eyes wide. Hunter’s Mark was the game I played the most. These battle royale style tournaments were just something I did for the money (and maybe to indulge a bit of a competitive streak). Hunter’s though was a game I truly enjoyed and had in some ways made a life in. (I suppose to make things simple it’s a VRMMO with a focus on players working together to hunt enormous monsters, and I was one of the higher ups in one of the more powerful guilds in the game.)
“Fuck… it’s you, isn’t it, Artemis?” I said, slightly stunned. It all suddenly clicked in place, the whole absurdity of the situation making me almost want to laugh. Alex was both the woman who I (in my persona as Fleur) had worked together with for years in Hunter’s, working our way up to the bleeding edge of the game’s challenges, and helping build a powerful guild (we’d even kissed that one time! I mean, it was right after a big win and everything, like a friend kiss of celebration? It’s not like I think about it a lot.) As well as the person I had clashed with year after year at these tournaments, a person who was so aggravating I just wanted to scream sometimes.
“Hey, I get it. Pretty crazy, but right now we have bigger problems than trying to untangle whatever the fuck is our weird web of mystery with one another,” Alex said, resting a hand on my shoulder gently. Her contact grounded me and helped me pull out of the mental spiral I had suddenly slammed into. She’s always been able to get to me when I get caught up in my thoughts, Artemis has that is, which is her, fuck. I shook myself and let out a steadying breath before giving her a nod.
“Good girl. Now there’s a freaky monster that needs killing, and I think we know our way around that job. You watch my back, I’ll watch yours, and let’s take this thing apart. Got it?”
“Yeah, let’s do this,” I said, already forming plans on how to take this thing down. Then with a thunderous crash the wall across the courtyard exploded, and the fight was upon us.
Shattered stone rained down on us as the titanic monster burst its way through the wall between us with seemingly casual ease. Finally, noting the player count, now showing a bold “2” in bright red, I realized that Alex and I were the last players standing. It was a bit late to worry about that now, though.
Alex and I scattered, already working together wordlessly like we have for years under different names. She moved fast, barely slowing as she rolled under an enormous scything claw. I barely caught the glimmer of steel as she drew the twin daggers she had always favored in these battle royal tournaments. I can’t imagine them doing much to this armored monstrosity, but I knew she was already planning on how to work it to her advantage. The crazy way she made even the worst situations work for her brought a grin to my face. I slotted the magazine of high explosive ammo I had been saving into my rifle and racked the bolt in one practiced motion. It was time to take this thing down.
The battle passed in that detached intensity of something difficult that you have long practice with. Alex and I worked perfectly together, like we always have. She’d slip through the beast’s attack, drawing it into a position where it left a weak point exposed, and I’d take it out with a bang.
I couldn’t say how long the fight lasted. It all felt like a strange choreography working with someone I’ve been so close to, yet finding ourselves suddenly in a new light. Finally, in the end though, we took the beast down. It gave a last desperate charge, it’s sluggish brain finally realizing who was actually the one harming it.
It was the size of a mansion, and bleeding from a dozen massive wounds where vulnerable spots had been blown open, and it charged right at me. It was like a freight train making goose sounds that had been worked over by an audio guy involved in horror movies.
My vision was suddenly filled with this thing’s open maw, an expanse of bone, pulsing flesh, and far too many teeth. I held the trigger down on my rifle, spraying the last of my HE ammo in a desperate attempt to bring it down. The report of the gun firing was echoed an instant later by a loud pop of the bullet detonating every time it fired. The rifle bucked hard against me as I unloaded into the advancing horror. Explosions left terrible, gaping wounds where they went off, but it wasn’t even enough to slow the beast.
I had barely turned to leap out of the way when Alex slammed into me. Her sheer speed knocked the wind out of me as we flew out of the beast’s path. Alex twisted as she grabbed me, lobbing what looked like a satchel charge towards the oncoming colossus.
Everything turned into a blur as we smashed into the ground, skidding through the rocky dirt before coming to stop. The moment we landed, a deep thump rippled through the air, more a feeling in my chest than something I heard. Followed by the sound of a tremendous crash, like the loudest thunder ever. I wheezed, trying to catch my breath as I jerked myself up, desperate to figure out what had just happened.
The terrible monster the organizers had unleashed on us had smashed its way through the wall behind where I had been, its hulking chitinous form slumped over in death. I could see huge steaming rents throughout its body, like a balloon that had been inflated just shy of bursting.
I slumped back into the dirt, an exhausted groan slipping out of me. This tournament had been a wild ride. After a moment, Alex’s soft features filled my vision. I don’t know how I hadn’t noticed it immediately. The avatar she was using was nearly identical to the one she ran in Hunter’s Mark. Rounded cheeks, a slightly pronounced chin, with a cute little button nose, and a smirk on her pouty lips that never failed to spark some feeling inside of me. And now with her face only inches from my own, that feeling was definitely sparked.
“I think we did it,” I groaned, and then she kissed me.
***
The final ceremonies were surreal for me. One moment Alex’s soft lips were pressed against mine, her hand tangling in my hair as I slowly melted beneath her touch. The next I found myself torn back into cold reality as my VR pod logged me out of the game, its hatch opening. I always felt a bit sick going from my usual avatar back to my real body for some reason, but this time was particularly bad.
My body felt wrong, it was hard to not scratch at myself, and my stomach heaved. Why was I here? Why did I have to be like this? It wasn’t fair that those experiences I’ve had with Alex at my side would never be more than just a fantasy.
Being with another person in reality had just never felt right. Something about the image of my real self with another was simply off putting, no matter who it was. But when I was in VR, when I was Fleur… well, things were different. I found myself excited in ways I hadn’t felt before. Suddenly I had emotions and desires. I wanted to do things, and I had just realized that I wanted Alex.
The rest of the awards ceremony passed in a blur. I felt like I was suddenly drowning in my own thoughts. Some realization lurking at the back of my mind. It wasn’t until we were standing on the podium having our awards announced that I realized the hot girl who had entered this year actually was Alex. Last year she hadn’t looked terribly different from most of the other nerdy guys here, but she had clearly gotten body shaped like I heard about people doing occasionally, because she was stunning and I found myself feeling things I wasn’t quite ready to address.
I found myself looking into her eyes as they called out our awards along with our edgy gamertags. It was strange just how familiar they were. Nearly identical to her avatar’s. Which I suppose made sense if she had based her avatar off of her own genetics like I had. She had a whole soft and curvy goth vibe going on that made my cheeks flush, and I couldn’t help but think how her lips looked exactly like the ones I had just been kissing. I did my best to push down the tiny stab of jealousy that rose up at the thought of Alex being able to be her true self and live as a girl in reality. Sometimes I really wished I was trans so I could go to a shaping clinic too.
“Hey, Fleur. Pretty crazy, we both came out at the same time. I’m really happy for you,” Alex said with a smile, bumping my arm to get my attention. I blinked at her, not quite sure what she meant by me coming out, though strangely glad she didn’t use my other name.
“I’m… not sure what you mean. I just uploaded the wrong avatar this year is all,” I said. And it was her turn to blink in confusion, though what for I wasn’t really sure. After a moment she nodded, apparently coming to a conclusion, she intended to keep to herself.
“Ohhh. I see. Well, still a fun way to realize we’ve had two games in common, huh?” she said, a mysterious smirk gracing her full lips, which I definitely hadn’t been staring at.
“So, um. Is Alex still okay? And We’re still going to play Hunter’s Mark, right?” I asked, feeling a little lost as the celebration started and they led us backstage.
“Yeah! I still like Alex honestly, I think it suits me. And we’re definitely playing Hunter’s Mark. I’m still me, silly, just happier,” Alex said, and her grin was infectious. I had a feeling this next year was going to be interesting.
***
Things had been awkward at first when we met up in Hunter’s Mark again. This new understanding of one another as people beyond just our avatars was strange. At first I just wasn’t really sure how to act around Alex, but slowly we fell back into the rhythm we always seemed to have with one another. Side by side, working together perfectly with barely a word.
She didn’t bring up what had happened in the tournament, and neither did I. Something about it haunted my thoughts though, the jealousy of Alex’s transition that I felt so guilty about. Why did I feel that way? I found myself looking at her more as well. In the past she’d occasionally catch my eye, but I’d always push it away, It’s not like she could ever possibly be interested in me. She’d only ever kissed me after a win, since we’re such good friends. It’s not as if she would ever like the real me anyway.
It was months later, during another night around the campfire in game that she finally pushed me, and another crack was driven into my understanding of things. She’d asked what I was thinking about, and I had of course said I wasn’t thinking about anything. More because of how hard it would be to put my confused thoughts into words, than a genuine desire to keep things from her. Alex was my friend, my only one really, and that meant a lot.
Unlike a million times before, though, she didn’t let it go. I remember her slipping beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. And she just started talking. She told me how she’d struggled for so long with her gender identity. The way she’d feel so at home in VR, in this avatar. Then when she’d have to leave, it felt nearly sickening. How there was always this sense of something missing.
I just remember breaking down and crying eventually. Everything she was saying just hit me so hard, it all was the same thing I had been living with for so long. Suddenly there was an answer to the hundreds of little oddities in my life, and everything clicked into place.
“I… I want to be a girl,” I said, my voice rough from crying. And then she kissed me again. My tear-streaked cheeks pressing against hers, and her warm lips gently working against mine as she ran her fingers through my hair.
“Welcome to the club,” she said, her eyes hooded.
“You’re such an incredible friend,” I said. She only sighed.
I loooooooooove this story
❤️U2️⃣