It turned out that I’d been way too paranoid. It really was just an LGBT group get-together. But I wouldn’t have guessed from looking around. Despite what certain groups of people and the media might have wanted me to believe, everyone in here looked like completely normal human beings. Yup, give that middle finger to the stereotypes! I approve!

Anyway, they seemed to have been a pretty close-knit group. Everyone knew everyone, except for me and one other newcomer. So, for the two of us, there had to be some introductions.

“Hi, I’m Fern. She/her pronouns, please,” said the other newcomer.

Why did she mention pronouns, though? Was that some kind of custom of this group? Miranda hadn’t said anything. Odd.

The gazes in the room then centered on me.

“Hey, I’m Ast- Uh! Cain! I’m Cain! My name is Cain!”

Oh my god, I’d almost called myself Aster. I’d corrected myself, but my chest still stung with shame as I repeated the name Cain.

Dammit, people were whispering to each other now. Probably relaying my levels of idiocy around the room.

“Okay, what pronouns should we use then?” finally asked some girl.

Pronouns, right. Like the girl before announced. Mine would be he/him, right…? Yeah… and for Aster, they would be she/her. Yup… were there any other pronouns? It/its? But those weren’t really used for people, were they? Hmm… wait, why was I thinking about different pronouns now? I just had to tell everyone to use he/him for me.

“How about they/them, for now?” Miranda whispered to me.

I frowned in her direction. Since when had I become multiple people? No, wait, that could also be used as a gender-neutral pronoun, right? But why would she suggest that? Was she still confused because of the whole Aster thing?

“He/him… I guess,” I said, whilst scratching the back of my head.

Very smooth of me. I only cringed for a split second. Although, now, Miranda was giving me a sad smile for some reason. I really didn’t understand that woman.

After the flawless introduction from me, the group turned to debate all sorts of topics. As a straight guy, I felt out of place. And I still couldn’t figure out why I’d been invited in the first place. Was this some sort of cultural exchange?

Well, the reason for my presence aside, some of the discussed topics made me want to punch someone in the face. Seriously? Disowning your daughter for liking girls? What the hell was wrong with some people?! Liking girls was completely normal! All straight guys did it, after all! Or what? Was liking girls under some kind of monopoly by guys? Bleh! Everyone should be allowed to like girls…! And, uh, guys too. I couldn’t really relate to that, but yeah.

Anyway, other than that, a term I had only loosely heard about before came up as well -- transgender. Apparently, changing your sex wasn’t a decision made on a whim, it came from within. They described it as constantly feeling like something was wrong, and upon transitioning, those feelings would gradually fade. Kind of vague, but I thought I understood. Just imagining being stuck in the wrong body reminded me of some horror films where the protagonist turned into a monster. It was probably similar, wasn’t it?

After a while, we broke out of the circle and spread around the room. Some people continued to chat in small groups, some headed for the refreshments and stuffed their faces with chips.

I approached the other newcomer, Fern, who, apparently, was transgender. I couldn’t tell at all. I found it fascinating that even if you were born with the wrong body, you could change how you looked to this extent.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Hey… you know, I was thinking you seem kinda familiar. Do I know you?” She tilted her head, flinging around her dirty blond hair.

“Umm, I don’t think so?” Now that she’d said it, I also felt like I’d seen her before. “Maybe we went to the same school?” I shrugged.

“Hmm, I don’t think that’s it…” She frowned. “Anyway, you’ve been pretty quiet the whole time. I thought you were one of the timid types.” She smirked.

“Eh, not really… I just felt out of place. It’s all kind of new to me.”

“Oh? Did you only recently figure it out?”

Figure what out? Oh, wait! “What, no! I’m not gay. Uh, not that there’s anything wrong with being gay… I… Honestly, I actually have no idea why Miranda even invited me here.”

“Hmm…” Her eyes slid up and down my body and then she grinned. “I see, I see.”

Uh, what the heck? What was with the predatory smile? I suddenly felt like a little fox cub being stared down by a huge wolf.

“It’s okay, I’m glad you’re here. I’m sure you’ll learn a lot of new things.” Another smirk.

“Uh, thanks?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. I mean, I’d already learned plenty of new things since I’d come here, so I didn’t think it had been a waste of time. But… Why was she glad I was here? Was she… hitting on me? Nah, no way. She was probably just being friendly.

After a moment of silence, I finally spoke up again. “So… I kind of wanted to ask a bit more about what it’s like to be transgender… I want to understand it more.” It was a fascinating topic, after all.

“Sure, sure. Ask away.” For some reason, she seemed like she was on the verge of laughing.

“So… like… how did you figure it out?”

“Hmm…” Her eyes wandered. “I guess… when I was a kid, I constantly felt like something was wrong with me. I couldn’t quite figure out what it was for a long time, but eventually, I did.” She looked back at me. “The thought of growing up to be a… man, just felt so wrong. I was dreading it, jealous of other girls who wouldn’t have to be men in the future.”

I nodded, taking in the information.

“And then I realized I didn’t have to be one either. After looking around a bit, I found out that I could transition and be a woman instead. And the mere idea of that filled me with happiness. And so, eventually, I did.” She shrugged.

Just like I’d thought, it was fascinating. In a way, I felt jealous of her. To do something so drastic in order to pursue happiness… I wished I had that much courage.

I wished I was transgender too.

BottledChaos

Heya! In case you haven't heard about it yet, me and several other trans authors (25!) wrote a collection of stories (mostly trans-themed) as a part of secret Santa gift story exchange back in December. The stories are slowly being uploaded to scribble as an anthology over here. Mine is towards the end, so you'll either have to wait, or if you want to support me and everyone else, you can buy the entire collection (plus one that won't be in the anthology) over on Itch.