The small table was covered with assortments of bagels, toast, scrambled eggs and bacon to go with the omelets Samantha had made. She’d been snacking all morning and had filled up a bit before Autumn had come out to join her. Now she nibbled on a bagel that she tore into pieces and dipped into the open cream cheese in front of her while enjoying the sounds of a yuletide fire on her TV.
Autumn leaned back in ecstasy when she finished her omelet, and Samantha took the moment to admire the tight little belly she showed. Her hair had been a surprise, too. The asymmetrical, curly bob she was sporting was a dark purple, framing her cute little nose and her full, sensitive lips. Samantha held back an evil little laugh as she watched Autumn run her spoon back and forth over her lips before placing it in her mouth and licking off the last remnants of her omelet. She opened her eyes to find Samantha staring at her.
“What?” she asked, pulling her spoon out of her mouth self-consciously.
“Nothing.” Samantha composed herself and grinned, twirling a lock of hair in her fingers. “You’re just so beautiful in pink today. I wonder what got into you.”
Autumn scowled. “I was curious about that too, Samantha. Maybe you can elaborate on it for me?”
Samantha raised a hand up to her chest and mouthed, “Moi?”
“I mean, I told her you made her like girlier things.” Holly interrupted. “You never mentioned wanting that to be kept a secret.”
“I know.” Samantha smiled and bounced in her seat excitedly. “I’m just feeling playful today is all. I’m so excited for this week!”
“I’d be just as excited if I wasn’t scared.”
That made Samantha pause. “Scared?”
“Well, yeah.” Autumn looked sheepish. “I mean, I trust you, but it’s hard, you know? That’s a lot of control you have over me right now,” she set her hands on the table. “How do I know what’s me and what’s not? Sure, I know this top is out of the ordinary for me, but what about everything else?” she looked more exasperated now as she continued, “What about…”
Samantha fought back tears as she realized what she’d done. “What?”
“What about how I feel toward you?” Autumn finished the thought, looking up and meeting Samantha’s eyes. “How can I know?”
It was as if a truck had rammed her in the chest. Of course, Autumn was right. There wasn’t a way for him— for her to know for certain what changes she’d gone through. And the mental changes seemed to be stronger than Samantha had expected, though not without their limitations. Holly had told her that Autumn had struggled physically putting on her bra, though mentally she hadn’t noticed anything strange. Autumn could feel as if the process was normal, but the actual ability to put on a bra in a practiced motion hadn’t taken yet.
“Autumn, I…” Samantha struggled for the words. Memories flashed behind her eyes. Memories of her ex boyfriend. Of their time using the Change app, and how trapped she’d felt, and even of how certain changes, while removed from the app, had still left themselves ingrained in her brain like a Pavlovian addiction. And now she’d done that to Autumn. Or, at the least, had no way of explaining to Autumn or reassuring her that she hadn’t.
“Like I said, Samantha.” The gorgeous woman across from her sighed and picked up her fork. “I trust you. I’ve got faith in you, even if I don’t know everything that’s happening.”
And then Samantha’s heart crushed inside. Autumn still trusted her. Maybe she could… but, no. Then Autumn’d find out… But she had to, otherwise she could lose her. But she could lose her anyway. But she had to be honest, right? And it was about time. Yes. It was time.
“Holly?” Samantha whispered aloud. “Show Autumn a list of all the current modifications made to her.” Then she waited for the ax to fall.
“I’m not going to tell her about her gender change yet. She wouldn’t handle it very well right now.” Holly said.
Samantha nodded and waited. Autumn was going through the list, scrolling down using her hand in the air. It wasn’t a very long list.
“Huh, so that’s why I keep licking my lips and stuff,” she muttered. “You’ve got their sensitivity up.” Autumn tossed a wink in Samantha’s direction, and Samantha offered a weak smile. Autumn continued down the list, reading. “And this is all of them?”
“Yes.” Samantha said.
“So lip sensitivity… voyeuristic tendencies up 5%… breast size up 10%? I don’t remember that, but the girls definitely felt larger this morning—”
“You have no clue…” Holly whispered.
Autumn raised an eyebrow but didn’t pursue the comment. “—You rearranged my favorite colors to have pink toward the top? How can you even do that?”
“I’m actually rather proud of that.”
“I bet. You set me to like girlier clothes… Ah, here we go. It says that ‘girly’ would be defined by my own preconceptions of the term?”
“Yes.” Samantha said. “I understand your concerns, Autumn, and I didn’t want to do anything like that. I wanted it to come more from you.”
“And is this one of the bigger changes you made last night? That you get to make up a new rule for me every day?”
Samantha nodded.
Autumn grinned. “That can be fun… May I ask what your first rule was?”
“It was that…”
“No, you may not ask.” Holly said. “You agreed to these rules, and they happened just hours ago, so you have no reason to worry.”
Autumn stuck her tongue out at the AI. “Fine then. And the rest of these are all recent, too.” She continuer reading off the list. “Eight hours, eight hours, twelve hours, four hours…” her eyes narrowed, then her eyebrows raised. “Seven weeks?” Autumn looked up to find Samantha staring down at the table in front of her. She turned back and opened the modification description, reading it aloud. “Metabolism up 33%. Input desires to eat healthy and follow diet X as listed in appendices… Increase desire to exercise… Increase fat burn… Samantha, how did this…?” Confused, she looked at Samantha again and found her crying.
She rubbed at her face, burying her nose in her sleeve before focusing on her breathing. “It was when we started writing letters, Eth— Autumn.” She covered up her mis-speaking with a sniffle, then spoke quickly. “You were so concerned with your weight and your appearance, and I knew I could help you and I was so sad when you told me you hated the way you look and I… I put some nanites in the envelope I sent you.” Still averting her gaze, she looked upward, remembering. “The gym and diet stuff was so you’d get in the habit yourself, and so you wouldn’t find it suspicious when you started losing a pound and a half a day. But that’s it, Autumn.” Finally, with no little exertion, she forced herself to meet her Girlfriend in the eye, but Autumn’s face showed nothing. “That’s it. I know it was a violation of privacy and of your body, and I’m sorry for that.” She rambled in between sobs, feeling the massive guilt in her gut. “But I had a miracle cure in my hands with no way of convincing you that it was real, and I could help you. I could help you love yourself better.” Almost imperceptibly, she finished, “I could help you see yourself like I do. Because I…” she shook her head. She couldn’t say that now. It wouldn’t be fair.
They sat there in silence for a few minutes with just the sound of the yuletide fire playing on the TV, and then Autumn pulled her chair out, stood up, and went to the guest bedroom by herself.
Samantha sat and waited for Autumn to walk out carrying her suitcase, but she never did. So she stood up and began cleaning. She gathered the plates and dishes, boxing up leftovers in glass containers in the fridge before scrubbing everything clean and loading the dishwasher. After that, she swept and wiped down the table, loaded her laundry and sorted the load she’d forgotten about in the dryer. The whole time, she expected Autumn to leave, but she never did.
Eventually, Samantha found herself sitting alone on the couch, sipping at a cup of coffee and watching the fire burn on the TV. Then she heard a knock.
Standing in the doorway to the hallway was Autumn, leaning against the wall in an oversized sweater. Her arms were crossed, and her eyes were puffy. “Hey.”
“Hey.” Samantha sat up, careful not to spill her drink. She sat quietly in the silence again, waiting for Autumn to fill the void.
“So I understand, Samantha.” Autumn spoke softly. “I understand what you did and why you did it. And honestly, yeah. I am happier with how I look now. I’m proud of the time I’ve spent in the gym and of how much better I’ve been eating. And I also know I probably never… no.” She furrowed her brow and shook her head. “I definitely never would have gotten around to it if not for you. So thank you, Samantha.”
A flicker of hope began to burn inside her, but it might have been the coffee.
“It’s just…” Autumn continued, breathing heavy as if she were about to cry again. After a brief pause, she said, “It’s just that I was so proud of the work I did. I got in shape for you, because of how I feel about you. I was at the gym and I was eating better because I wanted to look good for you. And I was really, really proud of that. But now…” she shrugged and wiped at a salty streak on her cheek. “I don’t have that anymore.”
After a quiet beat, Autumn sighed and stepped forward to the couch and sat by Samantha, leaning into her and resting her head on her shoulder. “That’s why I’m upset,” she whispered softly. “Not because you overstepped any boundary or anything. But because…”
“Because I stole that from you.” Samantha whispered back, nuzzling her face into her Girlfriend’s hair and taking a long, deep breath as Autumn nodded. “I’m sorry, Autumn.”
“It’s okay. I—”
“No, it’s not okay. But thank you.” Samantha spoke up. “But, if it’s any sort of consolation…”
Autumn looked up and met her eyes and saw Samantha crack a small smile.
“This is who you always were to me, Girlfriend. It was never about your appearance to me. I just wanted you to be happy, but you weren’t,” she stroked her arm gently with her fingers. “You were blinded by your own self-image. I didn’t do what I did because I’d like how you’d look better. I’m not in love with the way you look, Autumn. I’m… well.” She cleared her throat and shifted in her seat. “You, as a person, are what’s important to me. And I wanted to make you happy.” Samantha moved her arm around Autumn’s shoulders and pulled her tight. “But now I also know that it was something you held as an accomplishment, and I hadn’t considered that. So I am so, so sorry, Autumn. Please, will you forgive me?”
Autumn looked up from where she was, curled up with her head resting against Samantha’s side. After a moment, she made an obviously humorous movement to look past Samantha’s breasts that were in the way, making her laugh. “I forgive you, Samantha.” Then she closed her eyes and rested her head against Samantha’s bosom, beginning to drift off.
Samantha stretched and set her coffee mug down without overly disturbing Autumn, then wiped at her cheek with her sleeve. “Thank you, Autumn.”
Her Girlfriend’s only response was a small snore that made Samantha laugh. She held her hand over her mouth to stifle the noise and had to wipe away the wetness on her cheeks. With a smile on her face, she whispered, “I love you.”
“I love you, too.” Came a sleepy voice that filled Samantha with joy and pride. Then Autumn opened her eyes, a jokingly serious expression filling them. “But know that I expect some sort of recompense for this.”
Samantha laughed and kissed Autumn’s forehead. “Anything you want.”
And then they fell asleep, the exhaustion of the day finally catching up to the both of them.
