Chapter 1: A healer, Mister!
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"Holy shit! I've never seen the guild hall this busy!"

A tall, lanky boy exclaimed louder than anyone should feel comfortable speaking. He was attractive in his own sort of way and he took pride in it. Unfortunately, it was pretty obvious that he held the highest regard for himself.

"Oh right, Ted wasn't here during the last recruitment festival."

A pretty, yet utterly average girl with dark hair  muttered to herself. She had completely blended into the crowd and struggled to make any progress through the throngs of people. All thanks  to her incredible averageness, she didn't stand out at all.

"Ted, buddy, you don't have to be so loud.  Not everyone needs to hear you swearing."

A man the size of a mountain and with arms the diameter of a tree trunk rebuked. He easily parted the sea of people milling about them; most of which were probably worried about being stepped on, or crushed underneath him.

"I'm sorry, Phil." Ted immediately apologized and lowered his voice. Although, it was still obnoxiously loud. "I'm just so excited! There's so much happening and I'm finally able to join up and go into the dungeons!"

The young woman muttered underneath her breath. "Yeah... Isn't that great. A tone deaf bard that can scream for the monsters to find us.".

Phil sympathized with her and nodded in understanding. "Cheer up, Karen. It'll at least be a good opportunity for us to try and find another person to round out our group. We'll be able to take better jobs. More than just you and I could handle by ourselves. Or, even with Ted's... help."

"Leave it to me!" Ted needlessly shouted, oblivious to their commiseration. "I'll find us the best, and most attractive, healer around!"

His blaring proclamation earned several disgusted glares from the other groups nearby; several of which included attractive young women.

The three youths had been friends since childhood and had grown up together. Karen was the oldest, Phil the most mature, and Ted was the one that always got them into trouble.

Ted meant well. Yet, all of his ideas tended to go straight to hell. Even so, he somehow always managed to talk his friends into his hare brained schemes. In between his ability to talk nonstop, and his penchant for singing obnoxious tunes at random, absolutely no one was surprised when he had earned the bard class during their class examination.

The class examination took place shortly after they turned fourteen. A few richer families could afford to pay for a private examination earlier. However, the church and guilds offered an examination to anyone at fourteen years of age, which was largely considered the age of adulthood. 

As for Phil, he had started working out when he was young and had turned into an absolute unit of a man. He had earned the warrior class  during the examination. The fastidious personality of his made him popular with women, the elderly, and even some of the men. Although, they all had very different reasons for liking him. One thing was constant though amongst them though, Phil was reliable.

Finally, there was Karen. Karen was, well, Karen. She neither stood out amongst the crowd, nor excelled, nor did anything to draw attention to herself, and was completely ordinary and average in everything that she did.

Karen had earned the sorcerer class during the examination, which had briefly placed her in the spotlight. Until it was discovered that she had the arcane bloodline, which was the most common and least illustrious of the sorcerers bloodlines. Which would have suited her just fine, except that her affinity for any sort of magic was also incredibly average, or perhaps a bit below average.

The three had always daydreamed of adventures, dragons, knights and princesses in a far away castle. They wanted to create a party together and become famous adventurers. Unfortunately, their dreams were swiftly squashed when all three of them had failed the adventurers exam.

 

The exam was held every year for anyone that wanted to enter the adventurers guild after completing the class examination. If they failed each applicant could only attempt the examination once every year. It was largely meant to teach adventurers the basics and make sure that new goers wouldn't immediately get killed in the field.

The next year, Phil and Karen had managed to pass. However, Ted did not. He was too busy trying to flirt with the instructor and didn't absorb anything that they tried to teach him. He had managed to pass on his third attempt, which was likely because the instructor happened to be a rather grumpy male dwarf this time around.

And, while Ted did swing both ways, he rather preferred his partners to not be covered in thick ale laden hair.

So, this was finally their first year adventuring together!

Unfortunately, they soon discovered that they were woefully inadequate. Even for gathering herbs from the nearby fields. 

A personal low moment for all of them.

After their failure they vowed to become stronger. A few drill sergeants, combat classes and many coins later. They placed themselves in several mock battles. The battles were sponsored by the guilds to appraise an adventuring rank for each group.

They were placed in G rank. 

Not even trusted to kill one single goblin together. Or, harvest a single herb.

Individually, they were all relatively capable people.

Phil could overpower most opponents. 

Karen could cast about as well as anyone. 

And, Ted knew how to make anyone hate him and run away. All while hurling magical insults and songs to whittle away his opponents' will to live. 

 But, their teamwork was atrocious. It was filled with miscommunication and rookie mistakes that would get each other killed in the battlefield. 

As a result, after too many mugs of ale and failed combat lessons, they decided that the only solution was that they needed a healer in their group to compensate for their mistakes.

Obviously.

The recruitment drive was a large festival that was held at the end of every year. Most of the guilds scrambled to fill their rosters to qualify for certain tax breaks. The new adventurers generally had their guild entrance fees reduced. And, parties usually offered more attractive contracts to prospective members.

Yet, amongst all adventurers, the most prized were the ones that had a healing related class. A good healer could make or break a team. They were also generally the last line between life and death.

Now, don't misunderstand, a good healing potion could stave off a mortal wound in an emergency, but they weren't cost effective and left dangerous openings in combat. 

On the other hand, a healer could work within a team. They could support everyone with various combat buffs to make up for combat deficiencies. The divine related healers could give out blessings of their gods. And most importantly, a healer could deal with wounds without negatively affecting the flow of combat. 

A healer was quite literally a godsend. Which meant that every party, army, guild, hospital, the church and various other institutions would always seek them out.

Regardless of talent, if you were revealed to be a healer related class in this world, you were born with a golden spoon in your mouth.

What poor deluded fools would ever think that a healer would willingly join a low ranked party?

Ted took a deep breath of the acrid city air, filling his lungs to the brim with the less than floral scent of the morning's piss. He cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted, "We're allowing attractive and talented healers into our prestigious group!"

The bustling crowd around them stilled for a moment and stared at the small group of adventurers. They all thought "A healer? For these misfits? On recruitment day? They'd have better luck calling down the gods."

 

Several deafening guffaws broke out. A few other groups shouted out cheers of good luck. However, mostly they received glares and rolled eyes in return. Unsurprisingly, no one approached them to take them up on their offer.

Phil and Karen stared at the ground, waiting for the earth to swallow them up. Their faces were covered with red swathes of embarrassment covering at the very public humiliation.

In some ways, they should've been used to it. Ted always did draw more attention than they would've preferred. But, even so they wilted underneath the public eye, and Ted basked in it.

"Ted..." Karen struggled to wrangle her emotions into check.

"Hmm?"

"Don't be an idiot."

"Wha-!" Ted exclaimed in  indignation. "How else are we supposed to find someone to join our group?"

"Well, we could post a listing on the recruitment board like a normal group would. Or, we could advertise at the normal recruitment hocking area in the guild. Instead of, you know, yelling in the middle of the gods cursed street like not normal people!" She  hissed through  gritted teeth.

Ted stopped and pondered with a smile, seemingly over his indignation for a moment. "Well, we should also definitely do that, but most other groups would probably snipe them from us. So, we need something to make us stand out."

"Yeah. But that was too much." Phil interjected.

"No such thing as too much, so long as I get what I want." He replied with a shit eating grin. "That's my motto."

"Ah, that explains a lot." Karen said while rolling eyes.

"Alright! It's decided! We'll go post on the recruitment board. We can also check out the regular recruitment area and try to get someone. But, if it doesn't work out, then I can just come back here alone." Ted declared and deftly began maneuvering through the crowd.

The other two were left flabbergasted and watched him walk off by himself. He always seemed to make decisions by himself.

They really weren't expecting to get anyone else to join them. Much less a healer. They just weren't cut out for it. Yet, Ted always shot for the stars in the most obnoxious way possible.

Well, it was their dream to be adventurers.

They waited for the crowd to mill around and stop paying attention to them. They took their time and perused the wares that were being sold in the area. More than anything, they didn't want to deal with any more attention right now. 

However, they needed to improve their situation or else, they'd starve without a job or die on a battlefield.

Phil and Karen slowly wandered over toward the recruitment board. Only to discover that it was completely packed beyond their expectations. There were throngs of people pressed against one another trying to get close to the listings. In fact, the pressing seemed a bit rough, even for a crowd. 

A feeling of dread washed over Phil and Karen. A fight had broken out near one of the boards and a very familiar voice warbled over the rest of the noise.

"Back off you brutes! You heathens! Barbarians! You, you, scallywags!"

"Goddammit, Ted." Phil and Karen both swore freely.

The party idiot had attempted to plaster a large advert poster board over several other listings. Needless to say that the owners of those listings were not happy with his decision. As a result, they were bickering and pushing one another. It looked like a full blown fist fight was about to break out.

"En garde! Rapscallions!" Ted placed his rather measly fists into the air in front of him.

"Ted! What are you doing?" Phil called out, trying to remain and sound calm. He failed at both.b

"Oh, Phil, great timing! These jackasses wouldn't let me place your recruitment poster." He watched the other's step back from the veritable mountain of muscle before them. "Now that you're here, you ought to show these unruly bandits a lesson! Yes, and make sure everyone knows not to mess with us."

A handful of rough looking, scarred men joined the rather flabbergasted recruiters. They were drawn by the unruly behavior and quickly noticed that their listings would've been covered as well. 

 

"Aha! Now it looks like it'll be a fair fight!" Ted declared jubilantly. At least, he had intended to sound brave. But, it all came out a bit squeaky and scared.

They were all much bigger than him.

A few minutes later, Phil, Karen and Ted were all a few coins lighter and a few bruises heavier. 

However, they somehow managed to successfully apologize and avoided being completely beaten by several angry muscled men. They  had even managed to convince them to not call the guards. Unfortunately, that was  after they had taken a few punches. But they did smooth things over with a few greased palms.

"This has been a disaster", Karen lamented.

"Oh hush, Karen. I don't want to hear it, that man was specifically aiming for my family's beloved jewels. I mean, who does that?" Ted cried while nursing a bruised upper thigh.

The rest of the day went  fairly similar to the morning. Ted would create a stir. The group would have to pay the price. At one point, they had managed to talk with a few actual healers. However, Ted turned half of them away for not being a beautiful and attractive healer; much to Phil and Karen's horror. The rest simply laughed at them after they heard that they were a G rank party.

One girl had giggled. "I thought the lowest was an F rank."

"Well, they created an entirely new rank for us." Ted said with a smile. 

The girl had collapsed laughing and had to have medical attention. 

Overall, the day ended with everyone dispirited and a bit jaded over the whole ordeal. Phil and Karen expected this to be the reaction. Yet, their expectations didn't soften the harsh reality. Even Ted was affected by the constant rejection. Although, he was still somewhere between oblivious and delusions of grandeur.

"Eh, don't worry so much. If they don't want to join us, it just means that they're not the right fit for us. We'll find someone, you'll see, and they'll be better than all of the losers that we met today." He laughed obnoxiously loudly.

The proclamation might have made them feel better. If it weren't for the fact that quite a few of those "losers" were still within earshot of Ted's spectacularly amplified voice. 

A few wilting glares clawed into them.

"Ted... That's... That's enough." Karen stuttered out after several pauses and sighed. "I'm done. I'm tired and humiliated. I think, I think, all I want now is some hot food and a warm bed. It's been a long day."

"Oh, alright. Well, you and Phil can head out. I think I'll stay here and see what I can find anyone that'll be a good fit worthy of our party."

"I'll take you up on that offer." Phil agreed absentmindedly. "Food sounds pretty good right about now. If you find anyone interesting, bring them over to meet us at the Inn."

He didn't believe that he would really find anyone anyway. But it couldn't hurt to believe in his friend.

Phil and Karen hurriedly found themselves relaxing and enjoying a few bowls of hot stew in a tavern.

"I am really glad that he could come with us. I'd have a really hard time getting noticed. And, I don't think I would've been able to talk to even a quarter of the people that we met today." Karen mused, a bit morose.

"Yeah. Ted's a lot of things. But, he can certainly grab people's attention and talk to people easily."

"I just wish he wasn't quite so... Ugh oblivious all of the time. Or, that he would consider the consequences of his actions every now and again."

"It has come back around to bite our asses more than once."

"Exactly! We tend to get dragged into his trouble because of his lack of foresight. One day, it will be too much for us to handle. Although, I will admit that we wouldn't have gotten nearly as far without him. He just talks… so much."

"Yeah. Haha, I still remember him going on long winded speeches about honor and glory when we were still trying to sort out our physical training."

"Ugh, don't remind me."

"The funny thing is that it worked though. Everytime we nearly gave up, or it hurt too much, he would help get our feet back underneath us and push our limits."

"Yup. And, now we're G ranked adventurers. Hurray. But, it's further than I'd thought we would get."

"Yup." Phil commented before a long awkward silence came between them.

It always seemed awkward between them without Ted to fill in the silence. Honestly, it was a surprise that they had managed to work together for a year without him.

"So..." They both started to speak at the same time.

"Oh, you go ahead." Phil offered.

"Oh, I didn't really have anything to say."

"I didn't either."

"Ah..." Karen absentmindedly looked around the inn tavern.  "Um, the silence is a nice break, don't you think?"

"I'm definitely enjoying it."

"Yeah, me-", as she was about to finish her sentence, the door burst open with Ted standing in the doorway triumphantly.

"And, it's gone." Karen lamented.

"I found them!" Ted exclaimed across the entire tavern as he marched toward the two with a couple of girls in tow.

"Them?" Phil questioned.

"Them!" Ted declared.

The two young women that came in with him were giggling and talking in hushed tones to one another. They were scantily and brightly clad in clothes that demanded attention; attention that was forced toward their bountiful assets. It was also clear that their behavior was intentionally provocative  and flirtatious.

"Wow, mister, your arms are so big!"

"How did you get so many muscles?"

"I'd love to see what you can do with that body."

"Um, Ted." Phil began to speak as the blood rushed to his cheeks.

Ted flashed a smile, "These fine young ladies have graciously offered to, and I quote, "cure what ails us". They're healers! And they want to join us!"

Karen sucked in a deep breath. She was so tired. She could already feel the headache that was starting to form

"Prostitutes. Those are prostitutes, Ted." 

Ted frowned, pushing back his immaculate slicked down hair. "That's no way to treat a lady, Karen. Just because they're prettier than you..."

The table went deathly still. Karen's knuckles whitened. Phil took a deep breath. And, even Ted realized that he may have gone too far.

They just didn't compare Karen to other people. She had something of a complex about it.

"Mister. You didn't mention that one of your friends was a girl." One of the girls piped up.

"What difference does that make?" He asked, turning toward her.

"Well... It's an extra silver for a girl. They take more work to feel good. Especially the up tight ones." The prostitute smiled at Karen.

A sudden realization flashed across Ted's face. He truly hadn't realized that he had "recruited" two prostitutes. 

He desperately glanced back at his friends to help resolve this situation.

Phil had found a sudden interest in something in the opposite direction. And, Karen well...

Karen just glared at him and buried herself into her arms on the tavern table. 

Ted nervously cleared his throat.

"*Ahem*.  L-ladies there seems to have been some sort of miscommunication..."

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