Chapter 46: The True Horror: Alone with their thoughts
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The night passed quickly and quietly. Everyone went to resr in their own rooms, relieved to have a bed and the full comforts of a home. Yet, despite the brief moment of reprieve, none slept peacefully. 

Phil couldn't keep the disgusting, crawling sensation of being a puppet out of his head. His body had moved and twisted in ways that weren't entirely human. He wasn't in control. He was outclassed. And, shoved into some forsaken corner of his own mind as an incomprehensible cosmic entity poured into him. 

He couldn't sleep. 

He couldn't get comfortable. 

Every which way that he turned, he could imagine the eyes of the Guarantor staring back at him. And, every time he closed his eyes, he felt his body twitch and spasm uncontrollably. Each and every time, he would bolt upright with a start, breathing heavily, and praying for the night to end.

Only… 

There was no comfort in prayer. The gods no longer heard him. And, he no longer trusted them. 

He had seen the universe unfold before him. He had seen wonders beyond the width and breadth of the gods. He had witnessed their birth. As well as the death of a few. And, he could only see them as being so incredibly petty. 

They jealously guarded their realm against all others. They had exalted themselves above all else. Even the domain itself. And, yet, they were so small. A single pantheon amongst the many of the different realms, domains, and shifting dream states of the universe. 

There was no solace in his prayer. 

Just an endless void that hid beneath the lid of his eyes. 

What was the point?

---

Karen had found that while she felt tired, she could not fall asleep. Her mind remained alert, yet dulled. It was almost as if she had experienced everything from a distance. She was in full control of herself and her mental faculties. Yet, she couldn't quite place why she felt so numb. 

It felt as thought it should bother her. Her emotions had been stripped from her. At least, their original intensity had been lost. But, she couldn't bring herself to care about it. 

She had defended her friend. And, was willing to fight on her behalf. But, she didn't feel angry. She didn't feel disappointed. Nor was she happy. 

When Dawn had told her about her identity and her true name, she felt as though she had ought to be shocked, or possibly even betrayed. After all, one of the closest people to her had been lying to them this entire time. Dawn had kept her feelings to herself all of these years and suffered in silence. 

It should have been frustrating. 

Karen should have been upset that Dawn hadn't trusted her enough to tell her. At least, as an initial reaction. But, she hadn't. 

Karen hadn't felt much of anything. 

It took a moment to make the mental switch. It took an amount of effort to remember to call her Dawn. But, it was trivial. 

Even when Phil had been taken over and had been possessed. It didn't feel the way that it should. It should've been terrifying. She should have been frozen in fear. And, while she was paralyzed and couldn't act; she had found herself more fascinated than afraid.

Then, Phil turned back to normal. He was alright. 

And...

It was all trivial. It didn't matter to her at all. 

Which, deeply disturbed and unsettled her.

Until, at last, she pulled on the thread of her magic and began to practice. 

---

Dawn, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking about everything and everyone. First and foremost, she was worried about her place with everyone. She had changed so drastically. And, despite the reassurances and kindness that was shown to her, she feared that it was all an act. 

How could they just accept her? 

She hadn't even fully realized that she had wanted to be in this form. She only ever had an aching discomfort as Ted. A discomfort and feat that fed into a constant need to measure up. He had to prove himself as a man.

Even though… he had never really quite felt like one. 

An outsider. 

He was different. Strange. 

And, in his need to fit in, he had overcompensated. He had acted obnoxiously. 

And, it felt so mysteriously pleasant now. I'm spite of the damage of the past. In spite of all of her fears and worries. She felt whole. 

As though she was new and finally complete.

Still… how could they just accept her? 

She wasn't really worth it. She hadn't done anything to deserve that sort of trust and closeness. She had messed up. She had failed so many times. How could they forgive her? How could she be of any use to any of them?

She wasn't looking forward to tomorrow. She didn't want to explain herself. She didn't want to expose herself to that sort of vulnerability. But, she didn't have much of a choice either. They deserved some sort of explanation. She just wasn't sure what to tell them.

Then, there was Phil. His entire situation was so much worse than hers. It was so much more frightening, foreign and downright alien even. It was concerning on many different levels. And, she wasn't even sure where to begin processing everything that had happened. So, she didn't. 

And, she felt guilty that she was considering her own problems so deeply, even over everything that had happened with Phil. 

---

Bob got tired of staring at the ceiling as he laid in bed. He got up and started to pace around the room. He had planned to look out at the stars from the window. But, there were no stars, his window opened out into a mystic foggy haze. 

He stared at the featureless landscape for a few moments before he closed the window. 

He hadn't had any expectations for this entire endeavor. And, still, every last one of his weak, undeveloped imaginings had been utterly destroyed. 

They had opened a portal. They had ripped a hole through space and time. They had reached into another plane of existence. And, for what?

They had dropped a fantasy equivalent of a nuclear bomb on a city filled with innocent lives to save their own. 

He found it abhorrent. He had argued against it. Yet, still, in the end, he had allowed it. 

Why? 

The more he thought about it. The more that it bothered him. He shouldn't have let it happen. Even if it had saved them. Even if the city guard and acolytes of Skalgnos had managed to contain it.

It was stupid. It was risky. 

They could've killed themselves doing it. 

In fact, they nearly had. 

Now, they had some nightmarish creature that was some weird amalgamation of a crab, a spider, some spooky and unidentifiable fucks, and the grim reaper. And, it was probably just chilling on their doorstep. It was probably waiting for them. 

Just out of sight. 

He sighed. 

It didn't do any good to worry about it.

It was also probably a much bigger issue that Phil was possessed by a demonic void cloud person with too many eyes and teeth. It was practically impossible to consider that he was hot, when he bent over backward and nearly levitated across the ground. And, the thing only seemed to want to mess with them. It looked like it was having fun. 

Which, was not a good thing. 

He could turn on them at any moment. 

One wrong step and they would all die. 

Not that it would be the first time. Or, the last. 

He rubbed his eyes. 

Gods, he was so tired. 

Then, there was Zephyra. A bright, happy, blonde headed girl with a strangely naive view of the world. And, completely capable of brutal acts of cold intelligence. And, desensitized to the suffering and horror that she inspired. She had practically melted a few acolytes and used their corpses to fuel her magic. And, yet, she didn't seem quite like a bad person. 

Ugh, but she wasn't really a good person either. 

And, she had apparently enslaved her entire party to follow her lead. They had no idea. Not a single goddamn clue. At least, as far as he knew. 

They all deserved better.

He had promised that they would get better. He had promised that he would be their guiding light. He had to laugh at himself. It was so damnably sad. 

He was like this every time. 

He just had to try and save everyone. He just had to try and play the part of the righteous hero. Like, he was some sort of chosen savior. 

But, he wasn't. 

He never was someone special. Just some schmuck who got caught up in everything. He was constantly at the wrong place and the wrong time. He hadn't saved anyone. He couldn't save anyone. 

He would just disappear. Or, die again. 

Even when he was needed the most…

Bob shook his head. It didn't matter. He was here now. He had to try, no matter what happened. He had to try. Or, his life wouldn't be worth living. 

"We should tell them tomorrow", he whispered to himself. "It would be best to tell them quickly."

---

Zephyra couldn't stop thinking about only one thing: Her father. 

What did she know about him?

Truthfully? Not much. 

He had created her, taught her, molded her into the being that she was today. She could remember his kind smile. He had a rich warmth that came from his eyes. He was a gentle and understanding sort of man. He was patient. 

If she messed up in her studies, he would correct and encourage her. If she made a mistake, he had helped pick her up and push her forward. And, when she had felt alone, he had been there for her.

He had read her stories to help her fall to sleep, played with her when she couldn't focus on her studies any longer, and listened to her every thought and word.

He was a perfect father. He had been her entire world. It was just the two of them for so long. She loved and missed him dearly. She never wanted those days to end. 

But… they did. 

...He was gone. 

Zephyra curled up and held herself. Her room was quiet. It was dark. And, almost cold. There wasn't any warmth left in her home. At least, not the warmth that had mattered so much to her. 

Zephyra bit her lip. She wept and cried freely. She didn't have to hold it back right now. She didn't have to put up a brave face. She could just let go. 

But… no one was there to comfort her. 

He wasn't there to hold her while she cried. 

He wasn't there to tell her that everything would be alright. 

And, he wasn't there to explain everything that was happening. 

He had given her the contract. He had told her that it would keep her safe. He had explained that others would need to sign it. But, he hadn't explained how it would help her. He hadn't told her how it worked. 

Zephyra had only discovered that it would compel others to obey her. And, even that was through her own effort. She had poured through the text. She had made every effort to understand and translate every word. 

And, still, she fell short. She hadn't understood all of it. She hadn't been able to translate all of it either. A few portions were written in an indecipherable text that she couldn't recognize. And, she couldn't find any source material to compare it to either. 

At first, she had abandoned the contract. She trusted her father. But, she didn't want to use something that she didn't understand. 

Zephyra tried her best on her own. But, her best wasn't good enough. 

No one wanted her. 

The first time, she had driven away any prospect with her thirst for revenge. She had spoken about it plainly and openly. And, everyone avoided her after that debacle. 

No one wanted to take on the church. It was suicide. 

Then, later, she tried to market herself as a necromancer. Which ended as poorly as could be expected. She had to flee for her life and had nearly died.

She never made that mistake again. She kept it to herself.

Which wasn't the right decision either. Every group had discovered her secret soon after she was recruited. And, every time, she was violently attacked.

Until, at last, she had to take her first life in defense of her own.

Her desire for vengeance had waned. 

It hadn't disappeared entirely though. She still wanted to make the church suffer. She wanted to dismantle it entirely and scatter it to the four winds. But, it wasn't an all consuming need that needed to be fulfilled anymore. 

More than anything, she didn't want to be alone. She didn't want to hurt anymore. She wanted someone that she could trust.

Zephyra had turned to the contract out of desperation. And, what little she knew of it, turned out to be woefully inadequate. She was out of her depth, dabbling with powers and entities that she could not understand. 

"Surely your silly little father told you something. He wouldn't have simply handed you over to me without explaining anything to his precious little experiment."

The voice of the Guarantor echoed within her head, over and over again. 

Her father was the one constant in her life. But, even then, she truly didn't know much about him. And, if the person that she had trusted the most had lied, or had lived an entirely different life than she had supposed… 

She didn't know what to do. 

Zephyra tossed. And, she turned. Until, at last, an uneasy sleep took hold of her.

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