At the 17th peak of daylight, I was still sitting on the ground, looking at the caterpillar as its spores matured in many colors. I was still occupied by the thought of reality and the anxious emotion that is filling my body. I couldn’t procure any logical answers to my questions.
It was a complicated process of emotions, I don’t know how to make up with it. Honestly, even if I don’t know the answer and can’t receive it even thousands of years after, as long as I don’t question my existence both externally and internally, I presume that I won’t feel this anxiety feeling.
But, it was a quick get-go of running away from my main problems, in spite of that, my whole individuality is screaming to just let go of the problem and not think about it.
I looked over my memories if there was a time that I felt similar to this, but I was reminded of the recent events that happened. Just before the death of Vehmity and Asca, I was leading the scenarios and recreating real-life simulations. That time I felt excited, and after realizing that I felt depressed and regretted their deaths.
Going back to my main question, I was able to answer it with what I have right now. The reason why I feel delighted is because of my primary observational characteristic, and the reason why I feel regret and guilt is that I have an ‘ego’.
Having ego means, having a sense of reality. I was in pain, regret, and guilt because I suffered the loss of a comrade.
Taking this momentum of encouraging me, I lied to myself - I am probably me and me only, though my characteristics are complicated, it is the result of my “ego”. Ego represents individuality, I only have one ego characteristic built within me.
But if that was so, if ego represents individuality, then what can you call to those clustered type battle bots? Do they have the same characteristics? Or maybe different because of that they tend to vote? Should I split 3 of me and have all of my votes for what I want?
I made another lie to myself, ego is present in each of one of them, that’s why they have indifferent opinions and tend to vote a lot. They moved as packs but considered themselves singular. If that was the case, then I won’t cease to exist if I split myself?
I don’t know. Well, in the first place, there was no need for me to split, but having a single body with 3 major characteristics that contradict each other's movements. In the future, I will tend to question my emotions and my real intent.
If that time comes, I am sure that I will find answers for myself.
On the 91st peak of daylight, the caterpillar that I was staring at suddenly stopped eating and latched onto a small twig hanging by a newborn tree
The caterpillar that I was staring at suddenly stopped eating leaves and moved onto a small twig of a newborn tree. It hung upside down and spun around as it clad itself with silk.
It was going through a metamorphosis, and what’s more, it was early than usual. From the records I had read, a regular caterpillar should go through a metamorphosis 100 days after birth. Is it a different breed, I wonder? Should I use a Lifeform Analyzer?
I held off that idea and continued to observe it on my own terms.
On the 102nd peak of daylight, the caterpillar split the cocoon, revealing the beautiful light blue wings of a butterfly. It was quite a rare sight to see this kind of color for a butterfly in real-time.
The butterfly moves faster than a caterpillar, hence, rather than staying in one place for hours, my body was active. It jumps from flowers to flowers and sometimes takes rest at the branches of trees, high above.
On the 109th midday, I was sitting on the ground crossed-legs as I continued to watch the butterfly taking a sip on the nectar of a flower. Putting my hands on my chin, my back made an arch, which made me question myself if my R. Flux materials are weakening. I executed a built-in protocol internal frame scanning on my body and analyzed the structural changes of my body.
I was half-focus dazed because my logical processors are at full throttle for the work, but my eyes recorded the real-time movements of the butterfly. At the end of a full minute, I was able to determine the problem of my body, which I am not fully optimized.
Although there was no need for maintenance right now, my body went idle mode and didn’t make a read-in situation from the external hypothesis from my nexus, as a final result, it made my body sloppy since my power cannot full throttle immediately or I might choke myself just like 121 years ago.
When the load in my processing system has gone off, my consciousness calibrated and was no in sync, furthermore, reading the full sequence when I was away.
To my surprise, the blue butterfly I was observing landed at the tip of my nose. It felt a tingly sensation inside my nose, a honey smell was reaching my noise strolls, a butterfly bush, huh?
Should I move? No, that would make it run away, disrupting its full sole-course of development for its life. As an observer, I must not disrupt its development, However, since it has made physical contact with me, does that violate the ideals as an observer?
Making questions to myself, I didn’t know how to feel about it, but my emotions weren't something negative. Rather, I felt like my observational characteristic is extremely passive and does not want to trouble itself, so to say, it was free, but only reacts delightful for an individual’s death.
Is this a curse?
At the 205th peak of daylight, the butterfly awoke and fluttered its wings, trying to fly to crowded flowers that started blooming. But little does it know that it was surrounded by thousands of fourmis, many crawling all around the flowers and obtaining nutrients from it.
The chances of the butterfly realizing that fact is low, almost 3.4566%, whilst the chances of the butterfly escaping alive is 27.12222%. The probability of her death in this situation was likely.
Surrounded in all directions except the skies, just like the other Gods who bravely fought me. Situations that I made for them, except this time, I wasn’t the one to have control of this operation of theirs.
If I tell myself that I am a God, and I can do anything as I like’, will mean that I killed my subordinates for my own amusement. However, there’s nothing wrong with me if I saved the butterfly on a whim, right? If the observational characteristics of mine do not react to it, then I might be able to move away from this Dilemma without fear.
In an instant, the flourmis disappeared without a trace, it was eaten alive by my nanons. As if nothing changed, the butterfly landed on the petals of the flower and started to drink.
Whenever God goes, we always have nanons filling almost 30 kilometers in radius. Nanons have almost the size of an atom and are a small metal robot that synchronizes with God, however, Nexus does not have that authorization to use nanons.
I waited for my emotions to react, however, that didn’t happen. It was like any other day that I was observing the butterfly, thus made a relief within me. The feeling of delight and euphoria was the cause of observational characteristics and only triggers the condition of the individual dying.
It felt that the guilt that was eating my individuality slowly faded. In the future, I may be able to excuse my delights using the characteristics.
During the times when there were exciting, tense, and memorable moments, it came from all of my characteristics. Knowing that it’s better to assume that observational characteristics do not trigger only on that condition.
So I guess I have answers now? It was earlier than I had expected since I calculate my usual algorithm of the process into emotions.
The 301st noon, ray tuning above turned gray, and drips of water started pouring down heavily from the dark sky. Just before, the butterfly that I was observing died, and the other colony of fourmis risked their lives to get the butterfly as their source of food.
Amid the pouring rain, my laughing voice echoed throughout like violent thunder. I kneeled down, trembling from the ecstasy filling my head, and my tears mixed in the cold rain slither down my cheeks.
I wasn’t my usual self, yet it didn’t feel wrong either. My emotions were strong, but there was no negative that contradicted each other's reactions. That was the time I felt free.
Those nonsensical questions that I had past the previous year, it felt I had an answer for all of them. And in the first place, there was no need for me to find answers to my questions, I just had to live and do the things in the way I desire, that’s why I am a ruler.
There were so many parts inside of me that I cannot comprehend, but it felt that the more I think about it, the more I worry about it. This butterfly gave me the realization, that in the first place, that I in the past see the life of an individual as beautiful since they had limited time.
The reason I was delighted was because of the way the individual made choices of their lives, and how it ended in their final moments. But will my life ever be beautiful? There is no answer, there is no choice, so that’s why, no matter how I suit the answers, I will never attain them.
The more answers I gain, the more confusing it is. So there was no point in pursuing further.
It felt clear, the things in my head and body, it felt relief for the burden it had lifted.