Day 1
"...God-sama...God....Water...."
I crawl on the sandy ground, the sediments biting my skin and the raging wrath of the twin sun Sol and Sunna burning my skin.
"Those.... Creatures...!" I punch the stone I used to sit on, gripping my comb tightly as it's brittle look couldn't be of use to my hair anymore.
[Why? Why? Why must this happened? What did we do to deserve this?] Such thoughts rage through my mind.
I look around, asking for help, anybody, but there are none. Only skeletons of the creatures I'm supposed to protect and the dry wasteland of what used to be my home.
"I'll.... I'll kill them all..!!..." I could not even scream my rage anymore as my spit has dried out.
"D-.. Divine beings.... I thought you said they were divine beings.... mama...." I call to my mama, but there's no response. Only a gust of wind flowing through the eye socket of her skull. Mama died holding me between her arms.
"...Mama.....!!" I cried out, but it's no use, she does not answer after death.
They died. They all died. Mama, grandma, sister, younger sister, older sister, auntie, everyone!
"Believe in the divine beings..." Is what mama said before we got burnt to a crisp.
"...Food....." I grab a gold nugget ore, and crunch! ate it. [It tastes so bad....] but it's the only thing that could give me nutrients.
But, "Aaaaaarrrggggghhh.....!!!!!" It hurts. It hurts so much, it hurts so fucking much. My body is rejecting this food. But it's the only thing keeping me alive.
"Water.... Goddess.... Sama..." I tried to cry, but it seems even tears cannot flow out of me anymore. "Why.... Why have you forsaken me....." Everyone, my family, the divine beings, my god, everyone abandoned me!
"...How long.... Crack! How long.... Will I live like this......?" I bit on another gold nugget. How long will my supply of gold runs out?
One day, one week, one month? A year? I dunno. I don't know how long will I survive until before I get eaten by a random beast from the forest.
But one thing's for sure. "I... I wanna go with mama..."
I don't wanna die a lonely death crawling and grabbing the ores as I get too far away from mama's skeleton.
I look at her hallow bones. "...Mama...." I crawl my burnt feet and hug her ribs and hold her bony hands tight as I look up to see her jaw. "I wanna sleep with you mam—" Just as I close my eyes and sleep the day away, "Holy shit!" A jolly scream was heard.
"..H...huuuhh...??" I look towards the sound and found the source.
"What have they done to this place?!" It's a female's voice. She has long flowy black hair that's being guided by the wind.
The woman wears a long, purple cape with a demonic aura. But holds a white shield that's radiating a holy aura. Her armor that I could eat is scant, but high quality filled with mana and the rest a black and grey clothes.
"Man what happened here.... Oh...!" She notice me.
"C..crap..." She's looking at me!
"Could that be?!" It jumps forward at an height I could not reach and lands near to me, the sediments and sand hitting my face.
"It really is!" She looks at me with those reddish purple eyes. "It's a Xana without water!" She happily said.
"..Wha...?" I wonder, looking confuse as to what this creature is doing.
But it seems like it's talking to itself. "Huh?? Yeah yeah fine, it seems like this whole lake got caught in their duel and this is the result." It spoke things I could not believe.
[Duel....?] I thought. [Duel? Duel? A fight? So that was it was? A duel? The duel that killed all my family and friends?] Duel keeps repeating in my mind, like an atrocious rhyme.
"Yeah, I'll punish them. They shouldn't destroy someone's proper—" It notice me again.
"....It-s it's you...!" Those devilish beings! Those beings that casted fire onto the lake and burned them all! "Diiiiiieeeeeee...!!!!!" I roared in anger that I've never felt since I saw my mother's skin melt in front of my eyes.
"Oh? Seems like it put it's aggro on me. Be right back." She stops talking to herself and looks at me close.
"Goood....! Now die..!!" My legs which I thought gave up got back to life as I sprint on all fours like a beast and charge at her with mad rage.
[Yes! Yes! Yes yes yes yes! Die! This is for mama...!] I lunge at her as my mouth opens up to chew her face off.
But... {"Barrier Level 1!"} I immediately felt a shroud of hardened magic around her, but I could not stop.
Or rather, couldn't. "Auuh!?!" My face slams onto the magic wall, breaking my teeth and pathetically slide to the ground.
"...Damn it..." I grab the sand as I bit my lips and blood comes out, the only liquid I have left.
"Let's see..." She stares at me intently.
[I'm... I'm going with you now mama...] My chances of survival are absolutely zero. I knew that from the deepest reaches of my heart.
But... "Now then..." she deactivates the barrier.
"....Huh?" Why would she do that?
"Come at me little one." She said, her finger telling me to come to her.
And from those words. "....Aaarrghhh...!!!" I leap forward once again for one, final attack.
[Just a scratch!] If I could even let this person, this divine being, get hurt than I will more than be satisfied and go to mama.
[Thank you...] I thought, as my anger slowly disappears and leave me with a feeling of determination to take this women down.
I attack her with all my remaining strength, focusing them all on my claws.
As I'm only a hair's breath away from her face. "You aren't dying that easily." She said, as she shows me both of her palms to, "Here ya go!" grab both of my wrists. Completely stopping my momentum.
"...Arrrgghh....!!?!" I squeal like a pig that got caught, I look pathetic.
I try to claw and bite and resist and kick as much as I could, but I sense my energy draining more and more. My straightened body becomes soft, my hair falls back and my breath is rough as I dangle from her hands, my face looking down at the dirt.
[One more please... Just a scratch.] I pray to any god that is willing to listen to me, as Water Goddess-sama have abandoned me, I wish for me to just scratch this divine being.
"Alright, let's see your stat... Oh?" She looks at the ground underneath me.
[Please....!] At that moment, {Earth Spike!} I unconsciously saved up my very last mana to concentrate on the dry ground beneath me and had casted an Earth-type spell. Something that mama told me was impossible since we're one of the Water Goddess-sama's children.
"Woah!" The divine being surprised, the sudden spell was out of her expectations and the spike that grew out of the dirt to lunge to itself into the being's thigh.
"Holy—" It was enough to make her lose her grip onto one of my arms to pull it out.
Now should be the perfect time to counterattack, to hit her while I have a vacant hand and possibly be released from her but... [I did it mama...] I look intently at the thigh that was hit by my spike, it was easily pulled out and the wound regenerated quickly but still, [There's blood...] The fabric around her thighs got blood spilt on them, and there are drops of it still remaining on her skin.
"Now that's a shocker." She said, while looking straight at me.
"K-kill....me..." I said, looking down at the dirt.
I didn't look, because I know what will happen to me. [...Mama, I'll go and see you now...] I hurt a divine being, beings that can destroy whole forest, move moutains, and talk to the gods themselves. Beings that managed to destroy my home, my family, my friends, from their duels.
"Kill you?" She said, like she was questioning me. As she pulls me up and grabs me under my armpits.
I close my eyes, getting ready for the inevitable end, but mama said that it's rude to not answer someone's question. So I answer, "Y..ye...ye—" But before I could muster my answer.
"Kill you? What are you talking about?" I felt a soft, bouncy thing in front of my face, as I feel my body getting wrap around with, it's not the cold feeling of my body getting squish. But rather a warm, comfortable feeling like sleeping snugly between mama's arms.
I open my eyes as I compared the feeling to mama in shock, not believing it. But there it was, I was being hug by this divine person, as her arms raised me up the ground and carried me to her chest. My face resting on her breast, as I look up to see what I thought to be a cold divine being that I could never understand, but in actuality exuding a smile and feeling that could only come from mother.
I was shaken, not wanting to compare my beloved mother that died protecting me to this being that I didn't even know. But I couldn't help it, my body moves on its own as I hug this being as well, but as my tears dried up I could only cry in pretend.
"You've actually got the Earth Attribute... Something that I have never seen occurring in the wild, I don't know what circumstances you have is but you're quite a special case you know?" She told me, while smiling happily as she caress my wrinkled hair.
"S-special...?" I muttered, as that word keeps repeating in my head again. But unlike the word duel, I felt happiness swell up inside me.
"Yup, I thought you were easy pickings since you're a Xana that has no water. So I was surprised that you casted Earth magic." She said while looking around the dried up lake. "If you were a lot stronger than you are now you'll actually be a tough opponent to beat." She said as she looks at me again.
[So there's a reason that I survived mama...] I thought, as even if I couldn't produce tears anymore, I still wanted to cry very much. So I bury myself in the divine being's breast, so to not see me in such a face.
"So that's why I'll train you from now on." She said as she hugs me a little tighter.
[Then I swear that I'll follow this person, for you mama!] Now that I thought of this, I felt so stupid wanting to kill myself earlier. Mama sacrificed her life for me so that I could live on, there must be meaning for that. Or else I could not look straight at mama's face in the afterlife.
"Oh? It seems like you requested to tame yourself to me huh? Then I gladly accept." She then hover her arms midair to click something.
Then at that moment I remember what mama said afterwards. "Divine beings may bring us prosperity or it will bring us destruction. That is ultimately their choice, but if you follow one, you'll be guaranteed to become something greater than what you are." She said that to me the night before two divine beings fought in midair on the lake.
"I...I'll...become strong..." I said in my final breaths before falling my face to her breast, as my body couldn't support itself anymore.
"Jeez... You're lucky that you survived in this place, but you wouldn't survive if I take you in your state right now..." She says, but I couldn't hear it well as my consciousness is slowly fading.
But my eyes caught the shimmer of her fangs as she opens her mouth. "I'm not a vampire okay? I won't suck your blood. In fact I'll give you my blood so that you could survive the journey to Atlantis." She said, but I couldn't hear it anymore.
The last thing that I heard is the suckling sounds of her blood pumping into my neck.
This chapter could have used a tie in to the present. It feels sort of awkward without anything tying it to the plot.
It could have been a flashback triggered by a vendor offering her some water, then it could cut back to the butler guy (blanking on his name) stepping in before she flips out.
That in turn could be used to set up a flashback for the two of them in Atlantis, swapping stories about how they were recruited, which could then lead to his own flashback.
But even without all of that, something to tie it to the present is basically a must.
Also, I notice I've been kinda negative in my comments and that might give you the wrong impression. I'm very frugal with my compliments (they lose all meaning if you hand them out like candy) but my criticisms come from a place of love, so to speak. I find this story interesting, and I'm looking forward to where it goes, enough to come back here every day. So far you're doing a pretty good job.
Except for the odd rushed sequences (such as where our little xana goes from wanting to cause even the slightest amount of injury to treating Morus like the savior prophesied by her mother in the space of a few breaths) and the occasional garbled setting (like the convo with godman), I feel like you're writing a very solid bit of fiction.
In the future, I'll probably continue to be critical, so please don't take that criticism for condemnation.
It's fine it's fine! I take these criticisms with stride! And I always get excited about seeing them so yeah, continue! But anyways I'm sorry! I forgot to mention this is a story that takes multiple chapters, I wanna make this one short if possible, I did thought of extending it but it will take time and I wanted this to not take too much time with the main storyline so yeah, multiple chapters! Plus the reason I wanted to write this is cause I wanna flesh out their characters and stuff so yeah.
I mean I'll defend my point here but I did make it obvious enough that mori here didn't actually killed her parents. Itia here never intended to actually kill her she just acted I'm pure rage. So when she calmed down that meant she didn't want to kill her anymore. It's one of the cases where you acted out and thought later "I shouldn't have done that" kind of thing.
Thanks for the chapter! And her hatred is too much well I understand her though
Thanks! :D Well everyone she knew died so it makes sense that she's mad
Bouhouhouhou ! It's so saaaaaaaaad despite it being not that saaaaaad ! Bouhouhouhou.
Now i am crying...
I don't know if the comment's being real or being sarcastic hehehe
@Chaaruzu_Corner Real crying.
@Tsuru
My eye are tearing up an I am a bit shock as I am proud of my stone face X'D
@Chaaruzu_Corner (Coming back to this comment because of "Shadowlord0474" posting a reply)
If i say something there is a 99% chance it's true. Even if it's false than most likely i would specifically add/write (Joking / Trolling / Sarcasm) so people know i am lying/not being serious. Mainly because it's easy for people to not understand sarcasm with just words. Too bad that my method is not mainstream and seems only known to me. You can ask randomly 10 000 internet people, they will all reply that they never bothered to do like me (adding a small notion that they are lying/joking/being sarcastic) when they are posting a joking comment.
So yeah. If i posted the comment that i cried, that only means that i cried.
I am a guy but i cry too easily. My heart is too influenceable.
In fact, funny thing, just now i teared up again when i re-read the chapter and saw the part where she is hugged and her face on the breasts.