For the first time in a long time, Sybil really didn’t care much at all about the spell. On the floor, splayed out in front of her, was everything she needed, ready to be mixed. The chalk for her summoning circle lay on its side, discarded. Her mortar and pestle sat untouched. Wrapped around her waist, squeezing tightly and comfortingly, was ‘Ruuk; Sybil was grateful for her familiar, she even helped a little, but couldn’t fill what Madelyn had left empty. Twice, now. Twice, Sybil had been so certain she’d figured it out. First, when she cast the spell, eager to meet the one she would fall for. And again, not hours ago, standing in Illis’ study, and making the choice to trust her own feelings over her lingering doubts.
Where had that led her, though? And, could she really even blame Madelyn for leaving? Sybil had asked far more than she could really expect of anyone, and Madelyn had exceeded even that. She’d exceeded it all while Sybil only had eyes for someone else, someone else who might not even exist. Because, if Sybil’s hunch were right, then Madelyn was that person. This whole time, Madelyn had been falling for Sybil, all while she continuously, incessantly refused to accept her own growing feelings. So, of course, when the time came, Madelyn’s patience, her willingness to sit by and watch as the woman she loved pined for someone else, had been worn to the bone. In that sense, Sybil really couldn’t blame Madelyn for leaving. Even though it hurt. There she was, finally starting to get over her fear of being abandoned, only for it to happen again, with nobody to blame but herself.
The lingering question, then, was, what now? Was it too late for her and Madelyn? If it was, if Sybil had pushed her away, ruined any chance of a life with her, did that mean Sybil had come to the wrong conclusion back in Illis’ tower after all? Could she even bring herself to care that there might be someone else out there if that person weren’t Madelyn? Sybil had already made her choice, had been feeling pretty confident and happy with her decision to see things through with Madelyn. But if she were wrong, then the spell was still an option. If she even wanted it.
Now, though, collapsed in a heap on her floor, she realized just how naive that idea was. Sybil couldn’t simply move on from Madelyn, cast the spell, and fall head-over-heels in love with someone else, as though everything she felt for Madelyn had never even existed. Apparently, though, that’s what Madelyn had expected of her. Which, Sybil had to admit, was probably her own fault. It wasn’t as though Sybil hadn’t given Madelyn reasons to feel that way. Clearly all that really meant, though, was that Madelyn had never come to the same conclusion which Sybil had been harbouring in secret. Yet, since Madelyn had rejected Sybil, then gone off on her own, was that to be seen as evidence that she wasn’t the one? Ultimately, that hinged on the matter of whether the dreams really were preordained, or simply a possibility. Frankly, though, the time to answer that question, to even start to figure out how to find the answer to that question, was long gone. Things were already way too complicated to entertain that thought experiment.
Instead, Sybil had to make a choice, again. It all came down to Madelyn. Madelyn, and the spell. If Sybil were correct after all, and the person from her dreams had actually been Madelyn the whole time, the question became whether or not Madelyn would even want Sybil anymore. Before that conversation, before Madelyn left, a plan had begun to crystalize in Sybil’s head. Back at the tower, the idea that the wight’s finger’s purpose would have been to add a third, transformative element to the original summoning spell, seemed to ring quite true. But given everything Sybil had just been through, believing that had become so much harder. How could the person she was meant to be with leave her like that?
Beside, there were still plenty of reasons Sybil might choose to believe that Madelyn wasn’t the woman from her dreams. For instance, Sybil’s conception of what, exactly, the woman from her dreams didn’t really align to Madelyn. Her foggy recollections always pointed to someone smaller, and more delicate in size and shape than Madelyn. Which suggested that, either Madelyn wasn’t fully comfortable in her current body, or, that the woman in Sybil’s dreams wasn’t Madelyn. At least, that’s how it seemed at first glance. Unfortunately, it still couldn’t be that simple. Following that logic to its end would ignore the reality that, every once in a while, Sybil had dreams where Madelyn—no, where her partner, had seemed different. Dreams in which her partner had been tall, strong, and, in so many ways, just like how Madelyn appeared now. The silence of her cabin was broken with an exasperated groan of frustration.
“Why is this so fucking complicated?” Sybil hissed. ‘Ruuk replied with one of her own. “Sorry, I’m not mad at you, I just—this feels awful.” On cue, ‘Ruuk nuzzled Sybil’s face, and gently tightened a little more. For a moment, Sybil just allowed herself to focus on her breathing and calm down, then continued to think aloud. “Okay, so need to summarize. If Madelyn really is her, then there’s a spell I can cast to give her a body more in line with her sense of self. But in doing that I would be assuming the pendant hadn’t already given her the correct body. I guess, ultimately, if I cast that spell and she’s already comfortable, then there’s no harm done since nothing would even happen.” That, at least, was comforting. The last thing Sybil wanted to do was make Madelyn feel worse. She affectionately scratched ‘Ruuk’s head, and resumed.
“There’s also the matter of whether Madelyn even wants to be with me anymore. For one, it’s not like I can cast the spell with her off doing whatever it is she’s doing, and there’s no way for me to know how long that’ll be. Weeks? Months? Years? I don’t think I can wait that long. Even if she comes back, I could do all this, cast the spell to fix her body, expend a bunch of my reagents, and then just be rejected by her all over again. Then what? I take things from the beginning again? It would certainly be easier this time around, since the transformation spell I would be casting doesn’t really need to share any reagents with the summoning spell. But I’m not sure how many more times I can fail at this and just get back up again. I’m not sure I can handle being rejected like that. Madelyn means a lot. I don’t want to be without her.” Saying it out loud made it that much harder to ignore.
“Besides, all of that is completely glossing over the fact that, if it isn’t Madelyn, this whole thing with the wight’s finger doesn’t make sense all over again. Does that mean I was just wrong all along and the wight’s finger was needed either way? Or is there some other thing I’m missing.” Her hands flew through the air in exaggerated flailing from frustration and exhaustion. “What do I do?” Eyes watering and voice shaking, Sybil looked down toward ‘Ruuk, who stared back up at her Mistress with eyes that read ‘I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but what do you want me to do about it? I’m a literal snake.’
“Look, I know you can’t actually answer, I just need to talk this out, okay?” More silence followed. “Anyway, the whole thing with Madelyn is really complicated. But, on the other hand, there’s option two. That’s the option In which I just accept that I was wrong about Madelyn, try to move on, and cast the spell as originally intended. Maybe there’s someone out there who could make me so happy that I’d forget all about Madelyn.” Even saying that felt awful, and the look ‘Ruuki gave her was no better. “I know I was just complaining about how that relates to the finger, but what if it just works this time? Maybe I’ve been overthinking it and I just need to cast the damn spell. Or maybe maybe whoever I’m pulling from Earth could also use a different body? Madelyn said there were others like her. Obviously, with option two I could still be wrong, but this way feels much easier, doesn’t it?” This time, instead of silence, Sybil’s question was met with a long, drawn out hiss.
“Hey, don’t give me that. I’m sorry, alright? I know you’ve gotten fond of her and all, it’s just—this whole thing with Madelyn is such a massive, complicated web of ifs and thens and buts. There are so many different ways I might be wrong about this. Isn’t the other way easier? Don’t I have less to lose? You know, less to lose besides Madelyn.” Sighing in exhaustion, Sybil let herself fall backward onto the floor as ‘Ruuk coiled herself under Sybil’s head to form a cushion. “Why is this so hard? Isn’t this what I wanted all along? I have the reagents ready, Or at least, I can have them ready. With a little effort I’ll be able to do the summoning pretty much whenever I want. So why does this hurt so much? Everything was supposed to go like this. I didn’t want Madelyn to stick around. When did that change?” For several minutes, Sybil stared upward at the ceiling and just breathed long and slow, doing all she could to quiet the swarming hive of questions which plagued her.
“Hey, ‘Ruuki?” Beneath her head, Sybil felt her familiar shift lightly in response. “Can I tell you something?” A choked exhale of laughter escaped her lips. “I mean, you probably already know this, it’s not like you’re blind or anything. But I didn’t take the wight’s finger. It was there, Of course it was there. I saw it pretty much right away. But I didn’t take it. Do you know why?” Again, ‘Ruuk stirred, flicking her tail lightly along Sybil’s face; she giggled a little.
“I didn’t need it. At least, at the time I didn’t think I would need it. So you might be thinking, why did I think that? This much you certainly know already, but summoning someone from an entirely different planet, someone you don’t even know the name of, or really much of anything about, using vague feelings alone as a guide is a pretty damn complicated spell—especially if my hunch back at the tower was right—and, on top of all that it was also meant to give the target, give Madelyn, her ideal form. That’s still assuming the target is Madelyn, but I digress. Now, let’s say, alternatively, I wanted to cast a spell which only did the body transformation. That spell is pretty easy, for me anyway. It’s costly and complex, but I’m good at this. Honestly, I wouldn’t need any of this shit for that.” With a dramatic sweep of her arm, Sybil scattered the reagents she’d lain across the floor.
And why shouldn’t she? She hated them, hated what her quest to get them had turned her into. Hated how her single-mindedness had pushed away Madelyn. Honestly, she should have been smashing those fucking vials to pieces, burning their contents to a crisp. And after that, she’d—a soothing, coo of a hiss sounded below her, and Sybil forced herself to go limp. “Sorry, again. back to the matter at hand.” Taking another moment to breath, she continued.
“While I was looking through Illis’ reagents, I was really starting to believe that the second spell’s failure wasn’t because of the missing wight’s finger, but because it couldn’t probe the veil to another planet and summon someone from the other side if said person were already here. At the tower, all I took from the reagent cabinet was some dried luna-flower. It would have helped make sure there was no pain when her body started changing. Ever since Madelyn left, though, part of me has been wondering, maybe I was wrong. I could still go back. I could still go get the wight’s finger, and cast the original spell as intended.” Trembling, the next few words were barely a whisper. “I don’t want to, though. I guess that makes all this feel kind of pointless, but, well, if not for this whole business with the finger I never would have gone back to Illis’ tower, never would have found out what happened. Who knows how long it would have taken for me to realize what I need to do?” With far less gusto, Sybil slowly plucked the nearest overturned vial from its place on her floor, and held it carefully in front of her face, slowly turning it in her hands as she examined it every which way. The scattered pieces of an idea, a plan started to coalesce in her head.
“There’s something else I could use all this for, though. It’s true that the other summoning spell, the originally planned one is obscenely complex. But, let’s say, hypothetically, I wanted to cast a spell that would take Madelyn, a person whom I know quite well, and who by this point still can’t be more than a half dozen kilometers or so away from us, and transport her back here, while simultaneously also giving her a body that would more accurately reflect the kind of person she is on the inside. We could cast that right here, right now, ‘Ruuki. It would be harder than just giving her a more fitting body, but it would still be leaps and bounds easier than the other option. It would almost certainly be simple enough to not need the finger, since summoning someone close by is way easier than someone who even knows how far away. And I could definitely rework the summoning to target someone on this planet instead of on Earth. There wouldn’t be any going back, though. Casting a spell like that would mean no more reagents afterward.” Grunting softly, Sybil reached out, far as she could, and hooked her fingers ‘round her mortar and pestle, drawing it toward her and tracing her fingers along the smooth stone.
“She’d probably be mad, wouldn’t she? After all, she did want space, time to think. But when that conversation was happening, I kept trying to tell her. Over and over again I tried to explain; and she just shut me out, wouldn’t listen. It might be a little rude, but frankly, she needs to hear what I have to say. I deserve to have the things I wanted to say be heard. And I’m not waiting weeks or months or years to say them.” Stretching, for a moment, Sybil worked out the kinks in her back and neck, as it turned out, even when one had a snake-pillow, lying on the floor could get awfully uncomfortable in a pretty short amount of time. With a flick of her wrist, Sybil conjured a light gust of wind, blowing the container full of her dry ingredients, which had rolled off into a corner, back within reach.
“You know, earlier I said this whole thing wasn’t easy. The choice, the uncertainty. But I don’t think it’s supposed to be. Why would it be? This is a big decision regardless of how many choices there are, regardless of how much uncertainty there is. Besides, this entire ordeal has been a mess right from the start. Which means, unfortunately, I could be wrong. I stand to lose a lot if I’m mistaken.” For a few moments, Sybil let herself think about all that risk, just one last time to be certain. Nothing changed. “But the thing is, I don’t care anymore if I’m wrong about Madelyn. I don’t want some ambiguous fated match. I want her.” With that truth staring Sybil right in the face, there really was only one thing left to do. “‘Ruuki, I’ve made my choice. Think you can help me up?”
- - -
One last time, Sybil made certain everything was properly prepped. The circle was drawn, the reagents were mixed. For moral support, ‘Ruuki was wrapped around her shoulders. She was ready. The whole shaking vigorously with nerves thing was kind of a problem, but Sybil could hardly fault herself for that. “It’s going to be alright. No pressure, just my whole future on the line.” She chuckled grimly, then held out the mixture. “Here’s hoping we’re not wrong.” Sybil closed her eyes, and chanted the activation phrase. Energy flowed through her, seeping out from the intricate tattoos all along her arms and into the bowl. Smoke rose, there was a bright flash, and Sybil opened her eyes. The spell was cast, it had worked, now all there was left to do was wait, and hope. Just then, a noise caught Sybil’s attention. Preoccupied as she was, it took Sybil a moment to fully process the sound, but as soon as she realized it had come from her front door, and that it was the sound of said front door opening, Sybil whirled around. In the doorway, Madelyn stood, tears in her eyes. She opened her mouth, let it hang as words failed her, and closed it again. Then she tried again.
“Sybil, hey,” she panted. Never had Sybil seen Madelyn so completely out of breath. And Sybil had seen this woman fight a two-ton lizard. Had she run here? That thought warmed Sybil. She smiled, and just like that a dopey grin of her own crossed Madelyn’s face, all the tension leaving her body the moment she could see that Sybil was okay.
“Madelyn.” And now, for some reason, Sybil was out of breath too.
“Listen, we need to ta—” Behind Sybil, the summoning circle pulsed with one last burst of light, and, before her eyes, Madelyn vanished.
For the briefest of moments, Sybil was stricken with worry. Okay, terror. Madelyn had vanished. Then she remembered that this was supposed to happen. Behind her, Sybil heard a startled yelp. She whirled around, and any remaining breath left in Sybil was sent all the way out to space. Madelyn was gorgeous. Not more gorgeous, per say. But different gorgeous. And, most importantly, Madelyn looked like her. Not that Sybil originally had a concrete idea of what that really meant. But it felt right. Somehow, Sybil found a way to breathe in. “Yeah, I think we do.”
Patreon
Girl what?! You can not physically change someone body without their consent. What a horrifically terrible thing to do to someone! Is she gonna start tattooing her in her sleep next?
This will be addressed next chapter
yeah i mean in general these two are really, really bad at communicating with each other and at understanding how their actions will make the other feel, but the plot rests so heavily upon that dysfunction that to take issue with it is to take issue with the vast majority of the story
The other thing to bear in mind is that this is another one of those cases where the spell Sybil is casting is giving Madelyn a body which most closely remembers her internal self. It doesn't change the fact that she didn't ask, but it is pretty literally impossible within the context of the story for Madelyn to not like her new body.
Also, while a tattoo is permanent, in this world a transformation of body isn't. Sybil could change her back if Madelyn wanted it. In our world, a truly horrible thing though.