"

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole

Diggy diggy hole, diggy diggy hole

I am a dwarf and I'm digging a hole

Diggy diggy hole, digging a hole

 

The sunlight will not reach this low

Deep, deep in the mine

Never seen the blue moon glow

Dwarves won't fly so high

Fill a glass and down some mead!

Stuff your bellies at the feast!

Stumble home and fall asleep

Dreaming in our mountain keep

 

Born underground, grown inside a rocky womb

The earth is our cradle; the mountain shall become our tomb

Face us on the battlefield; you will meet your doom

We do not fear what lies beneath

We can never dig too deep"

YOGSCAST Lewis & Simon¹https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytWz0qVvBZ0 Security Advice: Do not play the one-hour version in the presence of non-school-age children! Drives parents crazy afterwards. Like a tin drum as a birthday present, only in digital form. Dwarf-lovers may try the version from WIND ROSE. I don´t judge. 

 

"

Was wollen wir trinken, sieben Tage lang

Was wollen wir trinken, so ein Durst

Was wollen wir trinken, sieben Tage lang

Was wollen wir trinken, so ein Durst

Es wird genug für alle sein

Wir trinken zusammen

Roll das Fass mal rein

Wir trinken zusammen, nicht allein"

Diether Dehm, german version "Son ar chistr"²https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qwcw_Uzfmvs german version, works best in my opinion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCum1dIt5FE breton version

 

 

Somewhere, where the sun doesn't shine.

 

 

The object of the examination stood on the table.

Completely motionless, silent. The appearance was like a whispering temptation.

 

Like a lever, with a sign: Do not pull if you value your life!!!

Everyone knows how great the temptation is to pull. Almost painful.

You could feel the whispering almost tangibly.

 

A container made of wood. A base of 400 by 300 mm, and a height of 300 mm.³These are the PERFECT dimensions. Anyone who has a clue will confirm this.

Practical openings on the sides for lifting.

The interior was divided into a total of twenty compartments. Four by five.

The contents of each compartment, a bottle of glass. Closed with a piece of metal on top.

 

Slowly, almost reverently, a bottle was removed with extreme care.

 

"Is this what I think it is, Throinain?"

"Steiger Huinain ..."

"Cut the crap, it's just us."

"Well brother, yes it is what you think it is. Beer. Excellent beer. Incredibly good beer."

 

Devoutly, the bottle was looked at.

 

"And it is?"

"Yes, brother, it is a bribe. Definitely. The bad part is not that I know we will take it. It's that I'm sure we won't get ripped off. Quite the opposite. What we are being asked to do in return is downright ridiculously little and simple."

 

The moisture in the air settled on the ice-cold surface, forming droplets that slowly ran down the brown glass.

 

"The bottle is cold! By the deepest stud. COLD BEER!"

 

"Brother, when you open the bottle and taste it you will agree to everything she asks without thinking. Trust me. Decide beforehand. This beer won't run away."

 

Huinain Murdin very carefully put the bottle back in the box. With a longing expression, the Steiger of the Seventh Great Dwarf Realm moved away from the objects of his desire. His brother's advice was precious to him.

 

"Who do I have to marry?"

"Umm, funny that you bring that up, brother. It's possible I could have voiced something like that."

"Again? What's your hurry to get me into a marriage? Do you still resent me for introducing you to Zylra?"

"You have nothing to worry about, brother. She doesn't want to marry you. If the rumors are true she has no interest in marrying a man."

 

"Who is 'she' and what does 'she' want for this box?"

 

"This box? Uhhh, I may have given the wrong impression, brother. This box is a sample, sort of so you know you're not getting fool's gold. By the way, she is ambassador Lady Laura. No one in Nuldur knows her last name or where she's from. She suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Rumor has it, she and King Edward can't stand being in a mine together. What was impressive was how many details she remembered of the plans in King Edward's war room. Your military attaché gave me a dispatch to take to the general staff."

 

"I think I heard about that. When you say that this Lady Laura could remember well, I hope there were no "secrets" laid out in the room where you received her?"

"Don't worry, we made sure the adit was well cleared."

"So what does she WANT and what is she offering us? There must be a reason why you exposed yourself to daylight on your return trip."

 

"Forgive me brother, but I will do just as Lady Laura did. I want you to know what she is offering first. I have had everything written down, so here is her offer verbatim:"

 

"Throinain. Do you seriously think I would try to pull a fast one on you? Do you think so badly of me? Let me first tell you what I'm offering."

"I will let the dwarves have the secret of how to brew this beer. And except for me, you will be the only ones who will know how to do it exactly. Everything I know about brewing beer. No one but the dwarves will get the secret knowledge. You will get the monopoly on beer. Even I will not sell it to others. For my personal use yes, but otherwise there will only be dwarven beer."

"And on top, brother:"

"I will guide you and build the first brew kettles with you."

 

"The secret of brewing beer? And only to us dwarves she wants to give it? She will even instruct us?"

"That's right, brother. We will get the monopoly on brewing beer."

"Is it good?"

"When you taste it later you will understand. Compared to what's in these bottles, everything you've drunk so far in your life is worst donkey piss."

"Then there's a reason the beer is in bottles? By the depth, IN GLASS BOTTLES, if you can believe that."

"Brother, from our shaft, it is only right that this beer be kept in precious glass. My impression of Lady Laura, though, was that it's not a big deal to her. More like practical and convenient."

 

"Glass? Practical and convenient? Unbelievable. Let's hope the mine is well ventilated and the adits well supported."

"Now do you see why you should listen to everything before making your decision? This box is the worst temptation I know. And as polite as Lady Laura is, she knows exactly what she wants and how to get it."

 

"My advice to you is to think carefully, brother. This is what she wants from us:"

"You know, Throinain, depth creates humility. I don't even want that much. This is what I have in mind:

• I get a small mountain from you, preferably made of massive hard rock, a volcano will do, located somewhere by the sea, and 10 kilometers around it belong to me so that I can found my own state on it.
• We agree that we will not wage war against each other and that no one will help the enemies of the other militarily. If one of the two parties wants to go to war, there must be a year's notice and in the time until then there is a truce.
• I will receive 1% of the profit of every liter of beer sold by you.
• I will buy my metal from you and not mine it myself.

 

"That's all? I ..."

 

"Just a moment, brother, she still said:"

"Well, you know how it is, I'd love to drive a few tunnels and shafts into the rock. There's nothing like a cozy hall in the depths without disturbing sunlight. If you want, I'll drive out a few tunnels so we can trade properly."

 

"I asked her, of course, if she had a particular mountain in mind. Huinain, Lady Laura wants the "Worthless Pebble by the Water"."

"That's all? Brother, you didn't happen to forget a book with the rest of the demands? What you're telling me sounds absolutely ridiculous."

"I'm as serious about it as when my canary stops singing, brother. And frankly, that worries me a lot. It feels like forgetting to close the glass of my lamp and then going into the pit gas."

 

"But there's not a thing of value there. The waters are infested with pirates. Nothing in the earth. Only inconveniences. Why would she want that? She'd even do us a favor and take care of the merchants who escape our tariffs because no dwarf wants to be there."

 

"And she's offering us a monopoly on beer, Throinain? What's the catch? What are we missing?"

"Brother, the only sense I can make of this, hmmm, royal bribe lies in her second demand. She wants to keep us out of a war. What bothers me, we hardly ever go to war with anyone. Everyone buys metal from us. And as unpleasant as that may sound, I don't think Lady Laura is afraid of us. She knows exactly how to bait us. Lady Laura has thought about the whole thing beforehand and weighed it up carefully. Some of the rumors I've heard say that she will strike without hesitation if attacked. What I think, brother, is that she prefers to bribe us before waging war against us. She holds no grudge or envy against us."

 

"Those are deep thoughts, Throinain."

 

"You have noticed that just three landslides westward, that blasted disgrace is in the earth?"

" That cursed dungeon that's been causing our miners nothing but trouble? Yes, why?"

"Why don't we offer Lady Laura some extra land to the west? We wouldn't have any more trouble with it and she might be able to do something with it? You could invite Lady Laura over to discuss the offer.  And get a picture of her in the process before you decide?"

 

"Very good advice, Throinain. Shall we try her bribe together?"

 

"An idea worthy of a Steiger, my brother."

 

...

 

"BY THE DEEP! A CROWN OF FOAM!"