Our Lady once told me: A long dead man where I come from is credited to have once said: Fear God and your enemies will fear you. I think I will disprove this hypothesis and teach both god and my enemies to fear me. Significantly more satisfying. And if there is more than just one god, all the better.

Sister Eva, indoctrinational class at the academy

 

RTFM! Read The Fucking Manual! DAMMIT!

An universal advice

 

 

 

 

It was still deepest night when I was awakened in a dream from my well-deserved sleep. My wives had learned not to wake the beast before time and just let me wake up by myself. That was a nice change. To dream that one wakes up.

 

"Get up! Come on wake up, mortal! Your kind is required! Wake up!"

 

Feeling good, I looked at the cute little fairy with her adorable fluttering little wings.

 

"Too soon, let me go back to sleep, little fairy." I mumbled, half dreaming.

 

"I'm not a fairy! I'm a .... mhmmmmhmmmhhh"

<Shhh - shut up and don´t fight!> gagged and bound the cute thing and pulled it tightly into my embrace and continued dreaming of women I could make my slaves. With a cute fairy as a teddy in my arms. Life was so good to me. Cozy.

 

 

When I finally woke up, a number of my wives were standing around looking at the furiously seething creature in my arms. I contorted my face. Apparently my dream had been more of a waking dream or half-sleep.

Resigned to my fate, I released the cute little fairy from her gag.

 

"Good morning, my cutie. What can Mommy Laura do for you, snuggles?"

"You can fucking untie me! Insolence. There I am running an errand once - ONCE - in a century and I am promptly bound and gagged! UN! BIND! ME!"

 

She looked so cute.

 

"No."

"How no? NO? What do you think you're doing? Untie me right now!"

"No."

"Untie me! Untie me! Untieme! Untieme!"

 

I love these games!

 

"No. No. No and no."

"Damn! And why not?"

"You didn't say the magic word."

"What magic word? There is no magic word! Tell me! Tell me the magic word."

"Please."

"Huh. What? What do you mean?"

"If you don't say the magic word then you stay tied up. Let's have breakfast, girls!"

 

Breakfast was great. For almost an hour the little one tried to figure out the magic word. Many of my wives didn't miss the opportunity to feed her treats while she was doing it.

Alice finally took pity and explained the magic word thing to her. The little one shrieked and hissed like a defective steam valve.

 

"Please, please mistress - untie me."

"Okay."

"Like really now? Damn!"

"Sooooooo. What's your name and what do you want?"

"My master calls me Sugga and my master wants to see you. He's bored that you ruined the whole thing for him and his friends."

 

Ok, I was officially confused. No idea who she meant let alone what thing and what friends.

 

"Happens, little one. Does your master and his friends have names too and where can I find him?"

"I'm not little! My master is Keima Manabu. His friends are Mikami Satoru and Wakaba Hime. And just so you know, my master is the lord of the dungeon beneath your feet!"

 

Oh. I knew I had something else lined up. And when I heard the names I couldn't stop laughing. Delicious. My day was off to a great start.

 

"Girls, get your things together, we're going to take our little fairy out for a spin." Among good neighbors one should visit each other. That's the way it should be, in my opinion. Germans are known to drop in on their neighbors unannounced and check on things. It could be that there is a problem.

"I am NOT a fairy! And I am NOT little either! And tell your cats to leave my wings alone! Shhhh - get lost. Shuu. Shuu."

 

Now, you can't blame cats. If there in front of your nose, directly in reach of your claws such a small fluttering thing dances around, the hunting instinct awakens. The subsequent chase through the room went over all the furniture and only the high ceiling saved the little fairy as it circled around the chandelier.

 

Consti asked innocently "If you're not a fairy, what are you?"

"I'm not saying, any nosy nose might come asking questions."

"You are small. You have wings. So you are a fairy. Very simple. A tiny little fairy with tiny little wings." I stated my hypothesis.

 

<You will always speak the truth to me.>

 

"So, if, as you claim, you are not a fairy, although you quite obviously look like one as I would like to establish, then what are you?"

"I'm not going to tell you my secrets just like that! I'm a succubus, and I'm only disguised as a fairy so that people don't come at me with pitchforks..."

 

The rest of her sentence could not be heard because she pressed both her hands over her mouth in a panic. It is really amazing what reactions the truth can bring out in a human being. Even if in this case it was a fairy - ahem, a succubus disguised as a fairy.

 

"I won't tell you anything! You can't get me to talk. You can torture me all you want, I don't mind pain!"

 

Oh my goodness. It's always amazing how eager someone can be to reveal their vulnerabilities.

 

"Mariette, please go get the long feathers and the gag. If Sugga doesn't want to talk anyway then it would be rude if she could get a word in edgewise. Don't worry Sugga, I won't ask you a single question. Your secrets are safe."

 

Everyone breaks after several hours of tickle torture. Even a succubus. I asked her very nicely and politely to change back to her true form. In one word: Devastating Drop Dead Gorgeous. Okay, that's four. You should be an accountant at the IRS.

 

And I didn't ask a single question. Word of honor. Scout's honor.

 

The collar and leash looked great on her. Even though she did not want to believe my praises at first, but after my wives also showed enthusiasm she blushed slightly and pranced sheepishly on the spot. Praise is very important to build up the self-confidence of a girl - that is, succubus. Especially the tail had its very special charm and attraction.So, if you ever get into the joyful situation and you get your hands on a succubus, just lick the tail. Whether it works on an incubus I don't know of course, what are you thinking? Just try it yourself. In any case, Sugga made some approving noises.

 

Maybe it's better to share something about "the system" before we dive down into the depths of a dungeon that no human has ever glimpsed before us. Ha Ha - that was a joke.

 

Shortly prior to the interlude in Orlormen, I finally got around as far as the "system" was concerned. And learned several unpleasant facts in the process. Put simply, I found out that I had been ... hmmm ... hacked? At least that some manipulation of settings has taken place. Not sure if my disinterest in the "system" is also due to that or because it really has nothing crucial to offer me. So far, I have had success with the "compromised" version as well. I was not increasingly worried about it. Long story short, I corrected the "problems" for myself in the "system settings". In the meantime it runs without me having to deal with any "interference". Somehow this shit was to be expected from the gods. Not sure I can say I paid the price for my lack of interest. At least I didn't benefit as much as I could have. But back to the topic.

Before we can really familiarize ourselves with the system, we must first ask ourselves the question: What is magic?

Uhhhh, yes. Right - what is magic, actually. Phew. Hard to answer. Let's put it this way, it depends. What does it depend on? Well - on yourself? What would you think?

The question everyone has to answer for themselves - do you believe or do you want to know?

Everyone who wants to believe, magic is something that the Gods in all their generosity and wisdom give to poor, stupid, pitiful lower beings so that they can do great, real and true heroic deeds for the good and salvation of the world. Very simple. Plain and easy. Faith is something wonderful, don't you think?

The idiots who want to know don't get anything except headaches and maybe stomach ulcers. And the gods are really not pleased with such assholes who dare to question divinity.

You know me, I'm not really into faith, I KNOW the gods exist and play their games, and somehow I'm more on the side of science than anywhere else. I can't completely rule out that magic does come from faith, but I can hypothesize and test it.

There is a "principle" and a "law" that basically help to see the pure faith approach at least as questionable if not even completely out of the window.

 

Occam's razor

And

Clarke's Third Law

 

Occam's razor is a methodology often used that states:

1. of several sufficient possible explanations for one and the same state of affairs, the simplest theory is preferable to all others.
2. a theory is simple if it contains as few variables and hypotheses as possible and if these variables and hypotheses are related to each other in clear logical relationships from which the facts to be explained logically follow.

 

And the third law of Arthur C. Clarke postulates:

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

 

That magic comes from faith and the gods, this theory has such holes that planets can be thrown through them, as I could observe myself, more than justify my more methodical approach.

If magic is a technology in contrast - then I could look for and collect proofs over trial and error if necessary. I can conduct experiments, set or vary framework conditions, recognize regularities and predict behavior based on them. And I can repeat the process at will.

Is magic a field? If it is a field does it have a range? Does it encompass this planet? And if I move far enough away, does the magic stop? Or is the whole universe and parallel universes filled with it? If so, why is there no magic on Earth? I can at least check if magic is possible beyond orbit.

Basically, the other laws of science don't seem to be completely out of force, otherwise we'd have some real problems with this planet and star system here. I'll just say gravity. Another clue was, as my successful lead-to-gold trick showed the manipulation was possible at the subatomic level. It wasn't proof yet, but it was a very strong indication. My inventory was another clue. The list of questionables did not get any shorter.

 

Let's move on to the system itself. Here was something very interesting to note.

 

It was more or less as you could expect from a system as far as you have only played a few RPGs. This familiarity is kind of eye-catching. Have we, means we humans, learned to live with it or have we developed it?

The next point are the attributes, that is, the stats. The level of the attributes have a direct influence on the magic. The higher the more and stronger magic is possible. It is even possible to underlay this with formulas and make calculations.

Experience affects the level, the more experience you have the higher the level. You have to be very blind and very, very deeply religious not to ask yourself any questions. The correlations and regularities jumped out at you bare ass first.

To whom it may concern, there was no attribute based on "faith". So if magic and faith are related, why doesn't the system know faith? Wouldn't it at least be expected that a believer under the system would have something to believe in? To me, personally, though, it seems odd.

I had tried a few things. Experimented, so to speak. With magic - not with other women while I was studying in college. And it was a university, not a college. Anyway, the results of my experiments were interesting enough to continue.

 

Remarkable I find the circumstance that here on Maronde it strikes so often just not-adult humans who come here from the earth. Strange or not? Oh, there are a few, but not really many. Knowing that the gods play their games with mortals, this state of affairs seems intentional to me. The best reason that comes to my mind is that children are more malleable and not experienced enough to have been disillusioned by some of life's important lessons. That is, they are more susceptible to bullshit slogans.

 

Some of the ideas and concepts of Isekai have alternative universes or realities as a basis. This scenario here could well be a multiverse.

 

There was, however, a hitch in my thinking. All my results so far could not prove if "my reality" here is "real" or "only" a simulation. There was no proof that could invalidate one of the two hypotheses. Was I Neo, following the white rabbit and waiting for Morpheus and Trinity only to find out that I was just a battery? Just for reference, if I were actually in something like the Matrix, i.e. an artificial reality, that would be proof that magic has nothing to do with faith but is actually based on sufficiently advanced technology. Not that this possibility would fill me with joy. Being right and even more so being deep in the shit is not really helpful. Comforting at best.

By the way, it does not help in the least that many faithful believe that their God created the world. If the world was created, isn't it also an artificial reality? Do you also have these headaches?

 

What I knew, the gods were assholes and they played games. How did I know that? I ended up reading the crappy logs. Yeah, it's my own fault, I know. Still, the so-called gods are assholes. Nespote messed with my profile. It's in the logs. And there is not the God Somebody but the Administrator Anyway. Shamed be she who thinks naughty about it. All my levels were ... screwed. Fucked up. Wasted. Where someone who ascended normally increased his attributes, I got nothing but an empty score. All additional points were automatically distributed in a nil-attribute. Nothing but expenses as they say. Only my levels had some impact. Yeah, on my shit list, for sure.

 

For reasons unknown to me, I don't have any idea, but sometimes gods are really tight-lipped about their motives, Morrigan not only gave me a blessing, but also changed my profile. Nespote must have panicked and played into my hands while trying to regain control. I could now decide for myself and selectively what happened to my profile. Without my agreement nothing happened anymore. By the way, again an indication that the gods were not really what they appeared to be. Not the gods had anything to do with magic, the system was the decisive factor.

 

I was unlucky with my attributes, though. I could only reset the whole thing and lost all levels and attributes. So I started again from zero and from the beginning. I didn't reset the skills, why should I? They would just fall into my lap again anyway. And the titles - what the heck - couldn't be reset. Thank you very much.

Why did the system allow itself to be reset at all? Crazy, isn't it? Where do the gods really come from? Well, it would be possible to find out. Given time.

One thing worried me more. My hope was for some answers that might be found in the dungeon. I once heard: Don't ask questions if you don't like the answers. Only I couldn't afford that luxury.

Now I'm starting to sound like a little philosophy auntie. Time to seriously think about killing something.

 

There are many ways to explore a dungeon. Some of these ways and approaches are more successful and some are deadly. Depending on what is at hand, you go in alone, in a small group or in a larger group. The main incentives for visiting a dungeon are gold and treasures, rare items or maybe raw materials for crafters. Gaining experience is also a reason. Sometimes it's also the fame and glory. Exactly, everything I desperately needed. I can't live without my hair dryer. My gosh.

 

So there was only one reason to climb into my lap dungeon. To make my point and hammer a few important rules into a few heads.

The best way to make yourself heard is always to join a large group. And of course, lead them. Not necessarily in the front line. But certainly close to it.

 

Yeah - a fucking Guild Raid!

 

Killing bosses is nice, but trully, I liked RvR much more than PvM. To lead a guild to slaugther the meek and filthy enemies, that´s real fun.

 

Every sister of the 1st Guards Regiment under arms was there. The remaining three regiments were on standby. It was quite a sight to see the companies lined up and aligned in front of the entrance. Very dashing. I satisfied my vanity by entering at the same time as the first detachment, the one in front of the main body of troops, and announcing our presence.

 

"Attention, attention. Listen up. Hime-kun, Satoru-kun, and Manabu-kun, the evil Auntie has come to visit, and I hope you've cleaned up your rooms, otherwise you're in for a dressing-down sermon. Unfortunately, you won't get any extra points for your stunt with the slave collars in this class. I'm really sorry. Mommy still loves ya."

 

Gratifyingly, a triple: """WHAT?""" vibrated through the dungeon.

 

And then my troops began to pour into the dungeon like a flood. Like an army of soldier ants circling around their queen and storming an enemy ant hill. For what followed next, there is a euphemistic term in the United States Armed Forces. Recon in Force. The forceful scouting or combat exploration. The regiment began mapping the dungeon and what wasn't gone by the count of 3 in some holes - was left in pieces by my girls. Current reports so far reported only the expected monsters and beasts, plus spiders and spider webs. Those, however, in large numbers and from waist-high to two-and-a-half-meter creepy-crawlies. Uuahhh - gives me the shivers.

 

The easiest way to draw a map of a dungeon is, of course, with paper and pencil. Every passage, every turn, every room is marked, labeled and then transcribed. The raid is divided into many groups and in each group one person is assigned to take care of the records. Besides fighting for bare survival of course. The dungeon creatures show no understanding for the fact that an intruder is busy drawing. Totally incomprehensible why the damn mobs have to start pushing aggro there.

 

Or every squad just has a mobile madar with them. So from the smallest squad to the regimental commander, everyone knows about the topology of the dungeon and what enemies awaited them. I was able to reduce the size of the madar so that it looked like a small badge on the uniform. A lightning bolt would have been a bit cliché, so I chose an eye as the symbol. Looked pretty fancy.

 

The critters were biting ad nauseum.

Mice and rats the size of Great Danes.

Various kinds of insects. Beetles. Ants. Wasps.

A few humanoid greenskins. Goblins and Hobgoblins.

And of course the Arachnids must not be omitted. These nightmarish monsters fed on everything else that crawls and flies.

 

My girls had their fun with the butchering, so I kept myself in the background and supported only now and then with an " area-loot " with which I collected everything what had accumulated ... on the ground. Honestly, I was kind of thankful that there was no such filth as instances running here. In a game that might be nice to have, but in the real world that kind of thing sucks. The raid didn't stop until we got to a really big cavern. So you can get an idea of how big ... I have no idea what you could even begin to compare it to. No idea why the cave doesn't just collapse. There was not a single column to support the ceiling. The dwarves would probably scream bloody murder at the sight of it and talk about fraud. The dimensions were simply breathtaking. Slightly oval, almost two kilometers long and a kilometer wide. From floor to ceiling, it was between 100 to 250 meters high. And as we stepped out of the passage, standing halfway up on a sort of gallery, you could see the swarming on the floor very clearly. Why someone lit the damn thing so well and how they got so much light down here in the first place defied common sense. Maybe something to do with magic? HaHa. Probably that's why it was so bright here so that you could see the crawling so well. Psychology and so. To creep the visitors out?

Admittedly, seeing the ground littered with scurrying, slavering and hissing arachnids did not create a joy-joy mood. Rather something like goose bumps and IIIIIIEKS. The truly huge spider webs with their sticky threads were actually just the icing on the cake. Except that it wasn't the only species down there. On the ground it slimed around like crazy. If someone had told me before that slime made noises, I would have tried to call the psychological counseling center inconspicuously and announce a patient. Is it possible to describe the sound that occurs when slime "slithers" and "wobbles" across the floor? I have real difficulty with this. It goes without saying, of course, the slimes formed pseudo limbs in the form of tentacles and waved them at us in a filthy and lecherous manner. The nightmare of a fisherman's wife come true. Well, everyone has their kink. Who am I to blaspheme or even condemn tentacle sex? What do I condemn next? Hetero? Boy-love, girl-love? Binary, non-binary, or asexual? Masturbation? Sex toys?

 

Despite my open-mindedness, I wanted to indulge in one pointed remark before cleaning up.

 

"Spiders and slime? Really? That's so last century."

 

Regrettably, I got no response. What a shame.

 

The reason why I stopped when we found a larger open area with many MoBs as opponents was simple. Power or speed leveling. In every game there are areas that made excellent leveling spots. Lots of MoBs in one spot that you can wipe out at once and where you can camp - at least if the respawn is good. Unfortunately, since I had no idea how the game mechanics worked here - I guess I had to try it out with trial and error.

 

There are many very good MMORPGs and in the not too distant future there will probably be VRMMORPGs, all just a matter of time in my opinion. Whereas, I should come back to this topic later. The point here is, developers and players are always and at all times racing to either exploit or correct the existing game mechanics, attempts to keep the game balanced, bugs in the programming and so on. For speed leveling, the goal, at least for me, is to farm as much XP as possible in as short a time as possible.

Without dying in the process, of course. Obviously. And although there is a system here, I have no doubt that this is not a game where I wake up at the respawn point. Regarding leveling in general and speed leveling in particular, I had some thoughts and preparations in advance for just this case. For my first idea I needed reinforced concrete - a well fortified bunker is just the thing to keep a zerg of MoBs at a distance as soon as I would have drawn aggro. For the vast majority of critters in dungeons, strike and cleave weapons like swords, hammers, axes or arrows are sufficient. Fire is also always a very effective tool. With slimes it looked somewhat differently. But I had a tactic in mind and wanted to try it out. And as already mentioned, without dying. Dying would not suit me at all. Apart from the embarrassment.

 

At least that was my plan. And the bunker was actually already finished. All that was missing was a little quick-drying by magic.

 

But I had not paid attention to the ceiling above me. That is, the spot on the ceiling DIRECTLY above me. The slime that had made itself comfortable right above my head on the rock ... slimed me completely. Entirely. From the top of my head to the tips of my boots. I was full of ectoplasm. Slime snot.

 

It is possible that I overreacted a bit. You understand that no young woman who thinks something of herself can let such impudence pass. So in a way, my reaction was quite understandable and justified.

 

I went completely berserk. My screams of rage echoed through the cavern, reflected off the walls and seemed to be thrown back in greater intensity. Louve had confessed to me afterwards it had sounded like a choir of furies. The next moment, the entire cavern was filled with sea salt. From the tip of my nose to the end on the other side. Completely filled. From floor to ceiling. Full to the brim.

My idea was actually to let the slime dry out with the salt. Or to poison them. After all, slime consists almost entirely of water. It was not really my intention to bury everything in this cave under salt and to crush it. So, I had achieved my goal and within seconds had squished all the MoBs. Literally.

The girls were not thrilled. I had had all the fun, so to speak, and left nothing. By accident. Embarrassing. Sorry.

 

Some of the system messages I received were good. The other part not so.

The speed leveling worked, well in principle. Though not as I had planned. The titles I gained from my little fit of righteous anger were unflattering.

 

Mass murderer.

Enemy of arachnids.

Enemy of the pseudopods.

 

The log messages went on almost endlessly.

 

15683 enemies Lvl 10 defeated, 62732000 EXP gained.

14254 enemies Lvl 11 defeated, 6412500 EXP gained

376 enemies lvl 12 defeated, 1880000 EXP gained

165 enemies lvl 13 defeated, 990000 EXP gained

98 enemies lvl 14 defeated, 686000 EXP gained

45 enemies lvl 15 defeated, 360000 EXP gained

30 enemies lvl 16 defeated, 270000 EXP gained

19 enemies lvl 17 defeated, 190000 EXP gained

11 enemies Lvl 18 defeated, 165000 EXP gained

4 enemies lvl 19 defeated, 80000 EXP gained

2 enemies lvl 20 defeated, 60000 EXP gained

Level 11 reached

Level 12 reached

Level 13 reached

...

Level 28 reached

108 free attribute points available

 

The whole story with the level advancement, the attributes and the status values was, frankly, quite simple and straightforward. Using a really simple formula, the level and attributes were then used to calculate the status values. Some of the titles gave bonuses and some of the titles gave additional malus.

The title Mass Murderer, for example, reduced my reputation among the believers of the 20 gods of Maronde, and it was now more likely that representatives of the law would keep a closer eye on me. At the same time, I received a damage bonus when attacking more than 1000 enemies at a time. If I ever write my memoirs this will give some humorous footnote. It wasn't as if I had a chip on my shoulder with the gods, was it?

 

The reproachful looks of the girls made sure that I stayed in the background from now on. As if I had spoiled the whole trip just because a puny mistake happened to me. My goodness, I was slimed from top to bottom! One is allowed to lose one's composure under such conditions.

Aggrieved, I played the not-amused while I only occasionally killed single monsters from a distance with my pistol and otherwise concentrated only on my support role. At least the girls were having fun again slaughtering MoBs as we made our way through the maze of the dungeon. The screams of delight at each level up soothed my depressed mood.

 

My idea with the Madar proved to be pleasantly efficient in mapping the caverns. The dungeon itself was huge and without my little cheat, drawing a map would probably be a matter of weeks if not months. All under the auspices of maximum danger to life while exploring through the flora and fauna native to this area. Whether I should count the slimes to the plant or to the animal world I was not sure. Perhaps both? In any case, the resulting map contained a lot of useful information in addition to just the location, distances, and dimensions of tunnels and caves. Everywhere the regiment had encountered enemies, the encounter was documented and recorded for future visits. Including type of MoBs, their level and number, and respawn rate of course.

 

As I said, my wives had enlightened me about the benefits such a dungeon had. Besides pure combat training and leveling, my lap dungeon certainly made an excellent training ground for weapon development. At least that's what it proposes itself to be. If the inhabitants behave.

 

My original plan was actually quite devious. Set up a secure fortified position in a place with lots of MoBs where we could entrench ourselves and then from a secure position lure the enemy in and finish them off at will. A perfect level spot. Or simply be able to test the effectiveness of new weapon developments without fear of prying eyes. Cannons for artillery. Grenades. Rifles. Magic weapons. Flamethrowers. Flame carpets. Special weapons. I know more than enough weapon concepts to throw this world into chaos hundreds of times. Guns and bullets would explode the number of potential combatants. Cannons and grenades would slaughter the masses. Well, maybe another time.

 

I found my innocent joy again when the pointed cries of rage became more frequent. I could observe how some slimes took advantage of the distraction during a fight and grew pseudo limbs and tentacles to "harass" the girls. The sight of unnerved women having to fend off intrusive tentacles that wanted to get into their pants created a certain amusement in me. I didn't always manage to suppress a nonchalant giggle when another slime got "lucky" with the girls. At least in the sense that the panties got wet. Finally, the virtue was assured because of my protective underwear. No one has fun with my property without my prior consent. The look on some of the faces were priceless. It's the little pleasures that make life worth living, don't you think?

 

An increased excitement on my part I would not like to withhold from you. Being tied up and wrapped in cocoons of sticky spider threads is a very erotic and sensual sight for me. When shooting the spiders that wanted to disappear with the captives, I always waited until the last moment. It just makes me wet to see a woman tied up. Why shouldn't I be allowed to enjoy the sight a little?

 

Some inspiration was also not wrong for my own bed.

 

It took some time until we finally arrived at my destination. The antechamber to the Dungeon Core. The room with the bosses and the Dungeon Lord.

 

Keima Manabu, the Dungeon Lord.

Mikami Satoru , a slimy tentacle monster.

Wakaba Hime, now an arachne.

 

The species of the two bosses explained in some respects the theme of the dungeon. Not necessarily how the three had ended up here or what had happened to the fourth former hero. But I was sure there would definitely be a very sad and sob story behind it.

 

"Well, you three beauties, how has your day been? The weather to your satisfaction? How's the family and friends? So how's this going? I kill you all, get super rich, become the new Dungeon Lady, and then rot away here? That's kind of how it goes here, right?"

 

The reaction was almost identical to Edward's. Ruminant - thunder - mindless expression. My approach of banging the door down has this effect more often than not. Happens.

 

"We probably shouldn't overwhelm you guys. Let's start again from the beginning. Hello, I'm Laura, the one in charge of the nation this dungeon is in now. I was kidnapped here by the gods a little over a year ago and I'm not thrilled about what's going on. I know your names from the "stamp" on which you have immortalized yourselves. Now that we've all met, do I kill you or do we talk a little?"

 

The three looked around briefly and then nodded in turn, it's always a pleasure when agreements come quickly.

 

"Let's talk. But release Sugga first." demanded Manabu of me.

 

To be fair, Sugga wasn't mine, so his demand was justified. After a passionate French kiss that made her blush deeply, I unchained Sugga and whispered in her ear "If you ever think about changing employers, come over. Or just to have some fun, gorgeous."

 

"How come you were summoned to Maronde? Are you a heroine, Laura-san?"

 

It wasn't easy to stop laughing.

 

In my subsequent attempt to build some trust, I told my story. How I got here. The events in the castle. What happened in the kingdom. I made no secret of my general contempt for the gods. The twenty other victims. How I figured out the little trick with slavery. My dealings with the dwarves. Basically everything I've been up to.

 

With the omission of some very private details. A girl has a right to her privacy and secrets.

 

By the end of my tale, I was ready to rescue all three of them from their pathetic existence. Ok, I had been ready for this before I even set foot in the dungeon. Having a hostile dungeon under my feet is not really my idea of comforting. If they didn't react as I wanted them to.  Finito. So it shall be.

 

One of my thoughts regarding the dungeon was to get it, or rather them, on my side. A few specific pieces of information revealed at the right time have always been able to shake up previously stable relationships. So why not here as well?

 

"How did you actually get tricked into being stuck down here? From hero to dungeon lord and boss is quite a comedown."

 

Uhhh. That was a touchy point. Especially after explaining why the dwarves were so pissed. Coriandahr had really screwed the three of them. My guess was the gods weren't thrilled with the ideas the four friends had implemented here. Number four had apparently been the scientifically bright one. Something about chairman of the science club. His body was found by a couple of saddened elves. I expressed my opinion that the Elves were probably responsible for his demise as well. Finding the body that way was much easier than if they had had to go through the hassle of looking for it.

The deal with the gods was, the three gave up their hero status and were bound to the dungeon. Of course, to save their lives from some dark danger in the shadows. They were to play with the dwarves, who, according to Coriandahr, would be very happy to have the opportunity to find treasure and level in a dungeon. The god just left out a few unimportant comments.

Oh come on, don't compare me to a god.

 

I don't want to repeat here what drove Satoru and Hime to choose these two particular species, of all things, as new races. The effects of the middle school syndrome can sometimes be seen into adulthood.

 

I am especially proud of the fact that I nodded appreciatively and otherwise did not make a face.

 

Finally, Mamma Corleone made them an offer they couldn't refuse.

 

"Listen, how about I let the Adventurers Guild know that there's a dungeon here waiting to welcome brave adventurers? Or maybe the twenty new heroes from Mitoran? I'm sure you'd be interested in meeting some fellow heroes and chatting about the latest anime and manga. And who else I can persuade to come in here. You don't have to wait for the dwarves, they are happy to be rid of the dungeon. We could make some arrangements. How about it?"

 

No one would dig any tunnels to get to my fortifications. No, if someone wants to say an unfriendly hello to me I will be able to see those. Bullets hit so much better when you can see the target.

 

 

At the end of the day, back in my simple and modest, shall we say, dwelling, calling it a castle would limit its purpose too much, we relaxed with a light supper and music.

 

I had already taken care of most of the problems with my profile in the system. But there was one more thing that was still bothering me. After a successful day, I wanted to treat myself to something puzzling. I opened my system window.

 

<Open System.>

 

A last system message flashed steadily, demanding my attention.

 

Request trading system: Decision Yes/No/Later - user interaction required!

Tempting, I thought to myself. Yes, yes, I know you shouldn't just click on any link you don't know. The strangest things can happen. Viruses, trojans, nambian princes, pedophiles, weirdos and whatnot. With a little help from a few nerds and geeks, I bugged a few computers and smartphones myself before my permanent isekai vacation. It pays to eavesdrop on potential bedfellows. Great blackmail potential. Here goes nothing at all.

YES!

Request trading system accepted. Establish connection. Connection established.

 

Welcome to Sky Williams Shop - you want it and we don't ask questions!

SUPER SPECIAL OFFERS! Discount for new customers.

 

Please tell us your wishes and we will do our utmost to satisfy them.

 

 

Intrigued, I looked at the interface from the system store and thought "To satisfy? Exactly what I'm in the mood for. Ok? What exactly do I need urgently? Let's see."

 

I "typed" the first three things that came to mind into the "system's trading window".

 

Coffee.

Sex toys, strap-on, extreme, kinky.

Sexually submissive woman, highly capable.

 

I just happen to have my priorities. Nobody needs to get upset. Get your life under control yourself. As long as I have even the smallest chance to get coffee I will use it. Whatever may come!

 

On a capricious whim, I added: Send me nudes!

 

Who knows, maybe she looks good?

 

The strange beeping noises I heard in my head were just ridiculous. Who comes up with such ideas? I can still understand a voice, but beep sounds? What a nonsense.

 

We are searching our supply. Please wait.

Matching items found. Items will be listed.

 

Congratulations! The fifth item is free at your first purchase.

 

1. One coffee bean, original condition, guaranteed to germinate.
2. Futanari x109, strap-on, special features, design by Natasha.
3. Edging Tiara, remote control included.
4. Morphing doll, extra versatile, ...
5. ...

 

The manufacturer strongly recommends reading the instructions and specifications before purchase but at least before first use.

 

 

Total price:

- One cup of coffee and one medium mana crystal.

- 50 x 50 kg bags of nutrient-rich soil

- Vegetarian food for one month

- Knowledge about magic

 

Do you accept the price? Yes/No/Later

 

After "coffee bean", I just wanted to know the price and confirm it. Nobody cares about trivial matters when talking about COFFEE. Forsake, even the price tag is irrelevant.

Excitedly, I threw several tons of soil, vegetarian food, and various plants from my inventory into the trade window. The reserve library with all the books already copied and, simply because I could, another metric ton of gold immediately followed. It wasn't as if I was short of it. Trully, I didn´t even care nor notice the amount. Of anything I had to pay! Admittedly, the asking price was a bit strange. Soil and veggie food? Not my business.

 

Before confirming, I hesitated as I considered the "cup of coffee and mana crystal" issue. The cup of coffee was not due until I had grown the coffee. Mana crystals I had a few after we visited the dungeon. My stunt with the "salty cavern" was successful in terms of loot. I didn't particularly like making a commitment to someone I only knew through the system. But a debt is a debt. And I was ready to keep my part of the bargain. Whatever might happen.

 

And confirmed the deal. I called my wives together. There was something to celebrate. Time for a wild party! Coffee, life is good!

 

 

 

 

The next morning, all my wives had that ominous smile on their faces. They were a mess, no doubt, everyone a complete wreck, but they were glowing from the inside out.

 

I was utterly trashed and completely wiped out. As if I had been on stimulants for several days. Maybe I was.

 

The x109 was a true monster. Or rather, it made me an almost insatiable and tireless beast in bed. Only after many hours had I exhausted myself enough for the x109 to come loose. I had never been so exhausted as I was now. This little marvel stimulated all my erogenous zones to the extreme. Alien extreme.  As it appeared, it enlarged the clitoris and massaged it at the same time with some kind of tendrils or feelers during penetration - that is, while I extensively mated every fuckable opening of my harem. And I was sure, my G-spot had not been excluded either.

 

Had I better read the instruction manual after all? In retrospect, yes - that really would have been better. Not that it hasn't still been worth every single second.

 

Much more embarrassing was what I had also gotten in the deal. Trully, I would have preferred to sink into the ground.

 

For some reason unknown to me at first, had received several objects that looked very suspiciously like some kind of specific weapons to me. With a very, very bad feeling, I reread the log of my trade through the system. What I saw was so shameful.

 

Instead of "Send me nudes," I had written "Send me nukes." With unnecessary caution, I transferred the "nukes" to my inventory. May they be eternally forgotten and never reappear. I will blame auto-correct.

 

After the big cleanup, I took the time to read through the instruction manual. I´m not a once bitten, twice shy kind of girl but also not in repeating mistakes cause of stupid.

 

"Oh my good…. - Holy shit!"

 

 

 

"""Mistress?"""