“Don’t look behind you, but I think we’ve got company,” my guide whispered in between bites, not even bothering to look up from his meal.
“Really? We do?” I mumbled around the food I was stuffing into my mouth. I quirked an eyebrow as well in case he couldn’t understand me with my mouth full.
The idiot merely nodded instead of elaborating. Always so helpful on the details, this one. Why did I even bring him again? Oh right, I didn’t.
“Where?” I asked after I had swallowed. Not expecting a proper response I turned around and glanced at the buildings surrounding us.
“Ava!” He shouted at my back.
“What?” I huffed as I snapped my head around to glare at him.
When he just stared back at me without responding I pulled him closer by his sleeves, brought my mouth to his ear, and whispered at maximum volume to accentuate my message. “And stop shouting, or they might hear you.”
He shook off my arms, squinted his eyes shut, and groaned “I told you not to look.”
He was such a stick in the mud. Father could never give me proper guides, now could he? But not to worry, I’d get this one to give up on me eventually. I had managed to rid myself of all the other guides as well. This one won’t be any different.
“Oh hey, it’s a person,” I chimed. I had turned around again of course. Pretending not to be aware of the newcomer was kind of pointless now that I had already glanced behind me once.
“Look there, up on that building Haver.” I pointed in the most ostentatious way I could manage. I’m not usually this much of a pretentious brat, but I knew how to push his buttons. So I pointed, even though my guide already knew where the newcomer was.
He facepalmed. He actually facepalmed.
Success!
“Heeeey there!!!” I shouted at our visitor as I shoved my skewer high up in the air and waved it back and forth in slow, deliberate motions.
“Shut. Up!” Haver hissed next to my ear. He had abandoned his place by the fire to stand next to me and scold me.
Success again! This guy was like playing on easy mode.
“I think it’s a girl, she’s wearing pink,” I winked at him.
Haver put his hands on my shoulders and shook me about while hissing, “Do you want to attract the attention of every damn Zee in the neighborhood!”
He was trying to silence me by shoving a hand in front of my mouth, even while he was jostling me. Naturally, he wasn’t very good at doing both at the same time. I wasn’t cooperating so he really needed two hands to shake me about, but that didn’t leave him any hands to keep me quiet. And every time he did bring a hand near my mouth I snapped at his fingers.
His fear of them was kind of innocent, actually. He was just soooo convinced that he knew what he was doing, that he needed to protect me from the big bad Zee hordes. This was my twenty-third outing into the wastelands. Coincidentally also the number of guides I’d managed to ditch. The only rookie on this trip was him. As for his fear of my loud-mouthed antics attracting more of them, we’d cleared out all the buildings earlier. There were no more Zees anywhere near us.
“Look, look!” I grinned after I managed to snap away his fingers once more. “She’s waving back.”
In response, he stopped dividing his attention between my mouth and my shoulders and focused only on shaking me like a ragdoll. If this was supposed to keep me in line then he had a thing or two to learn still.
“Come over!” I shouted at the newcomer in between being jostled around.
“Ow!”
“Stopit!”
“We’ve got–”
“Hey!”
“–food...”
“and please save me...”
“from this...”
“lunatic!”
While forcing out those last words I squirmed out of the maniac’s grasp and danced away towards the other side of our little fire.
“You crazy woman,” he spat while he chased me around the campfire. “When your father hears of this–”
I couldn’t avoid him forever. I needed a distraction. Luckily, one was right there.
“Look, she’s coming over,” I held out one hand to stop Haver from barreling into me and gestured towards the woman coming our way.
Haver stopped chasing me to stare at the approaching person. And then he just kept staring. He stood there, unmoving, so I snuck up on him, wrapped an arm around his neck, and blew in his ear. “It’s not nice to stare you know...”
“Oh fuck,” He sighed and turned to look at me.
“Yes indeed,” I nodded. “Not nice at–”
I gasped in pain as Haver gripped my arm and squeezed hard. “It’s a Zee, Ava!” He murmured wide-eyed. His sudden fear would have been cute if he hadn’t accompanied it with an attempt to dislocate my shoulder.
“Don’t be silly,” I hissed through clenched teeth as I pried at his fingers. “Zee’s don’t wear clean clothes.” I would definitely need to get rid of this madman sooner rather than later.
He gripped my arm even tighter and drew his weapon. Now he was even beginning to scare me. I halted my assault on his vice-like grip to take another glance at the approaching woman. Pink frilly clothes, gray-green mottled skin, dead eyes, and vicious claws, all of it complemented by the typical, shuffling, Zee gait.
“Oh crap,” I breathed, hanging onto Haver’s arm for protection. “It’s a Zee!”
I glanced at my backpack with all my gear, conveniently out of reach on the other side of our little campsite. All I had on me for a weapon was a skewer of meat. I held it out in front of me like a sword.
Omoshiroi!