Derek looked at his Omega…His colorless lips and pale face. He’d also lost weight and looked even more weaker now. Being tied up only made him look worse…

“Then just kill me.” Xander said defeatedly.

“No!” Derek yelled.

“Why not!? Are you waiting for something?” Xander asked, his lifeless eyes looking at Derek.

The fact that Xander didn’t show any emotion, unless it was through his voice, only worried and angered Derek more.

“Yes!” Derek answer, his blood starting to boil.

“Then what!? What are you waiting for!?” Xander asked, he wanted to yell but didn’t have the strength. He looked at Derek in a pleading matter, hoping that perhaps if he could accomplish this feat, he’d be set free…

“Confess…” Derek suddenly said.

 

Xander laughed then.

Hard laughter echoed in the room and Derek suddenly got worried that Xander may just do as he asked.

But isn’t this what I want?

Xander’s laughter died down, he tried to escape his binds, only see that he just wasn’t strong enough, “If I admit it?”

“Then I will punish you!” Derek said easily, yet he knew…This wasn’t the answer Xander wanted…He also knew this felt like the wrong path that he wanted to be on with Xander.

Pain in his heart made Derek see that Xander had given up. He didn’t care anymore…

Derek…Never did he want someone to live more!

Xander closed his eyes and shook his head.

Admitting to something he had never done…Why should he do it?

It didn’t matter though…Derek seemed to want to torture him anyway…

 

Xander no longer spoke, making Derek stomp over to him to try to get his attention, “Xander…”

Nothing…There was no response…

“Dammit!” Derek put his hands to Xander’s head and squatted down, staring intently at those eyes…Those eyes that held nothing anymore.

How he missed his old Xander!

“Master, I will get Xander some food.” Scott then left the room to try and get this food without anyone knowing.

Derek looked up to the lifeless eyes of Xander and stood up, “Why…Why did you try to kill yourself? Have I not been nice to you?”

Xander strangely felt like he had courage to say whatever he wanted to…Perhaps because he felt like he was going to die very soon. “If you’ve lived the life I had, you would probably feel the same way.”

Derek knelt before Xander again and gently reached out to hold his face. “Tell me…Tell me so that I can understand…”

Xander wanted to wipe his face, before Derek did, and shrugged, “What’s the point? If you don’t believe that I didn’t kill your mother, how would you believe the rest?”

 

Derek was silent as he untied this poor Omega and took a hand of Xander’s in one of his, and sighed. “What am I to believe then? If it wasn’t you, then who was it?”

Xander pulled his hand away from Derek and chuckled, “Good question!”

Derek took back the hand and stroked it gently with a finger, “Then…Tell me one thing today, then another thing next week…You don’t have to say everything today…”

Stay…Stay with me…

 

Xander put his other hand up to hide his face. He didn’t want to care anymore, he didn’t want lingering attachments! He wanted it all to disappear!

…This Alpha wasn’t playing fair!

Derek worriedly stood up and directly picked up his little, weak Omega and sat on the chair.

Cuddling Xander to him, Derek finally felt a little better.

Derek hates how scared he was over Xander’s suicide. Scared to touch him, scared to get the slightest happiness to thinking he looked slightly better than the day before. Scared…Scared that Xander hated him…

 

Rubbing Xander’s arm, Derek wished he could see his face…But it was hiding.

“You know the scar that I have in my waist?”

Xander’s voice was muffled, but Derek’s keen sense of hearing was able to understand, “Mmm…”

“When I was found guilty of…Killing your mother, a person came to me and asked if I needed help to run away. Feeling like I had no choice…Especially when you…You didn’t believe me, I ran. But…After leaving Knehind and making it to Yodi, that same person stabbed me. They stabbed me and laughed! They laughed out that the ‘nuisance is finally gone!’ They said I…” Xander stopped, changing the subject. “I was then taken by those who were looking for Omega’s.”

Xander’s sudden silence worried Derek and he moved Xander’s head, so that he could see his face, and could hardly stand him looking so defeated.

 

“I promise you, I didn’t kill her!” Xander sobbed, but continued, “I loved your mother! She had never done me wrong and I was really sad when I found out!”

Derek watched as his little Omega cried his eyes out.

Wiping away at his tears, Derek tightened his hold over him and started to rock his body to help sooth him.

“I didn’t do it…I didn’t do it!”

“Hush, sweetheart.” Derek kissed Xander on his forehead and wished Xander would no longer be sad over anything. “Hush.”

 

“Master, some porridge.”

Derek eagerly took the bowl and the spoon was quick to hold some porridge and await to enter a specific mouth.

With hands clutching his clothes and eyes squeezed tightly shut, Xander tried to stop from crying.

I don’t want it to matter anymore! Even if…Even if Derek finally believes me, I just want it to end! I just want it all to end! No more pain!

“You…You weren’t the nuisance…It was everyone else! Those that made things hard for you, those that tried to take you away from me!”

Derek was a bit taken into his own world, not even sure that he was saying this out loud.

As…It wasn’t the first time that he had heard Xander being called a ‘nuisance’!

 

‘Stop!’

He remembered quite well on one time that he really disliked others…Having run after Xander, after being ignored by him for not just one week but two!

He had been twelve at the time!

‘…I finally got you!’

He hadn’t let go of Xander once he had finally got a hold of him!

‘Why are you ignoring me!’

Taking Xander with him, when he fell to the floor in pure exhaustion from running after Xander, Xander had followed him to the ground but had said nothing.

‘Speak!’

Having seen the small Omega flinch, Derek had gotten angrier.

‘I am told that our status is different and that…That we can’t be friends…’

 

Seeing Xander then, Derek remembers it now and still today even sees the same type of face on Xander.

Back then, Xander had been called into his father’s office and Derek was never told about what had happened and could only guess from Xander’s words but…

Xander had looked like that he didn’t understand, meaning…He must have been punished to just do as he was told.

‘Do you even understand what you just said?’

Xander hadn’t looked at him but did a small shake of his head.

Derek, even now, softened his look to the Omega in his arms.

‘Idiot!’

 

“I’m not an idiot!” A muffled voice stated.

Back then, Derek had given Xander his teddy bear and stated that since their father was against them being friends, that they will be secret friends instead.

Now…Now Derek put a hand to Xander’s face, forcing it to come out of hiding, and smiled down at it. “Didn’t I tell you once before that there wouldn’t be much that could get in between us?”

Xander opened his eyes, seeing porridge in front of him but found Derek staring at him. Remembering the same past as Derek, Xander looked away, “I have no proof that I didn’t kill your mother.”

It doesn’t matter anymore…

Life without Xander…

Derek didn’t even want to think about it!

“It doesn’t matter…”

 

Gently caressing Xander’s face, Derek already felt better.

Was it because Xander had stated that he didn’t do it so desperately? Was it because he wanted to believe that Xander didn’t do it? Was he just delaying his feelings about it because…Simply because he didn’t want something in between them now?

Why? Why was he so ready to just forget about it for now?

Putting the porridge down, Derek pulled Xander up to him and put his forehead against his. “What will help you stay? Mmm?”

Please stay! Please want to stay! I prefer not to force you, I’d prefer you to be happily staying here by my side!

 

“You’re confusing me…” Was all Xander could say. Right now, he felt overwhelming emotions in Derek’s eyes and his words. Right now, everything was stating that Derek was nearly begging him…

How long would it be before Derek would be punishing him?

“What is so confusing? Just promise me that you will not attempt to kill yourself again!”

Xander bit his lip, looking away from Derek.

Blinking, he stopped himself from crying again.

Why was he crying so much now!? Why couldn’t he just…

Just what?

Become friends again with Derek? Why?

What does Derek want from him anyway? Why would Derek want…

It can’t be that Derek really cared…But if it wasn’t that…Then what was it?

 

“Do you care about me?” Xander asked. He didn’t know where his courage came from, but it felt like everything seemed to be riding on this one question.

Watching Derek widen his eyes and then look away, Xander looked away, not changing from the defeated person he was a moment ago.

“Eat!”

Xander just did as was commanded and ate, but didn’t feel anymore…

No, he found that he could hardly remember what was going on right now because…He suddenly found himself waking up beside Derek.

He didn’t question how much time had passed, he also just wanted to go back into feeling nothing again, because…Because feeling nothing was better…

 

Moving away from the dominating, naked Alpha, Xander only became trapped once again by strong arms and pulled into an embrace.

Skin against skin…Warm tough skin, against his pale skin…

Feeling like he wanted to get angry, wanting to do something, Xander stopped himself…

Who cares…Let him do whatever he wants.

“Xander…”

Don’t let him get to me!

Light kisses came onto his body then and Xander stiffly laid there, stopping himself from getting angry.

“I can work, I can handle the Alpha King, I can handle my father, my stepmother. I can handle looking for you all over…But Xander…”

Feeling arms tighten around him, Xander bit his lip.

“Xander, I feel like I’m at a cliff but I’m not the one so close to falling off of it. It’s you. It was always you and I always wanted to stop you falling of it. I don’t know what to do…What do I do? You used to take my hand, you used to trust me…Xander what do I do?”

 

Getting turned to his back, Xander found Derek on top of him and he held his breath as Derek’s hot, wet kisses went over his skin.

Hot hands touched him and Xander felt a warmth that he wished he could just turn off. Derek was always warm, his hands always warming him up…

When they were young, Derek had held his hand a few times, just like brothers…

Covering his eyes with an arm, Xander tried desperately to think that none of this should matter but…Those warm hands were shattering his resolve to pieces!

“Xander…”

Feeling kisses on his arm, Xander then put both of his hands on his face, shaking it.

No!

“Xander…”

 

Letting out a sob, then seeing Derek, as he had taken one of his hands away. Derek leaned in to kiss his uncovered eye.

“I care…Isn’t it obvious? Now that you have your answer…”

Lips went onto Xander’s but Xander was in shock.

What?

What did he say?

Feeling a hand go around his waist and left him up, Xander let out a breath that he didn’t even know he was holding onto.

“Xander…”

Letting out a sudden shout to the sudden lips and hand on his sensitive places, Xander looked at Derek, to see him smiling…

 

Frowning, Xander hit him on the head, and was astonished to see Derek laugh.

Squirming underneath Derek, Xander was then suddenly aware of the now two lengths touching one another.

“I feel better now.”

With a quick kiss, Derek smiled once again at Xander.

Why can’t he just not care!? Now…Now he felt so much!

The most obvious at the moment was that of Derek being so close and so naked. But Xander knew that a part of him was starting to wake up once again and feel strangely better.

With more quick kisses and rubs, Xander finally spoke, “Stop it!”

It was a moment after that Xander moaned and reached out to Derek.

Too late…

Already knowing that he was caught up in the feeling, Xander rushed to take Derek’s lips with his own.

 

Derek freely touched Xander, kissing him everywhere.

Finally…

Finally, he felt like he was doing something even better with Xander.

What was it? What was the difference?

Tormenting Xander and a certain small mountain, Derek heard Xander’s whimpers and changed to the other one, biting it slightly.

Hearing moans, groans and feeling the trembling of the body beneath him, Derek felt overjoyed.

Finally, Xander was showing something.

It hadn’t been just a few hours…No, days had gone by!

Xander had gone into a strange, unfeeling being for days!

And it had broken Derek into bits!

They were like opposites, Xander didn’t show an ounce of anything and Derek showed anger, fear, worry and just plain sadness.

 

For days, Xander had just been eating, sleeping and stared lifelessly out the window, that couldn’t even be seen through, but now…

Now Xander was responding!

Derek…He was so happy!

He had been angry for days!

After a day, he came to realize that he wasn’t angry because Xander being like this was wrong, no…It was because he had gone to such a deep place.

He wanted Xander to snap out of it, he wanted Xander back and so he was angry because Xander was so far away from him.

 

He had tried to be extra gentle, to be sweet, to be charming. He had tried to hold him often, so to tell him that he wasn’t alone, but he worried endlessly when he had to leave him.

What if Xander always stays like this? What if Xander will never come back to being his friend? What if…

Punishing this Omega, making him squirm and ultimately wanting him in a crazy way, was just some type of revenge for what he had been through for these last couple of days.

Of course, it wasn’t just that. Derek felt like he had finally gotten through somewhere.

Was it because he had said that he cared?

Was that it?

Is that what Xander needed to hear?

If that is so, then did he feel like he wasn’t cared for or that he wasn’t cared for by me specifically?

Perhaps, does he care for me too?

An intense want went through Derek and he wanted to see!

 

“Xander…I care…I care about you!”

Derek stared at Xander, who had gone quiet again, but there was a change…

Xander’s eyes were starting to glow, his hands held onto him tighter…

Was that all it was?

Didn’t he always care about him? Why had Xander felt like Derek hadn’t cared?

“I really do! You know that right!”

If he told him, would he stay then?

“Derek…”

Seeing Xander stare at him, Derek bent down and gently kissed his lips.

“I always cared, Xander.”

 

Xander continuously tried to stop himself from crying.

He felt raw, so opened and easy to break yet he also felt like he was being lifted and was able to fly.

“Is it…” Swallowing, Xander took in a breath and again felt like everything was riding on this conversation, “Are you lying to me? I don’t like li…”

“No! I’m not!”

Derek loomed over Xander, caressing his cheek, “If I hadn’t cared, Xander, would I have looked for you like I did?”

Kissing Xander’s rosy cheeks, Derek smiled, “Would I have gotten so angry when my mother died? It’s because I cared!”

With his mother coming up in the conversation, Xander lowered his head, going silent.

 

“How can I prove it to you? Did you not see at all?”

Defeatedly, Derek put his head into Xander’s neck and slumped a bit over the body beneath him.

Xander found himself with a hand through Derek’s hair and bit his lip.

Yes, I used to trust Derek, yes, I also know that he used to care…But that had all changed…

How is it prove that he still cares when he still thinks that he was the one that killed his mother?

“We used to tell each other…We used to talk a lot more…” Derek mumbled, hugging Xander again. “I want my Xander back!”

Widening his eyes, Xander tried not to think too deeply upon those words.

My Xander…My Xander…

“Tell me what I need to do…” Derek asked, once again caressing Xander’s face.

 

Xander looked back at him, not knowing what to believe.

Didn’t you want revenge? Are you just trying to get on my good side and then kick me when I’m not expecting it? What…Are you doing Derek?

Derek clenching his hands on either side of Xander and used them to lift himself up. Still on top of Xander but now seeing the Omega’s body in sight, Derek frowned, “Fine! What’s there to lose!”

Xander became confused and stared at Derek above him.

“Are we not mates? Even if I do something bad, like get mad at you because apparently you might have killed my mother, you’d forgive me right? Even if…I never told you that I already wanted to be with you beyond a brother before you left! Even if…I want you beside me…That perhaps I didn’t find you for revenge that…I just…”

Derek wasn’t looking at Xander at this moment, he already felt like he shouldn’t have to go this far but…The idea that Xander…