Chapter 23: Bottled Emotions
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She hadn’t expected her heart to pound this hard. Never in her life had she felt something this terrible chill her to her bones. 

After fighting the Spider, she had let her guard down. She thought she would get a free ticket home, no worries, and no hassle.

But no.

Avice had an inkling that something was wrong when Elyu appeared. Then, another voice, void of malice and evil unlike before, had appeared in her head out of nowhere, surprising her so much that she had lost her footing, forcing her to trip and fall like a fool. Adding on to that, the fact that Dall concluded that Avice had hailed from a different world was another thing that threw her completely off the loop. 

And finally, to top it all off-

AROOOO!

The demonic screech of the Despairity forced her to her knees. A deep, menacing cold overwhelmed her, and tears swirled, ready to burst from her eyes. Her breath grew erratic, her fingers, arms, and legs shivered, and her mouth quivered. Struggling for air, she clawed at her head. 

Then her breath stopped when she saw it: The creeping, looming figure of the majestic white beast. Its sharpened, jagged teeth, its prickly, blade-like fur, and its eyes. The frosty, ice-cold intensity of its blue eyes froze her in place. It was as if it stabbed her straight through the heart. 

She faltered backward. No words escaped her mouth.

W-Why? She nervously blinked. What’s wrong with me?!

Avice had encountered them before. They were the first fantastical beast she had ever faced in this new world. Back then, she did fear them. Their absolute size, the power in their howls, and the mere fantastical-ness of their existence threw her off focus.

Since then she’d had time to at least settle down and make some sense of her environment. She had managed to somewhat figure out what “magic” was, and she faced down and defeated one of her longtime nightmares.

But the fear she felt now?

It was significantly worse than that first meeting. It all felt so… familiar. That was when it clicked: It was the same feeling as when her father had brought her to the Endless Warzone; The stench, the flies, the terrifying screams of the unforgiving. Sweat dripped down her chin, and her eyes twitched uncontrollably.

“N-No… No…”

Something inside of her screamed that she needed to run away. Something inside ate away at her. Every alarm sounded off, and her instincts switched to her survival mode. 

“You need to run. Avice, you need to run.” The voice that had startled her spoke quietly. 

She shook her head. No matter what she wanted to do, she couldn’t move.

Her body refused to.

Paralyzed. 

Then the surge of negativity came rushing in.

What if I die here? What if this is the end?

Despite her victory against one of her deepest fears, Avice couldn’t help but cower before this monster. This sensation of despair and hopelessness was something she had never felt before and feeling it now terrified her to her core.

I’m gonna die. I’m gonna-

“We have no time for this!”

Someone grabbed her arm. She flinched, her heart sinking into her stomach. Avice yanked her arm away and screamed, “Let go! Don’t touch me!”

“We need to go!” 

She snapped back to reality when he shook her arm and came face to face with Dall. His disgruntled, angered expression stirred her to move. 

Avice looked down at his hand grasping his arm and blinked. She despised anyone touching her, and even now she wanted to scream in his face to get off her. But now wasn’t the time. Even she knew that. “R-Right, sorry!”

Both of them sprinted as quickly as they could away from the scene. Avice latched her gaze onto Elyu, floating farther and farther away, and decided that wherever they were going they were probably going to be safer than just running through the woods. She put as much strength and energy into her legs and ran forward.

“Yes, yes, that’s it! Keep it moving, girl! I swear to Sirene, if you kill the both of us, I’ll haunt you until the world explodes!” The voice cheered, despite the terror swimming in Avice’s heart.

But her efforts proved futile, as not only Dall was keeping up with her, but the Despairity, no, Despairities behind her slowly caught up as well. When they grew in number, she didn’t know. As far as she knew, that only meant that their chances of survival had dwindled significantly. 

“Crap, hurry up!” Dall yelled.

Avice panted for breath. There has to be something I can do. She ran her gaze over her surroundings and figured that she would try to get any Spirits she could to listen to her. “Spirits, Children of Gaea, come to my aid! Please, help me!”

Nothing appeared before her.

“Come on Spirits, please! I need your help!” No response. “Dammit!” she yelled. Avice shook her head and grit her teeth. Something’s wrong! But I can’t tell! Dammit, what’s happening?!

“Goodness, Avice. I could Pull these Spirits even in my sleep.” It was the voice again. That nagging, irritating tone of a woman rang in her ears. 

“Shut up!” she yelled.

“You cannot escape, Aldrian. Your fate is already sealed,” a man’s voice reached her ears. “Surrender yourself!”

Before she could ask who was talking to her, Dall nudged her arm and said, “Ignore him, just keep going!”

“I-I know!” Avice agreed in tired breaths. 

Something, somewhere! Elyu where the hell did you go?! We’re going to die at this rate!

“Well, it won’t hurt to help you again, I suppose,” the woman whispered. “Up in front of you. I think I know what it is. Get over to it. Now.”

Avice narrowed her eyes and scanned everything in front of her. At first, nothing of note stood out to her. Trees, brush, grass... But then she saw it.

A tall stone monument jutting out of the ground at a strange angle. The same as in her vision. Elyu floated next to it as well, indicating this to be their destination.

Avice turned to Dall and screamed, “There! Look!”

Putting every ounce of energy into her legs, she pushed forward, doing everything she can to outrun both the Despairities and Dall. Yet still, he kept his pace with hers. “We’re gonna split them up?” he asked.

“No, you’re not. Do as I say, Avice. Stop right in front of it.”

She had half the mind to question this disembodied voice telling her what to do, but judging by her current situation, even Avice knew better than to argue for no reason. “No, no!” she yelled at Dall before he sprinted past the structure.

Avice took a glance behind her, and to her surprise, the Wolves had fallen just a bit behind. “Place your hand on the stone, quick!” She tilted her head and raised her hand for a moment in hesitation, but any doubt was blown away when the voice yelled, “Do it now!”

“What’re you doing?!” Dall yelled.

She pressed her hand against the stone’s cool, grainy surface. The voice had told her that Dall would be safe as well if he joins her, so Avice called him over, telling him to trust her. The surface glowed purple, and they entered. 

And then the tower rose.


Avice rubbed her right arm, her back hunched. Her eyes darted all over the place, trying to make any sense she could out of what had just happened. That mechanical, robotic voice threw her, once again, off the loop and could only watch in absolute awe as a shimmering white tower formed above them.

Approaching the wall, she ran her fingers over the stone. Her heart raced as she discovered that there was no door leading outside. “Dammit,” she muttered. 

Sensing that she was about to curl into herself and stop moving altogether, Dall called out to her.

“Avice.”

She turned to him with tired eyes. “What is it…?”

“We need to keep moving,” he said. “There’s no way out other than up.” He raised his sword and pointed at the blackened staircase. He turned back to her and sighed. Holding a hand out, he approached her and said, “Are you okay? Can you move?”

She glanced at his hand and nodded. “Yeah,” she groaned. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Damn right, you’re fine. I’d expect no less from an Aldrian.”

You need to shut up. Seriously, Avice swore to the voice.

“Hey, now. I’m in this just as deep as you are," the woman said. "Come. The human makes sense. Up we should go, Avice. Lest we stay trapped here for the rest of our lives.”

Avice nodded. She decided that if there would be no chance the Despairities could break into this building, then everything would be fine. “This is no time to act stupid,” she said. After all, if she makes it to the top and she meets Achaea, then she’s guaranteed to go home. That was all Avice could hope for. “Let’s go.”

The two of them walked side by side up the stairs.

The blackness of the room was abrupt, and Avice slowed her steps. Dall moved in front of her. They eventually reached the floor and gradually made their way across the floor. As they made their way through the room, both of them jumped as a loud thud rang behind them. 

The opening to the staircase had closed shut, leaving them in perpetuating darkness.

That, however, proved to be the least of their worries, as a serious, ungodly stench overwhelmed her nose. She nearly vomited out what little she had in her stomach. Even Dall's eyes watered from the smell. 

Avice squinted, and she eventually grew accustomed to the darkness.

Then, a light, cheerful cackling echoed.

Emerging from the deepest depths of the room was a small, thin figure. Its twig-like arms and legs drooped low, dangling just above the even floor. A brown loincloth wrapped around its groin dragged against the ground. Its elongated ears pointed upwards at an unusual angle, and its gaping, fang-filled mouth dripped with saliva. Its beady, bright red eyes shone in the blackness. 

“Goblins!” Dall yelled.

More of them came from the darkness, and they slowly surrounded both of them.

“Goblins, hmm? Strange creatures aren’t they,” the voice spoke cheerfully.

Avice internally punched herself. I’m so stupid. I can’t believe how incredibly stupid I am, she thought. To even try to think that I’ll be able to get home completely without risk was idiotic. ‘I’d be home in just a few hours’, oh I wish I could strangle myself for this. Focus now, idiot. Make sure you don’t die when we’re so close to our goal.

“What do we do, Dall?”

“Hold on,” he said. “Three, four, I count six.” Avice grimaced at the sight of a drooling little goblin. “Gods, they’re definitely hunger-crazed. Careful Avice, they might-”

One of the goblins closest to her jumped. Avice yelped as she deftly dodged it, and made note of the wooden club in its hands. It landed just where she had stepped aside, and she yelled for Dall to kill it. He complied and stabbed the monster straight through its heart. 

Sensing the immediate danger, the rest of the goblins decided that now would be the perfect time to attack.

Avice reached for the club, and Dall readied himself. 

With three efficient strokes, the goblins that attacked Dall fell instantly.

Avice, on the other hand, had a little bit more of a difficult time. She had managed to get in one good swing at the goblin to her right, but the one left behind had jumped towards her and latched onto her arm. With a panicked yell, Avice wailed her arm and shook as much as she could to get it off. Its breath and odor reeked, and Avice slowly ran out of breath.

She slammed the goblin onto the ground and smacked its head with the club. The one she had hit before reappeared and bit her leg.

“AAGH!”

She glared at the cackling monstrosity and kicked it as hard as she could. Avice panted, her teeth gritted and a tear ran down her cheek.

Damn that hurt!” she yelled.

Dall approached her. “That’s a nasty bite,” he said. “You’re probably- no, you’re infected. Do you see any spirits that could help you?”

“God no,” Avice chided. She pressed her hand against her bleeding leg. It wasn’t too deep, but it was deep enough to make her limp. 

“Here.” Dall ripped a part of his shirt off and tied it tightly around her calf. “It won’t do much, but it’ll stop the bleeding at least.”

Avice stood and tapped her leg. “Thanks… Dall,” she said.

He nodded.

She tilted her head and asked, “Look, I know I told you that I liked that you were nice, but what’s with the sudden kindness now? Weren’t you cursing me out just a couple of minutes ago?”

“Same with you," he mumbled. "I don't really get you either, what with your sudden changes in attitude and all. I also don't understand the things you say or the things you do,” he said. “But what I do know is that I owe you.”

“Hmm?”

“For saving me,” he said.

He stared into her eyes.

“One of the few memories I had before waking up in Fora was of you.” He shifted his footing and crossed his arms. “Back in that jail cell. When everything just… exploded.”

Avice nodded uncomfortably.

“That prison was used to house murders. Thieves. Rapists. The scum of the continent. I’m positive that the Eldreds wanted to break them out and cause as much damage as possible.” He tightened his fists. “I’m sure that they would’ve wanted nothing more than to end my life. Another of the Greatsword name’s curses…” he said. “But you.”

He looked at her. And, to her surprise, his gaze softened.

“There’s no doubt in my mind that you got me out of there. Without you, I surely would’ve perished with my other soldiers.”

His eyebrows rose, and then he bowed his head.

“No matter who’s fault it was that my people… died… and no matter what I think of your stance for that now, I’ve still yet to say my thanks. So, Avice, thank you. For keeping me alive.”

Avice blinked a couple of times. Her heart jumped to her throat and her eyes started to water.

“O-Oh… Oh.”

She stammered backward, a smile creeping upon her face. She struggled to keep it away, but this situation was something completely unfamiliar to her. Someone who had given her a heartfelt thanks… Only three people in her life had given her such. And for someone like Dall to say that, she couldn’t help but feel elated.

But, alas, she couldn’t allow herself to feel like that.

No, she wouldn’t allow herself.

Her smile disappeared, and a dark frown replaced it.

“Thank you, Dall. But I don’t deserve it,” she said.

“Huh?” he asked, dumbfounded.

Avice grimaced as she took a glance at his face. "No, no, it's nothing. Let's keep moving."

She walked past him, wanting nothing to do with this conversation anymore, but Dall grabbed onto her shoulder. She winced, and lightly yanked her arm away. Moving her gaze from her arm to Dall, a conflicted feeling swam in her stomach. He wore a serious, unwavering expression. 

"Avice. There's obviously something going on with you."

"What do you mean...?"

"The Hero that we summoned... sure he was scared at first, but the way he acted seemed normal. Normal enough that he would've been able to fit in with the people of this continent. But you..." He paused. "Something's haunting you."

Avice narrowed her eyes. "We have no time for this. Let's keep going." But she couldn't move. Dall's grasp was firm. "Let go of me," she growled.

"Speaking with people has always helped me. Even just speaking of the tiniest of things lifted enormous weights off of my heart," he said. He let her go. 

"Is that so?" she said. "Interesting. Now let's keep going."

"Avice, it's fine to open your heart. Even just a litt-"

"What are you getting at, Dall?" she interrupted. "What's the point of asking? I'm not going to tell you. Someone like you - someone who obviously hates me just like everyone else - shouldn't be telling me what I should do. I'm fine on my own. Even if my friends aren't here, I'm fine. That's... that's how it's always been."

"I don't hate you, Avice."

She shot a glare at him. "Bullshit. I don't get why you have to lie to me at this point."

He frowned and said, "Fine, fine. I dislike you. Your attitude, your aura, your disposition towards life... I can't even try to find favor with someone like you." He paused. "But I don't want to kill you. At least believe that."

"Thanks for being honest," she muttered. She glanced down. "You're still not letting me go."

"Avice," he spoke softly, softer than any time before. Just the way he said her name ripped her heart into two. "Please. Even if I may never see you again, I'd never be able to live with myself if someone I knew, even if on the level of acquaintances, left without ever solving their issues. Especially if I had been with them for the amount of time I'd been with you."

She stared at him. "You're serious?" 

He nodded. "Serious. In all honesty, I'm more worried about our coordination, and I won't be able to communicate with you we ever end up in another dangerous situation." She frowned and crossed her arms. "But I am serious. Just," he paused. "it's fine to talk, y'know?"

At this point, it was obvious that they were never going to progress with Dall acting like this. 

She sighed and sat down on the ground. He followed suit.

"Fine. I won't tell you everything, but the least I can do is apologize to you," she said. The second those words left her lips, it was like a dam had exploded and burst free. “For so, so many things…”

Her voice softened, trailing off.

“For the way I speak to you, the way I lash out at you, and, mostly, for feeling the way I do about your people.” She could feel tears swelling up. Her cheeks grew hot and she shifted around uncomfortably. Avice shook her head and slapped her cheeks. Dall merely sat there, keeping his eyes on her.

"It's fine, isn't it, girl?" the woman spoke softly to her. "I know you want to trust this man. Why not let your heart loose for once?"

Avice froze. Every time she had been troubled surfaced. The times her friends weren't around, the times she'd been alone, the times she kept to herself, the times she forced herself to push onward, not knowing if her efforts would ever be rewarded. 

The moments kept building, upward and upward until her bottled emotions swelled. 

Why not, she thought. I'm already doing it.

“Listen. I’m only going to tell you all of this because I’m going home. It doesn’t matter to me if someone I’ll never meet again hears what I have to say, got it?”

“Of course,” he said.

“I’m not weak, okay?! I’m not just opening up because I feel bad about it, okay?!”

“I understand,” Dall said. “What do you have to say?”

She sighed and rubbed her hands together. “I… I don’t even know where to start.”

“Anywhere is fine.”

Avice took one big breath. Her heart drummed in her ears, and her stomach was flopping all around. Never in her entire life did she expect to let this escape from her heart, but here she was.

“For as long as I’ve remembered, no one's ever loved me,” she said.

The words echoed throughout the chamber.

“Ever since I was a child, my parents abused me. They… forced me to undergo so many hardships… They yelled at me, cursed at me… nothing I ever did made them happy.”

Her face grew hot, and her eyes stung.

“As a kid, I thought it was normal. I thought that I just needed to push through, and someday I’d manage to see them smile. But no matter what I did or didn’t, it was always the same. ‘You’re weak’, ‘Why couldn’t you be better?’ ‘You’re just a waste of space’…”

A faint saltiness tickled her lips.

“They never told me simple things like ‘good night’, ‘good morning’… they never asked how I was at school. Not even an ‘I love you’. It was always training, training, training…”

Avice paused.

“The bullying from my classmates, the endless berating from my teachers, and everything that my parents were doing… Dall, honestly, I got so sick of it,” she smiled warily. “I… tried to kill myself. Jump off a bridge and just end it all already. But my parents caught me…” she said, sighing and bringing her knees to her face.

She glanced up at him. He wore a sad expression on his face, and even more tears sprang from her eyes.

“You know what they did, Dall? You would think people called your 'family' would try to help you, right?” She jumped to her feet and clenched her fists. “They branded me! Put a damn scar on my back to teach me a lesson! ‘You were too weak’! That’s what my Father said to me! Nothing else! That's when I knew it! I wouldn't even be allowed to die under my own conditions! A fucking doll!”

“Avice…”

“And to top it all off I was thrown in hell. The scores of people I saw get killed before my eyes… the people who yelled at me to get away from them… the explosions, all of the death…”

Avice hyperventilated and her head spun. Her arms trembled and she grasped her hair.

“Everything I’ve seen, all of the families, the-the children.”

She threw up. Dall shot up and ran to her side and patted her back. She hadn’t thought of that scar in her life ever since she’d seen it.

“I can’t!” she belted, veins protruding from her neck. “All of this… this endless bullshit! What have I done wrong? What’s wrong with me? Did I do something to deserve everything I’ve suffered?” Her voice cracked, spit leaping out of her lips. "I hate everything about this. I hate my god-damned life!"

Dall wrapped his arms around her.

“Get off of me,” she yelled through her tears and tried to push him off.

“Avice! Avice, calm down!”

“Let… go of me! Let... go...” she mumbled.

Dall patted her back, and she tucked her head into his chest. Tears streamed down her face. Her lips quivered and she softly punched him.

"I... I..." Her words fell short. "Please. I don't,” she gasped for air. "I don't want to be hurt again."

“You’re fine. You’re fine, Avice. I’m… I’m here…”

Avice cried. 

Out of fear of losing her friends and becoming alone and ostracized once more, she had never told them about her worries. She had kept up a straight face and made sure to never show her weakness to them. They had become close to her in one of her darkest times, but Avice could never really open her heart out to them yet. Frankly, she was afraid. What would they say to her? Would they come to hate her? Would they turn against her? All of those doubts kept her mouth shut.

But Dall. He was someone she had just met. She was sure that she’d never give him a shred of information about herself, but here she was, exposing everything that had weighed down on her heart for nearly her entire life. 

In this very brief moment, Avice had thanked whoever or whatever had brought her to this world. If she hadn’t arrived, she’d have never laid everything crushing her heart on the table. 

Then… Thirty minutes later…

“I… I don’t know what came over me,” she muttered. Dall let her go and kept his hand on her shoulder. She picked his hand up and took it off. “Listen. I didn’t say this so you’d feel bad for me. I… I just really needed to vent.”

Dall pursed his lips. “No, I understand. Your life… has been hard.”

“Enough about me,” she said wiping the snot away from her nose. She stood and stretched her arms and yelled as loudly as she could. “AHHH This feels so good! I don’t know the last time I felt like this!”

“I know I said to let it out, but you ended up telling me everything in the end," Dall said.

She glared at him. “I told you. It doesn’t matter if you know.”

“But why? You had no reason to bring it up.”

She gazed at the ground. “I don’t know. No. I do. It was your thanks,” she said. Then she smiled. “Your words got to me. I’ll be honest, I don’t know if it’s because you’re probably a genuinely nice person, or it’s because of any other reason, but you are one of the kindest people I’ve ever spoken to. Barring all of your hostility, of course.” She crossed her arms. “It feels weird to say, but the way you thanked me was so… earnest. And when you started prodding me to open up...”

“Then I’ll thank you again, Avice. No one’s ever spoken so openly to me as you have.” He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. “I feel terrible about everything I’ve said to you.”

“Don’t be,” she said. “Like I said, I don’t want your pity. I deserve what I deserve. If I feel nothing about your people dying… that’s on me. And it’s-it’s my fault.”

“It’s mine as well,” he said.

Avice sighed and rubbed the back of her head. “And to think all I wanted to do was apologize. Didn’t really mean to go off on my entire life’s story.”

“But I’m grateful that you did,” Dall responded.

"Speaking of, why'd you even bother trying to help me? Surprising me again with your out-of-nowhere kindness."

"I couldn't help it. I've seen someone act similarly to you. And I know opening your heart to someone would work. It worked for them, after all," Dall said.

"Mm..." Avice hummed. "Still doesn't explain it all."

"Let's just leave it at the fact that I couldn't bear seeing someone suffer so much," he said. "Normally I'd try to do anything I can to help, but, considering your predicament, that's quite obviously impossible."

"So you'd stick your head in my situation if I was from this world?"

Dall nodded steadfastly. "Yes. If no one would take on the burden of helping people, then I would have to do it myself."

"Goody-two-shoes..." Avice smirked. "But, regardless. Thank you."

“I also have to apologize," Dall said.

“Hmm? For what?”

“For hugging you so tightly.”

Avice’s cheeks reddened. “No. No, it’s fine. It helped me, anyways.”

Dall smiled. “Y’know, now that I think about it.”

“What is it?”

“This is the first time you and I have spoken on equal terms,” Dall said.

“What do you mean?”

“When we first met, you were captured, and iron bars stood between us. When I awoke in the forest, my anger blinded me, I was rendered immobile, and something evil in the air tainted my heart,” Dall said. “But now, you and I are talking one on one. Nothing in between us.”

“I guess you’re right,” Avice said.

“Which means, we’ve never had the opportunity to do this,” he said. 

He held his hand out. 

“My name is Dall Greatsword. It is a pleasure to meet you.”

Avice’s eyes widened and her eyebrows rose. She grasped his hand and said with a smile. 

“Nice to meet you, too. My name is Avice Alera.”

 

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