Chapter 8 – The mirror and starvation
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The mirror

I woke up to my hotel room phone ringing beside me. I took the horn and listened to a female voice wishing me a good morning and explaining me this was the wake up service. She also informed me about the breakfast that was about to be served and that my group would assemble in two hours in the lobby. If I wasn’t present at the breakfast buffet, she would call again in 1 hour. I didn’t utter a word and just hung up when she was done speaking. I remembered her calling me miss Keenan.

When I tiredly opened my eyes, I almost immediately doubling down from the intense feeling of starvation. I felt like I was going on for weeks without food. I needed food! I required food! I was dying of malnutrition!

I tried to get up and my body just wasn’t working right. Something was seriously off. Looking at myself, I saw that the lumps on my chest were almost gone. My belly was still freakishly flat and between my legs no male parts were present. But my hands were large and I had hair on my arms and on my chest. What was going on?

When I tried to get up and walk, I almost fell down. One leg appeared to be just a bit shorter then the other and, when looking at my feet, it appeared my feet were following the same pattern. I had a small foot and a large one. It would have been funny as hell, if it wasn’t attached to my body.

I limped to the forbidden fruit for everyone using a company paid hotel room. The minibar. I needed something, anything, as long as it had calories. Tears were streaming out of my eyes. From misery, from pain, from wrongness, but not from panic. I was passed panic. I was passed fear. I just wanted to live and I had given up on everything else.

In the minibar I found 5 different bottles of juices, three beers, two bags of chips, two chocolate bars and some hard liquor. I skipped the liquor and started on the juices and the chocolate bars, doing my utmost best to take small sips and bites. It was nearly impossible. The feeling of the sugar rushed so intensely through my body that I had to spit out a half a chocolate bar after the second bite, only to try again with small bites. I hadn’t noticed I propped that much in my mouth until I experienced difficulties in chewing.

I was halfway the first beer, when my mind was switching back online. “What happened?”, I asked myself in a daze while taking another sip. I was still very hungry but the feeling of deadly starvation was fading. I got up and limped to the bathroom to assess the damage.

I cringed when glancing at myself in the mirror. “I look like a freak” I thought, panicking once more. Good ol’ familiar feeling of panic. Welcome back! “I can’t leave the room like this!”, my mind screamed to me.

I was a hideous mix between male and female. My eyes were still yellow-green, but dull. They were less large and while my eyebrows were still very beautiful, my eye sockets clearly had a male signature now. Together with a square jaw and larger nose and a mouth a tad too big, it gave me the looks of a beast.

Look further down my body only enhanced the impression, on my chest I had something like fat hairy man-boobs with large nipples. My flat stomach was sprinkled with hairs forming an arrow pointing at my belly button. I still had hips but they were only vaguely visible. Combine this with hairy arms, just a bit too long for my current height and a male and female leg and you had a distorted creature in the mirror.

Such a picture on the internet would be the root of an unending stream of hilarious memes. People would never get enough of it. Even I would choke laughing at it. But not today. Not with the figure in the mirror mimicking my movements and clearly being me. I noticed the beer still in my hand and I gulped it down in one go, left the bathroom and melted down on the floor with my back against the bed. Crying.

“Why did this all happen to me?”, I asked fruitlessly in thin air. “Why!!??”. “Why couldn’t that idiot madman pick someone else?” “Why did I have to trip and be subjected to this hellish, screwed up science experiment? Why is such a thing even allowed to exist?” “How on earth am I going to get out of this hotel and team building entrapment?”

My mind was going in circles but amidst the meaningless complaining, I felt I was going to have to make a choice. I knew I would be able to shift once more. I somehow realized that the monster-me was just me, running out of energy to burn to complete a transformation. But that left the question open: male or female?

Without the yellow jerks mess, this would have been a no brainer. I would have my ID card, I would have my clothes, I would just be male-me. Now I was just stuck here, with a single set of female clothes including shoes, a set of ruined unisex clothes without shoes and a paper from the French police identifying me as Marie Keenan. I didn’t even have a toothbrush. Aside from the one I saw in the bathroom apparently offered for free by the hotel.

If I was to choose one form over the other, how was I going to maintain that form? Male was only one major emotional overflow away from female. And female, well, I didn’t figure that one out entirely. The conditions for turning back seem to have something to do with not being in panic or danger anymore. It didn’t feel right. I pondered a little more about this.

I partially changed when overflowing with love for my kids once. If I was thinking back about it, I was feeling really warm and thankful inside. I remembered thinking I wanted this to last forever. I remembered the fierce feeling to protect them forever from every harm possible.

Which was completely in conflict with my overwhelming cowardness. I was run away specialist number 1. Conflict avoidance deeply ingrained in my DNA. Taking risks was a no-no. I was afraid to stand upon a ladder. Afraid to swim into the sea. Afraid for change. If I was brutally honest with myself, this is what costed me my marriage. Not my wife turning fickle. Just me being unmoveable. An admirable treat and gift of stability when raising children but a very crippled way of living. She couldn’t do that anymore. I saw that clearly now.

I started crying again. For what I lost just by being my insufficient self. I wish I could do better. I wish I could protect everyone. I wish to love and be loved. I wish to break my internal chains. I was still very afraid.

I suddenly became aware that my body was again feeling really good and fuzzily warm again. “I transformed again”, I thought, recognizing the feeling. I looked at my hand and five delicately formed fingers waved at me. Female. “I guess I’m female when I want to protect myself or something I cared about.” I thought. “That emotion might actually work to get through this mess.” Being female out of necessity to keep myself safe ought to be more stable. I couldn’t imagine a moment during the teambuilding where I wouldn’t feel at least a bit threatened.

It took a few more minutes before I was really ready to get up again. Visiting the bathroom was less scary now and I quickly took a shower and got dressed. I hardly noticed how differently the signals were that my senses sent to brain. I was more or less a woman with a mission. Survive! And … EAT! A LOT! The hunger was bordering starvation again and I knew a whole buffet was waiting for me. I moved out with an ‘eat first, think later attitude’.

There was an area reserved for our firm at the heavenly banquet that I encountered in the breakfast room. I was quickly reminded of how much attention my appearance was drawing. This time, I experienced it as not more than an annoying bug zooming around. I ignored it and turned to the water-mouthing food. Moments later I was sitting at an empty table, devouring my first load.

Halfway my third round I got company. Steve. I was instantly annoyed. And I wanted to send out a dismissive “Hi, Steve” when I suddenly realized I couldn’t. Julian knew him, Marie didn’t. I took out a warm fake smile and said, “Hi, I’m Marie.” I extended my hand and he shook it with a “Hi, I’m Steve! Nice to meet you!”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before at our company. I would have remembered. You are a sight to behold.” He asked immediately objectifying me.

“I’m happy that my looks would be the most important thing you would have remembered of me.”, I replied a bit poisonously. I had no intention to get into the graces of Mr Perfect. I suddenly blinked. “That was very aggressive.”, I thought. “The self-protection emotion is clearly working!”

A female co-worker passing our table let out a chuckle and gave me a wink. I blinked again. “Wut? This was an ok reaction?”

Steve looked at me, puzzled and a little taken aback. “I’m sorry that was a bit insensitive of me.”, he recovered quickly.

Still, I felt a tingle of annoyance coming from him. I guess he was used to women swooning at his feet and not pushing him away. It helped that I wasn’t a real woman. More or less. My body was betraying me and was making it clear that this was a fine example of a man. Dominant and handsome. Top attractive material. I understood, but I still didn’t want anything to do with it.

“Apologies accepted”, I told him. “From which branch are you?”, I asked, leading the attention away from me.

He started telling extensively where he was from and started telling about his heroics at the helpdesk. He also told a bit about his private life and the sports he did. But he never mentioned his wife or his son. When I realised this, I looked at his hands and I saw he wasn’t wearing his wedding ring. The sleazebag! I was immediately disgusted and I excused myself to get my fourth to the rim filled plate.

When I got back, luckily some more colleagues joined at our table. I introduced myself and I easily avoided any questions about me. Seems like only a small hint of interest of me was enough to keep them battling for my attention. I listened with a small smile on my lips. I knew the stories. The real ones… Being female was hilarious.

After my sixth plate, people started to leave the room to get ready to assemble. I also got up and moved to the lobby after brushing my teeth and hair in my room. Each with their respectively free counterparts. I looked incredible. It scared me senseless.

Conference

In a crypt under an abandoned church, 8 men were assembled. The crypt was still in original shape but the centre of it was occupied with high tech material and a meeting table. Monitors mounted against a rack showed every movement in a large circle around the crypt. They were even monitoring the airspace and seismographs were connected to the soil beneath the church . It was impossible to approach this place undetected. A prominent self-destruct button was mounted on an easily accessible place.

The Colonel stood at the head of the table with a large projection behind him. He was reviewing the state of mission. Captain Green just ended his summary with the capture of Mr Garcia and the visiting ‘Lobby’ agents. It leaded to the capture of Mr Stevens. The Colonel continued himself with an overview of the information they intercepted from the interrogation of Henry Marshal. The whereabouts of the professor were still unknown. The detailing of the known research results, kept the case on the highest priority rank. He then gave the word to Captain Blue.

Blue was tasked with finding Mr Cawry. He proclaimed that John Cawry was almost certainly a false name and that from all the indirect evidence, the real person they were looking for was probably Mr Murray. His team already had first contact with Mr Murray but no concrete evidence could be found. He lined up the facts that joined the two together.

  • Mr Murray matched the vague physical profile professor Marshal described.
  • Mr Murray matched the physical description from Mr Stevens.
  • The physical profile from Mr Stevens and Mr Murray match.
  • Mr Murray was in the area at the moment the professor was abducted.
  • The tracing of the phone number found in the garbage can of Mr Stevens lead to confirmation of Mr Cawry present at the location where Mr Stevens was apprehended.
  • Consulting the records of Mr Stevens cell phone told us he warned Mr Cawry just before he was apprehended. The message was almost immediately read by Mr Cawry.
  • Captain Orange confirmed seeing Mr Murray inside the bookshop when apprehending Mr Stevens.
  • Camera footage of the environment of the bookshop showed Mr Murray as the only person with corresponding physical treats.
  • Mr Stevens phone was turned off when Mr Murray was inside the bookstore after receiving an obvious bogus message from Mr Cawry.
  • The burner phone was turned on a few more times on random locations in the city. On two of those locations we have a surveillance image of Mr Murray.
  • And finally, we received a report that Mr Murray was wounded the day after the abduction of the professor.

An operative inside the company where Mr Murray is working, is giving us a daily report of him. Mr Murray should now be in France for a team building. He left the airport in Paris but disappeared shortly after. The tracing of Mr Murray’s phone shows he should be present in the hotel but he is nowhere to be seen. Blue concluded with the request to travel abroad and to find Mr Murray and bring him in. The risk that Mr Murray is targeted by ‘The Lobby’ is very real and giving his current disappearance, it is possible he is already found.

The Colonel approved the request but handed the task to Captain Green. Captain Blue was tasked to keep monitoring for possible sightings or mentions of John Cawry and thoroughly investigate other possibilities.

Captain Green was silently smiling. He was on a success roll. If he could handle this successfully, he would surely be considered for promotion.

When the meeting ended, they were given another three hours to study and learn all the information by heart. Afterwards, one by one, they vanished into the world once more. A cleaning crew came in and meticulously removed all evidence of their passage.

Another chapter, on time, as promised. On the downside, it is a little shorter then normal. Enjoy!

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