Women

I used to be afraid of the dark. Somehow, I wasn’t now. The first team event was an introduction in speleology. Running through the caves with our guide was really cool. The darkness, the amazing coloration in the stones, the raw and irregular formations, the strange flora and the sparse animals living here, it all breathed mystery. Even the air tasted different.

A sense of quiet covered the group, they were all whispering their discoveries to each other. We were all looking with eyes filled with wonder at the spots our headlights illuminated. I was walking silently, taking everything in while recalling the events from this morning.

While waiting in a hidden corner in the lobby, I created a new personal mail account for myself. I subtracted 12 days and 12 years from my real age since I really looked a lot younger in this form. I looked barely 22. Then I sent a mail from my company account to my new personal account, changing the date with a small trick one of the IT guys showed me on April Fools’ Day. In the mail, I gave all the details of my reservation and wished myself good luck on my ‘new’ job and a ‘congrats’ for being allowed to participate in the team building.

Afterwards I made a copy of the PDF with my contract and edited it with the name Marie Keenan. I lowered my salary and job title to junior and put in the last day of last week as start date. As place of working, I entered another department to avoid being able to answer too many questions. I recently visited the other branch for a meeting, so I knew enough of it to make it appear as if I actually was going to work there. I put my newly invented signature in, saved it and stored it on my phone.

It took me about 20 minutes. I was right on time to show it to the team event coordinators.

I’m not into lying. I hate it. I try to avoid it at all cost. Avoidance and running away is my thing. But one smile and one bat with my eyelashes and I could have claimed I desperately needed 100 euro and they would have given it to me without a blink of an eye. They would even have thanked me for the opportunity to give it to me. This was completely unnatural. They barely glanced at the mail. They didn’t even look at my fake contract. I might as well have shown the manual of a toaster. It wouldn’t have made a difference.

We were halted by the guide for a look in a larger cavern. He used his ultra-power light equipment on a part of the wall. It was pretty impressive. A small stream of water formed a gentle waterfall with intermediate pools of dripstone. The wall itself was grey with orange, yellow and glinting black accents. If you added the sparkling from the water and the off-white of the dripstone water reservoirs, you really got an amazing display.

We fell silent for a minute admiring the display. I felt the hand of a girl in my group reaching for my hand. She clasped it tightly sighing in wonder. I looked at her with wide open eyes and a happy smile. “This is so wonderful”, Caro whispered, looking at me smiling. She turned back to taking in the marvellous painting by the hand of Mother Nature in front of us.

Caro was a mocha girl with deep black straight hair that hung as a thick curtain over her shoulder. She had nice warm brown eyes and a delicate face. She had a fragile built and had not much stamina. She was also rather touchy in a non invasive matter. It just made you like her even more. She called out for a pause a few times already, together with Janice. Janice was an unremarkable girl with pale skin, boring blue eyes, brown blond hair kept straight just above her shoulder. She was slightly overweight without being fat and clearly not used to a hike of more than 1 kilometre.

Then there was also Crystal. She was an athletic blond goddess. The archetype. Formfitting cloths. Radiating beauty queen and female power. She was very large. Around 1m80. Really someone to look up to. Literally. With blue eyes, she would easily have been an ice queen, but she had light brown eyes, giving her a very accessible look. She took the spearpoint of our group.

The final member, besides me, was Flora. She was our word-waterfall. She never stopped talking. She wore some large round glasses over her brown eyes, making her large eyes even larger. It was amazing and tiresome at the same time to listen to her. She kept stringing sentences together at high pace. She never seemed to be at loss for a subject to talk about. Lucky for us, she had about the most beautiful voice I ever heard.

Those four explicitly rescued me in the lobby. After my chat with the organisers and replacing Julian by Marie on the roster, I was thrown in the mostly men lobby-sea. I felt a bit like a bleeding prey in a sea of sharks. I was circled and men were closing in more and more. I was shivering uncomfortably. This was not a type of attention I knew how to deal with. I was legit scary. Out of nowhere, Caro appeared and without saying a word she grabbed my hand, and pulled me to their group. We were split in groups of 5 persons and I completed their group. It was my first time ever in an all-girls group.

They all agreed I needed a rescue. As soon as I was in their midst, after introductions, they began recalling stories about being ganged up by men with honourable and less honourable intentions. The way of dealing with it and the characterizations were simply hilarious. And absolutely unflattering from time to time. I listened and learned and laughed. My laugh really surprised me. It was the first time hearing it and it sounded like a soft ringing of magical bells.

“Wait! I’m absolutely laughing out loud at the expense of men and I’m also a man! Even if I currently don’t look like one. Was I really like this? Was I really this stupid?”, I wondered. “It had never crossed my mind that women might see us like this. And yet, having a first experience… they are right. Men are idiots. But I feel really uncomfortable looking this way at the man I am. Was. Half am. Sorta.”

A few men tried to join our circle for talks, but they quickly backed out after a frown from Crystal or spicy remark from Janice. Janice might not have won in the looks department but her wits were top. They curiously asked me why I was so uncomfortable with the attention. A girl as cute as me, was surely used to it?

“I can’t tell that I’m both uncomfortable with the attention and the laughing at the expense of men, can I? I thought. “Maybe I can tell about yesterday.”

 “Yesterday, I lost contact with the group and got lost. I missed my metro exit and ended up in the middle of the riots in the centre.” I told.

“You what?”, Crystal explained.

“I found myself with my backpack and trolley in the protest march. And fights broke out around me between the police and men with yellow jackets.” I clarified. They looked astonished at me.

“It was a very scary experience. In the fights I lost my backpack and trolley, got hit by a water cannon and got arrested by the French police.”, I continued.

Caro immediately pulled me in a hug. “Oh my god, Marie! That must have been so terrifying!”

I started leaking a tear. Out of character for me but impossible to stop. The caring plus reliving a part of the emotions I felt was too much.

“It was. I lost my identity card, my cloths and all my other stuff except for my phone and credit card which were in my pocket. Luckily they survived getting wet.”

“In the bus to the police station and in the cell before the interrogation, I was really despairing. But luckily the two police officers were very gentle with me and gave me fresh cloths from the lost and found pile. They let me take a shower to get warm again and change and provide me with a ride to our hotel.”

Four pair of eyes looked at me in silence. “You are joking, right?” Janice said.

I shook my head. “No, they even gave me a paper to proof my identity while I’m still in France. And I might have to go back later this week for a line-up to identify the people who started attacking the police and the military.”

“Girl, we are totally going to help you out! Right girls?” Flora said.

I immediately became the precious daughter to 4 mothers. It felt very warm and … weird. Men never did this. Men would have applauded on the heroics, laughed their asses off and would have left me to my own devices. The girls immediately started planning on passing a shop for fresh underwear and listing their cloths to see what they could lend me. In short … I was absolutely not prepared for this treatment. All I could do was listen and stammer thanks.

In the cavern, we now came to a wall to climb. After the long decent, after rooms with stalactites, stalagmites and columns, after small narrow corridors and low ceilings, after treacherous paths with uneven flooring and underground rivers and waterfalls, we were would now going up in one hefty climb.

Ropes were ready on the wall and we had climbing gear on, which was rented at the start. Caro and Janice were sighing in advance. Crystal eyed me and challenged me with a wink.

“Hey Marie! I see you are still not tired. Why don’t we race to the top?”, Crystal finalized her challenge.

“Oh no, I’m not good at climbing! Or better, I don’t know since I never did it.” I responded.

“Marie! You can do it! Crystal has challenged a lot of girls and men already and we are desperately seeking for someone who can beat her! Do it for us! We want to see this.” Flora intervened.

“Yeah. She is still retelling her victories from her previous victims when we get together. Each teambuilding she makes new ones. And you don’t seem tired at all.”, Caro added.

“Do it! Do it! Do it! Janice started chanting.

Race to the top. I wasn’t very inclined to do it. In the entire trip I had yet to feel the slightest strain on my muscles. I had the feeling my physique and stamina was astronomical. Especially compared to what I was used to. They didn’t know how I would do against her, but the effortlessness of the hike didn’t escape attention.

“Ok! I’ll give it at try! But don’t be mad if I turn out to be an addition to her victory stories. She’s clearly extremely athletic.” I said, eyeing a broadly smiling Crystal.

She gave me a hug. “Thanks! It’s going to be epic!”, she told me. She was sparkling and shaking from anticipation. This was different. I was never challenged to a physical contest.

“How does she do this? She’s very competitive but at the same time warm and supporting instead of toxic and boasting. It’s so different.” I thought. “I’m actually going to enjoy this.”

Our guide gave us an explanation on how to climb the wall and gave us pointers and tips. The tips were mainly about keeping yourself rooted on three points and only advancing one limb at a time. Trust your feeling and thoroughly test a new point you grab before you put weight on it. We climbed up and down a few metres to test it. Crystal had obviously done this in the past. The climb should be easy but doing it fast still was a challenge.

“You know there is a standing competition and a leader board for this climb?”, the guide told us. “There are even people training for it.”

We both clasped our carabiners onto the rope and stood ready. The guide was urging us for caution and took out his chrono.

The girls shouted: “Three, two, one, gooooo!”.

We started climbing. The first metres I was meticulously following the instructions. But Crystal was a full length ahead of me in seconds and I had to change tactics. My heart started beating faster and faster and I felt an adrenaline rush flooding my veins. I felt like the top of my fingers and toes were all I needed to keep myself in place. So, I started climbing using everything my hands and feet touched. This allowed me to keep equal pace with Crystal, who was still a length before me.

“Go Marie Go! You can do it! Beat her for us! Keep up!” I heard the cheering from below.

I wanted to do better. I really felt the competition burning and the cheers pushing me further. After the first rope switch I went all out. I stopped with the three points secure technique and switched to something that was best described as running up the wall on hands and feet. Only two points, sometimes only one foot was placed securely while I was reaching for new protrusions to lift me higher. I was on the same height as Crystal in no time. She saw me gaining on her and smiled. She picked up the pace and started racing too.

“Woohoo! Go girls! Keep up! You are amazing!”, they were now cheering for the both of us.

We hit the top at the same time and gave each other a high five and fell into a hug. I would have won if I wanted. But that would have drawn way too much attention. In the end I was just matching my pace to hers and wasn’t striving to win. She was breathing heavily. I faked searching for breath but in reality I wasn’t even sweating. I hoped I was convincing. I just found this group and I knew I needed people around me. This was only day 1.

It took an hour before everyone else had climbed up to. Janice and Caro took the easy climb aided with ropes pulling them up. Flora climbed effortless at a slow and steady pace side by side with the guide. He congratulated us both. It seems we had almost set a female climbing record. We made it to the leader board. A shared eighth place. An impressive time for people who weren’t trained to climb this wall. I just smiled innocently and winked at Crystal who was wildly grinning back at me.

A hour later, we all sat relaxed at a table, enjoying the late afternoon sun with a cocktail, chatting and waiting for the last groups to come out. We were drawing crazy attention. Which we laughed away. It was fun. It bounded us. I had friends but I had never felt this close to people as I did to those four strangers. I felt a ping of guilt for deceiving them on my identity. I promised I would make it up to them as soon as I could.

Clubbing

After supper, we assembled for a dive in the nightlife in Paris. I felt extremely uncomfortable. I was wearing my jeans jacket and sneakers. But under the jacket, I was wearing a dress. I had make-up on. For the first time in my life.

Flora appeared to have a similar size in clothes as me and lent me this dress. I was in no position to say no. Janice bloomed into a make-up artist and had her way with me, while Crystal did my hair. I was chanceless. I underwent it all and came out waaaaay too pretty. This is gonna be trouble.

I was standing in the lobby, talking to my new friends when one of my colleagues was staring a tad too much while descending the stairs and missed the last one. He face planted on the floor. My friends almost peed themselves while I was dumbstruck in confusion.

“Did I really cause this?” It was not the only incident. I also saw a waiter trip and drop a glass. The girls were absolutely enjoying themselves on my account.

“Girl, you are deadly! We are going to have the time of our life!”, Flora exclaimed. They all nodded in affirmation with wide grins. I rolled my eyes in disgust at the abuse of my appearance. It came quickly clear that they went all out on me because they knew I would have this effect. They tricked me.

A while later, we were queueing to enter a club. “Great, I’ve never been to a club. I have absolutely no idea how to dance. Not as a man, and certainly not as a woman. And it will surely be too loud and too crowded for my taste. I don’t want to get in.” I thought. As I looked add my hyped up companions, I sighed and swallowed my aversions. “Guess, I won’t have a choice on this one too.”

Strange thing was, that in the past, I would just have left and would have gone back to the hotel room. But somehow, this option didn’t cross my mind. I wasn’t running away from a new experience. If I was honest, I was even getting a bit excited. The energetic chatter of the girls and the waves of anticipation were rubbing off on me. “I’m really going to do this.”, I realized astonished.

We didn’t have to wait out the queue. Much to my surprise but not for the rest. Crystal had positioned her very visible for the bouncers and they subtly manoeuvred me into their sight too. As soon as they spotted us, they gestured to us. We happily obliged and got in without paying the entrance fee. Which was obviously a normal thing… “What a difference.”, I thought. “Guess there is gender discrimination in two ways.”

It didn’t take long before we were all on the dancefloor with beats pumping around us. I watched and copied the moves around me. It wasn’t a great success at first. I took me two cocktails to realize how I could let the beats pound my body in the right rhythm. After getting the rhythm right, I added a cycle of 4 passes and then I kept adding arm and hand movements.

“This feels deliberating!” I thought and lost myself in movement and sound, cherishing the company of our little group.

The better I danced, the more people started drumming around us. We already lost Crystal and Caro who were dancing closely to two handsome fellows. I was having fun with Flora, who had some serious moves. Janice was dancing with small moves without much inspiration. She was smiling and enjoying herself but wasn’t much of a dancer.

Of course, things couldn’t stay innocent all night long. It happened when the three of us went to the restrooms. On our way I saw Caro trying to escape the grip of the guy she fancied. He was now obviously very drunk and a bit violent. “Caro is in trouble!”, I shouted to the others and pointed. They followed the imaginary line my finger formed and got the gist immediately. Janice shouted “Bouncer” back to us and disappeared in the crowd while Flora and me made our way to Caro.

When we reached Caro, I tapped the drunk on the shoulder, creating just enough confusion for Caro to escape his grasp. She quickly took place behind me, leaning into Flora. The drunk didn’t even look phased.

“Putain, quelle beauté!” (Damn, what a beauty) he shouted and eagerly came closer to me and tried to grab me.

“Non, va-t’en!” (No, go away) I shouted back. I was seriously pissed for Caro being hurt and slapped away his greedy hands while moving the exact amount to avoid him. He tripped and fell. It never took much to trip a drunk.

More troublesome is that he fell against two more obviously drunk persons. He stood up and talked to them after helping them up. Then he pointed at us and all three made their way to us with glee on their faces. Flora and Caro were trying to retreat while pulling me with them but the crowd was blocking them.

Soon they were facing us. “Putes!” (Bitches) one of the drunk shouted. Another one shouted “On va leurs apprendre leurs places!” (We will learn them their place). The first one grabbed Caro and gave her a punch in the stomach. She doubled over.

They grabbed Flora and me too and started pulling us to the restrooms. I knew from yesterday I could easily escape but that would have meant leaving my friends to the mercy of those assholes.

They were trembling and obviously too scared to put up some resistance. “We should shout for help.” I thought and remained silent.

Nobody was helping. I saw that some people recognized something was amiss but no heroics came forth. They clearly intended to draw us to the smokers area outside which was accessible through a door next to the restrooms. We were close to the door when a large, strong and extremely handsome guy joined in on our struggle. He moved fluently and fast and the three drunks stumbled against the walls. We were rescued.

It took our violators a few seconds to process what happened. Our prince smiled at us and signalled we shouldn’t worry. He turned to the drunks just in time to block a clumsy swing at him. He moved very gracefully with minimal movements and effort. They didn’t stand any chance. They were simply destroyed. A few moments later two bouncers joined in, let by Janice. The already one-sided fight was quickly over and the bouncers set the trash out.

Sam, which was his name, invited us to an adjacent chill room to recover. We took place in a cosy corner. We all introduced ourselves and thanked him profusely. He was English speaking, just like us. His blond messy hair, friendly blue eyes and his deep rumbling voice made everyone swoon. I knew Flora and Janice were married. But that didn’t stop them from drooling.

Honestly, that guy was affecting me too. I have never felt any attraction to a guy but this one was giving me butterflies. I was utterly confused. There was something about his presence that just drew me to him. Not that I would act on it. I would be disgusted by myself if I did. I often felt his eyes taking me in. Against all ratio, I felt myself extremely flustered by it.

We didn’t return to the dance floor and after a while Crystal and her new flame for the week joined us. We got an apology and a round of the house from one of the bouncers. We chatted and relaxed. After a while we were able to laugh again and have somewhat a good time. Sam made us feel important and safe. Even me. It was hard to keep myself in check. I was alternating between reacting as a male wingman towards my friends and jumping on his lap and rubbing myself against him in my reactions. I couldn’t make heads or tails of myself.

Time came for a goodbye. Crystal’s French fling called two cabs for us and we were standing outside waiting. When it was my turn to say goodbye, all I could do was stare into Sam’s eyes while he was undeniably drowning in mine. Suddenly and gently he took initiative like a real man and he moved closer. I was mesmerised by his lips approaching.

The touch of those lips against mine was again a completely new and alien sensation. Instead of jumping back, somehow my brain short circuited and I mindlessly kissed back, completely lost in the moment. I leaned in against his strong torso, my knees buckling from the kiss. It ended to soon.

“What the actual fuck!”, I thought when sitting in the cab to our hotel. It was only then, I started to completely realize what I did and the complications around it. “I have two kids! I am freaky male! I need to wash my mouth! Eeeeeuuuuw! What the bloody hell did I do!”

Crystal and Caro, who shared the cab with me were cheering my in-horror-frozen pose.

SilverStars

Making up for the shorter chapter 8. Some things you can escape, some things you can't. Our main character is still somewhat riding a wave of luck. May he/she enjoy it while it lasts.