Note: The ending if Liang Fei didn’t get back together with Xieren when they broke up.

*****

Liang Fei hadn’t felt regret in a long time.

He’d accepted his death, understanding that his loved one had moved on and had found happiness after he’d died. He’d reunited with Xieren, fulfilling the promise he’d accidentally broken the day he died the second time as Shao Liang Fei.

But now that ugly sinking feeling of regret was creeping up into his thoughts once more as he watched Xieren standing up upon a platform, waiting for his future spouse.

The regret that it wasn’t him who’d be up there with him.

***

When he’d first heard the news, it was shocking, to say the least. He’d only ‘broken up’ with the younger man a few days prior yet here he was with a fiance in tow.

She was beautiful, courteous, and suited Xieren in ways that he, a man, never could.

When his student had introduced her to the staff, everyone looked at Liang Fei, as if to determine his thoughts. They knew that he and their king had been intimate before so for him to be replaced would surely warrant a reaction right?

Whether this curiosity was due to malice or pity, Liang Fei showed no sadness as he introduced himself to her. His voice was even and calm as he congratulated to two for their union.

For the first time ever, Liang Fei felt grateful for his stoic expression.

Later on, Suyan had come to him and held his hand. Despite his assurance that he wasn’t upset, the child stayed by his side, saying nothing.

It was a long night.

Once the day of the wedding came, Liang Fei couldn’t keep himself still. Despite everything telling him to do something, the only thing he could think to do is talk to Xieren. About what, he wasn’t sure but he felt like he had to say something.

Yet standing before Xieren, seeing him dressed in brilliant red and knowing he would be marrying another closed his throat. Words he wanted to say were trapped as he told himself such things were not for him.

“Xieren…”

Xieren stared back at him, his eyes narrowed but he didn’t ask him to leave. After minutes of silence, he sighed.

“Shizun, I’m to be married today.”

“...Yes.”

“Do you have anything to say about this?”

The two stared at each other, as if any second, they’d speak their hearts and settle the tension between them.

But neither spoke a word.

Xieren’s expression fell, despair etching lines of anguish on his handsome face. Liang Fei flinched, reaching out to give comfort. It had been so long since he touched Xieren and-

His hand was smacked away. It was more shocking than painful but made it clear he was being rejected.

“You have nothing to say, Shizun.” Xieren snapped, giving the elder a hard look. “There's nothing between us, as you said.”

Liang Fei pulled back, looking away. That was what he’d said, wasn’t it? He’d cut ties cleanly yet here he was, moments before Xieren married another person. For what? What was he trying to do?

Even Liang Fei himself had no clue.

***

Now Liang Fei was standing amongst the crowd, watching the ceremony. Suyan had given him a questioning look upon his return but still said nothing about it.

There was nothing to say. Liang Fei had made his choice and now Xieren was moving on as well. This is what he had wanted, wasn’t it? For Xieren to find a woman and have a proper life. Not one bogged down by an old man clinging to someone with a future.

His bride, whose name he’d forgotten by now, joined Xieren, the two looking forward as they prepared to exchange their vows. The two of them, side by side. This was the future, Liang Fei would witness after this.

Xieren touching someone else

Xieren kissing someone else

Xieren loving Someone els-

“W-wait!”

Liang Fei was panting, staring at the ground. The floor had changed, looking much like the carpet on the platform than the hardwood he’d been standing on before. Why had it chan-

“Is there something the matter, Lord Han?”

Liang Fei looked up, shocked to see Xieren and the bride staring at him. His eyes danced around the room, seeing the crowd staring back at him. Most were surprised and quite a few were angry. Curiously, Xinyi looked excited while Yao Da was smirking.

Somehow he’d ended up on the platform. Had he run up here? How had he not noticed? Why had he-

“Lord Han, would you mind releasing his lordship?”

Liang Fei blinked, only then realizing that he had grabbed hold of Xieren’s arm.

“A-ah, right…” He swallowed, trying to will himself into unclenching his fist. “Um…”

“Are you going to-” the bride started to frown but was interrupted by Xieren, who kept his eyes on Liang Fei.

“Shizun, is there something the matter?” He asked, his tone as even and calm as Liang Fei’s usual tone.

“N-no, but…” He still couldn't unclench his fist, despite his embarrassment.

As if sensing the elder's desire to pull away, Xieren enclosed Liang Fei’s clenched fist in his own, trapping it. The familiar touch made Liang Fei inhale sharply, his heart reveling in the touch after so long without it.

“But?”

“You…” Liang Fei looked up, having forgotten what he was doing for a moment. Upon recalling, he came up with a reason. “You don’t look happy.”

Xieren’s eyes narrowed questioningly “Don’t I?”

“Y-you don’t.” He truly didn’t. Whether he was upset about the wedding or mad at Liang Fei for interrupting was unclear. “I worry you might be forcing yourself and I-”

“Am I the one forcing myself?”

“Eh? Who else would?”

“I wonder.” He said, glancing down at the elder's trembling fist clenched in his robes. He turned his gaze back to the man. “Should I cancel the wedding then?”

“Cancel the-” The bride gasped, looking mortified. “My lordship, surely you-”

“Quiet!” He roared, silencing not only the woman but the whispering crowd as well. Everyone fell silent, though Xieren had yet to look away from Liang Fei. “Shizun, should I?”

“You…” Liang Fei swallowed, his mind scrambling to think of a response. “It’s up to you.”

“Then who should I marry?” He asked, lifting Liang Fei’s chin so they were eye to eye. “I must do so.”

“That… is up to you.”

A growl rumbled from the king, frightening everyone, save for the man in front of him. Nothing seemed to scare him but the words that itched to escape him. Words that would do no one any good.

He felt the air rush by him before he realized he was being dragged away from the ceremony. He saw flashes of colors and faces but felt no concern about it. No, he was just glad to be away from all those eyes.

All those eyes asked why even he didn’t know why he was up there.

Soon, they were alone in a room. He wasn’t sure what room. He was sure neither of them cared.

Xieren had pressed him against a wall, staring down into his violet eyes with a hard look. Liang Fei didn’t know if it was anger he saw there or just confusion. Probably both.

“Shizun…” He sighed, pressing their forehead together. “You clearly have a problem with my marriage so speak honestly.”

“I am honest.”

“No, you are not.” He growled, letting it rumble from his chest. It felt like Liang Fei was surrounded by the sound, Xieren encompassing all his breathable air.

“I am!” He insisted. “You should marry someone you love.”

Sunset eyes stared deeply into his own, pinning him to the spot. “Yet that person keeps on rejecting me!”

“Rejecting…?”

Xieren stared at him for a moment before letting out a roar that shook the elder to his core. It wasn't the note of anger in that roar that had Liang Fei flinching. No, it was a feeling of sorrow in that sound that made him want to reach out to the man.

But he’d already been rejected before.

“The person I love is an idiot who keeps on letting others dictate their life.” Xieren lamented, pacing the floor in front of him. “They suffer and yet never allow me to help. They sacrifice so much yet never ask for anything from me. They so gently hold my heart in their hands yet reject it when I give it freely. That person, who even now, refuses to look me in the eye!”

Liang Fei looked up, feeling overwhelmed by something deep in his chest. “I-I told you-”

“You told me what others think!” Xieren snapped back, cutting off the words they both knew he’d say. “You said we should ‘break up’ but you never told me what you wanted.”

“I want what is best for you!”

“Then I’ll marry that woman!”Xieren waved his arm angrily, gesturing at the door and the ceremony beyond it.“She is just what I need, right?”

“She is not what's best for you! You deserve more than just that! You deserve to be happy.”

“Do I?” He snorted, doubtful.

“Yes!” After everything Xieren had suffered, the hardships he’d endured for his whole life, if there was anyone who deserved to be happy, it was him. He had to give this man that happiness.

“And what about you?!” He demanded, shocking the older man.

How often had he heard that from his loved ones in his past life? Their pitying eyes stared at him as he worked. He always assured them that he was happy. Seeing them live comfortably was what was true happiness to him.

How easily he’d managed to lie to them. The words slipped from his lips with ease and everyone believed it, even him.

Yet he couldn’t bring himself to lie about this, his usual assurances trapped in his throat.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”

“Xieren…” He gave him a hard look but Xieren paid it no mind. He just kept pushing.

“Shizun, just tell me..”

“Xieren, I said no.” He snapped, his ears ringing as he felt his chest fill up with… with something that was suffocating him. “I don’t wish to-”

“Just tell me!”

“Tell you what?! That I regret it!?” He shouted back, his head feeling too full to even think about the words coming out of his mouth. “That I wish I’d said nothing that day? That if I could, I would tie you to my side by any means? Is THAT what you wish to hear?!”

Xieren stared back at him, finally silent. Finally! Liang Fei didn’t want to talk. He was already confused about everything and Xieren pushing him was too much.

Yet his traitorous mouth refused to stop now that he’d let some of his unspoken thoughts out.

“I… I’ve never been one who could have things like that. My mind has always been on others, making their lives easier so they could be happy. Yet you… you wanted me to live for myself?” Something he’d never allowed himself to do. “You let me be honest and do as I wished for once in my life and yet…”

Yet there's nothing Liang Fei can give to make his life easier. He’s human, so he won’t be accepted by Xieren’s subjects. He’s a man, so he could give Xieren an heir. He was older, making him seem like a creep.

Liang Fei was nothing but a burden.

“You deserve better than me.” He whispered, feeling the anxiety he’d tried to bury crawl up his throat. Yet his damned mouth wasn’t stifled at all. “I felt so guilty, relying on you and letting myself fall further in love with you. It wasn’t right. You were just attached to me because of that incident. I knew you would fall for someone else someday yet you still-”

Xieren grabbed hold of his arms, shaking him slightly as they stared into each other's eyes. There was a desperation in his eyes that Liang Fei wasn’t used to seeing.

“S-Shizun, say that again.”

“Again?” Which part of his heartfelt confession was he supposed to repeat? He could barely recall what he’d said himself. “What do you-”

“You…” He swallowed hard as if speaking some great secret. “you fell for me?”

“Eh?” Damn, surely he hadn't said something so stupid like that, right? He was supposed to be convincing Xieren that they weren’t good for each other. Saying something like that would just complicate things further. “D-did I say that?”

“Yes!” Again, Xieren’s eyes gleamed with that weird look he gave Liang Fei somethings. A yearning he felt terrified of responding to.

“N-n-no, you are mistaken. I don’t… I mean, I do but-”

“I love you.”

Liang Fei’s heart stopped for a second, feeling relieved. Relieved that his mistake hadn’t destroyed Xieren’s feelings for him. But only for a second.

“Don’t lie to me!” He tried to move away but his back was pinned to the wall. “I don't need your pity.”

*****

AN: this is as far as I wrote originally. I’ll post a part two later since I never actually thought of what to write past this point.

Super very sorry to blue ball you guys but I really don’t have the time right now~