Internet-Degenerate

Fun fact: You can cook a chicken in one slap if the slap had a velocity of 1665.65m/s.

The paper came quickly the next day. But even before the paper came out, it seemed like everyone and their mothers knew about the incident. It was a boarding school, and they were all 'famille.' Once it got out there, the information spread like wildfire. The second I left my room, it felt like I was being sandwiched by two beds of needles. That feeling only got worse when I arrived at the classroom. The gazes fixed on me were a lot harsher and colder than usual. Truthfully, I haven't read the paper yet, so I don't know the full damage.

"Salutations." Sol greeted me bluntly.

"Salutations."

"Oh dear. You still have a mark," Sol points out.

"Huh? Seriously?" How hard was I slapped to make the mark last until the next morning? Sol put a hand to her forehead and looked up at the ceiling. 

"Everyone in the school is talking about you," she tiredly tells me. "You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, I figured."

"You were inconspicuous to begin with... and now this..." I feel like I disappointed my mum. I'm sorry, mother Sol. "Some people theorize that this is the first act of violence in Vincennes' history. It's only natural it should be everywhere." Seriously? The first?

"Could you really count that as violence, though? It was just a slap. It's not like any harm was done."

"She hit you so hard! The sound it created was incredible! You still have the mark!"

"Eh..." I shrug it off. I honestly couldn't care less about how she slapped me. All I cared about was why she slapped me.

"In addition..." She looked at me from the corner of her eyes. She sounded very disappointed. "I would like it if you explained to me privately just what happened between the two of you. After all, she called you a traitor. That's a very strong word. Naturally, I don't believe you're a Serpent Séduisant myself, but even so, this is a very serious matter. I can't assess the situation until you give me a full explanation." I'm sorry, I can't let what was said just slide right now. Control yourself, Seraph.

"Umm... I'm sorry, but..." I must've misheard her.

"What is it?" She urges me to hurry up and speak.

"What did you say you didn't believe I was? I don't think I heard you properly." 

"...Serpent Séduisant. That's what they're calling you. I'm sure you know what that means."

"Hm..." Don't let your emotions overtake you, Seraph. Stay firm.

"In other words, the whole incident is being interpreted in that light, Mister Casanova." She poked at my chest as she spoke and finally took her seat. I take a minute to work the dusty cogs in my brain and comprehend what I've just been told. Serpent Séduisant... Seductive Serpent... Mister Casanova...

"Hm..." That's it. I can't contain it anymore. "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" I'm laughing like an idiot. I begin laughing so hard that I start to wheeze. I keel over my desk and laugh harder. I've never laughed harder and louder in my life. "A CASANOVA! A SEDUCTIVE SERPENT! ME! THAT'S HILARIOUS!" I laugh harder and collapse in a fit of coughing. Everyone is looking at me as if I have gone insane. Even Sol. My gut is starting to hurt. I take in a deep breath in an attempt to quell my laughter, but it does nothing, and I end up sounding like a boiling kettle. "IT HURTS! SOL, IT HURTS! CAN YOU IMAGINE? ME? A CASANOVA? HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE? HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EVEN ONE GIRL TO LIKE ME, LET ALONE TWO? AHAHAHAHA!" I can't stop wheezing. This is the funniest shit I've ever heard. Through the pain and hysterics, I barely manage to hear a girl turn to her friend and speak.

"You know... he has a point."

"Yeah, it does sound ridiculous when he puts it that way..." They both started giggling a little. Whether it was at me, with me, or both, I didn't know.

I managed to get it all out before homeroom started, and Sister Clementine addressed me after it had ended. "Seraph, could you meet me in the hallway?" 

"Yes, ma'am." I follow her orders and meet her outside. 

"The headmistress wishes to speak to you about yesterday's events," she tells me with a soothing smile. "Please go to her office after class today." She patted my shoulder gently when telling me this. "Don't worry. This kind of thing happens all the time."

Really? "I heard it was the first act of violence in Vincennes' history..." Something ain't right here.

"Well, it's true that you don't see slaps to the face very often. Quite a few scratch marks, though. 'My beloved had lunch with another girl. KREE!'" Sister Clementine made raised her hand and formed it into an arc like a tiger's claw and let out an almost inaudible screech. "...Things like that," she chuckled. "In fact, when I was here at school..." Sister Clementine trailed off, and her gaze became sparkling and distant. "...Well, that's the long and short of it. Oh, yes, it seems that Chloe has been called along with you. If you wish to line up your stories, I suggest you do it quickly." That would probably be for the best, but I'm hesitant to actually go see Chloe. There was a possibility of a repeat of the incident. Getting slapped means nothing to me, but if I get slapped again, it could ruin whatever reputation Chloe has. I didn't want to hurt her standing in school. But I'm selfish. I don't intend to avoid her forever. 

"What did Sister say?" Sol asked me as I sat back down in my seat. 

"She said the headmistress wants to talk to me after classes today."

"The headmistress..." Sol looked very troubled. "The headmistress is always a strict woman, but she's likely to be especially harsh against you."

"What, why?"

"The headmistress is the leader of the traditionalist faction." Oh... fuck. "After class, though... I suppose we'll save our conversation for tonight. I'll send you an email tonight, then."

"Yeah."

It was lunch break, and Sol and I were eating in the dining hall when Tabby showed up, proud and triumphant.

"Hehehe. Wasn't that photograph intense?" She asks me. I haven't seen it yet, so I wouldn't know. "I got the exact moment." She gave a chef's kiss, prideful of her work. "Not bad with a camera, am I?" Again, she reached into the void and pulled out a sheet of newsprint. Where does she even get her stuff from? The paper's front page was of right after the slap. Barely even seconds after. It was taken from behind me, so you couldn't make out my expression, but it was, like, a really good shot. My back was a little out-of-focus in the foreground because the camera was focused on Chloe in the midground. She took up most of the photo. You could clearly see the betrayal in Chloe's eyes and the sorrow on her face. The angle at which the photo was taken should've been impossible to take without me noticing and from where she was standing, but Tabby managed to pull it off anyway. I'm honestly impressed by her expertise. Come to think of it... did she even have her camera on her at the time?

"This is a great shot and all, but where did you even get your camera from?" I ask her. "You didn't have anything on you at the time."

She gave a cheeky chuckle. "That's a trade secret, Seph. I'll give you a hint, though. The key to the secret might be inside my hat." Is that where she keeps her 'holy trinity?' Under her cap? That seems very uncomfortable. Maybe there's a pocket inside of it that she keeps them in? That wouldn't explain how she was able to pull her camera out so quickly. Chloe ran away about five seconds after the slap; there's no way she could've pulled the camera out of her hat and taken such a professional picture in that short amount of time. …If that hat really does hold the truth, it is one scary hat. I'm just not going to think about it. "Woah, Seph!"

"What?" Tabby suddenly blurted out my name, startling me.

"Ya still got a mark! You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine..." But... 

"But?" 

Did I say that aloud? 

"Yeah, you did," Tabby confirms my thoughts. I need to learn to think quieter. "Now you have to tell me. 'But,' what?"

"It's just..." I avert my gaze in embarrassment. "I hope Chloe's okay. I'm not worried about her being scolded, but I think other girls might give her the cold shoulder for slapping me..."

"Ah..." It seems the thought just occurred to Tabby.

"Aren't you kind," Sol speaks up out of nowhere with a hint of sarcasm in her voice. Tabby and I turn to her. Is she angry?

"...What are you mad about?" Tabby asks her.

"I-I'm not mad about anything." Sol dismissed Tabby's question with a turn of her head. Tabby and I look at each other in confusion. She's clearly mad about something.

"Well," Tabby move the conversation on. "As part of the news club, I know a thing or two, and... Chloe never really fit in." 

"...Huh?" I find it hard to believe. After all, she was one of the most popular kids when I knew her. I stopped eating.

"A little, yeah." Tabby was being uncharacteristically evasive.

"Ah... There was something I have been wondering," Sol interjects. "You two have known each other for quite some time?" Is she referring to Chloe and I?

"Only a few months, yeah," I tell her. I pop another piece of something called 'nigiri sushi' into my mouth.

"That sounds about right," Tabby says while in thought. "Not even the Serpent Séduisant could build up an illicit relationship that soon after arriving at school." She mentions my new title, causing me to choke on my food. I don't think I'm ever going to find that not funny.

"Serpent Séduisant!" I laugh after swallowing my food. "I love it! Who came up with that?" I chuckle some more.

"Oh! It's really getting around, isn't it?" Tabby says, her voice filled with fulfilment. "I'll be honest, I worked hard on that one."

"It's so dumb." I laugh some more. I calm myself and take a sip of water, so I don't laugh myself to death. "Serpent Séduisa-" I can't even say it without sounding like a deflating balloon. "Sorry, excuse me," I say, taking another sip of water.

"I thought it was fitting..." Tabby muttered something inaudible under her breath.

"But what is your relationship?" Sol asks me after I've calmed down enough to talk.

"Good question..." I ponder for a moment, then answer. "I don't want to get too ahead of myself, but I considered her a friend. I don't know if she thought the same way."

"OOH!" Tabby was interested in that for some reason. "You said you knew her for a few months, right? When did you two meet?" 

"About four or five years ago, I reckon." I think Tabby may be misunderstanding something, but I answer her regardless.

"Oh, that's nice," Tabby says, nodding her head. "Very nice. That lucky girl. I'm so jealous!" Tabby nudged me with her elbow. "To have such a dashing young man as a childhood friend."

"Miss Tabby. Real talk." I look up at her blankly. "This is like the fifth time you've complimented my looks. You need to see an optometrist and get a prescription for 4.00 dioptre glasses. You have, like, 20/200 vision." It baffles me how someone legally blind can be such a magnificent photographer. She must be thinking the same thing since she's turned her head down, face red with shame. I pop another nigiri thingy into my mouth and swallow it whole. Big mistake. It's stuck in my throat. I need water, but I already drank all of mine. Curse my impatience! I'm going to choke on rice and fish and die!

"Hey, Sol, are you sure you aren't mad?" Tabby asks something.

"I-I am absolutely not mad!" Sol yelled something. "I am not the slightest bit bothered by this constant talk of childhood friends." 

"Huh?" Tabby utters. Excuse me, girls, I don't know what you're talking about, but could you get me some water? I'm quite literally dying over here.

"...I-If you'll excuse me," Sol says something. My vision is beginning to blur.

"Ah... Seraph, you're writhing, and your eyes are watering. What's wrong?" Tabby says something. I cough and hack into my hands, but nothing comes up. "Oh, Okay! Here! Drink!" Tabby panickily reached into the Aether and pulled out a glass of water. She set it down in front of me, and I scull it down. "Are you okay?!" She asked, unnerved.

"Yeah..." I pop another piece into my mouth. This time, I chew. "Where'd Miss Sol go?" I ask, noticing she isn't there. 

"You didn't see her leaving?"

"No, I was too busy dying. Did she say anything?"

"Maybe." Tabby's playing coy. "Though it's probably best if you didn't hear. You're more of a Serpent Séduisant than I thought, Seph. Seems you've already got three girls seduced, me being one of them, by the way."

"...Tabby. I beg you. Please stop teasing me and get your eyes checked. You're making me worried."

Tabby clicked her tongue and pouted. "You're no fun."

"Oh... What a fool I am." Sol stormed out of the dining hall and started degrading herself. No one was around to hear her talk out loud. "What was I thinking?" As she replayed the conversation in her mind, her phone dinged in her pocket. She got an email and read it out to herself. "'Don't worry, I've already forgotten your 'soliloquy' back there. Even the Scanner dans l'Obscurité ¹ 'Scanner in the dark.' Tabby's title.has principles'... 'Also, Seraph was choking on his food and didn't seem to hear anything. So don't worry about that, either '..." Sol let out a sigh of relief. "...Thank goodness... Wait, is Seraph okay?"