Fools Dorks Idiots

by Queenfisher

dedicated to yiyuehua

 

Premise Tags: Comedic Undertone,

Awkward Couple, Coming Out,

Misunderstandings, Modern Day.

Content Warnings: VERY Slight NonSexual Dubcon

(contains innocent surprise "display of affection"

some people might consider dubcon while most won't).

 

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

Pawel hasn't seen him for two years, so he's jittery. All of Dom's new mannerisms and expressions and -- oh, even the sound of his voice -- make Pawel feel inadequate. Simply wrong. Mostly stupid.

And he can't let that be the image he projects today.

Na-huh. God, no.

Today, Dom is going to leave this long-awaited reunion so damn impressed and wowed by Pawel's laidback and effortless attitude, he won't know what hit him.

Please.

Please let it be so.

The day is sunny and cheerful in the crisp April air, sending gleams of sunlight into Dom's glasses and blinding Pawel here and there as the two of them walk down the cobbled street, side by side. The Old Town Market Place¹ is quaint and somehow romantic, with its pastel-colored buildings and sprawling open-air cafes. So many people. Tourists, mostly. And even though Pawel and Dom are locals, Pawel feels out-of-place, too.

Pawel's bomber jacket is not the best protection against the chilly wind gusts, so he hunches, hands in pockets, and desperately tries to seem cool rather than freezing. Dom, on the other hand... Dressed just as lightly in an awful tweed jacket with elbow patches and a stupid silk carnation in the lapel -- he still looks so put-together. So charming.

It makes no sense. With his glasses, this outfit should give him the air of a serial killer who masquerades as a quaint college professor in his free time, but instead... he looks amazing.

Like heartbreak, every time Pawel dares a direct glance.

Above all, Dom is NOT cold. He gesticulates wildly as he speaks and occasionally pushes his glasses up his nose bridge, but no signs of freezing.

What magic is this?

"...San Francisco's street food is subpar, if you ask me. Overall, American cuisine is godawful regardless of which country they stole it from. But if you chance upon Esan Classic in the Tenderloin..."

"Yeah, yeah. Totally," Pawel echoes with as much dismissiveness and "COOL" as he can humanly summon.

Dom is so knowledgeable.

Two years in a fancy college in the United States, and he already seems foreign. So utterly above Pawel and their old times together in uni, their insignificant days spent either idling instead of studying or furiously cramming on the last days before the finals. Their cramped, tiny, messy dorm room that's been personal torture for Pawel to stay in, while they were younger.

Back then, he had no idea if he was into Dom or if he wanted to be Dom. These two ideas just seemed to merge together so naturally that all Pawel did was copy Dom's behaviors and quirks to make himself feel better.

But now, he knows for sure he doesn't want to be Dom.

He just wants him.

Unfortunately, the idea is ridiculous and he's too cowardly to ever bring it up anyway. They've lived together in one room for three and a half years. If Dom was into it, he probably would have exposed his preferences to Pawel long ago.

What secrets are there between friends and roommates?

Besides, Dom has lived with some other roommates in the States, the last two years. Likely, other young men like himself.

So... yeah.

"Damn it, dude. You make it sound so delicious, now I'm hungry," Pawel says.

Dom flicks fingers, his glasses flashing. "Deal. Remind me to take you out when you're there."

"Unless I forget. Do you know how many men promise to take me out every day? Tch."

A mean elbow smacks him in the side, and Pawel dodges it with the grace of a drunken rhino. He knocks into some old lady who strolls out of a book store. And now he has to apologize to her excessively while giving Dom death glares.

The old lady isn't that hurt or spooked. In fact, she even has a sense of humor about it.

"No big deal, darling," she tells Pawel with a sigh. "If I walked around with my shoelaces untied like that, I would trip, too!"

...

Huh? His shoelaces were untied?

Pawel drops his gaze to check. Only to have his chin smacked upward in a "gotcha" gesture. The old lady chuckles, as happy as a toddler after getting a long-desired candy.

"Take that, sucker. April's Fool!" she tells him, exchanging a grin with Dom. "Ahhh, can't believe I landed such an easy prank, and so early in the morning. Kids are so gullible nowadays."

"..."

Pawel is speechless and can only spread his arms in bewilderment and disappointment.

Are all old ladies nowadays such bullies?

"Today's the First of April?" he mouths at Dom, stunned. "I can't believe I missed a chance to fool you yet--"

"You still have the rest of the day. To fail as much as you desire."

...oooooh.

"Game on, elbow patch."

Dom only answers that with a smug smile, waiting for Pawel at the sidewalk.

"By the way, I didn't know you were so open about being gay," Dom says first things after they manage to walk far enough from the bully old lady. He and Pawel have just reclaimed their brisk pace down the street, everything back to normal.

But the moment those words leave Dom's mouth--

...

Clang!

Pawel walks into an open-air cafe blackboard sign.

...

His knee hurts like hell, and he nearly topples the stupid sign. But none of that registers as much as the image he is evoking in Dom's eyes right now. The clumsy, unbelievable idiot who can't even walk straight without bumping into something every other step. Pitifully, he hops on one leg, biting his lip not to curse.

Jesus, what is wrong with him today!

"G-gay?" he blurts, feeling deathly cold for some reason.

"Are you okay--?" Dom half-laughs, half-gasps in genuine concern as he tries to catch Pawel by the elbow and reign him in. "Do I have to hold your hand to help you through the city? You seem incapable of walking straight, huh."

No, no -- don't distract me with irrelevant things.

Go back to that whole "gay thing"!

Pawel's mind is such a mess, he's reeling, literally and mentally. Caught between the desire to make an impression and to hide the painful truth in front of his sophisticated, suave friend, and the fear of failure... he cannot even think clearly.

I'm not gay! No-no-no, ha-ha. Not at all, he wants to say in response to Dom's question.

But something stops him.

He cannot lie about this.

He wants Dom to know. Even if this is hopeless and stupid, he needs him to know.

Dom grabs hold of him, and Pawel's freezing fingers feel suddenly so sweaty and hot in Dom's grip. They stand a little bit too close together, and Pawel's thoughts scramble even worse than they've been a moment ago.

His breath hitches. His heart... it aches and flutters at the same time. And he hates it, with all his might.

"Yeah, I'm gay," he blurts out. "Very gay. Lol."

...

...

...

God, did he just... say "Lol" out loud? In real life? In front of Dom?!

N-no. Noooo!

Sweat instantly clutches him. Awkward laughter breaks out of his mouth, and he's off, unable to stop himself.

"The gayest you've ever met. Men, you know. They're hot, and I'm into them. Yeah... I even watch gay porn every night, you know..."

Holy shit, what is he even saying?! Who does that? Whyyyyy--

But it's somehow too late to take back, so all Pawel can do is double down in the deadly clutches of cringe that crest over him in unstoppable waves.

"Why wait for that dinner date you wanted to take me out on? Just do it now, sexy boy."

A man has never fallen lower.

This is it.

The rock bottom.

Pawel is unable to break his intense eye contact with Dom, his cheeks so hot, he knows it shows. And he knows he looks ridiculous. But he can't move. Can't even think straight.

All he does is stare and wait, in the few seconds of pause between them that end up feeling like an eternity to his agitated mind.

Then Dom cuts him a thin smile of pure condescension and essentially rips out Pawel's heart from his chest.

 

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

 

Pawel has changed...

Gone is the chaotic, adorable boy from two years ago. All the cloudless days they've spent in each other's presence. Years of loneliness and the lack of desire to socialize like his parents had always wanted him -- grown a little bit cozier after Dominik and Pawel became friends. Months of geeking together over the same games and books and... just, relishing in each other's vicinity.

All the hours of heartache it cost Dominik to endure when he realized...

...that he had always wanted more.

Too bad he realized it late, only after he left Warsaw and went abroad to study.

Now, returning to this... he wasn't even sure this person was Pawel, anymore. They chaffed at each other after the long separation, causing Dominik to feel needy each time he tried to tell Pawel about his experiences in the States. As though he was desperate to impress him.

Pawel's dismissive glances and scoffs only heightened the sensation.

Of being unwelcome and... well, stupid when Pawel has probably already moved on from their friendship.

The lanky blonde in his bomber jacket -- appeared scathing, derisive, distant. He jerked his head to throw his long bangs out of his eyes, and each time he did, it did all kinds of things to Dominik.

This hair, those effortlessly smooth gestures.

How can someone be so pretty yet seem like they aren't even trying?

Everything about Pawel Dominik knew from before now seemed slipping from within his grasp even though they were right next to each other. Holding hands like this.

Now with the gay joke.

So sudden -- and directly piercing all of Dominik's defenses.

...

If the first admission about Pawel's gayness left him breathless with bizarre hope, then everything else Pawel rambled on afterward...

Today's April's Fool's day, Dominik reminded himself as he listened on to the mocking stereotypes that went straight to his heart.

He's trying to prank me, huh.

Like he promised he would. He has no idea the joke isn't funny.

Because, for me, it isn't a joke at all. Maybe for him, it is.

Ha-ha.

Cold, Dominik still pulls his lips into a forced smile. A tinge of bitterness spreads inside him and he wants to drop Pawel's hand and tell him how "hi-la-rious" he thinks the prank is.

But he can't.

Despite his instincts screaming at him to spare his heartache and just leave, he tightens his fingers on Pawel's instead. Then he brings them to his mouth, his head cocked in the reflection of mockery.

"How wonderful!" he hums. "I am gay, too. Isn't this a date, then?"

...

He doesn't know where all this desire to reciprocate the prank comes from, but he doesn't care. The only people who joke about being gay are homophobes. He didn't know that about Pawel. But oh well... people change. Maybe he's never known Pawel that well, to begin with.

At least Dominik can have fun at his expense now.

Nothing left to lose, is there?

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

...

Ah.

Pawel found nothing better to do than smirk back to such an outrageous statement. Something about the way Dom has said this made Pawel feel the worst he's ever felt.

This was mockery.

A joke, huh. Very funny, Dom. Very funny.

Two can play this game.

"Where have you and your gayness been all those years ago, huh?" Pawel coos in a flamboyant manner he thinks mimics some "sassy gay best friend" stereotype from chick flicks.

Since this is a joke, he might as well push it. Maybe Dom will laugh since Pawel's pain is supposedly so funny to him.

"We wasted so much time! Imagine if we dated back then," Pawel steams on without regard. "We might have been married, nowadays!"

So far, Dom maintains his cool. But his eyes behind the cold glasses narrow as though he's frustrated.

Good.

He deserves to be called out for a joke as bad as this one. Suffer, bastard.

"Would have made me the happiest man on Earth, love," Dom utters through teeth in the widest smile Pawel has seen on him.

Nothing can faze this guy, can it?

Their fingers twine together to the point of gentle ache, and Pawel jerks them to his chest, putting Dom's hand against his pecs he just might feel through the thin fabric of his sweater. Acting out sultriness, Pawel licks his lips and leans a bit lower, to whisper into Dom's face.

"Just marriage? Ah, now I regret all those days and nights we spent together in our dorm. Just think of all the things that room could have witnessed, if we both knew--"

 

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

 

Dominik's mouth dries up. He cannot swallow, so entranced and stunned he is at Pawel's actions...

Gosh, he is so... insensitive!

What an idiot. He thinks this is funny, but this is actually... torture of its own peculiar kind.

Pawel's flustered skin almost entirely hides his freckles from sight. His eyes, half-lidded under long lashes, are so magnetic, Dominik feels like the world is spinning around them. Just from a single seductive whisper from Pawel that caresses his skin and glasses with its heat.

His glasses dim, and for a moment, Dominik loses the trail of what Pawel tells him.

He just wants to hear this voice, over and over again. Velvety and smooth like this.

But instead.

He pushes himself away, flushed. "Gosh, wait till we're somewhere else, you horndog!" he breathes, trying to collect his thoughts. "Not here. You haven't even bought me dinner yet."

"I thought you wanted to take me out for dinner, not the other way around," Pawel retorts, unperturbed.

And that angers Dominik a lot. Pawel smirks again, happy about making Dominik retreat first.

But this isn't over yet.

The day has barely begun.

"Well, then." Dominik flourishes a hand to the open-air restaurant in front of which they are both dallying, the almost-toppled blackboard sign notwithstanding. "My treat, lover. Anything you want."

It pains him to do, but he winks for further effect.

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

And Pawel pouts right back.

"You got it, babe."

The day has barely begun, and already, he feels like his life is over.

This is not funny.

Not funny at all. Yet somehow he feels like dying on this hill, just to prove to Dom how little he cares about it and how much his heart totally isn't bleeding. Not even a little bit.

 

✿ Still Dork # 1 ✿

 

The dinner rushes past in a blur of overwhelming chatter and awkward silences when neither of them knows how to fill other than stare at each other, chewing their food slowly or sipping from their glasses for way too long for it not to get weird.

But, hey! At least their incessant gay pranking has died out. Somewhat.

If at first, they both were all too keen on going on with the charade and trying to top each other in verbal matches, then now, they quietened down. They've been holding hands over the table and toying with flirtations so on-the-nose and cheesy that Pawel began snorting before he descended into a pile of inane giggles.

It was so painful, it was actually funny. Or maybe Pawel was just nervous and couldn't keep up. In any case, they mellowed out of it.

It just took a very awkward meal of wuzetkas² and a few rounds of bergamot and lemon tea -- but it's over now.

Also, it was a free meal, so Pawel isn't complaining.

It's time to say goodbye, perhaps? Since this clearly isn't going anywhere, and even the joke has exhausted itself.

Yet somehow, they are still together. As though reluctant to part, even though the reunion is slowly coming undone under their very eyes.

Hard to explain.

Just the way things are. They stroll some more, idling before the eventual departure. They while their time away, watching street bands playing. They peer into the sky that has gotten far less sunny, with no real explanation. Clouds come out of nowhere and thus, the day gets chillier.

Oh well.

Now the bookstore. Dom wants to check out some stupid book in there, so Pawel jumps on the occasion. He's freezing, and the bookstore is warm. Why not?

But once inside, the gay joke comes back with vengeance. Why?

Whyyy?

It just does, and nothing either of them can do about it.

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

 

Dominik only wanted to come inside because he noticed that Pawel was subtly warming up his hands with his breath when he thought Dominik wasn't looking.

How odd. Dominik's first instinct was just to hold his hands and warm them up by his touch but... not after the prank. Pawel might think Dominik was still in on the joke and begin the madness all over again and...

Just no.

Saying "are you cold? Let's go warm up in a store" also sounded too... intimate somehow. As though Dominik paid attention to Pawel's mannerisms, which was probably a bit creepy. So Dominik settled on claiming he needed a specific book in here.

That worked. But now Dominik has to pretend like he's actually searching for it in here, and he doesn't even know what title to say out of the top of his head.

"Which one is it? What genre, at least? I'll help you look," Pawel says.

...

Books.

Book names. Genres.

What? Suddenly, Dominik's mind comes empty at any of these questions.

"It's um... economics? Management...? You don't know it."

Pawel's eyes glaze over. "Yeah, I probably don't."

Dominik sends him a tight smile. "Then just head over to the scifi section while I search for it in the business. Deal?"

"Deal."

The store is small, with the second story being a balcony overlooking the tight first floor. Dominik scurries into the heavenly empty corner in the business section and leans against the bookshelves, spent.

He cradles his forehead in his hand, his glasses off, not knowing what to do next and why he is so miserable about it all.

"You okay?"

Dominik flinches, shoving his glasses back onto his nose.

N-no, did Pawel just see him in this moment of weakness?

"What the hell," Dominik mutters, flustered. "Didn’t you say 'deal' about separating in the store and giving me a moment just to myself?"

Pawel cocks an eyebrow. Just one eyebrow, which is such a mesmerizing feat. "To do what? You looked so sad just now, it's like you needed a hug--"

I am not.

Do not you dare. Not you. Not after today.

Sudden even to himself, Dominik puts his hand on the shelf beside Pawel's head and leans in. "You wish," he says in his previous, "fake" flirty tone.

And judging by how Pawel stiffens before him, Dominik knows he's not thinking about Dominik's apparent "sadness" anymore. Only about the stupid prank, again.

Which is an improvement.

 

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

Dom's warm breath still wafts of citrus, and his poor imitation of a kabedon -- of such unapologetic self-confidence, Pawel is dazed. He can only stare, transfixed.

Dom's glasses are slightly fogged after the change in temperature from the outside to here. His eyes are hidden, so all Pawel can focus on with his wandering gaze is Dom's lips...

So plump, so tenderly-pink, so... seductively open around a tremulous breath.

Pawel tingles at the caress of this breath over his skin so he has to cancel it out. Crush it, before it's too late to save himself.

"Dude, this is so gay--" he rasps. Then he remembers that the joke is supposed to be exactly about that, so he has to add, "I love it."

"In the business section?" Dom mouths, even more temptingly if it was possible! "How naughty."

"Yes, get down to business," Pawel goes on, unraveling his dumb blabbering tongue once again. "You stopped me in the street from making out with you, coward. Now, we're alone, so--"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. Oh."

...

They just stare at each other, in a match for dominance, neither willing to surrender first.

"Gentlemen?" the shop assistant squeaks, poking her head from behind the corner.

She looks downright scared to break in on them like this. And very vividly blushing, too.

"Can you please... not?"

 

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

 

The escape is fast and unbearable. The two of them rush down the street, once again a foot apart as though awkward about being caught and kicked out of the store for misbehavior.

Dominik has never been kicked out of anywhere, before!

This is shameful and he wants to snap at Pawel for egging him on with this whole thing, but he knows nobody forced him to press against Pawel as sexily as he has just done. It was entirely his fault. Nobody else to blame.

Part of him simply wanted to have done it, even once in his life. So yeah, snapping at the poor guy just because Dominik lost his reasoning for a few moments...?

Not his style.

Plus, this whole thing ended up pushing them back into the street too quickly. Pawel hasn't had the chance to warm up, and is still walking, hunched, trying to keep the warmth in. Too busy shivering to notice--

--that his shoelaces are untied.

Dominik sees and wants to laugh. Gosh, so silly. Should he say something?

"Pawel, your shoelaces--" he begins with a smile.

But Pawel shoots him down in an instant. "We aren't yet over with your oh-so-hilarious 'I'm gay' joke. Maybe tone it down with pranks for a minute there? Jeez."

...

Tsk, moron.

But also -- what "I'm gay" joke? Wasn't it Pawel's, to begin with?

"You're going to trip again if you keep walking like that!" Dominik catches him by the sleeve and wants to fricking point down to his stupid untied shoes again.

But Pawel gives him such a dark, tempestuous look that he doesn’t dare.

Instead... he finds himself descending on one knee before Pawel and reaching his hands for the loose shoelaces. Just because.

There. 

A quick little bow and the deal is done. What was the big deal anyway?

But then, as he lifts his face upward, he realizes in front of what his face is poised. Ah yes. The crotch.

Not the best place in the world to still next to while trying to push down any and all gay jokes Pawel might throw at him.

 

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

Pawel's breath stutters in his throat, so fast it all happens. Now, with Dom's face right around his crotch and that lost expression on Dom's face...

Ahhh.

This is too much, Dom. The joke has gone too far, can't you see that?

"My eyes are up here," Pawel still mumbles in the last attempts at humor. "Or are you proposing to me?"

Slowly, Dom gets to his feet, his eyes never leaving Pawel's. The locked stare is intense and somehow hot even though Pawel is freezing, and unbearable.

Pawel gulps with difficulty, his smile fading.

"Lol," he tries once more, in vain, when the silence and gazing between them seems to never end.

"Don't. It's not funny," Dom speaks, his voice low.

"Huh? What is?"

"This. You and me," Dom says, his eyes closed as though pained. "The whole gay thing. It's... stop. I hate it--"

Oh.

Of course he does.

Pawel can't endure the pang in his chest at these words. "I see. I gathered so, with how much you mocked it today. So... sorry."

...

This time, it's Dom who frowns, eyes burning on Pawel's face in utter confusion. "...what? Mocked what?"

"Me, being gay," Pawel says miserably. "It... hurt. The jokes you said about it. I played along, but--"

 

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

What is this?

What is going on?

Dominik has never felt so stunned in his life. He feels gaslighted. Or maybe that the entire world is a lie.

"Wait, you were the one who mocked my genuine interest in your coming out--! So I thought--!" Dominik stammers, unsure of what he even wants to say. "You were the one who joked about it first, you moron!"

"I did not. I was dead serious," Pawel says with the most innocent expression on his face.

This only confuses Dominik more.

"So was I," Dominik whispers, lost.

...

This is so... stupid.

And now they're just standing there, eyes locked and cheeks flaming from how bizarre this whole situation is.

"Serious about what--?" 

"Serious about being gay or about... us dating?"

The two of them speak at the same time, mudding the words of each other so that they can't even understand what the other one asked.

"Excuse me?"

"Sorry?"

And again. Speaking in unison! Arrrgh!

"You said something?" Dominik braves first this time, but Pawel's already shaking his head, looking mortified.

"No no no. You were speaking, so--"

"I don't even know what I wanted to say," Dominik admits, so hot and jittery he feels. "With how much I perceived wrongly today--"

 

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

Grrrr, enough with this awkwardness!

Just -- say something. Anything!

But Pawel's not good with words; he knows that now. This entire day was just one prolonged trainwreck, and most of it is his inability to say -- things -- as -- they -- are, dammit.

So instead, he lunges into action. Even if some stupid words still make it out of his mouth at the last moment.

"Perceive this," he says and rushes into the most long-awaited, starved, and euphoric kiss.

His hands catch Dom's face as his mouth finds Dom's soft lips, enfolding them. He is needy, unapologetic.

He is blissful.

Mostly because...

 

 

✿ Dork # 2 ✿

 

 

Dom smiles the mere second before the kiss lands. And leans into it, too.

Even if -- because of their clumsy pushing against each other -- his glasses dislodge off his nose and pin painfully into his skin. He doesn't care. He breathes a carefree chuckle into their kiss, which is so modest and sweet, not at all forceful.

But oddly, still deepening and electric, wrenching out a subtle moan out of his throat when they finally part.

His heart beats, savage. His chest rises up and down. His lips burn...

Above all, before him, stands a boy with just as fast a breathing and just as gorgeously red a blush on his face. Helplessly looking down in Dominik's eyes, searching for the trace of mockery or a prank.

Where there is none.

"This won't end up being an April' Fool Joke tomorrow, will it?" Dominik asks him, just in case.

Their communications skills would need a ton of work, that's for sure.

 

 

✿ Dork # 1 ✿

 

 

"No, idiot. I've never been more serious," Pawel answers, unable to keep his smile from breaking out.

Dom turns away with a huff, but not before taking hold of Pawel's cold hand and wrapping both of his hot ones around it to warm it up. And since now he's taken his hand hostage -- wherever Dom goes, so does Pawel.

No choice he has, does he?

"Then why are you smiling like that?" Dom rolls his eyes. "Like a bumbling fool you are. It makes me feel you are trying to prank me again."

"Hey, I'm just in a celebratory mood, okay? Today's an official holiday commemorating people like you. I feel I need to buy you a gift before it's not too late and the day passes."

"Huuuuh? I thought it was a holiday we could bond about celebrating together!"

"Well, that just means that you have to buy me a gift for it, too, you know?"

"A warmer coat, yes? Or at least a scarf."

...

So Pawel has failed to impress him with how suave and effortless his sartorial choices were, huh. Sigh.

"Okay, but I pick the color myself. Wouldn't want something picked by a guy who dresses like a serial killer from the 70s. I do have standards."

"Yet you want to date a guy who dresses like a serial killer from the 70s," Dom mumbles under his nose, self-consciously propping his glasses on his nose.

"Hey, I didn't say they were high standards!"

The two of them stumble on, holding hands. For real, now. And as they go, Dom laughs at all of Pawel's lame jokes.

Well, all of the ones that follow -- now that he knows how to distinguish them from something Pawel would never joke about.

Not in his life.

 

 

✿

 

Author's Account(s):

Queenfisher (SH),

Birdly#9744 (Discord).