The garden is beautiful as ever. However, there are thoughts I cannot ignore.
What’s the point in being a [Mage]? Well… What is the point of getting a class in general? It’s not like I need to be strong, at least not now. The world is full of mysteries I would like to see. Maybe if I could just see what is the limits of magic. A fireball is cool but I want to see something else. Maybe, just maybe I could aim for that. I wonder what is the world like out there. I wo-.
“L-… C-…l.”
I heard something.
“Lady C-...l.”
Wait someone is calling for me? Where am I? I open my eyes but… Why is everything so dark? Opening my eyes again I can see now.
“You are finally awake. You need to get to the academy, it is our duty assigned by your father.”
‘Oh, I was asleep... ‘ I muttered to the realization. I got up and my hand was taken by the maid. She hastily helped me put on a sailor uniform, normally one does not need to wear a uniform but when I told my dad, he said. ‘Sorry, but you must keep up appearances for the sake of our family.’ His voice was pretty cold.
Gerard brought breakfast to my room. I did not have time to enjoy it seeing I had to hurry to be there on time. The maid urged me to leave because otherwise, Father would be mad. ‘What’s the point in this anyways.’ I muttered as I was reaching the entrance door.
I heard the door close behind me, I was alone now. For some reason, I must go to the academy alone which I didn't quite understand. Leisurely walking on gravel I could somewhat see all the blooming flowers of the garden however I could not admire them because of the lack of time.
Reaching the gate, the armored-guard opened the way for me and bowed.
“Please take care.” The guard sent me off in a soft voice.
Walking out of the noble residential area, some people curiously looked at me. I waved my hand at people I recognized, walking down the cobblestone road for quite a while. The houses started changing from noble ones to commoner ones and then there were no houses, the ground eventually changed to some type of polished marble. Lifting my head I could now see the royal castle. It is quite imposing however I did not come to the castle. I came to the building in front of it.
Two imposing, rectangular three-stories marble buildings with one entrance. Surprisingly the entrance was fairly normal despite the building being so intimidating. The white-marbled buildings would reflect the sun with their snow-like surface. I could see some bright blue golden-trimmed banners with the royal family crest on them. A building on the left and a building on the right separated by a marble fountain. Honestly, so much white hurt my eyes.
I went into the right building seeing the left building was for laboratories and teachers only. Going up the stairs at the end of the hallway to go to the third floor where my class is. I had no rush, other kids were also leisurely walking, some of them in uniforms, some of them wearing robes, some just wearing leather armor as if they were about to go to subjugate a monster.
Opening the creaking door for students and peering down on the classroom I noticed everyone’s gazes were focused on me. I slowly closed the door, and silently walked down the stairs to sit on a chair behind a desk in the front row. Seeing I needed to pay the most attention I possibly can to the teacher. Wait… Where is the teacher? I won-
Suddenly my thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang coming from the door at the bottom of the classroom. I instinctively glanced at the teacher door. There was a teacher I didn’t recognize.
Clumsily, he starts to walk to the desk in front of the classroom, somehow not tripping down on the unkempt and loose robe he was wearing. He had messy bright green hair and was wearing some squared black-framed glasses. He was holding his head in pain the entire time. I noticed something once he took a sit behind the desk. Pointy ears…
What is an elf doing here?! Aren’t elves the very best in magic? What am I going to do?! I don’t even have the [Mage] class… Although looking at him… He seems drowsy seeing how he is struggling to keep his head straight, and he has been massaging his forehead with his left hand the entire time he has been here.
Slowly but surely the elf looked at the entire classroom and stopped massaging his forehead. Straightening himself he began talking, although his tone wasn’t consistent at all.
“I am your teacher, my name? DOESN’T MATTER! I am here to teach you not to be friendss… Now! Who here has the [Mage] class here?”
After the entire class froze and flinched by his harsh and inconsistent tone, they slowly raised their hands. I noticed something… I was the only one that hadn't raised their hand. Looking back at the elf he fixed his sharp gaze on me and was mumbling something. I started sweating.
Suddenly he jolted from his seat.
“YOU! The little girl there.” He exclaimed while pointing his finger at me.
“Y-yes?!” What do I do?!
“Why do you not have the [Mage] class?” His voice was cold and eerie.
“Umm… I don’t know.” My voice shrank at the last part however his ears twitched when hearing my answer. I could see a vein pop on his forehead and his fist began shaking. However, he did not continue talking. After sitting down for a few seconds and breathing in and out. He stood up again, however his shaking fist was not gone.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T KNOW?! IS THIS SOME TYPE OF JOKE TO YOU?!”
“U-umm.”
“I COME HERE, ME, AN ELF. AND YOU WANT ME TO TEACH YOU MAGIC WHEN YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE THE MAGE CLASS?!”
He kept swinging his arms and complaining at me, at first some of the people were laughing behind me, however. They eventually went silent and after a few more seconds they started whispering to themselves, I could feel their pity from behind. Eventually, the elf seemed to regain his composure. And sat on his chair again eventually he began class without even standing up to write on the board behind him.
“Do you guys know the classification of Magic spells?”
We all shook our heads considering we were barely learning about mana detection and manipulation, so there was no way for us to know about the classification despite how basic it is. You could acquire the [Mage] class simply by learning mana detection and manipulation I had yet to learn either of them despite trying for years. Apparently, it would take quite a while to be able to do it even for people here. Normally a student here would acquire the class after trying for about three years. This is my fifth year on this simple task...
“Sigh… I guess I will have to explain it. Listen here, spells are classified by their power and mana consumption. There are six tiers of spells.” He paused for a second and stood up turning to his board and began writing with his finger.
[Basic]
[Intermediate]
[Advanced]
[Arcane]
[Legendary]
After writing all of those he stopped. And turned to us and began speaking in a cold voice again.
“There is six, however, the last tier is not relevant, seeing it’s the [Forbidden] tier. This tier goes against the fundamentals and laws of magic. It is said that all of the spells are of [Neutral] attribute however no one really knows how the attribute looks. Therefore it is pretty irrelevant, seeing there have been very few cases of these spells being used. The last time was a few decades ago. [Neutral] Is also called the attribute of death. So please avoid it.”
He sat down again and began speaking about the spell tiers. Apparently, even if you learned a [Legendary] spell you wouldn't be able to use it if you did not have the [Grand Mage] class, which is apparently a class a person can only acquire at their third class and need [Mage] and [Archmage] class in short.
So if I became a level 40 [Mage] I would barely be able to use Advanced magic and wanting to go further I would need to be an archmage. I just wonder what is so special about magic that people go to such lengths to get more than one class for it. I learned a lot but I just wonder what is so special about classes. The only reason I would want a class is if I wanted to kill monsters or something or become a renowned craftsman of sorts. I have concluded that it is pointless until I am proven otherwise.
Often thinking to myself what life is about, maybe it is just about being a tool for my family? I would certainly like to go and see the world out there at least once or find a reason to dedicate myself to a class, being classless is not that bad. I can at least chose what I would like, I would certainly like to see the best a certain class can offer. I don’t think if you told me. ‘Hey, mage can shoot fire.’ Will convince me. However, if you show me something spectacular like shooting fire. I will be more drawn to it, that is how I like to think anyways.
The elf after taking some notes looked at me. I started sweating again, I do not want him to shout at me again.
“Well, since you don’t have the [Mage] class I assume at least you know magic theory like when was magic first created?”
“I-I don’t.”
The elf paused and looked at me with narrow and sharp eyes. I gulped.
“DO YOU EVEN WANT TO BECOME A MAGE?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!”
“I-I wa-” I was interrupted by his yelling again.
“NOTHING, LEAVE NOW!” He was looking at me with a piercing gaze, I unsteadily got off from my seat and left through the student’s door. Everyone was looking at me with pitiful eyes. Outside the door, I could hear him beginning his lecture again. Sure enough, he began explaining the theory and how magic was created.
“HAH? What do you mean, aren’t you the god-awful teacher?! Asking me for things I shouldn’t know in the first place!” I kept complaining as I was going down the stairs, seeing that everyone but me was still in their classes. Fuming and stomping I found myself out of the academy. Complaining while looking at the ground as I was walking.
‘What is an elf doing here anyways?! Also, what is wrong with his temper?! I heard elves do not even leave the forest they leave in because of the fear of becoming a slave. Yet this one signed up to be a teacher?! Just why?! Also what’s so bad about the [Neutral] attribute to even make him behave that way when talking about it... ‘ As I was muttering I lifted my gaze only to notice I was in some slums, I could hear the plaza not too far away but I was lost…
“Oh, what do we have here?” I heard a cold voice from behind. Turning around I saw a person completely dressed in black. For some reason, I started shaking and could not think straight.
“U-Umm.”
“Oh, a magic academy student? This must mean you must be a [Mage] eh? Capture her!”
Capture me?! I am not even a mage, I don’t want to be captured…
I started running away from the man not wanting to get captured, however, as I was turning the corner I felt something struck my legs and I tripped on the ground. I looked at my legs and could see something like a net wrapped around them. I started removing the net as fast as I could but as I was looking at my leg I saw a pair of feet, then I saw another pair. I kept seeing more and more, I was surrounded by scary looking men. I could not control my shaking.
What will happen to me, I-I am a shameful person.
I felt something cover me and suddenly a dull pain assaulted my head. I could not focus my thoughts anymore. 'I am so-…'
...
* * *
It was a busy day, people coming in and out of the room. Inside, the room floored with red carpet and stone walls covered with luxurious and fancy paintings, lit by a single floor to ceiling window, the man that was sitting behind his large desk. The noble man was grinding his teeth, the butler standing in front of the desk was slightly trembling.
“How did this happen!”
I said while slamming my clenched fists on the desk. ‘Ahh, this is a mistake. No, it was my mistake. If I just did not let her go out without guards, nothing would have happened!’ I started grabbing my head in frustration.
“My Lord?!” Gerard called out in panic. I managed to compose myself after a few seconds. I had to know what happened. Again...
“Gerard, tell me what happened again.”
I said with a serious tone that sounded uninterested, however, I am mentally a turmoil, I need to know what happened again.
“Y-yes my lord” Gerard was a bit shaken by my change of attitude, he began speaking in a professional yet regretful voice.
“Milady went to the academy and....”
“And?” I urged Gerard for an answer.
“She did not come back.” Gerard hesitantly said, I frowned after hearing this yet again, no matter how I think about it. I feel angry, towards myself. I am a failure as a father. My daughter... I hope you forgive me.
It was another day in the luxurious room, yet it was completely silent as if the turmoil that happened previously never happened. The noble man was writing documents on the desk extremely focused on his work, he would pause, and keep writing. The more he kept writing the more he slowed down until he stopped… The paper was wet, rather the tears of regret of the man were striking the paper's surface. The man looked at the paper blankly. He could hear a slightly fast yet periodic clacking sound coming from the hallway.
"L-... F-..."
The heavy door slammed against the wall making a deafening sound, at the entrance Gerard the butler stood, sweating and panting. The lord slowly lifted his heavy head and gazed towards the butler. Gerard could hardly stand.
Gerard exclaimed as soon as he recovered his breath.
"Lord Firil!"
"... What?" After a brief pause, I answered. Gerard, I do not have time for this… Not now.
"We found what happened to Milady!" After hearing those words, I perked up from my seat and had my eyes wide open, I sat down again realizing my mistake, a disgraceful behaviour from my part. I recovered my composure and asked.
"What did you find?" Gerard was frozen after seeing my reaction but he quickly recovered, after a few seconds he spoke. However, his voice full of energy was gone.
"...She was captured."
"She was what?!" I froze. Gerard seeing my reaction got cold feet and started slightly trembling, he spoke again.
"Captured…" His voice was regretful, I could feel hatred surging from my insides. Slowly standing up from my seat.
“Gerard… Bring my daughter back, this is a command as your Master.”
He frantically bowed and left the room in a rush. I want them. I want the people that captured her dead! I want my daughter back! Remembering her behaviour lately there was something wrong, yet I did not realize it… What am I?! Stupid?!
I am sorry… Please forgive me… I collapsed on my desk.
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Subjugate teacher. Votes: 119 22.2%
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Step on teacher. Votes: 97 18.1%
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Smile and not say anything. Votes: 27 5.0%
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Make him a statue. Votes: 126 23.5%
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Become the teacher. Votes: 167 31.2%
That pole has so many options of things that are likely to happen and that I want to happen that it's unfair to only give us one vote
I wanted to say the same thing subjugate him by turning him into a statue before standing on him and teaching some real truths about the magic
They're both stupid... one wants adventurers without strength the other is to concerned about image to actually talk to his family...
You keep skipping between 1st and 3rd person without a discernible reason. I use this a bit in my own writing, except that I have a consistent and discernible set of rules that this transition follows. The 1st person perspective is reserved only for a single character's perspective in the entire series, the one set to be the main protagonist. Everyone else uses the 3rd person perspective when it goes into their POV.
In your case, you are jumping around POVs, but there is a part with the father's POV where sometimes you use 1st person, and sometimes you are using 3rd person, with no rhyme or reason as to why the perspective is being switched like that.
I kind of like it personally, it seems interesting to look for context clues in the text and it makes you think "who and why would someone say this" but I could also see it as troublesome for readers.
@Hedgeboar I don't see what you're talking about. We're talking about the author using the 3rd person perspective from the father's POV, and then THE AUTHOR switching to the 1st person perspective while still in the father's POV. There are no "context clues in the text" pertaining to "who and why would someone say this." It's both the father, and it's bad writing.
It's one thing if it's 3rd person scene introduction that suddenly switches to 1st person perspective after the introduction, but even that's not the case here. And, even if it was, it's a very non-professional technique. Any professional editor would have a fit if you used the 3rd person introduction switching to 1st person technique I just described. You really do need to be consistent throughout, unless you are doing what I'm doing and very consistently make it a thing related directly to the character's POV. (Even what I do is a little iffy, but at least the rules there are consistent. In my case, instead of throwing a fit, the editor would just furrow their brows for a bit and then say, "O...kay, I guess that's just your style. I wouldn't have done it, but at least you keep to the rules.")
@Jemini Oh I see, yea my mistake, I see what your saying. I thought you were just complaining just because he was using varied POVs, my mistake, good point.
In all honesty, the last part in which it starts with random PoV switches was something I already had written before I even started writing this side story. I thought it was fine mostly because I did do random third person to first person switches on the adventurer's guild and craftsmen guild chapters. Seeing no one commented on it, so I kind of just wrote that. It shouldn't be happening anymore.
@Azrie It's not a huge deal, as long as the story's decent we'll enjoy it, Keep up the good work!
@Hedgeboar Thank you for the kind words. I am actually kind of insecure about chapter 27. Wait... 27?! What?! Looks like I overworked a lot... Anyways, there are just umm a lot of emotions from the characters. It's not like they are not justified but it might be off-putting for some. Currently building a chapter buffer. Once that is done I might just be able to do a few daily releases of 2.5k+ word chapters. Emphasis on MIGHT. Can't really guarantee anything.
@Azrie Emotions are fine so long as they are consistent with the character and the situation. My one insecurity with it is that the characters don't seem to be particularly well developed yet. Most of them are generic stock archetypes, which will make emotions a little harder to sell. This, I'm afraid, is not a problem that can be made up for in the space of 5 chapters.
Then again, I'm talking without having seen the result. I'll just wait and see.
@Jemini I don't want to turn this into a discussion or a justification for myself. But I feel like I have to at least say this. I think you might be overthinking or underthinking my characters. For example when you mentioned Ari being inconsistent with her sudden behaviour swing in chapter 11-12. I might have done a poor job on the side story but. Kids are like that. Kids get attached to people pretty quickly despite it being only one day. At least I am just talking from real-life experiences I have seen.
Everyone goes through different things and situations. E.g: Ari got a really heavy backstory. (That I am yet to write.) She got attached to MC fairly quickly because it is one of the few people she can trust or decided she could. So she felt jealousy all of the sudden by this other random girl showing up. These are just my thoughts anyway. I might ask more people in the future. It's really easy for an author to justify their story but you have to show it and not say it. Thanks for reading and feedback. On a sidenote, do you want me to keep reading your story or you got enough feedback already?
@Azrie That depends on you. I mentioned my retention issue and the fact it is a very niche story. Basically, cult-like love or complete dismissal. As someone in the latter category, you are someone who I feel can give far better feedback than anyone else I could possibly ask.
In the case of your story, I feel a lot of the issue is that you seriously skimp on the descriptive details. You have made comments to the effect that you think I, in turn, give too much in the way of descriptive details via narration. That might be true. However, there is a middle point where an author needs to be and even if I have gone over that middle line I think I am quite likely closer to it than yours is. I'm not saying that to be harsh or comparative, rather since you have been reading my story I'm saying that it would do you good to bring your level of descriptive detail a little closer to mine (maybe without going quite as far as I do.)
Most of the reason why I think I'm not really feeling your characters is that I'm not seeing any little actions or mannerisms from them. It's those little actions, mannerisms, and out of place phrases that make a person's character. Since you don't include much descriptive detail, it's really hard for those character relaying mannerisms to be included and come out to the reader. If you don't have the character traits coming out, then the characters' personalities all exist just in your head and are not being relayed to the reader.