«Aizen»
“Wait!” Someone suddenly called for us as we were stepping into the main street. The voice was somewhat raspy.
I turned around to see who it was. It was a dwarf that was about the same height as me. Silvery tangled hair and a long beard. He had really inflated arms and was wearing some type of leather apron. His appearance was kind of funny. Everyone else turned around to see what it was. I noticed Kuro opened her mouth and then turned around and coughed. I think she was about to laugh; she looked back at the dwarf.
The dwarf seeing us stop came over to us somewhat hurriedly, and then stood in front of us looking at Kuro. It was odd. He was looking at her with a hint of suspicion and some disbelief. Then he proceeded to scan all of us. He glanced back at Kuro and scanned one last time; she flinched seeing his weird behaviour.
“I will need you girls to come with me,” he commanded in a somewhat raspy tone. I did not like him already. However, Kuro kind of just looked at him and tilted her head.
“Why?”
“Sigh… Because I need to talk to you girls, privately. Unless of course, you would rather have problems with the craftsmen guild.”
Kuro instantly stiffened, being attacked where it hurt. She ended up dejectedly nodding, I chose to follow seeing the situation seemed to be something to laugh at. If I had to bet, the only thing that has to do with her and the guild was that stupid dagger she made back in that town. Well, mistakes were made, now she suffers. I will look forward to it.
We followed into the building in front of the adventurer’s guild. The people inside looked at us fixedly seeing we were accompanying the dwarf. It was understandable seeing he was more than likely to be the Guildmaster. And sure enough, he guided us upstairs into his plain office. It had two couches and a table in the middle. We sat down across him. I stared at him with curiosity.
“Do you know why I brought you girls here?”
“Yes, but I still don’t understand why we are all here. I mean.” I looked at Kuro. “Wouldn’t she be the only one here?” He flinched and then began thinking.
“... I am the one doing the questions!” he firmly said. But it was rather obvious he did a mistake there. He coughed. “Well, I can assume you all know why you are here?”
I nodded, Ari hesitantly nodded. Kuro was… thinking. She just shook her head not being able to arrive at a plausible conclusion. The dwarf sighed.
“You are here because of this,” he said as he pulled a dagger blade.
“Hey, that’s mine. I think…”
“Sure girly. You can have it back after we are done here.” The dwarf dismissed Kuro. For some reason, Kuro seemed dumber than usual. Well, I don’t entirely understand her. She is pretty weird when it comes to materials and the like. However, I did not want to be stuck here.
“So, can you proceed old man?” I tiredly questioned, hearing me he frowned.
“Who are you calling old!? Besides, coming from a brat like you doesn’t surprise me. Kids these days don’t respect the elderly.” He turned bitter all of the sudden.
I wanted to retort but I decided it was better to not turn it into an argument.
“So, what can I do for you?” Kuro hesitantly asked as she fidgeted. She seemed to have picked up on the situation. The dwarf sighed and narrowed his eyes looking at her.
“Well Girly, you are certainly skilled. Too skilled even. However, the reason you are here is because of this,” he pointed at the symbol on the dagger.
“Ah…”
“ 'Ah' what?! Do you understand what this means?”
“Well, it’s just a symbol I etched into the weapon.”
Seeing Kuro’s reaction to the whole ordeal, the dwarf deeply frowned. I mean, I understand the symbol, but… Honestly. Who cares? It’s just a symbol. I understand it is well-known. But I assume it is rather commonly used. People tend to try to replicate things they admire after-all, the dwarf, on the other hand, did not think so.
“Girly… Is this a joke?!”
She shook her head.
“Do you think faking someone else’s signature is a joke?! That man out of all people!?” he sighed. ”Regardless you are now officially forbidden from using this symbol on your works,” he firmly stated. However, the response he got was unexpected.
“You are forbidding me from using my own symbol?! Have you gone senile old man!” Kuro snapped; glaring daggers at the dwarf who was now stunned. Ari had wide-open eyes. I chuckled from the unexpected reaction. Kuro quickly realized what she just said and sat quietly sat down and turned docile.
“Actually… that’s fine…”
“I-Is that so…” The dwarf was rather flustered.
However, I remember Kuro changing her name to Yami because of not wanting to be known. I decided to help out with the rather situation by clapping my hands. Everyone’s attention gathered at me.
"Now that’s solved. Using a symbol that does not belong to you K-Yami… I am disappointed..." I gave her a quick glance. "Well, regardless. I can see why you would want to use that deadman’s symbol.” I chuckled and Kuro flinched hearing me. Ari became confused just as I had planned. The dwarf awkwardly nodded.
“Well, we can leave now.” Dismissed.
“S-stop…”
As we stood up from my command the dwarf hurriedly called for us. Yami looked at the dwarf with interest and the dwarf reciprocated.
“Miss, could you join the craftsmen guild?!” The dwarf excitedly asked, he also handed the dagger at Yami as she pondered for a bit. She really did, I saw her flinch and shudder a few times as she was immersed in her thoughts. In the end, she just smiled.
“I will think about it.”
After she gave that response we left the room — leaving a flabbergasted dwarf behind. We were on the upstairs corridor, however, Ari gripped Kuro’s hand and looked at her fixedly. Then Ari quickly and desperately guided us to an empty office room. We were still on the second floor.
* * *
«Ari»
As soon as we left the Guildmaster’s office I grabbed Yami’s hand and got her into a random room that was empty. This was weird and I really wanted to know what happened there.
“Explain,”
“A-About?”
Yami seemed nervous, probably due to my cold voice. But, I just narrowed my eyes.
“How is it your symbol exactly?”
“...”
She blankly stared at me and began fidgeting. At that moment I noticed I turned rather hostile. What was the point in all of this? What am I even doing? Does it really matter if it’s her symbol or not? Does it matter if she wants to make it her symbol? She is the disciple of that person after all. Yami took a deep breath.
“Well, you see Ari. I—“
I made her stop by shaking my head. “… I am sorry, it really doesn’t matter if it’s your symbol or not. It must be rough having to deal with someone like that dwarf.” I quietly informed her.
However, I noticed she froze and looked at Aizen, who just giggled slightly. She looked rather amused seeing Yami’s odd behaviour. But that did not really matter. The more I looked at Yami the more she fidgeted and the more her mouth trembled, she averted her gaze towards the ground. I kind of felt bad now. But I had no idea what I had done, and she suddenly seemed to have gotten really nervous.
“Yami I am sorry… I did not mean to…” Why was I even apologizing?
Yami sniffled and wiped away the tear coming from her eye. I looked back at Aizen who was now frozen. It looked like it was out of her prediction scope. I turned back to Yami who was still quietly looking at the ground. She then looked at me right in the eyes.
“Ari, I want you to listen carefully,” I slowly and awkwardly nodded. “I am… I am… I am the [Master Craftsman]...” She told me with hesitation yet unmoving eyes.
I kind of just stood there and continued looking at her. I did not know how to react. I looked back at Aizen and she was now looking at the wall while scratching her head. I started thinking of the information she just told me. Disciple to master? Hmm… This is rather… Weird. I don’t know how to put it or react. Yami does have weird items and such. But the master craftsman? I doubt my fate would cross with someone like that, besides wasn't the master craftsman male and from the human race? I don't see the point.
“I see…” I looked at her. “Don’t worry, you don’t need to lie to me.”
She flinched and took a step back, and looked at me in shock and disbelief. She then looked at Aizen — seeking for help. However, Aizen just looked at her with cold eyes and averted her gaze. I did not know what to say or do. It all turned super weird so I kind of just looked at the peaceful and calm ground instead.
“Tch, brats these days! Where are my documents?!” A dwarf entered the room. It was the Guildmaster. He looked at all of us who were now looking at him. He scanned again. Seeing we were looking at him fixedly he just closed the door again. A few seconds of silence went by.
“Wait! Why am I even the one leaving!” The dwarf entered the room once again. “You girls. Your business is done here, leave now!”
“Shut up old man,” It was a female and cold voice. I have never heard it before. I looked at Aizen who now had scary eyes. I tried to not look at her.
“Who are you calling old?! I am only ninety! Besides, what does a little girl like you know about being old!? Brats these days!”
“Just ninety?! Don’t make me laugh. If you want to match me you have to at least be deep into the three digits...”
The dwarf staggered. I looked back at Aizen who was now standing on top of the desk, it seemed like she used the high-ground to look down on the already short dwarf. The dwarf shook his fist in rage.
“I the Great Smith Alron won’t be mocked like this!”
“Great Smith!?” she sneered. “If you want to be worth my time at least bring the Master Craftsman.” For some reason, Aizen seemed rather awkward. Did it have to do with the interaction earlier? I don't really understand Aizen’s past. So I found it weird. I heard a sweet but monotone voice next to me.
“She got mad earlier and now she is just… Unestressing herself.”
I tilted my head at Yami’s declaration, she also seemed to have normalized herself.
“How did she get mad from that?” I looked back at Yami who had just started scratching her cheek.
“Well… It’s complicated. Let’s just say that I made a mistake a while back...” She quietly dismissed my question, but I guess it was Yami’s fault. I thought for a few seconds before I looked back at the quarrel between children. They had stopped shouting at each other for a bit.
"Grrr... You are respectable girly. But I won’t falter!”
“You won’t defeat me like this old man!”
My eyes turned into two round dots. Yami followed my line of sight and her expression became the same. They were playing some type of tabletop game that they had gotten out of nowhere. I did not really understand. Never seen one like that before. The board was a stone board that was rounded and it used pebbles that slotted into small holes. It seemed like some type of strategy game.
“Tch, I would have never thought a girly like you would know about this game…” he admitted as he grit his teeth. Aizen just formed a smirk.
“Well, of course! Who do you think I am! I am the Leg— OUCH!” Aizen rubbed her temple as she stopped her speech. I did not see anything other than a loud sound that rang across the room.
Aizen looked at Yami and so did I. She was… scary. I think she threw something at Aizen but my vision did not pick it up. I don’t understand why she made her pause her monologue. I guess Yami was not so normalized after-all. I looked back at the table; the stone board game was not progressing. However, Aizen went into thinking and then nodded as if having understood why she got something thrown at her. Then she looked back at Yami.
“That makes two… Just you wait…” Aizen informed Yami in a somewhat scary voice.
Yami shrugged. Meanwhile, I had no idea what was happening, neither did the dwarf. Aizen turned back to the playing board like if nothing had ever happened; her eyes sparkled. She moved a green pebble somewhere close to the dwarf's blue pebble in front of him.
“I win!”
“...”
The dwarf was silently gritting his teeth.
“Fine girly! You win. I will acknowledge you! Here…” He dejectedly handed some type of small coin. It did not look like currency but it was coin-shaped. It was a black coin with something embedded on it.
Aizen stood up and walked over to us and then placed it into Kuro’s hand.
“You can thank me later,” she said in a cool voice and then left the room and continued walking down the hallway. We just stood there frozen. I heard hurried footsteps in the and then Aizen stood in the doorway. Silently watching us and judging us… I think we were supposed to follow her.
And like that, we got the Guildmaster Alron as an acquaintance somehow. Apparently, it was some type of old game that the dwarf bet on Aizen. With something along the lines of: ‘Fine girly! Have it your way! Let’s play a game instead, or are you afraid of the old?’ his mocking lines backfired and he ended up losing on the bet.
Well it was all over the place.
Kuro needs a redone character she doesn't have the things she should, like no pride no courage or fighting experience which was explained she should have. Also where is all of her bad a** equipment she was said to have that made all the players envious? And summoner is redundant class she should have that class cut and 'summoning' should be put in tamer class as it is in most games, and in turn have like whip user as a job it makes sense for a tamer isn't a combat oriented class but could be used for combat and makes sure she can fight like she was said to. The only other thing she needs is not to be so jumpy hold her ground, AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOME INTELLIGENCE she is dumber than a brick wall. Ari she needs to stop demanding everything and expect to know everything she's way to self important for the position she's in. I would have made Ari Cecil and have her come in as a companion in this current arc not the very first chapter it would have come together nicer and have the reason for her behavior. Aizen is mostly fine but seems a bit Yuri for kuro you could have made this whole story for that idea aizen being lonely and meeting back up she develops a complex then love, but I'm rambling her character is mostly fine maybe she has to low of mana for destroying countries. these are my thoughts from a long time made an account to give this review hope it helps make your characters better shows their flaws to fix or gives you a direction BUT SERIOUSLY GIVE KURO INTELLIGENCE SHE NEEDS IT BADLY
Respectfully, my fellow reader, If you think your ideas are so much better, why don't you try writing a novel yourself? If not, then do us all a favor and focus on supporting the author and being kind and respectful of someone who is doing their best. Toxic and rude comments meant to tear them down don't make anyone want to listen to you, even if by some chance you have an idea that might possibly help them. I'm not dismissing your opinion, nor am I saying it's wrong, simply that you should give more thought to how you word it. If you don't make your meanings clear, even the best intentions can come across as rude and abrasive.
@FireflyFanatic Bravo exactly what i was thinking when i read it, but i do agree with some of his points. this is suppose to be a slice of life story and the author's FIRST story (if i remember right) so the author's confidence is most important or the author might stop writing altogether, pertinently. so if you have constructive criticism, say it politely and concisely, or you will be ignored or you'll get the author to just drop it. so please, be polite.
@DoctorWhoFan I have... so many things to say about your grammar, but you just complimented a comment I am quite proud of, so I'll hold back. Thank you.
@DoctorWhoFan While I appreciate every single thing. I have gotten extremely mean comments in RR, such as: ''Your writing sucks and your novel is so cliche'd it makes my eyes bleed.'' So, there is that. I read all the comments, honestly, it's hard for comments to hit me, they do chip at me, but don't get me wrong. i will keep writing this story for quite a while, I do try really hard to deliver, but sometimes I just write questionable chapters such as this one.
A lot of the feedback is very valid; some if it not so much. But in the end, one cannot please anyone with their story. For example, this chapter had better reception in royal road than in here, of course, everyone thought it was a weird chapter. But they did give a lot of suggestions and their own general thoughts on the chapter and how it could've handled better. So, I'd like to thank everyone for reading this story.
EXTRA: Crafting will be happening in less than 10 chapters.
@FireflyFanatic i know my grammar is bad, that is one of the reasons i don't write stories. the sad part is that it's my first language. i don't put much effort into my grammar because it's just a comment not a collage essay. (not that it's a good habit tho
)
@Azrie Well, I just hope that whenever you see one of those comments, you remember that there are many more people out there who support and love your story. Thank you for your time and effort spent in the process of creating this story. Good job, good luck, and thank you for livening up my days. This story always makes me smile when I see it.
@DoctorWhoFan No worries. The only reason I put so much importance on it is because I'm a perfectionist. I do the same thing when texting... (well, sometimes.)
@FireflyFanatic if you ever sign up to be a editor of a story i guess the author won't have to worry about grammar or spelling mistakes slipping through. gotta go to bed, it's 12:45 here. good night everyone!
@DoctorWhoFan Funny that you mention that... Same hour here, except I am about to start writing a chapter because I only write at night for whatever reason. Have a good rest and thanks for reading. o/
@FireflyFanatic and I never meant it to be offensive criticism is never nice sounding it points out the wrongs of your hard worked art. The ideas I gave is if the author merely state the things they can fix or move into, these things wouldn't usually be needed but as you and some others said author san is new and doesn't feel the work is the best and struggles with working the new ideas into chapters they need more ideas. If it came off abrasive, down putting and other things that is a combination of lack of sleep and my personality and bad grammar.
@Silver_Sky While I do admit I was a little passive aggressive about it, I merely wished to express that the wording of the comment and some others like it can be hurtful to the author and distasteful for anyone else reading them. Your comment would actually be quite good if the words were written in a slightly different manner, and I neither disagree with nor wished to dismiss your opinion. I do apologize for using you as an example for it, but my response was something I had wished to address for a while now; you simply presented me with the opportunity to finally act on it. If reading this comment discourages even one person from spreading toxicity and hurtful words, then my goal has been accomplished. You mentioned that you created an account specifically to share your opinion with the author, and I hope this does not cause you to think badly of me or anyone else on this platform. Every opinion matters, and I hope you continue to share yours. I did not intend this experience to burden you, and hope you can treat this as simply one of learning. A lesson, if it should please you to think of it that way. I am sorry for any distress this might have caused.