Story 6.5 Xihan
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Ming Yu, 15. Xihan 11

Countdown: 7 years to go before turning 18. -Xihan

-

Today too. It's cold.

The season before winter, Autumn. Where the leaves fall from their branches and pile up decorating the grey pavements orange.

Xihan woke up and waited outside his neighbor's door.

No one came out though, but his mind was telling him to wait. Just 5 minutes more or even a few seconds.

The door creaked open and he smiled but it was Huang who came out.

"Xiaohan? Xiaoyu already left. You aren't leaving yet?"

"I was about to. Goodbye." He nodded his head in greeting.

On the road walked a youth. A blue scarf around his neck and both hands were kept inside his pockets, away from the cold.

But in Huang's eyes. The youth didn't seem to feel warm at all.

-

"Xihan!" Someone called out to him and placed a hand over his shoulder. He shook it away but Feng Zhenhao was persistent, unfazed and even hugged him closer.

"Hey! Hey! Hey! I heard that our school fairies are eyeing on you? Xihan my friend, care to introduce me?" He chuckled in excitement.

"Ask them yourself."

"I need you. Xihan, my brother. Be my wingman okay? Help this virgin brother of yours to have a chance with our goddess Xu Anru! I'll do your homework for you! I'll be your slave for the month!" He happily grinned wishfully thinking that this bribe was such a success. Xihan heartlessly walked pass the virgin fool and ignored him.

"Oh yeah.  I haven't been seeing that senior around you lately? You guys okay?"

Xihan slowed down his steps and came into a halt. It wasn't due to Zhenhao but because the corner of his eye caught Ming Yu's silhouette. 

He could never mistake it even if he was mixed within a huge crowd. He'd traced that back with his on hands so many times, how can he? He could easily picture it in his mind.

"Isn't that him? I heard that he'll be performing for the music event. Does he sing well?"

He didn't reply to the question and stared blankly. Ming Yu was happily talking to his friends. The circle without him in it.

He joined the music club. I did not know.

He played the guitar. I did not know.

Did he sing well? This I don't know either.

There was a lot of things unknown to him but he didn't ask. Ming Yu was free to do what he wanted.

Free.

Xihan didn't move and simply watched. Ming Yu flashed a smile and laughed, it wasn't boisterous one yet was pleasant to hear, a comfortable timber. His hand reached to hold the guitar strap on his shoulder and then tilted his head to where the door was, issuing them to go inside. 

He only moved away when Ming Yu disappeared together with them into the building.

"Are you two ... fighting?"

"No." 

"You scum of the earth, kneel down, kiss the ground and beg for forgiveness~" Zhenhao flapped his nasty mouth and receive a slap on the head.

"Ow! The hell---!" He rubbed it when the burning heat lingered on his skin. He glared at Xihan however unlike him, the other person's gaze was cold and his brows were knit together.

Ah. F*ck. He found out.

"Why are you down here? What if you get caught?" Xihan asked but there was no surprise to his tone of voice. He leaned on the window and stared outside. The orange leaves were taken away by the wind and seemed to breeze through a hole in his heart.

Why was he upset? When it was him being stubborn.

It's cause he's weak. Infront of Ming Yu, he could never act cold.

Does the candle hate the fire as it melts him away? No he doesn't, for the fire was there to make him complete.

Admin who's inside Zhenhao's body stood beside him and similarly looked outside. It was a peaceful morning. The atmosphere was perfect for someone who needed time to think. The perfect weather for Xihan.

On the other end, he witnessed everything. How slowly as years passed, the wall that bordered their feelings thickened adding more distance with each other.

Did their love fade out? No, their love was far stronger than anything the Admin witnessed. A stronger love than the one he'd given away. Once long ago. Secretly.

At the moment, they were just ... confused.

"They want you back up." He closed his eyes and sighed. "He's looking for you. Telling me to drag you out and work."

" ... "

"I know you won't but I can't stall him anymore for too long. So what now?"

"Convince him, even if he's the boss of me I won't be going anywhere."

Admin tilted his head to the side already breathing in the air of troubles that was about to come in his way.

"Ah. Whatever, I owe you a life so I have no reason to say no." He smiled and Xihan remained expressionless. Maybe because the turmoil of Ming Yu and Xihan's feelings were affecting him that he started to recall the past. 

The past where Xihan was still the bravest man that could battle an immortal. The day where everything changed, the times where he wondered where he disappeared to and how he came back, cold, indifferent, a memory of who he once were.

"You still don't blame me? ..." Admin whispered out. He waited for a reply but all he heard was silence. A minute ... two ...

Then he laughed, the giggle grew into a heavy fit of laughter leaning on the narrow window sill to avoid the fall. He coughed and coughed finally back on his feet and grinned.

"Whenever I bring it up you would comfort me and say that I'm not to blame. Finally being honest now?" He sounded happy. Really f*cking happy.

Xihan shrugged and smiled, he let out a comfortable sigh and hugged his scarf closer to his neck.

"FINALLY. Damn, do you know it feels like when you clearly know you're part of the blame but the other person kept saying you're not? It's not comfort. You're just making the person feel even more guilty!"

"Was it that bad?"

"BAD? I FELT LIKE I'VE SINNED! LIKE I DESERVED TO DIE AH!" Admin was purposely acting over the top but his heart was thumping hard in elation. The heaviest lifelong weight that rested on his shoulder was lifted. 

 Thank Ming Yu! Praise Ming Yu! Bow down to the great Ming Yu! \(≧▽≦)/Yeet!

"So why did you change your mind?" Stillness came back but Admin couldn't wipe the smile off his face.

Xihan didn't answer his question quickly and took his time to appreciate the view outside the window. Nothing change, none did but he just didn't know where to put his eyes on.

"To be honest I did put the blame on you however that was only out of spite. The world just seemed as if it was mocking me from high above and I shifted the blame most on you."

"The reason I left wasn't because I accused you but rather I felt disgusted at myself for even thinking that way. I was too ashamed to look at you in the eye ... I was too caught up on my own misery ..." 

"But Ah Yu taught me that there was a reason for everything and now I can earnestly say the words i've been meaning to tell you."

 Xihan turned to face him and with tender feelings did he rested his hand on Admin's shoulder.

"I'm glad that I saved you back then ... and i'm sorry. For ignoring you for a long time."

"Liangxi ... Brother is sorry."

The autumn wind brought the cold wind with it but the warmth of Xihan's hand lingered and touched his heart.

Admin never expected to hear such words from Xihan, ever.

He'd seen a lot of the darkness that lingered around him but what he witnessed were only a piece of the shattered glass that was once whole embodying his brother. There was a much darker, deeper abyss that was swirling underneath his indifferent facade so Liangxi never hoped for his brother to forgive him. As he himself was convinced that he deserved it.

So this really came as a surprise ... sorry? for what?

Years passed but I couldn't even do anything to help you ...

So what are you sorry for? 

Sh*t bro. Why are you suddenly initiating bromance?! QAQ

"F*ck ... why are you telling this to me now? Why here and not the other side? F*ck this is unfair. I deserve to hear this personally f*ck. *sshole. " He tried to mask the tears and light sobs that came out with his humor and Xihan acted with him, rubbing his shoulder while pretending not to see anything.

"I can only say such words here ... because Ah Yu is here. I told you, here I can be someone else. More like the past." His beloved was his greatest strength.

"You jerk! Hey! Go make up with him already! You not setting things straight like this is making him f*cking anxious and do I need to tell you that he doesn't deserve to be treated this way? You b*stard. Go die. Damn you." He wiped off the tears with his sleeve but the redness of his eyes was on plain sight.

"Time ... just give me more time ... you how it is with me and i'm not ready. I just can't ... for now." His downcast eyes were staring right back at Admin and a sad frown surfaced from Admin's face.

"You have an entire lifetime with him. Treasure it and no matter what decision you make ... i'll try to understand."

"But this time I beg you, be more selfish. Think about what Ming Yu really wants and not of what you think is good for him. Doing so never works out. NEVER." The laughter and mirth all disappeared for his words were heartfelt and sincere. This was rare from him. Extremely.

"Why am I getting advice from you who had been single his entire life?"

"Tch. Didn't you know? People who are single are for some reason very good at such things. And do you think i'm doing nothing while you guys are here flirting?"

Xihan's brow arched in question.

"Fine. I am still single!" (oT-T)尸 Damn it.

The atmosphere lightened up and the two chimed in a chuckle. Admin flinched and felt tingles running on his skin which was a sort of signal that it was time for him to go back.

If not the he'll be terribly screwed.

"I need to go. I'll do what I can to keep him at bay but in the end, he's the boss of us not just you and I hope nothing will go wrong."

"Mmn. Hurry back."

He had words left to say. Words left to convey but why couldn't he say it? Damn it didn't feel right to just leave like this.

"The music event. Be sure to get on the best seats"

?

Before he could ask further, the bell rang and the  glimmer on Zhenhao's eyes changed before sporting a confused, where-am-I, what-am-I-doing look.

"Who are you?" this phrase was also a part of the entire look look.

"I'm skipping class here, you too?" Xihan calmly replied not really answering his question.

"W-what time is it now? How long was I out? I blacked out???"

"Sixth period is over and it's lunch break."

"WHAT?!! Damn! BYE!" Zhenhao sprinted away to look for his room.

"I'm Feng Zhenhao by the way!" He shouted and waved his hand in greeting before disappearing from his sight.

When he looked outside of the window there was something new added into the picture.

A young teen was standing a distance away with a guitar bag on his shoulders. A strikingly similar scarf was now on his neck as he looked up and stare at Xihan's direction.

Xihan smiled and waved his hand and the other person waved back.

I know I'm not perfect.

I have many flaws.

I dream of a beautiful world, a world where there is you and me.

This distance is only a temporary thing.

"Ah Yu! Are you busy today?" Xihan shouted through the window hoping that Ming Yu would say yes.

So even if you stopped asking me questions and are not at my side right now.

I know that you're silently waiting for me.

So just a while more. 

Please.

Wait.

It's hard ... for me too.

I'm sorry.

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