3rd POV
The void.
Is the only way to describe this moment.
In that void, a girl with dark crimson hair, with deep blue ocean eyes can be seen floating through the void while mumbling,
"Curse... you all..."
A few Moments Earlier
In the immortal land, there lives an immortal who was the perfection of beauty.
And that immortal name is Rena.
Rena has dark crimson hair with many ornaments sticking to her hair to make her beauty more irresistible.
Her deep blue ocean eye with no sign of light on it makes a cold gaze.
Hence she was known as "Icy Beauty".
She is 153cm tall, which was below than average woman in the immortal world.
Whenever she walks, no man wouldn't throw his gaze at her.
Even the emperor of the immortal world can't help but praise her beauty.
But that's, only the public's view of her.
Few people knew that Rena is a monster hiding in the little girl's flesh.
She was evil and cunning.
All of her plans already made many cultivators fooled to their own demise.
She climbs up through immortality and becomes the strongest Immortal in the land.
All of this, is because of her "Demon path of cultivation" which makes her lose many emotions.
She loves nothing except herself and her own power.
But that's not enough.
She still craving for more power.
Her power thirst was also due to her "Demon path of cultivation" which she wouldn't stop seeking more power until she dies.
The evil girl was living on a floating island with beautiful scenery.
On that floating island, many houses were built, and many people lived there.
But those people only knew the evil girl from the public view.
While doesn't know her true self.
"P-please do have mercy, your maje-"
*slice*
*thud*
A man tried to beg for mercy.
But his head was already cut off before he managed to do so.
In front of the dying man, a little girl can be seen gazing at the rolling head with a cold gaze.
She then spoke,
"This room is dirty, clean it"
"Yes, Your Majesty!"
Even though she just take someone's life, no emotion shows.
Without wasting any more time, she walks away from the room.
"There's blood on your cheek your majesty". An elder suddenly appears on her side.
"Hnh. Continue"
"The next meeting is gonna start in few hours. We hope for your presence on the meeting your majesty"
"Alright, tell the servant to prepare the sweet on my table"
"As you wish, your majesty" the elder slowly nodded and suddenly vanishes like he was never been there before.
She keeps walking through the hallway while suddenly an earthquake comes.
*tremble* *tremble*
"Hmm? What hap-"
*slam* Suddenly two guards came from the door. "YOUR MAJESTY, WE'RE UN-" *slash*
"You're too loud..." with a cold gaze, she starts to look at the other guard.
A head can be seen rolling to the other guard. And the guard starts trembling with fear.
"Speak"
"Y-YES, your majesty. The island is under attack!"
"Hmm? Which insect dare to mess with me?"
"I have no clue, your majesty!"
"I see... you can go now and join the others."
The guard's emotion turns 180°. With a happy face, he answered "YES YOUR MAJESTY" and he started to run to the door.
She sighed then say "why everyone is soo.. loud. My ear... is hurt..." with a low voice.
"I've shown them the consequences they will get if they messing with my island but..." she started to think about her way of doing things.
"Except..." she suddenly stops walking.
Then continue while say "I wish it's just my imagination"
She closes her eyes and put her both hand inside her sleeve then continue her way to the door. When she reached the outside, she titled her head and suddenly a thunder comes with insane speed to her side where the head was on 1 second ago.
The thunder started to explode and leave nothing but ashes on her back
"So it's not my imagination huh..." she then opened her eyes and saw a floating old man with glowing white eyes, a long beard, long white hair, and one-piece cloth that barely close his chest.
Rena's face getting paled "Thor...."
Thor smirked "So you know me, that will make it easier"
"If I may ask, what are one of the gods doing on the immortal world? moreover, the strongest thunder god at that..."
"HAHAHA, I'm here to end your life! PREPARE YOURSELF!" Thor throws another lightning bolt with incredible speed and erases the distance in a mere second.
Rena dodge the incoming attack and start flying "why.... why the gods want to end my life... can you tell me why?" Rena releases her killing intent.
"Humph, fine. You gonna die here anyway. 1 or 2 secrets is fine to be shared with the soon dead person after all"
"Somehow I wasn't happy by hearing that..."
"Happy? Hahaha! The emotionless monster like you can feel happy? Don't make me laugh. The reason why we want you dead is, that you... the future you, will bring us... no, will bring this world a disaster! We cannot let someone as powerful as you live more longer. That's, what we the gods decide..."
Rena still keeps her cold gaze and continues "But I think I haven't done anything enough to endanger this world, am I? So there's no ne-"
"Did you forgot I said the (future) you gonna endanger us all... not the (present) you. We the gods know what will happen in the future..."
Rena still keeping her cold gaze then sighed "looks like there's no other way except for me to kill you and survive".
Rena claps her both hands in front of her chest then a black circle coming out from behind her and her eyes changed. From deep ocean blue eyes changing into glowing dragon's golden eyes with red line come out from her eyes into her skin. Two horns coming out from her head and black wings coming out from her back. Rena let out a small breath that was covered in blue fire. Then she placed her left hand on her back while her right hand covered her face. She let out her biggest grin she ever had then glared at him like she glared at an insect.
"I... the strongest immortal... WILL FIGHT YOU UNTIL HER DEATH!" she suddenly vanished and appear behind him. Rena thrust her hand to grab his soul. Thor smiled then say "Fool..."
Thor dodges her attack in an instant then punches her to the face while electricity seems to flow from his punch.
He followed with another punch but got blocked by her wing.
She opened her wings then suddenly a black sword appeared from her hand and trying to slash him.
Thor saw that and prepared his lightning sword then blocked her attack.
They exchange slash after slash with insane speed.
The tree, grass, stone got slashed everytime they exchange slash.
Thor blocked her attack then suddenly got a kick on his stomach.
The grip on his sword got weaker. Rena saw this and kicked his hand.
Finally, his sword was already gone from his hand. Rena didn't miss the chance and slash him with her sword. Thor only managed to avoid a few of her attacks because of how fast her attack was and got a few cut wounds on his body.
Thor vanished and appear far away from her.
Thor chuckled "As I expected. You are dangerous. That's why... (We) decide to eliminate you"
Suddenly gate after gate starts to spawn behind Thor's back and reveal an old man with a white cloth. Many of them.
Rena's brows getting sharped "So you decide to gank on me besides fighting one by one huh... can you tell me... where's the pride on that. WHERES YOU GODS ' PRIDE ON THAT!"
Some random god started to speak "If it's for the better future, we will do anything to gain that future".
"Bulshit!, Haaaaaa!!" Rena begins her charge to the gods.... and so the gods.
.....
.....
.....
The fight has last for 4 hours. Rena has lost her life many times but her legendary tools saved her life everytime. And the legendary tools now have reached their limit.
The fight was not fair, Rena was alone. Even though her power can rival one of the strongest gods, it's no use if you face many of them at once.
And so, Rena was laying on the ground coughing blood and covered her clothes with her blood. There are no casualties landed on the gods. Because of how powerful they were if on a team.
"So this is how I die huh, you gods are cowards. Ganging on a little girl with no power. Really, a bunch of cowards". Her wings were ripped, her horns were snapped, blood coming from her right eye. No more legendary tools, no more power left to lift her tiny hands.
One of the gods starts his speak "As the Thor said earlier, the future you was dangerous. So we decide to end your life before you become unkillable"
Rena only answer him with a cold gaze
Big thunder suddenly appears on Thor's right hand. Big enough to rival his mighty height.
"Rest in peace you demon" when Thor is about to release his thunder, one of the gods screams at him "WAIT!"
He was the god of reincarnation. He somehow feels a similar feeling from the soon-dead little girl. And asked Thor to wait while finding out what the soon-dead little girl was hiding.
Rena let out her small grin "too... late... you.. mo..ron. HAHAHA! *cough* *cough*".
A magic circle appeared on her back while the gods getting paled.
"God of reincarnation! What's that! Answer!" Some god starts screaming in panic.
"That's... THAT'S REINCARNATING SPELL! SHE GONNA REINCARNATE HERSELF!"
"Hahahaha! *cough* do you think I will end like this? NO! *cough* I... will reborn, and will plan my revenge while hiding in the darkness and slowly and slowly gain more powers and BECOME MORE POWERFUL TO KILL YOU ALL*cough* *cough* *cough*AHAHAHAHA!".
Panic has started on the gods' side "Can you do something about that? God of reincarnation. That's your specialty if I wasn't wrong!".
"Yes, Art of reincarnation is my specialty. But she has activated the Reincarnation, I can no longer do something about it. Except..." The god of Reincarnation paused.
"Except what?!"
"Use the Authorities that have given to me and change its location of Reincarnation".
"Then use it quickly!"
"I think you all forgot what will happen if one of us uses our authorities on either mortal or immortal world.."
"So what! Do u prefer the heaven got destroyed? or save it while it can?!"
"Keough!" the god of Reincarnation start confused about what decision he should take.
"Don't worry, we will take responsibility with you, so do it quickly!"
"Argh, you really a pain in the ass aren't you, demon!" The god of Reincarnation starting to chant.
"Oi... what... are you-"
The god of Reincarnation's eyes glowed "I, The God of Reincarnation, Adon, will use his Authorities and Punish this Immortal that stands before my eyes!"
The magic circle's color changed
"Cu-CURSE YOU, DAMN GODS!"
"THOR! NOW!"
Soon, the big explosion follows after that.
...
...
...
Everything has gone. Neither Rena nor the Magic circle. Like there was nothing there before.
And thus, Rena has Reincarnated to the Earth...
Patreon
It was dark... Everything is dark... Wherever you see, everything is dark...
You should keep the same tense in narration, with how the rest of the chapter is narrated I think you want to use past tense so keep it all way. Also 'see' here seems wrong so I unreasonably changed "It was dark... Everything was dark... Wherever you watched, everything was dark..."
that woman say....
Same as last one, 'say' should be 'said'
There's live a woman
Still going with the past tense: "There lived a woman". The ['s] is wrong in this case.
where you can call the perfection of what you call Cute and Beauty.
I am not sure what you are trying to say, but I guess what you mean is "whom you could call the perfection of cute and beauty". While I suppose the capital letters were for emphasis I did not include them but you can choose whether or not to include them. The repetition of 'call' make the sentence harder to read so I removed them. Also, the past tense of 'can' is 'could'. 'Call' doesn't change to its past tense because the 'could' before it already assumes that function. And finally, a part that I didn't add but wanted to mention: 'what you call cute and beauty' can be accepted as a stand-alone even without changing 'call' into its past tense because it is a universal thing and not bounded by the story, if that is understandable. (Even if beauty and cuteness isn't actually universal but that is not the point)
That woman name is Rena.
Because it is her name, it should be "That woman's name is Rena"
Rena have dark crimson hair with many ornaments stick to her hair to make her beauty more irresistabble.
Because it is the third person, 'have' has to become 'has'. I am not sure about this one, but I suppose that it should be "many ornaments sticking to her hair". And the last one is a simple spelling mistake 'irresistabble'→ "irresistible".
Her deep blue ocean eye colour with no sign of light on it and cold gaze make her known as (Icy Beauty).
The 'sign of light' should most likely be manifested in the eyes so it becomes "no sign of light in them", I replaced the 'it' with 'them' since it is about both her eyes while not changing the first part because it is about her eye colour and it is an acceptable way to write it. For (Ice Beauty), it is entirely my personal opinion but I find the parentheses to be unpleasant.
Her height stopped at 143cm that even her doesn't know the reason why.
The positioning of this sentence would seem more pleasant this way "Her height stopped at 143cm for reasons that even she didn't know"
Everytime she's walk, there's no man would not throw a gaze to her even the most handsome man would throw a gaze to her Cute-Beauty face even if it was only a second...
'Everytime' should be written as two different words. 'She's walk' should either be written as 'she's walking' or as 'she walked' but given the past tense I am forcing onto you, I suggest the second one. The ['s] may seem like 'is' so to enforce my past tense policy, I suggest spacing it and making it 'there was'. I am not sure about the grammatical reason for this one but 'There was no man' should be considered a *complete* sentence, making 'would' be without a pronoun, for that reason you add 'who' to *repeat* 'no man' and make it the pronoun. I have no idea of the reason for this one but 'a gaze to her' just feels wrong and should use 'at' instead of 'to'. At this point of the sentence, you should add a comma to make the sentence more *breathable*. The repetition of 'would throw a gaze' is not nice to read, you should instead use a synonym, for example 'look at' since you are already indicating the duration that 'throw a gaze' symbolizes. Finally to accentuate that duration you should add a 'for' or a 'during' before it. The sentence would become something like "Every time she walked, there was no man who would not throw a gaze at her, even the most handsome man would look at her cute-beauty face even if it was only for a second...".
That... what public's view on her.
I don't think I have any need to elaborate here, it should be "That... was the public's view of her"
Very few people knew that Rena is a monster hiding on the little girl's flesh
Past tense and inside her not on her: "Very few people knew that Rena was a monster hiding in the little girl's flesh"
All her plan was evil, evil and evil.
She has multiple plans here so you should use 'were': "All her plans were evil, evil, and evil.
Soo many cultivators fooled to their own demise by her.
Simple spelling mistake, 'Soo' should be "So"
She climb up through the immortality and become the strongest Immortal in the world.
Past tense and immortality shouldn't have an article. "She climbed through immortality and became the strongest Immortal in the world"
She love nothing except herself and... Power
3rd person so the verb needs to end with an 's', there are some exceptions, but most of the time it stands true.
She thirst for power and she will never gonna stop seeking for power before she think its enough.
3rd person. The second 'she' is a bit repetitive since we already know who the verb concern. 'gonna' is not useful since you already indicate the future with 'will'. 'for' is not necessary. And you forgot the apostrophe for [it's]. "She thirsts for power and will never stop seeking power before she thinks it's enough"
I chose to not put those two sentences into past tense since it indicates future, so it is still true at the time the narrator is speaking.
The evil girl was iving on the floating island with beautiful scenery where you can call it heaven if the evil girl doesn't live there.
Spelling mistake. If there is more than one floating island in the world you should use 'a' instead of 'the' but if this is the only one you should use capital letters. You should use 'a' before 'beautiful scenery' because you only account for one scenery and if you meant to account for multiples, make 'scenery' become plural. It would be better to replace 'where' with 'that'. Past tense. Since we already know that you talk about the floating island, we don't need the reaffirmation in the form of 'it'. Repetition, we already know that the sentence is about 'the evil girl' so you can just replace it with 'she' "The evil girl was living on a floating island with beautiful scenery that you could call heaven if she didn't live there."
Many houses and many people living on the same island.
You forgot to use the verb 'be'. "Many houses and many people were living on the same island."
And they're all respect the evil girl... while doesn't know her true self.
Past tense. "And they all respected the evil girl... while not knowing her true self."
i-i'm not gonna do that again!
While it isn't really necessary, it is more pleasant to have 'I' be in capital letters when used as a pronoun. 'gonna' should be used in a more casual context, instead, you should use 'going to'. "I-I'm not going to do that again!"
A cold gaze even tough she just take someone's life, she shows no emotion.
Spelling mistake. Past tense. "A cold gaze even though she just took someone's life, she showed no emotion."
With a little blood on her cheek, she walk away from the room.
Past tense. "With a little blood on her cheek, she walked away from the room."
There's a blood on your cheek your majesty
Either you meant 'a little blood' or 'a' is a mistake. Comma. "There's a little blood on your cheek, your majesty."
An elder suddenly appear on her side.
Past tense. It is more correct to use 'at' instead of 'on' with the meaning this sentence have. "An elder suddenly appeared at her side"
The next meeting is gonna start in few hours.
gonna → going to. When using "few", you should most of the time add 'a' before it. "The next meeting is going to start in a few hours."
We hope for you to show your presence on the meeting your majesty
'on' should be 'at'. Comma. Even if it is the end of a dialog, you should put a period. "We hope for you to show your presence at the meeting, your majesty."
[quote]"Alright, tell the servant to prepare the sweet on my tabble"[/quote]
Same as 'floating island' if there is more than one, make it the plural form and if there is only one add a capital letter to make it more important. Spelling mistake. Period. "Alright, tell the servant to prepare the sweets on my table."
[quote]the elder suddenly vanish like he was never been there before.[/quote]
Past tense. Comma. Wrong verb, should be 'have' and not 'be'. "the elder suddenly vanished, like he had never been there before."
[quote]suddenly two guard came from the door.[/quote]
Plural. "Suddenly two guards came from the door."
[quote]she start to look at the other guard.[/quote]
Past tense. Start seems a bit weird to use but I prefer not to change too much if possible. "She started to look at the other guard."
[quote]And the guard start trembling with fear.[/quote]
Repetition. Past tense. It would be better to use the 'to' form of the verb instead of the '-ing' form. "And he started to tremble with fear."
[quote]Which insect dare to mess with me?[/quote]
3rd person. "Which insect dares to mess with me?"
[quote]The guard's emotion become 180°.[/quote]
The guard has multiple emotions so plural. This is not the right way to use the expression, it would be more used with 'went 180°' or 'did a 180° turn', I'm not sure if I used the right one here. "The guard's emotions did a 180° turn."
[quote]With happy face, he answered "YES YOUR MAJESTY" and he started to run to the door.[/quote]
Forgot 'a'. 'he started to' feels unnecessary. "With a happy face, he answered "YES YOUR MAJESTY" and ran to the door."
[quote]Sigh... why everyone is soo.. loud.[/quote]
The position of 'everyone' and 'is' should be reversed, and I'm not sure if 'soo' is a spelling mistake or a way to stretch the 'so'. "Sigh... why is everyone soo,,, loud."
[quote]My ear... is hurt...[/quote]
Both ears hurt, not just a single one. Here I am not sure which one is the most correct between 'is hurting' or 'hurt', I personally think that's 'hurt' works best. "My ears... hurt..."
[quote]she start mumbling with a low voice[/quote]
'start' isn't necessary. "she mumbled with a low voice"
[quote]There's no one dare to attack my island.[/quote]
A part of the sentence is missing. "There's no one who would dare to attack my island."
[quote]I've shown them what consequences will they got if they messing with my island.[/quote]
'will' and 'they' should be inverted. Since you are using 'will', you should use 'get'. Instead of 'messing', 'mess' is better. "I've shown them what consequences they will get if they mess with my island."
[quote]And continue[/quote]
Past tense. "And continued"
[quote]"I wish it's just my imagination"[/quote]
Not sure but 'hope' seems to be the word that has the closest meaning to what you are trying to say. "I hope it's just my imagination."
[quote]She close her eyes and put her both hand inside her sleeve then continue her way to the door.[/quote]
Past tense. 'both' and 'her' should be reversed. Plural. "She closed her eyes and put both her hands inside her sleeves then continued her way to the door."
[quote]When she reach the outside, she tittled her head and suddenly a thunder come with insane speed to her head where the head was on 1 second ago.[/quote]
Past tense. 'the' is unnecessary for outside here. Spelling mistake. Thunder is the sound of lightning, not the lightning itself. Instead of 'with insane speed', it should be better as 'at an insane speed'. Writing mistake. "When she reached outside, she tilted her head and suddenly a bolt of lightning came at an insane speed to where her head was one second ago.
[quote]The thunder start to explode and leave nothing but ashes on her back[/quote]
Thunder ≠ Lightning. Past tense. You really like to use 'start' even though they are mostly unnecessary. Pretty sure it is not her back that is left in ashes but what the lightning stroke, so it would be better to use 'in its path'. Punctuation. "The lighting exploded and left nothing but ashes on its path."
[quote]a floating old man with glowing white eyes, long beard, long white hair and one piece cloth that barely close his chest.[/quote]
Since he only has one beard, you should put 'a' before it. 'one piece cloth' is probably 'one piece of cloth'. I suppose that 'close' is a mistake for 'cover'. "a floating old man with glowing white eyes, a long beard, long white hair, and one piece of cloth that barely covered his chest."
[quote]Rena's face getting paled[/quote]
'getting' is unneeded. "Rena's face paled."
[quote]"If i may ask, what are one of the gods doing on the immortal world?, moreover, one of the strongest gods..."[/quote]
Capital 'I' when used as the first person pronoun. There's only one god, so 'is' instead of 'are'. Not sure whether 'on' is wrong or not, but it sounds good to me. The comma after the question mark is incorrect. "If I may ask, what is one of the gods doing on the immortal world? Moreover, one of the strongest gods..."
[quote]Thor rushed with incredible speed and erase the distance in a mere of second.[/quote]
Forgot 'an'. Past tense. 'of' is not wanted here. "Thor rushed with an incredible speed and erased the distance in a mere second."
[quote]Rena dogde the incoming attack and start flying[/quote]
Past tense. 'started to fly' would sound better (I hesitated with 'flew' but since it doesn't sound as good I went with the other one). "Rena dodged the incoming attack and started to fly."
[quote]why the gods want to end my life...[/quote]
This sentence would sound better with 'do'. "Why do the gods want to end my life..."
[quote]Rena release her killing intent.[/quote]
Past tense. "Rena released her killing intent."
[quote]You gonna die here anyway.[/quote]
Forgot 'be'. gonna → going to. "You are going to die here anyway."
[quote]1 or 2 secret is fine to be shared to the soon dead person afterall.[/quote]
Numbers like one or two, are nicer to read in full letters than in actual numbers. Plural. 'to' → 'with'. Since death is a state, it seems nice to have it be 'soon-to-be-dead' and that render 'person' unnecessary. 'after all' are two words. "One or two secrets are fine to be shared with the soon-to-be-dead after all."
[quote]will bring this world a disasster![/quote]
Spelling mistake. 'a disaster' and 'this world' should be reversed while adding a 'to' in between. "will bring a disaster to this world!"
[quote]We cannot let someone as powerful as you live more longer.[/quote]
I am unsure whether 'live' should have an 's' here by having it be conjugated by 'someone' or it shouldn't have it because it is conjugated by the 'you' right before it. Replacing 'more' with 'any' would give a stronger sense of urgency towards the need of the gods to get rid of her. "We cannot let someone as powerful as you live any longer"
[quote]what we the gods decide...[/quote]
Since it is something that they agreed upon it should be in the past tense. "what we, the gods, have decided."
[quote]Rena still keep her cold gaze and continue[/quote]
Past tense. "Rena still kept her cold gaze and continued"
[quote]But i think i haven't done anything enough to endanger this world am i?[/quote]
Capital 'I'. It sounds better to have the negation be inverted for 'think' and 'have'. Missing a word that I will assume is 'bad'. Comma. Should be 'did I' instead of 'am I'. "But I don't think I have done anything bad enough to endanger this world, did I?"
[quote]Did you forgot i said the (future) you gonna endanger us all... not the (present) you.[/quote]
Capital 'I'. The words in parentheses should be in italic instead. gonna→going to. (I am not sure how to do italics here so I will just put them in between asterisks) "Did you forgot I said the *future* you is going to endanger us all... not the *present* you."
[quote]looks like there's no another way except for me to kill you and survive[/quote]
another→other. "looks like there's no other way except for me to kill you and survive."
[quote]Rena clap her both hands in front of her chest then black circle coming out from behind her and her eyes changed.[/quote]
Past tense. 'both'↔'her'. Forgot 'a'. "Rena clapped both her hands in front of her chest then a black circle came out from behind her and her eyes changed."
[quote]From deep ocean blue eyes changing into glowing dragon's golden eyes.[/quote]
I feel like 'changing' could have a better way of being said but since I don't know I just won't touch it.
[quote]Two horns coming out from her head and black wings coming out from her back.[/quote]
Past tense. Repetition of 'came out'. "Two horns came out from her head and black wings from her back."
[quote]Maybe you already know but i'll tell you once more.[/quote]
Capital 'I'. "Maybe you already know but I'll tell you once more."
[quote]I RENA THE STRONGEST IMMORTAL HAVE CONQUERED ALL THE LIVING BEINGS IN THIS WORLD AND GAIN ALL OF THEIR POWER.[/quote]
Comma. Past tense. "I, RENA THE STRONGEST IMMORTAL, HAVE CONQUERED ALL THE LIVING BEINGS IN THIS WORLD AND GAINED ALL OF THEIR POWER."
[quote]MY CULTIVATION HAD REACHED IT'S PEAK![/quote]
Since it is still at its peak, no past tense for 'have'. Since 'its peak' doesn't mean 'it is peak' there should be no apostrophe. "MY CULTIVATION HAS REACHED ITS PEAK!"
[quote]"you can say my power is enough to beat the sh*t out of you if i want..."[/quote]
There should be 'that' after say since she is expressing a false citation. Capital 'I'. "You can say that my power is enough to beat the sh*t out of you if I want..."
[quote]Suddenly gate after gate start to spawn behind thor's back and reveal the old mans with white cloths[/quote]
Past tense. 'Spawn' is more of a video game slang, so replace it with something like 'appear'. 'Thor' is a name so capitalization is necessary. 'the' is not wanted here. The plural of 'man' is 'men'. "Suddenly gate after gate started to appear behind Thor's back and revealed old men with white cloths."
[quote]Rena's brows getting sharped[/quote]
'getting' is unnecessary and 'sharped' is not the right word. "Rena's brows sharpened."
[quote]So you decide to gank on me beside fighting one by one huh[/quote]
Past tense. I believe that instead of 'gank on me' you are trying to say 'gang up on me'. 'beside' is the wrong word, you should use 'instead' instead. "So you decided to gang up on me instead of fighting one by one huh..."
[quote]WHERES YOU GODS'S PRIDE ON THAT![/quote]
Apostrophe. Since it is their pride as a god, it should be written 'your god's pride'. For information purpose: When using ['s] on a word that already ends with an 's' it is preferable not to add the 's' after the apostrophe. "WHERE'S YOUR GOD'S PRIDE ON THAT!"
[quote]Bulshit![/quote]
Spelling mistake. "Bullshit!"
[quote]Rena begin her charge to the gods.... and so the gods.[/quote]
Past tense. Not sure what is the meaning here though. "Rena began her charge to the gods..."
[quote]The fight has last for 4 hours.[/quote]
Past tense. With 'have' the next verb should be in its past particle. "The fight had lasted for 4 hours."
[quote]Rena have coughed blood and lost her lifes many times.[/quote]
'have' is unnecessary. Since it stays the same life no matter how many times she loses it, it should be singular, also the plural of 'life' is 'lives'. "Rena coughed blood and lost her life many times."
[quote]blood coming from her right eyes.[/quote]
Only one right eye. "blood coming from her right eye."
[quote]One of the gods start his speak[/quote]
Past tense. his→to. "One of the gods started to speak."
[quote]So we decide to end your life before you become unkillable[/quote]
Past tense. "So we decided to end your life before you became unkillable."
[quote]Rena only answer him with a cold gaze[/quote]
Past tense. "Rena only answered him with a cold gaze."
[quote]The god continue[/quote]
Past tense. "The god continued"
[quote]"Yea sure"[/quote]
Spelling mistake. Punctuation. "Yeah, sure."
[quote]Big thunder have summoned from his right hand.[/quote]
Thunder ≠ Lightning. Replacing 'have' with 'be'. "Big bolts of lightning were summoned from his right hand."
[quote]And so Thor release the grip from his thunder.[/quote]
Past tense. Thunder ≠ Lightning. "And so Thor released the grip from his bolts of lightning."
[quote]The thunder was slow.[/quote]
Thunder ≠ Lightning. "The lightning was slow."
[quote]One of the gods start mumbling.[/quote]
Past tense. "One of the gods started mumbling."
[quote]He somehow feel the similar feeling from the soon dead little girl.[/quote]
Past tense. 'soon-to-be-dead'. "He somehow felt the similar feeling from the soon-to-be-dead little girl."
[quote]And that feeling somehow he know that well.[/quote]
Adding 'was a' to make the sentence more understandable. 'somehow' is repetitive with the previous sentence and unnecessary. Past tense. 'that'→'very'. "And that was a feeling he knew very well."
[quote]He then realised that and starting paled.[/quote]
'start' is unnecessary. "He then realised that and paled."
[quote]Rena let out her small grin[/quote]
'her'→'a'. "Rena let out a small grin"
[quote]Magic circle appeared on her back while the gods getting paled.[/quote]
I don't know whether there are one or more magic circles but I will assume only one. 'getting' is unnecessary. "A magic circle appeared on her back while the gods paled."
[quote]Some god start screaming in panic.[/quote]
Removing 'start'. "Some god screamed in panic."
[quote]That's Reincarnating spell...[/quote]
I will rename the spell for it to sound better and I don't know if there is only one spell to reincarnate or not. "That's the spell of reincarnation..."
[quote]she gonna reincarnated herself..[/quote]
'gonna'→'going to'. "She is going to reincarnate herself..."
[quote]do you think i will end like this? [/quote]
Past tense. Capital 'I'. "Did you think I would end like this?"
[quote] i.. will reborn, and will plan my revenge while hide in the darkness and slowly and slowly gain power and BECOME MORE POWERFUL TO KILL YOU ALL[/quote]
Capital 'I'. Adding 'be' before 'reborn' to sound better. 'while' makes 'hide' become -ing. 'and slowly' is said twice, if it is for emphasis on the slowly it should be written 'and slowly, slowly, gain power', I will assume it is a mistake though. Since she wants to be more powerful than she already is but is already incredibly powerful, it would be good to use 'even more'. "I... will be reborn, and will plan my revenge while hiding in the darkness and slowly gain power and BECOME EVEN MORE POWERFUL TO KILL YOU ALL!"
[quote]Panic have started on the gods side[/quote]
Past tense. It is their side so use ['s]. "Panic had started on the gods' side."
[quote]Can you do something about that?[/quote]
Using the negation makes the panic more tangible. "Can't you do something about that?'
[quote]That's your speciality if i wasn't wrong![/quote]
Capital 'I'. Present tense. "That's your speciality if I am not wrong!"
[quote]i can no longer do something about it.[/quote]
Capital 'I'. something→anything. "I can no longer do anything about it."
[quote]"Use my Authorities that has given to me and change it's location of Reincarnation"[/quote]
my→the. has→were. it's→the. Adding her for clarity, "Use the Authorities that were given to me and change the location of her Reincarnation."
[quote]Do u prever the heaven got destroyed? or save it while it can?![/quote]
u prever → you prefer. Adding 'that'. got→gets. Changing the second 'it' by 'you'. "Do you prefer that the heaven gets destroyed or save it while you can?!"
[quote]the god of Reincarnation start confused to what decision he should take.[/quote]
start→was. to→about. "the god of Reincarnation was confused about what decision he would take."
[quote]The god of Reincarnation starting to chant.[/quote]
starting→started. "The god of Reincarnation started to chant."
[quote]Punish this Immortal that stand before my eyes![/quote]
3rd person. "Punish this Immortal that stands before my eyes!"
[quote]the thunder had reached her body.[/quote]
Thunder ≠ Lightning. "the bolt of lightning had reached her body."
[quote]Everything have gone.[/quote]
have→was. "Everything was gone"
[quote]Neither Rena nor the Magic circle.[/quote]
Since the previous sentence isn't negative, this one shouldn't be either. "Both Rena and the Magic circle."
[quote]Like there was nothing at there before.[/quote]
'at' is unnecessary. "Like there was nothing there before."
[quote]And thus, Rena have Reincarnated to the Earth....[/quote]
have is not needed. "And thus, Rena reincarnated to the Earth..."
I may have left or even added mistakes but I think it should be more readable with all that. If you have any inquiries about the choices I made, do ask me. I also suggest that you use Grammarly, even the free version should be fine to see some of the mistakes you make. It took me so long to write all of that so I hope it helps you to understand at least some of the mistakes you currently make to not repeat them in the future. Also, don't take everything I said as true, I may have made some mistakes so try to find if they are right or not.
I need someone like you.. thx soo much
Dam... that was a lot..
nice.