The First Chapter
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After an overwhelmingly long nap for some, it’s still quite short for our gremlin. Surprising him as well, because one of ADHD’s very indirect symptoms is sleeping like a brick. Doesn’t matter too much anyways, because who cares about the well-being of this asshole?

 

POV Massive Shithead

As I wake up, I try to go back to sleep, though only managing to do it somewhat and ended up simply just laying half-asleep in my bed. Invigorating, I know.

Anyways, I got up like a normal person. I’m no sloth after all. I gotta clarify this because some weirdos think introverts are just as such because they’re lazy. Assholes.

After spending around half an hour contemplating the meaning of life and questioning my sanity, I remember that I’m not depressed and forced the author to actually get on with making the story interesting.  Maybe he’ll even write a chapter after this within the next 20 years, though I seriously doubt that. After all, he only gets his ideas after spending excessive amounts of time being bored in school.

I’m getting sidetracked! Forgot about that. Comes with the ADHD. Maybe the author should’ve given me a mental illness that doesn’t make my entire life a massive improv instead. Fuck. It happened again. Tangents, I hate them.

Finally, awakening from my trance, I get up and decide to move. Move as in teleport. It’s fun, you know? I’m not neglecting my exercise. You are. So, teleporting to some random planet’s surface, I don my “old-ass gremlin who causes me visceral emotional pain” look, my favorite of them all. 

Then, after doing this, the author decides to put an abrupt cliffhanger POV shift.

Abrupt POV Shift Important Side Character 1

Hello there! It’s me, Mr. Introvert! Or at least, that’s what my friends called me. Before they left. Anyways! I, as always, was carrying out various magical experiments in my empty-besides-me dorm! (Revolutionary, I know.) Of course, it failed. They’re not supposed to work at all. Just for gathering knowledge.

Anyways. Just keep in mind that my experiment’s failure was quite loud and I’d likely be scolded for it by one of the professors. It is a noble academy, and I am a commoner. So, I went downstairs for my breakfast and ate it. Normal, normal. The twist came afterwards.

It was the time-that-I-can’t-remember-the-name-of where the teachers try to be “nice” by giving us some time to move between classes. It only barely gives enough time to travel. Quite inconvenient. Back to the main line of thought though, my verbal bullies arrived. They had a look in their eyes that made it seem it would be much more than verbal this time. That’s problematic.

“Hey, vampire. Your loneliness in the dark was so loud it woke me up. So why don’t we fix yo-”

He was cut off by a short old man walking towards them. “Who is that? Aren’t all the professors comically young and horny?”

“Youngsters these days. What the fuck are you doing?”

”Hey, old man! I’m the strongest man here. You better move it before you get hurt.”

”Well yeah but I like to prioritize my hobby over swatting Mister Arrogant over here.”

The bully, predictably, launched himself at him in a very anime-style kicking-yourself-forwards kind of motion with his fist extended, obviously to punch the old man. Only to find himself being backhanded into the ground. Yeouch.

“The fuck are you doing? Last generation’s kids were stronger than this.”

And thus, the author had to go eat dinner and published the chapter.

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