
Breaking through to the next stage of cultivation in the middle of Sanchuan Bazaar had not been a part of Bai Yiyan's plans.
It was true that he ran across cultivators trespassing Sanchuan Bazaar by chance, but he had willingly let himself be caught.
A window of opportunity.
He had felt it this morning when he was there with Xiao Songfen. The presence of an item that would help him break through to the next stage of cultivation smoothly. A ninth-level beast core. The beast equivalence of a human cultivator in the peak core formation stage. It had been all too easy to swipe in the middle of a chaotic fight with the intruders.
The core had both water and air attributes. Very compatible with his qi nature and perfect for his personal use.
So compatible, that the core hidden in his sleeve spontaneously absorbed into his body while his master was drawing the flesh preservation array. The surge of cultivation shocked his meridians. It forced his body into a state of breaking through to prevent his qi circulation from tearing itself apart digesting the core.
Bai Yiyan's mind was floating precariously between the conscious and unconscious realms. He was not happy to be in this state. Breaking through to the next stage of cultivation required facing one's inner demons. And these inner demons got stronger with each breakthrough.
This time, he would be reliving unpleasant childhood memories.
He opened his eyes slowly and looked down at himself in spiritual form. A tall and broad-shouldered, more mature-looking version of his usual appearance. He had suppressed the growth of his physical appearance for so long, that he had almost forgotten that this was what he actually looked like. No longer scrawny, but lean and muscular with powerful body lines.
He looked around, finding himself standing in an old rundown houseboat with barely enough space to lie down. There was little to no furniture. Just some rags and an empty satchel of what used to contain rice. The houseboat rocked back and forth in this dream reality, causing nausea to well up in his chest.
This was the very spot where he was born.
The scenery around him blurred and changed. Memories of his early life began to play.
Bai Yiyan stood there in the middle of the houseboat, stone-faced, as the infant him on the floor cried and cried. A little one less than a year old, wrapped in nothing but thin dirty rags. The infant's lips were blue from the cold as the little body quivered and shook. There was no one else in the houseboat. Bai Yiyan looked at the infant Bai Yiyan indifferently, wondering what he would be tested on in order to break through safely.
Would he have to fight a copy of himself? Or choose between the people he cared about the most?
This was his infant self's very first time at death's door. His mother had left him to go on a trip with her new lover. He had been forgotten. Three days passed since she had gone.
Thunder clapped and the sound of violent rain caused the houseboat to rock dangerously. The wooden floorboards creaked and groaned in protest. Infant Bai Yiyan started to cry harder.
"Stop crying." Bai Yiyan said quietly even though he knew the infant him in his memory would never hear it. "It will only waste your energy."
He squatted down to poke the crying infant's cheek with a gaze of mild sympathy, but his finger went through the infant's body like an illusion.
That night, he had nearly died from the cold and starvation. Ironically, he was saved from the clutches of death when his mother crawled back wasted and barefoot on the fifth day, having just been abandoned by her lover.
She made plain rice gruel and fed him sloppily. The starved infant Bai Yiyan was too weak to eat. Most of the gruel slipped out of his mouth onto the floor as he struggled to swallow it down.
His mother threw the bowl and spoon away in frustration.
After that, she sat down and screamed at infant Bai Yiyan in a drunken stupor. The alcohol and whatever mix of drugs she was on, greatly muddled her mind, making her unable to differentiate between reality and fantasy.
"It's all your fault! If it weren't for you, he wouldn't have broken up with me! You! Him! Bastard! Bastard! Betrayed me!"
Bai Yiyan watched the start of his mother's quick descent into madness with cold eyes. His past infant self laid quietly to the side, having exerted too much energy just eating to survive.
The scenery around Bai Yiyan changed again.
It was summertime now. The previous infant Bai Yiyan was now around three years old. Skinny and malnourished, huddled up in the corner as his mother was in the middle of another one of her rages. Child Bai Yiyan tried his best to make his presence as small as possible. Whenever she was in this state, she would throw anything she could get her hands on.
"AHHHHHH! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! HE PROMISED! YOU PROMISED ME! HE IS A LIAR! YOU LIE"
The child flinched as a bowl whizzed past him, missing him by a hair and shattering upon hitting the houseboat frame. A wayward shard cut the side of his head, causing him to immediately bleed. The child did not cry or make a single sound. He only curled up even tighter, wishing he could shrink and be a smaller target.
The adult Bai Yiyan watched this scene calmly.
Perhaps growing up this way had caused him to be underdeveloped emotionally. Or perhaps he had been lacking something important from the beginning. He felt nothing watching his young self suffer.
His memories were dull and colorless. Like an old painting left to collect dust for centuries. Any lingering emotions had long been broken down and weathered away.
His mother had always been this way. Too cowardly to kill him herself, but still needing a scapegoat for her madness. A selfish woman who only knew how to rely on others. Too weak to get what she wanted. He knew that she neglected and beat him in hopes that he would somehow accidentally die or disappear from her life.
Indeed, some people were not meant for parenthood.
Certainly not his mother.
Another flying cup passed straight through his current spiritual apparition as his mother continued to rage inside the houseboat. The scene shifted.
Bai Yiyan raised his eyebrows. Nearly a decade had passed since the last scene.
There was a young Bai Yiyan sitting on the shore just outside the houseboat, diligently listening for his mother's returning footsteps. It was already a few hours to dawn and yet he remained outside, drawing circles in the dirt to entertain himself.
Bai Yiyan looked at his past self and sighed. As the owner of these memories, he already knew the outcome.
It was the night his mother disappeared. Many weeks passed with no sign of her. Young Bai Yiyan withered away slowly and as the days passed, the light in his eyes grew dimmer and dimmer.
But still, deep in his heart, the youth probably held onto a sliver of hope. That the person who gave birth to him would change her mind and come back to get him. That after all these years, she would have grown some affection for him. He didn't need that much. Just a little bit. Just enough affection to not throw him aside.
But humans were cruel creatures with fickle hearts and his mother was very human. She did not return.
On the brink of death from starvation, he had no choice but to look for his biological father. He left the only place he had ever known, finally giving up on waiting for someone who would never come home.
He dragged his scrawny ill body a thousand li1~250-300 miles or ~400-500 kilometers across the country with only the clothes on his back and a white jade pendant. By the time he collapsed on the doorstep of the man he knew as his father a year later, he had already been blackened to the point of no return.
Fourteen years old with a heart as black as ink and a list of crimes as long as the distance he had traveled.
Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Seduction. Extortion.
He never hesitated. He needed to survive.
He needed to reach the doors of the Tian Lianhua sect.
Yet his unfortunate fate did not end upon meeting his sire, Bai Weifeng.
It was known throughout the entire cultivation world that the Tian Lianhua sect master was deeply in love with his wife. For his entire long life, he only ever loved one woman.
A match made in heaven.
They had two children together before she passed away from a weak constitution. After her funeral, he spent the next few months in a drunken stupor. During that time, he had a lapse of judgment and spent a spring night with an unknown woman who took advantage of his grief.
From that night, Bai Yiyan was born and consequently dumped on the steps of the Tian Lianhua Sect entrance at the age of eleven after his biological mother passed away.
Everyone in the Tian Lianhua sect knew the story, but their mouths stayed closed out of respect for their sect master. After all, Bai Yiyan was technically innocent. Unfortunately, there was no way to disguise the emotions in their eyes.
Bai Yiyan was an ink stain on their sect master’s pristine life. A dirty thorn deeply wedged in the perfect love story of their sect master and his late wife.
If this story had been the truth, Bai Weifeng would have really been a man to be pitied.
Bai Yiyan was actually the product of his father’s long-term love affair from three years before his wife passed. He was twenty now, making him the same age as his supposed older half-sister Bai Xiuxian and only seven years younger than his older half-brother Bai Mujun.
The father-son reunion between Bai Yiyan and Bai Weifeng was neither warm nor heartfelt.
After being presented with the jade pendant, Bai Weifeng’s eyes flashed coldly in recognition as he handed back the pendant.
A regal and cold-looking man. Like a white immaculate jade. Their facial features looked very similar. Except for the eyes. Bai Yiyan's eyes were dark and luminous. Bai Weifeng's eyes were clear and cold. Like frozen water. His eyes swept up and down at the scrawny Bai Yiyan indifferently.
“So you are my child.” The sect master spoke emotionlessly. “What is your name?”
Bai Yiyan knelt on the ground inside the Tian Lianhua sect master’s study, his body barely staying upright with hunger and exhaustion. His mother never really said his name. He had always been just Wei's child.
"My mother called me Wei2纬 wěi. It is the same 'wěi' character as the 'wěi' in Weifeng...." Bai Yiyan trailed off.
Bai Weifeng immediately frowned and knitted his eyebrows.
“Unsightly.” He said. "Change it.”
“...Yes.” The youth nodded obediently. A name was of no use to him anyway. He could throw it away without hesitation.
“How old are you?”
“I...am not sure. Maybe fourteen?” Bai Yiyan spoke uncertainly.
Due to the malnourishment and hardship up until now, Bai Yiyan was very small for his age.
The sect master was silent for while in contemplation.
“You are eleven.” He said stated.
“?”
“You are eleven.” The sect master repeated firmly. “It is impossible for me to have another son who is older than that.”
He looked down at Bai Yiyan coldly like an emperor presenting an imperial decree.
Bai Yiyan’s eyes widened slightly, but his expression settled quickly in silent understanding.
Evidence of his father's long-term affair must be hidden.
“I…am eleven.” Bai Yiyan bowed his head and repeated the words solemnly.
And that was how he joined the Tian Lianhua sect as the illegitimate son of its sect master. To hide his real age, he sealed his own meridians and masked his appearance, maintaining the face of a gentle youth even as his true appearance grew and matured.
Most of his days were spent alone quietly learning how to read and write, catching up on his general education. He kept a low profile.
Bai Yiyan had a lot of natural talent in cultivation, steadily developing a strong base in cultivation before arriving at the Tian Lianhua sect. Though he looked thin and scrawny, his body had subconsciously gathered qi the entire time, focusing all its energy into developing and maintaining his meridians. He was already at the initial foundation establishment stage.
His two half-siblings, Bai Mujun and Bai Xiuxian, never bullied or chastised him, the product of their father's affair. Bai Yiyan felt that it would have been within their right to do so, but they simply treated him with apathy. Neither warm nor cold. Like distant strangers in the same home.
When he turned the adult age of twenty, his father was no longer obligated to house or support him. But Bai Weifeng was unable to immediately cut off their relationship without raising suspicion. The excuse of appeasing neighboring sects in a minor dispute to send him away to a different sect came at just the right moment.
Women can be so violent.
The daughter of that neighboring sect leader...he didn't even remember her name. His attractive appearance had caught her eye. She was selfish and haughty. But she bought him nice things, so he accompanied her occasionally.
Then she hit him once for being late. Her brass knuckles broke through the skin on his lips and the resulting blood dirtied his clothes. He didn't like that.
Ai, he didn't want to play with her anymore.
Living most of his life as a dirty child in rags, he cherished his sect robes and was diligent in maintaining cleanliness. So the next time they met, he brought along the person she hated the most. Her rival from the next sect.
It wasn't his fault they fought, but he knew they would. And unfortunately, his father also knew that he knew.
So he was shipped off to the Qingshan Sect with nothing but some copper coins and a broken sword. The sword didn’t even have a name.
But Bai Yiyan did not have any feelings of bitterness toward his situation. He was aware of life’s unfairness. Like the starving orphan who died on the street or the spoiled wealthy young master, this was simply his lot in life.
What kind of person his mother was. What kind of person his father was. What kind of person he was. He knew. He did not entertain any unrealistic thoughts. There was nothing free or permanent in this world. There was no use yearning for something as fickle as a person's love and affection.
Nothing would ever belong to him.
Nothing except for Suilang.
The broken sword was made whole again in an unexpected encounter with a wandering swordsmith on his way to the Qingshan Sect. The name was one Bai Yiyan had thought up himself. Using his blood and qi as materials for the repair process, Suilang was reliable and obeyed him only. A loyal blade with no mind or heart to change.
The plan was to spend a few years at the Qingshan Sect and then quietly disappear from society when his age on paper reached adulthood. Bai Yiyan was somewhat grateful to his father for at least sending him to a sect that wouldn't try to kill him off. It's easier to lay low when he didn't have to be concerned for his life.
His first impression of the Qingshan Sect was that they were happy and warm. The sect members lived as if they were above all worldly troubles, bickering over meaningless things. The master they assigned to him was the same.
Xiao Songfen, the sheltered second young master of the Qingshan Sect. Lucky and free of hardship.
(How fortunate.) Was Bai Yiyan’s first impression of his young master.
Looking up at the heavenly cultivator covered by the thin veil of the weimao, Bai Yiyan could immediately feel the difference in their existence.
Xiao Songfen was someone destined to live on top for his entire life. A heavenly existence living in the clouds, meant to rule over the masses. Bai Yiyan, born from the cesspool of humanity, could never compare to a single strand of Xiao Songfen's hair. A weed in the mud.
"This disciple greets his master." Were his first words to Xiao Songfen.
As expected, Xiao Songfen did not even spare him a single glance, much less a word, on their first meeting.
With a short wave of a hand, Bai Yiyan was shooed out from the Liushu Peak Elder's courtyard just like that. After the first meeting, he was called once a month to his master's courtyard, where the two would sit in silence for an incense stick of time before he was again dismissed without a word. He was never given any benefits nor was he ever punished. He was simply ignored.
Many would call it neglect, but Xiao Songfen was satisfied with this type of relationship. With no one monitoring him, he could come and go as he pleased. He would spend many nights in Sanchuan earning money from small mercenary jobs to pay for the items that kept his meridians sealed and physical growth suppressed. He could peacefully live like this for another three years and then disappear quietly. An uneventful lifestyle just like he preferred.
Unfortunately, after only a few months, Xiao Songfen nearly killed himself failing to break through to the nascent stage of cultivation. His master recovered and had a sudden change of heart. Annoying.
Bai Yiyan was now forced to play the role of a proper disciple. It was human nature to gravitate towards something warm and sunny. So he'd give his master exactly that. A bright and lovable disciple.
After waiting an appropriate period of time, he tactfully began to loiter outside of Xiao Songfen's residence. He made sure to sleep and eat very little during this time. For better or worse, his body was naturally very resilient and healthy, so he had to try his best to put on a pale and weak appearance. He placed himself within the Qingshan Sect master's view as soon as he got the opportunity. As calculated, the protective barrier that was keeping him out eventually disappeared, finally giving him permission to step inside his master's courtyard.
Ai, but his knees hurt quite a bit when he kneeled to apologize. He underestimated the hardness of that floor.
“This disciple feels ashamed and offers his deepest apologies!” He cried out desperately, ignoring the pain shooting up his knees.
No immediate response from his master. Bai Yiyan bowed even lower.
“This disciple failed to realize Shizun’s poor health condition and was not at Shizun’s side during his recovery period. It was an act of severe negligence on my part. This disciple humbly requests to be punished for his transgression!”
“Never mind about it, it’s fine. Just get up.” Xiao Songfen waved his hand dismissively.
(It worked well.) Thought Bai Yiyan with satisfaction as Xiao Songfen continued to speak.
Then he felt it.
Pat. Pat.
Bai Yiyan stiffened.
The cool fingertips of his master gently brushed against his hair as they withdrew back into the sleeve. The hair on his neck stood on end. He had an urge to shiver and move away but at the same time, there was also an urge to chase after his master's retreating hand.
Ah. This was a gesture of affection.
Thoughts tumbled around in his mind. They fought over themselves for dominance, trying to scream louder than the others.
(He should touch me again. Ah no, don't touch me. Look at me. Don't look at me. I need to run away. Ah...I should stay here...)
A headache started to form.
"Hey. You. Stay focused. This is your trial."
Xiao Songfen's voice cut cleanly through his thoughts in an exasperated tone.
The cacophony in Bai Yiyan's mind immediately went silent. He looked up at his master in surprise.
Xiao Songfen was not wearing a weimao. The Willow Peak Elder was looking at him with a gaze of helpless indulgence.
Then Bai Yiyan came to a sudden realization. This was not his true memory. Xiao Songfen had never said these words and his appearance was not the same. Bai Yiyan was still in the middle of trying to break through to the next cultivation stage.
Becoming aware of the situation now, Bai Yiyan's spiritual body automatically separated itself from the memory 'him'. He stood up and stepped away from his past self.
Timelines often got warped during breakthrough events and it was easy for cultivators to get lost not knowing the difference between their past and present. His spiritual body must have accidentally gotten too entwined with his memories somewhere along the way, which caused him to experience them in the first person.
This dream reality Xiao Songfen did not look at the past Bai Yiyan who still kneeled in front of him. Instead, he looked over and straight into the eyes of Bai Yiyan's spiritual body. Peach blossom eyes curved up gently.
The library pavilion background around them started to fade away. The past Bai Yiyan in his memory also melted away, leaving just this version his master sitting quietly on the sofa. The two looked at each other silently for a moment.
Then Dream Xiao Songfen reached out and smacked Bai Yiyan's head with a willow branch that had materialized out of thin air. A wave of deja vu enveloped Bai Yiyan as the branch lowered and poked his sternum.
"Why don't you tell me," the Willow Peak Elder asked with an amused expression. "What is real and what is not?"
[IF YOU ARE NOT READING THIS BY XIAOMANGISBUSY ON SCRIBBLEHUB OR WATTPAD, IT HAS BEEN STOLEN. PLEASE REPORT AND ONLY READ OFF SCRIBBLEHUB OR WATTPAD.]
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WHITE-EYED WOLF THEATER
Xiao Songfen: It seems that the true actor here is not me. An Oscar-worthy performance. Fooling your master thoroughly.
Bai Yiyan: ...I can explain.
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AUTHOR’S NOTE
Can't have a xianxia male lead without a tragic backstory right?
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SONG OF THE DAY
Traveler in Cold Mountains | hánshān kè 《寒山客》 by 西瓜JUN
Please don't forget to comment on the last chapter before the event deadline. I extended it because I posted this chapter so late. I felt like it wouldn't be fair for newer readers to not get a chance at participating in the special.
Welcome back and thanks for the new chapter but…
AUTHOR’S NOTE
Can't have a xianxia male lead without a tragic backstory right?
HOW COULD YOOOUUUU! Bai YiYan is so cute!! How could you wrong him with such pain!!!
It ain't a complete xianxia romance without proper angst and heart stabs right?
For all his suffering, I rewarded Baby Bai with his very own Xiao Songfen.
Welcome back, author! Thank you so much for the amazing chapter!
Woooow... Bai Yiyan had a tough childhood ?
Lying. Cheating. Stealing. Seduction. Extortion.
He never hesitated. He needed to survive.
He needed to reach the doors of the Tian Lianhua sect.
He must have gone through so much just to have something to eat — and maybe a shelter. I really don't blame him.
It's also so good to see his conflicting emotions about Xiao Songfen. But I'm glad he has someone that will treat him kindly now ?
Thank you~
Bai Yiyan developed in an interesting way. How did this happen? I wonder...
Thanks so much for the chapter!
Thank you for reading!
Thank you for the chapter. Honestly a work of art
Aww, thanks~
Bravo. Bai Yiyan is an amazing actor. This explains why Xiao Songfen felt a dissonance between the disciple in front of him and his favorite novel character. Disciple Bai is repressing everything (his age, temperament, and thoughts) in order to maintain his mask. Meanwhile, novel character Bai has the strength and freedom to be independent. Interesting…Wait, does that mean BYY and XSF are only three years apart, and BYY is already an adult?! ?
Their physical bodies are three years apart, but XSF was 27 in his original world. Still a gap, but perhaps it's small enough now to change the dynamic of their relationship...
Indeed, BYY is already considered an adult by both modern and historical standards.
Author-sama thank you for the chapter~~~
Thank you for reading the chapter~
Master...wub... lower...
Spicy... ?
Thank you for the chapter :)
Thank you waiting and reading :)
welcome back!!
Thank you! So happy to be back and writing.
I appreciate that you and other readers haven't yeeted my novel into the trash yet for being so slow.