“What is it like…” I asked as we sat down in a small tavern apart from the inn.
After seeing Shao, I stopped what I was going to do and then waited for a bit. It wasn’t like I was extremely confident in leaving and taking on five knights. It was just that I felt like I had no other option. Since she was there during my moment of weakness, I’d at least talk to her before going.
“To kill?” She asked and then leaned back. “Scary. Painful. Unnerving. It makes you feel horrible like you want to die yourself.”
“Really?”
She chuckled. “You’re surprised? Did you think I would say it was pleasurable? That it turns me on?”
“No… it’s just…”
“I came from a world just like Master. I held those same values that determined public order. I fought because I needed to. I killed to survive. There was no other reason. In the beginning, I was told that anyone I killed would be brought back to life. It was only after I had noticed some of the ones I killed not being returned to their cells that I realized that depended entirely on how popular the person was.”
“Those bastards…”
She shrugged. “In some ways, I appreciate it.”
“Appreciate it?”
“I’m not sure I would have killed the first if I had known. By the time I learned the truth, I was already familiar with death, and my soul had already been tainted with countless murders. It was only after all of that when murder became my close friend. Killing is easy, but you should know that.”
“What do you mean?”
“You destroy curses, right? You fight monsters. It’s scary. It’s painful. However, in many ways, it’s easy. You send your girls forward, they kill all the monsters, you heal them up, and then you collect money, honor, and glory.”
I frowned. “When you say it that way, it makes me sound like a bastard.”
She grimaced. “I only meant that killing has the same appeal. If you have a problem with someone else, you kill them. It’s quick. It’s simple. It resolves everything clean.”
When she said it that way, it actually did feel correct. If you had the strength, a socially awkward person like me could more easily get out of a situation by killing rather than by talking. Maybe that was why serial killers were often the socially awkward types. If you can’t express yourself properly, whether it be from anger or lust, then killing was a possible result. Isn’t war just a failure of communication at a country-wide level?
In this world where killing isn’t just encouraged but expected, that became even truer. Fighting monsters was an everyday occurrence in some places. You had to kill to eat, to protect the ones you love, and so-on. The fact that monsters could pop out of thin air and people could be resurrected only reinforced the idea that killing was the natural order of things.
Then, when it came to killing for real, for killing someone you knew wouldn’t be resurrected, it became easier. I could understand the power-hungry slippery slope that those knights had likely experienced. I was starting to understand why they thought they could get away with raping a woman and murdering her. Why they could so callously send a sword into my back.
When I encountered the bandits who only operated on the surface, I told myself that they always knew the people they killed would be resurrected. In that way, I didn’t find them as dangerous or threatening. However, how could they know? Losing everything might as well have been as bad as death to some of their victims. I had died once in this world, and I have lost everyone once in this world. From the view of someone who sees life as precious, I felt like I had a good understanding of that loss.
We had sat quietly in the room for a few minutes. I had been dwelling on her words for some time. At first, I had been the type to want to avoid killing at all costs. I was hardly a pacifist. I didn’t mind hunting, and I’d kill monsters, even those that appeared human if they threatened me. Now, real living people had threatened the ones I cared about. I needed to make a decision.
“So, what have you decided?” Shao asked.
I raised my eyes to meet hers. “Let’s go.”
“You’re taking the easy path then?” She asked.
“No…” I shook my head “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. That’s why I know I have to do it.”
Shao’s eyes flashed in confusion. “What does that mean?”
“When killing becomes easy… that’s when I know it’s the wrong choice.”
Shao blinked, but then a small smile started to form on her face, “Have my babies.”
“I decline!”
"Have my babies." Shouldn't she be saying "Give me babies."?
I was wondering that, myself. The words she actually used imply a different meaning. Or did Shao literally ask that he somehow get magically turned into a woman, for her to get turned into a man and...?
Maybe it's a M-preg story. Is she a secret futa?
Probably like be the father of my baby so he would technically have babies wit her so have her babies, yea its still really confusing 😕
Author you have finally made a character development. Now please for goodness sake don't flip flop him into being a sissy who can't kill when it's needed. I will understand not choosing the option to kill all the time when he can perfectly control the situation and the follow up or not killing the opponent when it's just a method of escape for the enemy, but please for the love of God, don't make him be that indecisive beta bit*h where a moments indecision will cost him too much.
I could understand the power-hungry slippery slope that those knights had likely experienced. I was starting to understand why they thought they could get away with raping a woman and murdering her. Why they could so callously send a sword into my back.
I could buy his theory that those knights fell down slippery slopes: both towards finding it easy to kill someone and towards doing what it takes to survive and obtain power. However, what they did to Raissa, what they were going to do to Raissa, and the reason why they tried to kill the MC - none of those can be explained by MC's reasoning here.
Killing the MC was not about the knights' own survival. The MC wasn't trying to kill them and their survival did not depend on killing him or even removing him as an obstacle. They tried to kill the MC purely because they WANTED TO. They became angry at their "fun time" being interrupted and at the words of the MC, pointing out uncomfortable facts. Also, their loyalty towards their lord - most likely fueled by greed, promises and their lord's willingness to overlook crimes against peasants - surely had something to do with it.
Their "warming up" Raissa and attempted rape was motivated purely by extreme selfishness - nothing else. The fact that they were so callous about it and instantly went there at Raissa's sudden appearance in front of them says everything.
I get that the author is trying to make arguments for their behavior, such as point out how this is a whole other world with different cultures and values that arose from different circumstances. That can certainly explain some things. But to use it to explain away everything - even the most reprehensible of acts - is absurd. Now THAT is a slippery slope - one that leads to a belief that anything goes as long as it's part of their "way of life" and that they "just grew up that way."
Consider this: Should someone be considered morally upstanding or even praised simply because they have so far abstained from things like wanton murder, rape and torture? What about people who abstain from those things simply out of fear of being tortured in the fires of Hell for all of eternity - even though they would have absolutely done those things without that fear? Should they also be praised?
The impression I get is that the MC is looking at this world as if all that exists are shades of gray and that nobody - not even the likes of Jeffrey Dahmer, Saddam Hussein, Josef Stalin or Mao Zedong - should be considered irredeemable.
The MC sympathizing with those knights like that does not make him seem likeable. Nor does it help to impress upon readers how he must have the noble, pure heart of a hero. Instead, it has him come across as naive and even a bit slow.
The MC seemed to suggest that these knights should be forgiven because (a) that's just the way this world is and (b) because they thought they could get away with it. Would a criminal saying "I thought I could get away with it" at trial be considered a good answer if asked by a judge why they did it? Rather, doesn't it just make their bad attitude all the more obvious?
Law and order, social norms, culture and religious beliefs act as barriers in behavior and as moral guidelines. If these things were suddenly removed, a lot of people would act very differently - not everyone, but certainly a non-trivial number.
Any situation that is devoid of consequences for reprehensible behavior will reveal people for who they actually are - for good or ill. Consider how people act during times of disaster: Some people go out of their way to help, such as to distribute food and water or rescue the trapped and injured - while some others will use the opportunity to loot stores or loot the rubble.
I think me and you got a similar mindset about this novel.
Shouldn't it be, "let's make babies," or "I want to have your baby?"