"Is that VIKTOR FUCKING KRUM?!" I screamed. Everyone in the Great Hall turned to look at me and my squad, who had just entered. 

We were late to the feast as always, and I grinned at everyone as I grabbed my seat at the Gryffindor table. Fred and George collapsed down beside me as Terry took a seat at his table, gaping at some Beauxbatons people who had arrived while we were all upstairs fucking around. Draco scurried to his seat at the Slytherin table, staying far away from the Durmstrang students. 

Viktor Krum was gazing amusedly over at the twins and I as we stared at him with awe. I did a gang symbol at him, and saw a random Durmstrang student flinch out of the corner of my eye. 

Hagrid sidled into the Hall through a door behind the staff table twenty minutes after we had arrived. He slid into his seat at the end and waved at Harry, Ron, Hermione, and I with a very heavily bandaged hand.

"Skrewts doing all right, Hagrid?" I called, grinning. 

"Thrivin'!" Hagrid called back happily. 

"Thrivin' off his fingers, I reckon." Fred nodded at Hagrid's hand, and Harry, Ron, George, and I snorted. 

At that moment, a voice said, "Excuse me, are you wanting ze bouillabaisse?"

It was a girl from Beauxbatons. A long sheet of silvery blonde hair fell almost to her waist. She had large, deep blue eyes, and very white, even teeth. 

Ron and I both went bright pink. We stared up at her, Ron opening his mouth to reply, but nothing came out except a faint gurgling noise. 

"Yeah, have it." Harry said, pushing the dish towards the girl. 

"You 'ave finished wiz it?" 

"Yeah." Ron said breathlessly. "Yeah, it was excellent." 

The girl picked up the dish and carried it carefully off to the Ravenclaw table, where Terry was raising his eyebrows at her, then turning to the twins and I. We raised our eyebrows back at him.

"Hot." We all mouthed simultaneously at each other. 

"That's not a normal girl." Ron was telling Harry. "They don't make them like that at Hogwarts! Well... except for Daisy, obviously, but she's a literal angel, so what do you expect?"

"They make them okay at Hogwarts." Fred and I chorused, my gaze on Pansy Parkinson who was one of the many boys and a handful of girls gazing at the near-VEELA in awe, and Fred's gaze on... me.

I flushed bright pink again, and gestured for Terry and Draco to come over to the Gryffindor table. I sent a neon green jet of light into the enchanted ceiling with my wand as a distraction for the boys to be able to sneak over; the ceiling slowly turned green and started dripping gooey slime onto the students and teachers alike. Everyone was shrieking and laughing, and Terry and Draco sneaked over without a problem.

"Hello." Draco said questioningly. Terry wiggled his eyebrows at the twins and I, and I noticed Draco and Terry shifting closer to each other in their seats. 

Are these two besties now or something?

"Let's make another One Hundred and One Ways to Fuck With the New DADA Professor list while Dumbledore blabs on about stuff we already know about the Triwizard Tournament." I proposed. 

Dean and Seamus, hearing me, quickly slid closer to us on the bench. Harry and Ron leaned over conspiratorially. Colin, Louis, Katie, Lewis, and Kurt turned their heads round to help too.

I smirked at everyone and slid a piece of parchment onto the table along with a quill.

1. Tell him there's someone behind him at least twenty times per lesson

2. Whisper to him that someone's plotting to kill you 

3. Send him subliminal messages

4. Send him chain letters using owls

5. Pressure him into turning random students into ferrets

6. Send him random gifts and watch him smash them up in front of the class

7. Throw a paper airplane at him

8. Ride a bike into class

9. Write a kill list and 'accidentally' leave it on your desk

10. Sing joyously

11. Tell him that those kind of clothes are inappropriate for school

12. Ask him if he thinks he's the Minister and give him a lecture on being modest and humble

13. Tell him to take his makeup off

14. Tell him that Terry is developing a nuclear bomb

15. Play the recorder and don't stop even if he tells you to

16. Put a cauliflower on his desk

17. Play commercials over his teaching

18. Transplant random people on the class's ears onto cacti

19. Argue with him about his suspicion of assassination 

20. Shine a mirror in the sun at him

21. Fling a rubber band at him

22. Exorcise him

23. Make Ron jump/scream

24. Knock your textbook off the desk 100 times per lesson

25. Tell him to calm the fuck down 

26. Drive a remote control tarantula around the room

27. Distract your classmates 

28. Tell him it's too warm and when he opens the door and windows, tell him it's too cold

29. Put bags in the alley between the desks so everyone trips 

30. Tell him that he smells

31. Speak when he doesn't call on you 

32. Act like you fancy him, really obviously 

33. Pretend to faint

34. Pretend to be assassinated 

35. Pretend to assassinate a classmate

36. Say 'you can run but you can't hide' in a really creepy voice during a class silence 

37. Call him cheeky

38. Tell him not to wear such revealing clothes 

39. Roll a fake eye at him

40. Throw a rubber egg

41. Beep at him

42. Write shit on his blackboard before class

43. Write shit on his blackboard during class

44. Use pickup lines on classmates and him very loudly

45. Play dubstep in the middle of class

46. Steal his stuff 

47. High five Hermione every time she raises her hand

48. Go to the bathroom and set off the alarm while there

49. Pretend to read his future 

50. Say 'alak alak alak' every time you enter the room 

51. Play with a ouija board 

52. Hire students, ghosts, etc to stalk him

53. Play elevator music from an unplaceable source 

54. Steal his Dark Detectors 

55. Spread rumours about him

56. Play truth or dare in class

57. Write a petition against him 

58. Counter the petition with a petition for him

59. Start an election campaign with him and a bunch of fellow students  

60. Go on a class trip and constantly mess around 

61. Get him to go on the school trip and fuck around there too

62. Place the Imperius Curse on him

63. Place the Imperius Curse on various students and creatures 

64. Make a detailed plan of a school shooting and leave it in plain sight

65. Scream at Floppy

66. Walk around the room as many times as possible before he tells you to sit down

67. Put laxatives in his hipflask

68. Sharpen your pencil at the bin for as long as possible before he tells you to go back to your seat 

69. Get up and open the window and then have someone else get up and close it, continue this for as long as possible

70. Point a laser at him 

71. Make loud noises and throw things and generally be a brat to get sent to Dumbledore, then say you were just sent because you were tapping your fingers on the desk

72. When he says 'take a seat' say 'take it where?'

73. When he calls your name out while reading the register, answer 'absent'

74. Raise your hand and when he calls on you, just say that you were stretching 

75. When he says 'pay attention' ask 'how much would you like me to pay?'

76. Bring in a blow-up sofa

77. Bring in a picture of a sofa and sit on it

78. Pretend you're in a porno

79. Scream constant vigilance at him

80. Ask him when he's going to teach you to fight the killing curse

81. Ask him when the class is going to practise resisting the killing curse

82. Wear duct tape over your mouth

83. Sit with your back to him the entire lesson 

84. Discuss all of your conspiracy theories with him

85. Play tic-tac-toe 

86. Sit in his chair

87. Be seductive to everyone around you 

88. Put in earphones and ignore everything 

89. When he asks 'are there anymore questions?' say 'when did you lose your virginity?'

90. Kick the person in front of you's chair

91. Bring those tiny plastic party frogs and flick them everywhere 

92. Pull christmas crackers in the middle of class

93. Scream for no reason 

94. Sing the lyrics of suggestive songs

95. Flick bits of paper everywhere 

96. Magic up random things and use them

97. Curse his magical eye

98. Engorgio random parts of his anatomy 

99. Take selfies with him

100. Leap out at him randomly and shout boo

101. Pretend to be given Veritaserum and 'confess' that you poisoned his flask

We all looked up and grinned at each other while Hermione shook her head at us. 

Dumbledore had just finished his speech about the Tournament, and none of us had caught a word about it. "Mynee, what did he say was the impartial judge?" I asked.

Hermione sighed judgingly. "A Goblet which you put your name into. And it's guarded by an Age Line." 

"An Age Line!" Fred said, his eyes glinting, as we all made our way across the Hall to the doors into the Entrance Hall. "Well, that should be fooled by an Ageing Potion, shouldn't it? And once your name's in that Goblet, you're laughing - it can't tell whether you're seventeen or not!"

"Ye-e-e-e-a-a-ah!" Fred, George, Terry, and I all high-fived.

~~~

After Terry had flown up to our dorm early on Saturday morning to take the potion with Fred, George, Lee, and I, we made our way down to the Entrance Hall where the Goblet of Fire was placed in the centre on the stool that normally bore the Sorting Hat, a thin golden line traced on the floor forming a circle ten feet around it, laughing and hurrying down the staircase, all five of us extremely excited. 

"Done it." Fred said in a triumphant whisper to Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, Dean, and Seamus who were already there. "Just taken it."

"What?" Ron said.

"The Ageing Potion, dumbass." I said.

"One drop for Lee, Red and I, half a teaspoon for Softpaw and Hopper." George said, rubbing his hands together with glee. "We only need to be a few months or years older." 

"We're going to split the thousand Galleons between the five of us if one of us wins." Lee said, grinning broadly.

"WHEN one of us wins." Terry corrected, smirking.

"I'm not sure this is going to work, you know." Hermione said warningly. "I'm sure Dumbledore will have thought of this." 

Us five ignored her.

"Ready?" I said to the others, grinning. "I'll go first, because I'm obviously the best here -"

I pulled a slip of parchment out of my pocket, bearing the words 'Daisy Potter - Hogwarts'. I walked right up to the edge of the line and stood there, rocking on my toes like a diver preparing for a fifty-foot drop. Then, with the eyes of every person in the Entrance Hall upon me, I took a great breath and stepped over the line. 

"Ye-e-e-ah!" I crowed, and the entire hall cheered. I grinned up at Terry, who let out a yell of triumph and leapt after me. Fred and George linked arms and stepped over too - but next moment, there was a loud sizzling sound, and all four of us were hurled out of the golden circle as though we had been thrown by an invisible shot-putter. We landed painfully, ten feet away on the cold stone floor, and to add insult to injury, there was a loud popping noise, and all of us sprouted long white beards.

The Entrance Hall rang with laughter. Us Insurgents joined in once we had got to our feet and taken a good look at each others' beards. 

"I did warn you." A deep, amused voice said, and everyone turned to see Dumbledore coming out of the Great Hall. He surveyed us four, his eyes twinkling. "I suggest you four go up to Madam Pomfrey. She is already tending to Miss Weasley and Mr Creevey, both of whom decided to age themselves up a little, too. Though I must say, neither of their beards is anything like as fine as yours." 

The Insurgents set off for the hospital wing, accompanied by Lee, who was howling with laughter, and I spotted Pansy lingering near the doors, gazing at me. She smirked at me, and my heart fluttered for a second before I was tugged up the staircase by a crying-with-laughter Terry. 

~~~

Later on, during the Halloween feast, we were anxious to know who were selected as champions. At long last, the golden plates all returned to the to original spotless state; there was a sharp upswing in the level of noise within the Hall, which died away almost instantly as Dumbledore got to his feet. On either side of him, Karkaroff and Madame Maxime, the heads of the other two schools, looked as tense and expectant as anyone. Ludo Bagman was beaming and winking at various students, however when his eyes reached mine, they went wide as I glared at him. Mr Crouch, however, looked quite uninterested, almost bored. The two were also judges for the Tournament apparently.

"Well, the Goblet is almost ready to make its decision." Dumbledore said. "I estimate that it requires one more minute. Now, when the champions' names are called, I would ask them please to come up to the top of the Hall, walk along the staff table, and go through into the next chamber," - he indicated the door behind the staff table - "where they will be receiving their first instructions." 

He took out his wand and gave a great sweeping wave with it; at once, all the candles except those inside the carved pumpkins were extinguished, plunging us all into a state of semi-darkness. The Goblet of Fire now shone more brightly than anything in the whole Hall, the sparkling bright, bluey-whiteness of the flames almost painful on the eyes. Everyone watched, waiting... a few people kept checking their watches...

"Any second." Lee whispered, two seats away from me.

The flames inside the Goblet turned suddenly red. Sparks began to fly from it. Next moment, a tongue of flame shot into the air, a charred piece of parchment fluttered out of it - the whole room gasped. 

Dumbledore caught the piece of parchment and held it at arm's length, so that he could read it by the light of the flames, which had turned back to blue white. 

"The champion for Durmstrang," he read in a strong, clear voice, "will be Viktor Krum." 

"No surprises there, lads!" I heard Terry yell from the Ravenclaw table as a storm of applause and cheering swept the Hall. 

The clapping and chatting died down once Krum disappeared through the door. Now everyone's attention was focused again on the Goblet, which, seconds later, turned red once more. A second piece of parchment shot out of it, propelled by the flames. 

"The champion for Beauxbatons," Dumbledore said, "is Fleur Delacour!"

"Oh my God, it's her, Ron!" I shouted, as the girl who so resembled a Veela got gracefully to her feet, shook back her sheet of silvery blonde hair, and swept up between the Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff tables. 

When Fleur too, had vanished into the side chamber, silence fell again, but this time it was a silence so stiff with excitement you could almost taste it. The Hogwarts champion next... 

And the Goblet of Fire turned red once more; sparks showered out of it; the tongue of flame shot high into the air, and from its tip Dumbledore pulled the third piece of parchment. 

"The Hogwarts champion," he called, "is Cedric Diggory!"

Every single Hufflepuff had jumped to his or her feet, screaming and stamping, as Cedric made his way past them, grinning broadly, and headed off towards the chamber behind the teachers' table.

"Excellent!" Dumbledore called happily as at last the tumult died down. "Well, we now have our three champions. I am sure I can count upon all of you, including the remaining students from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang, to give your champions every ounce of support you can muster. By cheering your champion on, you will contribute in a very real -"

But Dumbledore suddenly stopped speaking, and it was apparent to everybody what had distracted him.

The fire in the Goblet had just turned red again. Sparks were flying out of it. A long flame shot suddenly into the air, and borne upon it was another piece of parchment. 

Automatically, it seemed, Dumbledore reached out a long hand and seized the parchment. He held it out and stared at the name written upon it. There was a long pause, during which Dumbledore stared at the slip in his hands, and everyone in the room stared at Dumbledore. And then Dumbledore cleared his throat and read out -

"Daisy Potter."

There was silence for a moment. Then the entire hall erupted. The Gryffindor table was the loudest; everyone was cheering and screaming and yelling and wolf-whistling. It took a long time for the noise to die down even just a little; I leaped up from my seat, brushing away my confusion at how I was even chosen in the first place, and high-fived everyone I passed on my way up to the top table, grinning widely. Fred and George had clapped me on the back, cat-calling loudly, and Terry yelled, "You sneaky bitch, you!", winking at me and fist-bumping me. 

Then Dumbledore called out, "Harry Potter!"

Harry jumped up from his seat too and scurried up the aisle after me, grinning sheepishly and with a slightly confused look on his face.

Today is a great day!