KINNIKUNIVERSE PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:
A story by Kinnikuniverse
"THE LIFE AND TIMES OF ELEANOR"
Episode 1: “For Want of a Garlic Bread"
The Town of Gravenbirch is an OK Place to live.
That's how most of its denizens would describe this place. Located in the dense forests of the west Midlands, It was a typical English town, with eye-catching Georgian architecture being the most noticeable asset of its buildings. Blue Collar workers, Exhausted from a hard day's work, celebrated the end of their shift by either drinking a pint at the local tavern, "The Stompin' Bumpkin", or watching the races at the Hippodrome, while Faithful and Pious Men and women came to the cathedral up north for the masses. Downtown, The streets didn't have much space to manoeuvre around, and circulation during rush hour could be quite a hassle to navigate. Some even finds it nauseating...though the foul stench coming from the sewers certainly doesn't help matters.
Sweet Cacophony is the right word to describe what one's eardrums captures when cruising down Gravenbirch. The rhythmic stomping of horses hooves mixed Seamlessly with the squeaking wheels of the stagecoaches and chariots they were pulling, while their Eardrums were being caressed by Drunken Gentlemen (and sometimes Ladies) singing merry folk songs, Football chants and other obscenities as well as the screeching of stray cats and the disorderly steps of Playing Children and Stampeding Citizens hurriedly Strutting to whatever place they headed towards. One particular person swiftly sneaked her way through the crowded horde of townspeople.
A teen-aged girl, long blond mane flowing behind her, ran down the path that led to the Cathedral. Her bare feet galloped on the hard bricks, the small edges scratching underneath. Caught between carrying the large bag full of empty Glasses in one hand and slightly lifting her ragged red-and-white dress on the other, She ran up the road, her Rabid pace only lowering when she saw the many high steps that led to the holy grounds. Sighing in annoyance at first, she inhaled, squatted down, used all the weight from her legs and lifted the bag up, walking as if she was a strongman carrying a solid ball of rock…or, at least, her best imitation of one.
Step by step, the blonde teen slowly, but surely, climbed the stairs, up the hill, Heavy bag in hands, before finally exhaling as she deposed the bag in front of the flat, wooden doors of the cathedral. feeling the burn in her legs and arms, she fisted the air in delight, smiling at her efforts as she regained her breath. She then bended and stretched to relieve the pain, extending her arms and rolling her shoulders before leaning on the cathedral's walls, feeling the stretch along her calves and quadriceps.
Three knocks on the door followed soon after. Silence was the answer.
"Father McCullough!" She called, knocking harder and harder as the sound of Phalanx Bones hitting wood intensified. "It's me, Eleanor! Your order's arrived!"
Then, a sudden sliding sound made Eleanor hop in surprise, her muscles tensing suddenly as a pair of wrinkle-filled eyes bulged out of a rectangular hole on the door, staring blankly at the blonde teenager. The small sliding door on the hole then shut as various clicking and twisting noises were heard through the other side of the cathedral.
After what seemed like the tenth door lock was unlocked, the door opened slightly, emitting a loud creaking noise as the rays of the sun began lighting up the cathedral's entryway, Reflecting on the dark colors of Father McCullough's Priest Robes, the pronounced cheeks on his cup-shaped face ravaged by father time and his slick back silver hair.
"Good morning, Young lady!" he greeted, happy to see both Eleanor and the package he ordered. "You brought the glasses?"
"Yes, right here!" She proceeded to lift the heavy bag, demonstrating it to the priest.
"Ah, good, good." McCullough uttered while advancing towards her. "That looks quite heavy. Here, let me help y-"
"Thank you, father, but i'll spare you the heavy lifting!" Eleanor assured him as she summoned her strength to carry the bag inside the church.
"Oh, don't think i can't lift because of my age, lass!" The priest told her in a light-hearted tone. "I could carry our lord and saviour's holy cross on my back no problem!"
Eleanor giggled at the old priest's boasting as she entered the main hall. She was more than pleased to enter the building, as the fresh scent of white roses that filled the holy ground is a very welcome change from the rest of the town's good ol' foul stench. The polish on the wooden floor emitted sparks of light, and the various benches were carefully crafted, with small trenches soothing anyone who lays their backsides on them. Mosaics filled the windows, depicting many scenes from the life of the lord and saviour, Jesus Christ. On the stage, where the Priest usually recited his prayers, three Janitors were putting the finishing touches on their cleaning of the holy grounds. To the left of the stage, there was a table full of food and drinks, as well as a huge, 8-feet tall vanilla cake.
" 's there a wedding today?" Eleanor asked McCullough.
"Indeed, there is!" The priest confirmed. "That's why i ordered the Glasses. We will have lots of guests, this afternoon."
Eleanor then deposed the bag full of glasses on the table.
"There you go, father! One bag full of the finest glasses of wine in Gravenbirch!" She happily exclaimed while stretching her arms.
"Thank you so much, young lady! You really are a god send!"
"Nah, it's nothing, really…" Eleanor replied bashfully. "...i'm just doing my job."
"Don't be shy!" McCullough said. "It's good to know that there are still people like you in this world. Heck, if i permit myself to be honest…" he puts his hand in front of his mouth, inviting Eleanor to lend her ear. "...You are way more virtuous than most priests that i know of!"
A subdued laughter came out of the blonde teenager and the old priest's mouths. McCullough then brought his right hand to Eleanor, revealing a handful of Pounds in his palm. Surprise took over her visage, as she didn't expect to receive such an amount, which was easily more than what she usually gets.
"Oh my...Is that…"
"It's yours, my child." The priest affirmed. "You and your family needs it more than i do."
"...why, thank you, father!" She said, pleasantly surprised.
"Oh, don't go just yet!" He said as he went towards the table full of food. He then emptied the bag full of glasses, then started filling it with rice before finally putting a loaf of bread and some vegetables in it.
"Wh-what are you doing?" Eleanor asked with both curiosity and confusion.
"Here!" The priest gave her the bag full of food. "Consider this a gift for your family's regular attending of the sunday mass."
Eleanor didn't know how to react. Nobody has ever given her such a gift before.
"I...I apologize for asking this, but...Why the generosity, father?"
"No need to apologize, lass…" McCullough answered, his eyes slowly looking down on the ground as he took a small, but heavy breath. "...In fact, it is I who should beg for forgiveness."
Now that picked The Blonde Teenager's curiosity. This was the first time that Eleanor didn't see the old priest in his usual calm and cheerful demeanor. She could see the hints of regret and guilt on his elderly visage.
"Tell me, father. I'm listening." She assured the old man, who looked at her with a thankful smile. He felt weird, being the one to confess his sins to someone else instead of the other way around.
"For the majority of my life on this earth, I...Haven't given much back." He said with a subtle tone of regret. "As my life among the living is winding down, i thought that i should repent by helping the poor and unfortunate. People like you, your family, and the villages around Gravenbirch."
Eleanor smiled in understanding. While she was in the dark when it came to Father McCullough's past, she couldn't help but have sympathy for the old priest.
"Well, one thing i can say is that you are a good man, Father." She told him. "If only people were as kind and generous towards others as you, the world would be a much better place!"
The priest only answered with a small nod and a polite smile. After the customary good byes and hand waving, Eleanor turned around and made her way to the door, bag full of food in hand. McCullough watched the teenager leave the church, her voluminous blonde mane the last thing of her he saw before the door closed. He then turned to face the large statue of the holy one spreading his arms in embrace, the last words that Eleanor spoke circling in his head, followed by memories. Painful ones.
"A good man…" he uttered as he bowed his head down in front of the statue, as if the lord was bringing him down with his weightful stare.
Outside, Eleanor carefully deposed her feet down the steep steps of the hill. Feeling nauseous after the filthy stench of Gravenbirch made its grand return in her nostrils, She couldn't wait to go back home...where it smelled like a mixture of Pinewood, Cauliflower and horse poop…At least, in her mind, it was better than the city.
Fortunately, she won't be torturing herself with that smell for long, for she knows a shortcut that will lead her to the road that leads to her home. To the right of the hill, past the carpenter on St. George street, was a section of alleyways that led to Gravenbirch's marketplace, which was near the road that led to Eleanor's village. She frequently used those shortcuts, as it made it easier for her to navigate through town during rush hour.
It is through those alleys that Eleanor bears witness to the other side of Gravenbirch. To tourists and outsiders from London all the way up north to Newcastle, the town seems like a cozy place to be, albeit one with rather colorful denizens. Alas, the city has its fair share of marginals and rejects, and they all live up here, in the alleys. Weed enthusiasts, Shady dealers, thieves and the homeless are the inhabitants of these dark corners, mainly because the villages around Gravenbirch were already filled to the brim with them.
Eleanor didn't fear going into those areas, As they felt like a second home to her. She quickly made her way through the alleys, keeping her bag close, feeling the stares of some morbidly curious people.
Fortunately, before anyone did Anything, a police patrol came into the picture. The four of them were in a party mood, singing a boppy melody while carrying a bottle of champagne, keeping the shady denizens of the alleys in check. Eleanor took this opportunity to sneak out of there and into the marketplace. Today was a special day, however, as it was the week of the international showcase.
A crowd of tens of thousands of people walked along the street, checking the various shops and stands. To many citizens, it is their only chance of witnessing and tasting foreign culture and dishes. The sound of a street musician stroking his guitar chords, emitting a soft melody, echoed through the Spanish stand, while the smell of freshly baked cakes, strong cheese and Baguette bread brought folks to the French Cuisine of Chef Henri Vauclair's Kiosque.
The hottest stand in the whole market, however, was the Italian section. The old boot has been going through an age of prosperity in recent times, and interest in its arts and culture swept the continent. England was no exception, and many ambitious Italian Entrepreneurs migrated to the isles to establish franchises, including the Florentines and Neapolitans hosting the Italian culture and food stands.
All those gorgeous smells and visuals that the International Showcase procured fascinated Eleanor. It was a welcome change of scenery and pace from her life of hard work and Endless running in the dirt. Travelling the Globe, exploring the different countries and getting accustomed to their differences and traditions has been her lifelong dream. The international showcase, as well as The various books she reads at home and at the Library, gave her a window to a whole new world to discover. One she wished to open wide and jump into without hesitation.
She was brought back to planet earth, however, as she saw a chariot stopping dead in front of her face!
"Ahh!!"
She sidestepped instinctively, barely avoiding the chariot. The driver, a bald man wearing a farmer's get up, yelled all sorts of obscenities at the young teenager, which she gladly ignored while moving out of the way.
Upon leaving the streets, Her nose picked up a delightful smell, one which she was very familiar with. Her senses having awakened, she turned around to face the crowded Italian food stand. Her tongue danced around her lips upon discovering what the smell belonged to:
The aroma of Garlic butter mixed with the finest Italian spices warmly caressed Eleanor's sense of smell, and she could already feel the taste of melted cheese mixed with the crunchy, yet soft crust of the Ciabatta bread underneath on her tongue's buds.
Eleanor truly believes that garlic bread au gratin was a gift from the heavens. The temptation to just pick one from the pack was too much...sure, she could simply buy one with the money she just received, but, since she and her family are barely able to pay rent, any kind of money she makes must be closely guarded. Plus, she received enough food in her bag to have a full meal for tonight.
One closer look at her bag told the blonde teenager that there was still space left for a bread, though…
Ultimately, gluttony won out, as Eleanor began analysing the environments surrounding the Italian food stand. There was a bunch of people in front, waiting for their order to arrive, all dying to have a taste of Italian cuisine.
Her eyes then fell on the back pocket of a beret-wearing man, where a small bag containing one piece of garlic bread was half-exposed, as if it was inviting the blonde lady to rip it from him.
Trying not to look too suspicious, she calmly approached the man in question. Once she blended into the crowd, she took a deep breath and reached out towards the bread. In one swift, silent move, she ripped it out of the man's pocket. It happened so quickly that no one seemingly noticed it. Eleanor then turned around and serenely skedaddled.
She smiled upon looking at the delicious bread in the bag, proud of yet another successful theft. With her family's budget being very tight, stealing food was part of her daily routine. Survival was the name of the game, something which Eleanor learned over the years.
Unfortunately, she has yet to master one of the most important elements of thievery: leaving no witnesses. A little boy watched everything unfold.
"THEFT! POLICE!!" The boy shouted, bringing the attention of everybody, including Eleanor, who was startled by his cries. It just so happens that the same group of happy-go-lucky patrol officers was passing by, and they stopped partying once they heard the cry. Sensing the incoming trouble, Eleanor immediately turned around the other direction and ran for the hills...or the alleys, in her case, with the police patrol hot on her tail.
"HALT, THIEF!"
A stampede of steps echoed through the alley, the blonde mane of Eleanor flying furiously as she Turned up the pace. People, objects and windows passed in a flash as she swiftly turned corner after corner in quick succession so as to keep the cops guessing, but to no avail. Everywhere she went, there was an officer waiting for her, Bat in hand. The weight of the bag full of food didn't help matters, either.
Her furious pace stopped dead upon falling into a cross road. She quickly looked around to find a solution, but there wasn't any opportunities present. Her heartbeat, already pretty high, flew through the roof upon hearing the manic footsteps of the cops. She continued looking around, her muscles tensing up, sweat coming down her temples, her chest expanding and retracting rapidly with each breath...
Then, she found a pipe that leads up towards the roof of a nearby house.
"Bingo!" She exclaimed as she manoeuvred the bag over her shoulders, putting the straps in her mouth. She winds up, takes a few steps, then jumped on the pipe, grabbing it tightly as she used her leg muscles to propulse herself up to the roof. Shortly after, the squad of cops caught up and started climbing the pipe themselves.
The adrenaline rush flowing through her veins allowed Eleanor to ignore the weight of the bag on her shoulders, as she quickened her pace, almost slipping at one point, but she quickly recovered and managed to get on the roof.
Running towards the edge, she stopped and realised that she drove herself into a corner. A 10-foot drop awaited her down below, and the cops were climbing fast. The stress came back, her heart beating maniacally, her breathing, restless. She tried to find a solution, but nothing seems to come to mind. Not to mention the cops coming in…
Then, as if God himself answered her pleas, she noticed a chariot, the same chariot full of hay that almost hit her, was passing by the building that she was standing on.
The blonde teenager knew what the only solution was. Sweat began running down her temple on the thought of making that jump, but she calmed herself. This wasn't the first time that she was pursued, and certainly not the first time she pulled stunts like that to get out of trouble.
She flexed her quads, her eyes completely focused on the incoming chariot, her hands clinching the bag tight.
She took a deep breath.
-"HALT!" Shouted one of the cops as he was about to reach the roof.
The chariot approached the building innocently.
Closer…
a little more…
Getting hotter…
...NOW!!
Blasting like a rocket, Eleanor made 5 steps before launching herself in the air in a graceful, angelic leap, the wind flowing furiously on her face as the ground approached at high speed.
As if on cue, the chariot full of hay appeared smack dab in the middle of Eleanor’s landing spot, and the flying blondie landed square into the hay, sinking into it as the pile absorbed her landing.
Meanwhile, The cops finally reached the roof and were ready to apprehend the thief...only to find nobody there. It's as if the girl completely vanished.
-"W...where is she?" A mustached cop asked. "She couldn't possibly have vanished?"
-"Maybe she jumped over?" Said a short, long-haired officer, pointing his index finger in front of them.
-"No, that would be suicide…" the senior officer, a scarified, middle-aged man answered. "...Search the area! The thief shouldn't be far from here.
As the cops patrolled around the "Stompin' Bumpkin", the chariot full of hay continued on its path, as if unaware of the unexpected guest it was transporting. Said unexpected guest poked her head out a little to check if the police wasn't after her. Relieved, Eleanor then sneaked back into the hay, staying put until the chariot finally took the road that leads to her home on the outskirts.
Around Gravenbirch were many small settlements and villages, which served as housing places for the less fortunate citizens of the region. Beggars, Farmers, The Homeless and the poor forms the main demographics of these Ghettos in anything but names, with Some People being forced to work extra hours to provide the bare necessities for their families.
Eleanor was glad to finally be back home.
Familiar locations and citizens passed her by as the chariot arrived and stopped besides the Snetterton Family Farm, perhaps the most recognisable building of Eleanor's village, as well as its main economic source.
Once the driver disembarked and walked away from the chariot, the blonde teenager sneaked out of here, her bag full of food in her hands and her dress and voluminous mane being completely covered in hay. She cared little about her dirty self, though, as she was just glad to be alive and well after the stunt she pulled. And the best part of it all, for her? That delicious garlic bread was still intact!
Grinning like the Cheshire cat, she picked it up from the bag, admiring the fine details of the bread and its melted, cheesy topping, before opening her mouth to take a bite…
...Only for a Fox to fly out of nowhere and steal it from her hand, startling the blonde!
-"Oh no you don't!" She said, fuming, as she ran after the canine thief. She risked her life for that bread, no one but her has the right to eat it!
Endless minutes of chasing after that weasely beast around the village followed, Eleanor using the shortcuts that she knew by heart to try and catch it. Alas, the Fox proved to be quite a formidable foe, as his cunning and flexible body allowed it to pass by hard-to-reach areas, forcing the blonde teenager to circle houses.
Then, suddenly, as he was making his escape, the Fox stumbled on a rock and rolled over, the bread popping out of his mouth. Eleanor quickly ran towards the bead, but the beast immediately got back up and started growling at the human female.
The eyes of both adversaries were locked in a heated staredown, waiting for the right opportunity to strike. The wind increased in velocity, making the grass dance uncontrollably. a ball of Tumbleweed rolled by as Eleanor and the Fox watched each other carefully.
They circled around the piece of garlic bread tentatively...
An intimidating growl came out of the fox's larynx...
a fiercely feral look speared out of Eleanor's eyes…
Both animals flexed their muscles in high tension as a Heavenly female voice wailed, bringing the tension up to its paroxysm…
Suddenly, Eleanor turned around, looking at the Woman to whom the wailing voice belonged: Mrs. Beverly, who was raking the leaves while singing a beautiful opera melody. She then closed her mouth shut upon seeing the blonde teenager staring at her with confusion.
Sensing a golden opportunity, the Fox pounced on the garlic bread, grabbing it with its teeth and immediately blasting off like a rocket into the woods, to the chagrin of Eleanor.
-"Aw, Bollocks!" She cursed with frustration as she couldn't do nothing but witness the Canine food snatcher disappear into the deep forest. All this running away, all this 10-foot jumping...all for nothing.
Well, not exactly nothing, as the thought of her bag full of food and the money she got for her errand Comforted her a little. Still, the disappointment on her face was apparent, and, on the way home, the beautiful, vast rice fields surrounded by the forest in the horizon was completely lost on the blonde teenager. all she thought about was her beautiful, tasty-looking piece of garlic bread, as if she lost a family member.
-"A scarecrow isn't more cunning than a fox, y'know?" A child's voice asked Eleanor, prompting her to turn her head leftwise.
The voice belonged to Eleanor's younger brother, Trevor, 11. The slender, red-haired boy sat down and leaned himself on his family's shack, tuning a large, Brown guitar laying on his lap.
-"Well, A little brother would be fine if he wasn't sitting there doing nothing instead of helping me!" The blonde teenager answered with biting sarcasm.
-"Ah, always the same thing coming out of your mouths..." Trevor sighed, stroking a chord so as to tune it properly. "...Becoming an accomplished artist isn't doing nothing. not in the slightest!"
-"You got lots of crusts to eat before that happens, young man!" Her big sister replied. "Now, come, Mom and Dad needs us."
Looking at the sky in annoyance, Trevor got up and accompanied Eleanor into the house.
There wasn't anything fancy about Eleanor's family house. It was a typical four-room village residence, with the living room being lit by small candles on the decrepit walls, the kitchen on the right side and the bedrooms to the left, with the toilet behind a door beside their parents bed. The blonde teenager quickly deposed her heavy bag on the kitchen table, making a resounding thud once it landed on the table.
"What's inside the bag?" Trevor asked.
"Enough food for a proper feast!" Eleanor answered with a smile.
-"Whoa! where'd you get all that food?"
"My client generously gave it to me as a reward for my Errand." She explained.
-"...so he gave you food instead of money?" The little redhead asked.
-"Of course, he gave me money, silly!" Eleanor said while giggling. "The food is a bonus, of sort."
Trevor smiled upon looking at the amount of food contained in the bag. Eleanor was glad, too, since it's been a while since she and her family had anything good for supper. she looked at the little cross above the fireplace, which was basking under the shining rays of the sun from the window.
A few seconds later, Eleanor and Trevor went outside into the rice fields, where their parents, as well as their youngest sibling, Gabriel, were cultivating rice for their employer, The Snetterton family Farm.
-"Mom! Is it over yet? It's so hot, and my back hurts!" Said Gabriel, spinning out of boredom and annoyance.
-"Quiet, you!" His mother, Marion, told him. "You are lucky to be working a safe job like this! You could've been grabbing apples on high trees or, even worse, pick up Cow dung in the farm."
-"Ew!!" Gabriel exclaimed.
-"Hahaha, Exactly! So don't give up, son!" The father, Nathaniel, said. "We're almost done, anyways."
Nathaniel then noticed both Trevor and Eleanor advancing towards them.
"Oi, Look who's back from the city!" He exclaimed as he went to hug his eldest child...only to step back as he saw Eleanor completely covered in hay. "What the devil?"
"No, I’m your daughter." She quipped.
"Eleanor, what happened to you?" Marion said as she analysed her daughter from head to toe. "I thought you delivered glasses to Father McCullough?"
"I did!" The blonde teenager answered her mother. "I just...had a bit o-"
"She chased after a fox all o'er the village. I saw it!" Trevor ratted, to Eleanor's annoyance.
"Haha, a foxy lady, she isn't!" Gabriel mocked.
"Oh, shut it, you little twit!" The blonde teenager angrily told her youngest sibling.
"Eleanor!" Her mother called out. "What's with that attitude? Stay respectful to your brothers, young lady! You are their elder! And chasing animals around like a fool is far from setting a good example!"
Eleanor only sighed in response as she hastily wiped away the hay on her dress and hair with her hands.
"I'm sorry...I’ll help you in the fields." Said a somber Eleanor.
"Thank you, darling, but the lads are all the help we need." Nathaniel assured his daughter. "Why don't you take a bath? You look tired."
"Yes, i agree, you should take the rest of the day off, Sweetie pie." Marion interjected.
Eleanor breathed a sigh of relief. All this running and jumping around made her body heavy with fatigue, and she was having one of those mighty headaches. Waving good bye to her family, she turned around and went back inside the house.
The steam coming out of the hot water covered the bathroom in a thick fog, the mirrors, once crystal clear, now completely covered. Once the bath was completely filled, Eleanor discarded her clothing one by one, shaking her dress so as to remove any inch of hay it had left, before collecting it all and swiping it into a garbage bag. She then stretched her limbs before finally getting inside the tub.
The hot water covered her skin, making her muscles tense up, then decontract as she slowly breathed in and out, taking in the refreshing heat that went through her body as she laid down gracefully like a leaf on the ground. It was a very welcome feeling for Eleanor, the blonde teenager barely had any time to relax, what with running around doing whatever she could to provide for her family. Life as a member of the lower echelon of society was hard, and there is almost no time to breath, as every day can and often becomes a fight for survival, with the main goal often being having a meal at the end of the day.
Yet, despite the reality of her life conditions, despite the feeling of uncertainty, Eleanor is still smiling and standing. She firmly believed that, one day, she will be able to open the door that will lead to a better life for her and her family. If uncle Graham made it, then surely, she can, too!
But, for now, she basked in the relaxing heat of the water inside the tub. Entranced, she laid her head sideways, slowly closing her eyes as she fell into a comfy slumber, the shadow of a fox behind the curtains the last thing she saw...
...wait, a fox???
She immediately opened her eyes, her jaw dropping at the creature in front of her:
It was none other than that damn fox! Saliva covered the garlic bread au gratin in its mouth as it poked its head through the curtain, his feral eyes staring at the naked teenager in the tub in a very defying manner, as if it was taunting her.
Eleanor's eyes opened wide, then pierced through the fox's glare with a look of raging fire.
The staredown was so intense, it's as if time itself was slowing down, the tension rising to nuclear levels of heat.
-"You…"
In a sudden flash, Eleanor blasted out of the tub like a rocket and pounced through the window, the fox barely avoiding her! It then immediately turned around and stampeded out of here, bread in mouth. Eleanor immediately went after it, as if she was possessed by the hound of the Baskervilles.
The relentless pursuit throughout the fields and the feral screams of both the fox and the naked teenager brought the attention of several workers, who were dumbfounded at the sight of a naked Young lady following a fox. It's as if it was straight out of a silly Theater play!
One person who was terrified of what was happening was Marion, who couldn't believe what she was seeing.
"ELEANOR, WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??" She shouted as she lifted her dress and started running after her naked daughter. "Get back here this instant, young lady!!"
Meanwhile, Nathaniel covered his sons eyes, and so did a lot of parents around the village. To outsiders, the sight of an angry mother pursuing a naked teenaged girl chasing a fox would be an outrageous moment to behold, and probably turn them off of Gravenbirch altogether.
But, to the village, it was a Friday noon.
THE END.
thought that i should repent by helping the poor and unfortunate.
Capitalize the I.
Well, one thing i can say
Capitalize the I. I is always capitalized even if its in the beginning, middle or end of a sentence.
.where it smelled like a mixture of Pinewood, Cauliflower and horse poop
Pinewood and Cauliflower does not need to be capitalized in the middle of the sentence.
St. George street
The whole street name needs to be capitalized. So it should be, St George Street.
Weed enthusiasts, Shady dealers, thieves a
Do not need to capitalize shady here. Mid sentence.
A crowd of tens of thousands of people walked along the street
Maybe it would be better if it was, "A crowd, ranging from tens to thousands of people, walked along the street"
Endless running in the dirt
Endless is in the middle of a sentence. It does not need to be capitalized.
Travelling the Globe
I could be wrong here, but unless the continent is specifically called that, I don't think its necessary. Like for example, "Traveling around the world"
as well as The various
The does not need to be capitalized here
stopping dead in front of her face
Maybe it would be better to say it stopped right in front of her instead of specifically just her face? Feels a bit weird.
blonde lady to rip it from him
Took me awhile to realize you're talking about Eleanor. At this point, now that the character has a name, use that. Her name is not blond teenager, blond girl and then suddenly, blond lady. Unless her blond hair plays a pivotal role in the plot, I don't see why it needs to be so accentuated every few paragraphs.
manoeuvred
maneuvered?
Fox to fly out
Fox is that specifically that fox's name? Or are we just referring to what it is like the cat? Replace it with the word cat and you can see it does not need to be capitalized.
a fiercely feral
A start of a sentence. A should be capitalized here.
, looking at the Woman to whom the wailing voice belonged
This is not a name, actual title or status, or a place. It is not the beginning of a sentence. No need to capitalize Woman here.
Brown guitar laying
You do not need to capitalize an adjective here as you've done in quite a bit of your sentences (esp. the second paragraph of the chapter). Not the beginning of the sentence, so do not need to capitalize it.
Snetterton family Farm
Family here needs to be capitalized because this is the whole title, the whole name of the farm. So it should be Snetterton Family Farm.
pick up Cow dung
cow does not need to be capitalized here. It is not the beginning of a sentence. You don't capitalize every noun you see.
"No, I’m your daughter." She quipped.
- Nice sassy remark. This is good.
Yes, i agree
Capitalize the I.
uncle Graham
Should be Uncle Graham. Because uncle is a like that person's status. Like Mom, Dad, Aunt Example, Uncle Example, and so o n.
Young lady following a fox.
Not the beginning of the sentence, no need to capitalize Young.
a silly Theater play
No need to capitalize Theater, not the start. Stop capitalizing nouns and adjectives. Only names, titles, street names, ranks, places, days of a week should be capitalized. Like the actual name of a place, (such as The Global Theater, or Illia, the fox.).
WHAT THE f*ck ARE YOU DOING
Sorta breaks out the character for me. This is 19th century England. Doesn't sound like what someone from that time period would say. Maybe they might say it in a different way.
Okay the part where the character suddenly dashes off without anything - and the village knows it too since its like another normal Friday, so would she get detected from those police before since everyone sort of knows her like this? Plus not hiding herself even though she's a thief.
Anyhow, there may be lot more grammatical errors but done for the day. It is an interesting read - I can't really say much since this is just the first chapter, but it needs a lot of improvement on grammatical writing. Sometimes grammar errors are not that noticeable, but in this case there's so much and many lengthy sentences that should be split into smaller sentences. Used a lot of commas where it should perhaps be better split.
Janitors
no need to capitalize this in this sentence.
The Blonde Teenager's
just say it pricked the teenager's curiosity.
Also, blonde seems to define the character with the way its used. But the color of her hair isn't a very central focus or significant part of the character or the plot right? Your description always seems to highlight it everywhere...
Step by step, the blonde teen slowly, but surely, climbed the stairs, up the hill, Heavy bag in hands, before finally exhaling as she deposed the bag in front of the flat, wooden doors of the cathedral. feeling the burn in her legs and arms, she fisted the air in delight, smiling at her efforts as she regained her breath.
Again, you put too many commas and the sentence feels like it should have been broken into smaller sentences if you use so many commas (which act like pauses when one reads a sentence). Also "feeling the burn..." - Feeling needs to be capitalized because its the start of the first sentence.
teen-aged
Just say a teenage girl instead.
Per author request for feedback on the SHF Forum, I'm replying the feedback on here in the comments.
Blue Collar workers, Exhausted from a hard day's work
If this is one sentence, it should be "Blue collar workers, exhausted from a hard day's work..."
The rhythmic stomping of horses hooves mixed Seamlessly with the squeaking wheels of the stagecoaches and chariots they were pulling, while their Eardrums were being caressed by Drunken Gentlemen (and sometimes Ladies) singing merry folk songs, Football chants and other obscenities as well as the screeching of stray cats and the disorderly steps of Playing Children and Stampeding Citizens hurriedly Strutting to whatever place they headed toward
This is one whole sentence. That spanned four lines long. Most time, I try to make it three lines long maximum cause otherwise it may become run-off and too wordy to read in one sentence. Also, stop capitalizing every little thing that doesn't need to be capitalized. In the sentence above, things that don't need to be capitalized are: Seamlessly, Eardrums, Drunken Gentleman, Ladies, Football, Playing Children, Stampeding Citizens.
Reserve capitalizing for actual names, places, actual titles.
Also this sentence mixed in present and past tense. Its hard to stay consistent in one tense, but its even harder to do it when it is in an extra long sentence that should be broken up into smaller sentences for smoother reading flow.