Sunset was a couple hours ago. I figured it was around nine o'clock as I trudged south along the quiet residential road. I was on the road rather than the sidewalks because half of them hadn't been shovelled. At least the road was cleared.

There were very few other people about this evening. Some cars passed me, but not many. Most folks would be at home, or with relatives. Warm and toasty, getting ready for xmas tomorrow. I guess some were out at church tonight, or maybe it was late enough they were back home now.

I was a little worried someone might try and talk to me, or try and help me. I was very much not dressed for the weather. I just wore a pair of jeans, a blouse, and a thin fall jacket. I had a pair of sneakers on my feet.

My legs were already soaked through from the knees down from walking through deep snow earlier this evening. My jacket was damp and my hair matted from the snow that had fallen earlier. At least that stopped a little while ago.

The cold didn't really bother me, it wasn't like I was going to get hypothermia or anything. I barely even felt it.

I kept walking, and gradually made my way up the little hill. One more bend in the road and there it was.

It was the only house without any lights or decorations. I couldn't even see a tree through the living-room windows.

I knew they were home. Both cars were in the driveway and there was a light on in the kitchen, and another upstairs in the master bedroom.

My pace slowed, and I finally came to a stop directly across the road from the place.

Then I just stood and stared.

There weren't any tears. I wanted to cry, but I couldn't. I really wanted to go knock on the door, but that would be bad for them and worse for me.

All I could do was stand alone in the cold and stare at the house from across the street.

I had no idea how much time passed, how long I stood there. Maybe two or three hours? Eventually the light in the kitchen went out, and a while after that the light in the master bedroom was turned off as well.

It was probably around midnight when the big black Lincoln Town Car pulled up and came to a halt directly between me and the home I could never return to.

I sighed and opened the back door, then climbed inside.

The interior was all rich dark red upholstery, and it was hot. The driver had the heater going full blast.

I still didn't know his name, nobody ever introduced us. I'd seen him maybe a dozen times before, he was Claudia's chauffeur or something. I had no idea how old he was or who turned him. He looked like he was about thirty or so when he died.

He was always smartly-dressed, and tonight was no exception. From what I could see he was wearing a black suit-jacket and a bow-tie, along with a white button-down shirt. He probably had black trousers and polished black leather shoes, that was his typical uniform.

Isabelle was there too of course, in the back seat behind the driver. She was dressed for the weather, with leather boots and a long black wool skirt protecting her legs, then a very neat and proper dark red sweater on top. Her hair was nicely styled and she even had some make-up on tonight.

She turned and looked at me, and that look of sad disappointment on her face said it all.

Once I was seated I pulled the door closed, and the car started moving. The driver didn't have to be told, I'm sure he knew the drill as well as I did by now.

"Samantha," Isabelle sighed. "Why do you keep doing this to yourself? Why do you do this to me?"

I shrugged, then replied in a dull monotone voice "I miss them. I never meant to hurt them. I just... I wish I could let them know I'm ok. That everything worked out ok."

"You know you can't do that," she stated. "Their child, their Son, is dead. He died seven months ago. You need to let them grieve and move on."

The way she put extra emphasis on the word 'son' wasn't an accident. She was driving home several points. My parents wouldn't recognize me, they'd never believe who I was. It also reminded me what my new Family thought of me. And how much Isabelle risked when she turned me, how much trouble she got in for breaking those rules.

And as much as all of that hurt, it still didn't come close to the pain and the feelings that brought me back to that house yet again.

"They can't move on," I said quietly as I stared at the back of the passenger seat in front of me. "There was no body. They're going to hold out hope as long as they can. They're going to be worried and tormented for years, hoping I'm... Hoping he's still out there somewhere, hoping someday he'll come back."

My Dame took a long deep breath, then let out an equally long deep sigh. "This is the second time this month. It's the fifth time since you joined us. Samantha you cannot do this again. It's reflecting badly on me. You know how angry Claudia was that I turned you in the first place. You and I both need to be on our best behaviour. We need to prove to her, and the rest of the Family, that I didn't make a mistake with you."

"I'm sorry Isabelle," I replied softly. "I just... I really miss them. They never deserved this. All I want is to let them know I'm ok. I just want them to stop hurting."

She gave me a sad, compassionate look. "I know Samantha. If there was a way to do that without breaking the Covenant or our rules I'd be right there with you to help. But there isn't. The rules are there to protect us, and to protect the humans. And we're all bound by them."

She sighed again, "This is going to sound harsh and unfair, but Claudia has had enough of you running off like this. So I have to put my foot down Samantha. If you visit your parents' house again, if we catch you on that street or in that neighbourhood one more time, I will kill you myself."

I slowly turned to look at her. I couldn't believe she meant that, I half expected to see her smiling at me. Or at least she'd give me a wink or something to indicate she was putting on a show. Acting tough, so the driver could report back to Claudia that Isabelle was firm with me.

But no. She looked dead serious. She didn't look happy, she wasn't proud about it. And she wouldn't take any pleasure from it, but the look on her face told me she really would kill me if I went back there again.

She fixed her eyes on mine and said "It's survival Samantha. We all follow the rules. We all uphold the Covenant. If I made a mistake with you, it's my responsibility to end you myself. And if I don't, Claudia would kill us both. So I'll say it once more, and I want to hear you repeat this back to me so I know you understand. If you visit your old neighbourhood again, if we catch you on your old street, if you visit your parents' house one more time, I will kill you."

I gulped as her words sank in. Her eyes were still on mine, and my voice broke a few times as I responded. "If I visit my parents' house, the street they live on, or their neighbourhood again, you'll kill me."

Isabelle nodded "Good. I'm glad we have that cleared up."

"Trust me it's better this way," she added softly. "If not for the Covenant, your parents would have been killed the first time you tried to visit them. Let them go Samantha, you need to move on. So do they."

I finally turned away. I turned my back to her as I curled up on the plush upholstered seat, and pressed my face against the window. I wished once more that I could cry, because I desperately needed to.

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