"MY EYES! THEY BURN!" Terry and I yelled at the top of our lungs as Umbridge walked into the DADA class. She stared at us. We turned to each other, giggling. 

Terry was wearing his Ravenclaw bath robe, and I was wearing my Gryffindor one, in place of our normal school robes. 

We were also stoned as fuck. Fred and George had managed to procure some weed for us in Hogsmeade, and we had shared a joint before class. 

"Detention for both of you." Umbridge said primly as she swept past us towards the front. Terry and I low-fived. 

I watched eagerly as she strolled towards her desk, frowning slightly as she noticed the note on it. She picked it up, unfolding it, and I watched as she scanned the page, her eyes narrowing, then deposited the love note from Filch that I had written for her into the bin. 

"Now; has everyone completed the homework?" Umbridge asked the class. 

I raised my hand, grinning. 

"What is it, Miss Potter?" 

"I didn't do the homework, because progress for the sake of progress must be discouraged, like you said, Professor." I said brightly. 

Terry sniggered loudly beside me as Kylie's lips twitched. 

Umbridge blinked at me. "Another detention for you, then, Miss Potter." 

"Okay." I shrugged. "But can I just ask you something, Professor?" She didn't answer. "Can you NOT dress up as anything for Halloween this year? You're already scary enough." 

Umbridge ignored me, moving behind her desk. As she told us what chapter we were to be reading, I turned to eye Floppy across the room. 

"Hey, Floppy. You're ugly." I said. 

Floppy turned to me, his eyes narrowed. 

"Ok, well, you're a whore." 

"Okay." I shrugged again. "You smell like shit." 

"Hem, hem." 

Terry, Draco, Kylie, Harry, Ron, Dean, Seamus, Suzanne, Shannon, Pansy, and I knocked on the desk. 

I turned back around as Umbridge kept her eyes on me. 

I slipped out my wand and pointed it at Crabbe. "OMGWTF!" I said. 

Giant pink sparks flew out of my wand and hit Crabbe on the back of the head. He grunted, turning around. 

"Who the fuck was that?" He said slowly in his deep, gruff voice. 

"Hem, hem." 

My friends and I all knocked on the desk again. 

"Floppy, you reek like a Dungbomb mixed with a Blast-Ended Skrewt's shit." I said out of the corner of my mouth. 

Floppy whipped around, his wand out. 

"Hem, hem!" 

We all knocked again. 

"Class, no more knocking." Umbridge said in a sickly sweet voice. 

"Okay, Your Majesty, Queen of the Toads." I said. 

"Another detention for you, Miss Potter."

"Ah, what a shame, amiright lads?" I stretched widely on my chair, tilting it back on two legs, grinning at my teacher. 

"Absolutely shameful, Softpaw. How dare you misbehave in class." Terry shook his head. 

"Disrupting this very informative lesson for the rest of us." Kylie said, very sarcastically. 

"Hem, hem." 

KNOCK, KNOCK. 

"Hey, Harry." I said, in a loud stage whisper. "Remember the Quibbler interview?" 

"Yeah!" Harry whispered back loudly. "I just love that magazine, don't you, babe?" 

"Absolutely!" Suzanne whispered back. "I was thinking about starting an illegal fan club for it, actually!" 

"On the topic of illegality..." I smirked at Terry. "You keeping your hands out of your robes, boys?" 

I was of course talking about one of the Educational Decrees: Boys must be seen to keep their hands on the outside of their school robes. 

Terry smirked back at me. "Oh, I don't know, Softpaw; sometimes a guy just gotta do what he gotta do. That includes jerking off in secret while in class and corridors -" 

"Detention, Mr Boot." 

In detention that night, we charmed her cats on plates to bark instead of meow. It was hilarious to listen to as Fred, George, Terry, and I wrote 'I must not break rules' and 'I must not act like a harlot,' respectively. When we left the detention, we put up our own Educational Decrees that we had made, next to hers outside the Great Hall. 

'Teachers must not give students detentions.' 

'Umbridge must not catch the students on her tongue like a toad.' 

'Students must always provide meaningful banter in the classroom.' 

Before the next class started, Terry, Kylie, Draco, and I Stupified ourselves so that we wouldn't have to go. Then in detention later, we charmed the barking cats on the wall into toads, which Umbridge was furious about. We used this time in detention to write 'banter' on our hands instead of what she wanted us to write, using our weaker hand to write so that it appeared on our other hand, free of Umbridge's shitty phrases. 

"Just what have you four been doing?" Umbridge asked sweetly, her voice shaking. 

Fred, George, Terry, and I grinned up at her. 

"Cutting ourselves, Professor UmBanter." I said. 

We earned ourselves another fresh steamy round of detentions. 

Meanwhile, as the teachers and Hermione persisted in reminding us, the OWLs were drawing ever nearer. All the fifth-years were suffering from stress to some degree, apart from me, but Hannah Abbott became the first to receive a Calming Draught from Madam Pomfrey after she burst into tears during Herbology and sobbed that she was too stupid to take exams and wanted to leave school now.

I sometimes felt I was living for the hours Harry and I spent in the Room of Requirement, working hard but thoroughly enjoying ourselves at the same time, swelling with pride as I looked around at my fellow DA members and saw how far they had come. Indeed, I sometimes wondered how Umbridge was going to react when all the members of the DA received 'Outstanding' in our Defence Against the Dark Arts OWLs.

We had finally started work on Patronuses, which everybody had been very keen to practise, though, as Harry kept reminding them, producing a Patronus in the middle of a brightly lit classroom when we were not under threat was very different from producing it when confronted by something like a Dementor.

"Oh, don't be such a killjoy." Cho said brightly, watching her silvery swan-shaped Patronus soar around the Room of Requirement during our last lesson before Easter. "They're so pretty!" 

"They're not supposed to be pretty, they're supposed to protect you." Harry said patiently. "What we really need is a Boggart or something; that's how Daisy and I learned, we had to conjure a Patronus while I was closest to a Boggart and it pretended to be a Dementor -" 

"But that would be really scary!" Lavender said, who was shooting puffs of silver vapour out of the end of her wand. "And I still - can't - do it!" She added angrily.

Neville was having trouble, too. His face was screwed up in concentration, but only feeble wisps of silver smoke issued from his wand tip.

"You've got to think of happy shit." I reminded him.

"I'm trying." Neville said miserably, who was trying so hard his round face was actually shining with sweat.

"Daisy, Harry, I think I'm doing it!" Seamus yelled. "Look - ah - it's gone... but it was definitely something hairy, Daze!" 

Hermione's Patronus, a shining silver otter, was gambolling around her.

"They are sort of nice, aren't they?" She said, looking at it fondly.

Fred, George, and Terry were laughing over each other's Patronuses, two squirrels and a rabbit chasing each other around the room. Kylie was watching, half-grinning, as her lion pranced in front of her. 

The door of the Room of Requirement opened and closed. I looked round to see who'd entered, but there didn't seem to be anybody there. It was a few moments before I realised that the people close to the door had fallen silent. Next thing I knew, something was tugging at my skirt. I looked down and saw, to my very great astonishment, Dobby peering up at me from beneath his usual eight woolly hats.

"Hi, Dobbs!" I said. "What's up with - What's wrong?" 

The elf's eyes were wide with terror and he was shaking. The members of the DA closest to me had fallen silent; everybody in the room was watching Dobby. The few Patronuses people had managed to conjure faded away into silver mist, leaving the room looking much darker than before.

"Daisy Potter, miss..." The elf squeaked, trembling from head to foot. "Daisy Potter, miss... Dobby has come to warn you... but the house-elves have been warned not to tell..." 

He ran head-first at the wall. Harry made to seize him, but Dobby merely bounced off the stone, cushioned by his eight hats. Hermione and a few of the other girls let out squeaks of fear and sympathy.

"What's happened, Dobby?" Harry asked, grabbing the elf's tiny arm and holding him away from anything with which he might seek to hurt himself.

"Harry Potter... she... she..." 

Dobby hit himself hard on the nose with his free fist. Harry seized that, too.

"Who's 'she,' Dobby?" 

"Harry, it's Umbitch." I said immediately.

Dobby nodded, then tried to bang his head on Harry's knees. Harry held him at arm's length.

"What about her? Dobby - she hasn't found out about this - about us - about the DA?" 

I read the answer in the elf's stricken face. His hands held fast by Harry, the elf tried to kick himself and fell to the floor.

"Is she coming?" I asked quietly.

Dobby let out a howl, and began beating his bare feet hard on the floor.

"Yes, Daisy Potter, yes!" 

I straightened up and looked around at the motionless, terrified people gazing at the thrashing elf.

"WHAT ARE YOU FUCKING WAITING FOR?" I bellowed. "RUN!" 

They all pelted towards the exit at once. I could hear them sprinting along the corridors and hoped they had the sense not to try to make it all the way to their dormitories. It was only ten to nine; if they just took refuge in the library or the Owlery, which were both nearer - 

"Softpaw, come on!" Terry shrieked, giggling, from the centre of the knot of people now fighting to get out. 

I scooped up Dobby, who was still attempting to do himself serious injury, and ran with the elf in my arms to join the back of the queue as Harry quickly followed.

"Dobby - this is an order - get back down to the kitchen with the other elves and, if she asks you whether you warned us, lie and say no!" Harry said. 

"And I forbid you to hurt yourself!" I added, dropping the elf as I made it over the threshold at last and slammed the door behind me.

"Thank you, Daisy and Harry Potter!" Dobby squeaked, and he streaked off. I glanced left and right, the others were all moving so fast I caught only glimpses of flying heels at either end of the corridor before they vanished; I grabbed Harry's hand and started to run right; there were bathrooms up ahead - 

'We could pretend we've been in the bathrooms the whole time -' I sent to Harry quickly. 

'If we could just REACH them -' He sent back - 

"AAARGH!" 

Somebody caught me around my middle, yanking me back, and I flailed around as Harry appeared to trip on something, falling spectacularly, skidding along on his front for six feet before coming to a halt. The person behind me was laughing. 

I felt sick to my stomach as I turned my head and saw that it was Will Ash grabbing me, his obnoxious face twisted in an evil smirk. I actually felt my stomach churn unpleasantly, and the unbearable urge to break free and run away, or slam my fist into his face. 

"Trip Jinx, Potter!" Greg Spieler said, beside Ash. "Hey, Professor - PROFESSOR! We've got some!" 

"Let her go, you fucking asshole." Harry hissed at Ash in fury. Ash just smirked wider. 

Umbridge came bustling round the far corner, breathless but wearing a delighted smile.

"It's her!" She said jubilantly at the sight of me being restrained by Ash. "Excellent, Will, excellent, oh, very good - fifty points to Slytherin! And him as well... another twenty points! I'll take them from here... stand up, Potter!" 

Harry got to his feet, glaring at Umbridge and the two boys. I had never seen Umbridge looking so happy. She seized both of us by the arm in a vice-like grip and turned, beaming broadly, to the pair of them.

"You hop along and see if you can round up any more of them, Will, Greg." She said. "Tell the others to look in the library - anybody out of breath - check the bathrooms - off you go - and you two," She added in her softest, most dangerous voice, as Ash and Spieler walked away, "you can come with me to the Headmaster's office, Potters." 

We were at the stone gargoyle within minutes. How many of the others had been caught? I thought of the twins, Ron, and Ginny - Mrs Weasley would kill them - and of how Hermione would feel if she was expelled before she could take her OWLs. And Neville had been getting so good... and it was the perfect place to socialise with all my friends... 

"Fizzing Whizzbee." Umbridge sang; the stone gargoyle jumped aside, the wall behind split open, and we ascended the moving stone staircase. We reached the polished door with the griffin knocker, but Umbridge did not bother to knock, she strode straight inside, still holding tight to my twin and I.

The office was full of people. Dumbledore was sitting behind his desk, his expression serene, the tips of his long fingers together. Professor McGonagall stood rigidly beside him, her face extremely tense. Cornelius Fudge was rocking backwards and forwards on his toes beside the fire, apparently immensely pleased with the situation; Kingsley Shacklebolt and a tough-looking wizard with very short wiry hair whom I did not recognise, were positioned either side of the door like guards, and the freckled, bespectacled form of Percy Weasley hovered excitedly beside the wall, a quill and a heavy scroll of parchment in his hands, apparently poised to take notes. I flipped him off, and he frowned. 

I violently pulled myself free of Umbridge's grasp as the door swung shut behind us. Cornelius Fudge was glaring at me with a kind of vicious satisfaction on his face.

"Well." He said. "Well, well, well..." 

I replied with the dirtiest look I could muster. My heart drummed madly inside me, but my brain was oddly cool and clear.

"They were heading back to Gryffindor Tower." Umbridge said. There was an indecent excitement in her voice. "The Ash and Spieler boys cornered them." 

"Did they, did they?" Fudge said appreciatively. "I must remember to tell their fathers." 

"Yeah, their Death Eater dads?" I spat. 

Fudge glared at me. "Well, Potter... I expect you know why you are here?" 

I fully intended to respond with a defiant 'yes': my mouth had opened and the word was half-formed when I caught sight of Dumbledore's face. Dumbledore was not looking directly at me - his eyes were fixed on a point just over my shoulder - but as I stared at him, he shook his head a fraction of an inch to each side.

I changed direction mid-word.

"Ye-no." 

"I beg your pardon?" Fudge said.

"You may beg it, but my answer is still no." I said firmly.

"You don't know why you are here?" 

"No, I don't." I said.

Fudge looked incredulously from me to Umbridge. I took advantage of his momentary inattention to steal another quick look at Dumbledore, who gave the carpet the tiniest of nods and the shadow of a wink. Harry shuffled on his feet beside me, looking like he was restraining himself from rolling his eyes. 

"So you have no idea," said Fudge, in a voice positively sagging with sarcasm, "why Professor Umbridge has brought you to this office? You are not aware that you have broken any school rules?" 

"School rules?" I said. "Nah." 

"Or Ministry Decrees?" Fudge amended angrily.

"Not that I'm aware of." I said, beaming at him.

It was almost worth telling these lies to watch Fudge's blood pressure rising, but I couldn't see how on earth I would get away with them; if somebody had tipped off Umbridge about the DA then Harry and I, the leaders, might as well be packing our trunks right now.

"So, it's news to you, is it," said Fudge, his voice now thick with anger, "that an illegal student organisation has been discovered within this school?" 

"Yes, it is." I said, hoisting an unconvincing look of innocent surprise on to my face.

"I think, Minister," said Umbridge silkily from beside me, "we might make better progress if I fetch our informant." 

"Yes, yes, do." Fudge said, nodding, and he glanced maliciously at Dumbledore as Umbridge left the room. "There's nothing like a good witness, is there, Dumbledore?" 

"Nothing at all, Cornelius." Dumbledore said gravely, inclining his head.

There was a wait of several minutes, in which nobody looked at each other except me and Harry, conversing via telepathy, then I heard the door open behind me. Umbridge moved past me into the room, gripping by the shoulder Cho's curly-haired friend, Marietta, who was hiding her face in her hands.

"Don't be scared, dear, don't be frightened." Umbridge said softly, patting her on the back. "It's quite all right, now. You have done the right thing. The Minister is very pleased with you. He'll be telling your mother what a good girl you've been. Marietta's mother, Minister," She added, looking up at Fudge, "is Madam Edgecombe from the Department of Magical Transportation, Floo Network office - she's been helping us police the Hogwarts fires, you know." 

"Jolly good, jolly good!" Fudge said heartily. "Like mother, like daughter, eh? Well, come on, now, dear, look up, don't be shy, let's hear what you've got to - galloping gargoyles!" 

As Marietta raised her head, Fudge leapt backwards in shock, nearly landing himself in the fire. He cursed, and stamped on the hem of his cloak which had started to smoke. Marietta gave a wail and pulled the neck of her robes right up to her eyes, but not before everyone had seen that her face was horribly disfigured by a series of close-set purple pustules that had spread across her nose and cheeks to form the word 'SNEAK.' 

Marietta refused to speak any further, then Dumbledore claimed responsibility for the DA due to the fact that it was named 'Dumbledore's Army' and not 'Potters' Army,' to mine and Harry's protests. He then escaped via Fawkes the phoenix, leaving everyone else confused in his office. 

"Well, that was eventful." Harry told me as we made our way back to Gryffindor Tower. 

"I'm extremely proud of Mynee's ability for magic." I said happily, remembering Marietta's pimples. 

"Word." Harry said. 

~~~ 

'BY ORDER OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC

Dolores Jane Umbridge (High Inquisitor) has replaced Albus Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-eight.

Signed: Cornelius Oswald Fudge, Minister for Magic'

The notices had gone up all around the school overnight, but they did not explain how every single person within the castle seemed to know that Dumbledore had overcome two Aurors, the High Inquisitor, the Minister for Magic, and his Junior Assistant to escape. No matter where I went within the castle, the sole topic of conversation was Dumbledore's flight, and though some of the details may have gone awry in the retelling (I overheard one second-year girl assuring another that Fudge was now lying in St. Mungo's with a pumpkin for a head) it was surprising how accurate the rest of their information was. Everybody knew, for instance, that me, Harry, and Marietta were the only students to have witnessed the scene in Dumbledore's office and, as Marietta was now in the hospital wing, Harry and I found ourselves besieged with requests to give first-hand accounts.

"Dumbledore will be back before long." Ernie said confidently on the way back from Herbology, after listening intently to our story. "They couldn't keep him away in our second year and they won't be able to this time. The Fat Friar told me -" He dropped his voice conspiratorially, so that Harry, Fred, George, Terry, Suzanne, Cedric, and I had to lean closer to him to hear "- that Umbridge tried to get back into his office last night after they'd searched the castle and grounds for him. Couldn't get past the gargoyle. The Head's office has sealed itself against her." Ernie smirked. "Apparently, she had a right little tantrum." 

"Oh, I expect she really fancied herself sitting up there in the Head's office." I smirked, as we walked up the stone steps into the Entrance Hall. "The dumb bitch -" 

"Now, do you really want to finish that sentence, Weakling?" 

Floppy had slid out from behind the door, closely followed by the Three Douchebags. His pale, pointed face was alight with malice.

"Afraid I'm going to have to dock a few points from Gryffincor and Hufflepuff." He drawled.

"It's only teachers who can dock points from houses, Malfoy." Ernie said at once.

"Yeah, I'm the Head Boy and these three are prefects as well. Remember?" Cedric said, his voice close to a snarl, indicating Harry, Suzanne, and Ernie. 

"I know heads and prefects can't dock points, Pretty Boy." Floppy sneered. The Three Douchebags sniggered. "But members of the Inquisitorial Squad -" 

"The what?" Fred said sharply.

"The Inquisitorial Squad, Weasley." Floppy said, pointing towards a tiny silver 'I' on his robes just beneath his prefect's badge. "A select group of students who are supportive of the Ministry of Magic, hand-picked by Professor Umbridge. Anyway, members of the Inquisitorial Squad DO have the power to dock points... so, Weakling, I'll have five from you for being rude about our new Headmistress. Macmillan, five for contradicting me. Five because I don't like you, Boot. Weasley, your shirt's untucked, so I'll have another five for that. Oh yeah, I forgot, you're a slut, Weakling, so ten off for that." 

Fred pulled out his wand, but I pushed it away, glaring at Floppy. "Don't. The stupid shit will just take more." 

"Wise move, Potter." Floppy breathed. "New Head, new times... be good now, Weakling... Weasels..." 

Laughing heartily, he strode away with the Three Douchebags. 

"He was bluffing." Ernie said, looking appalled. "He can't be allowed to dock points... that would be ridiculous... it would completely undermine the prefect system." 

But the rest of us had turned automatically towards the giant hour-glasses set in niches along the wall behind us, which recorded the house-points. Gryffindor and Ravenclaw had been neck and neck in the lead that morning. Even as we watched, stones flew upwards, reducing the amounts in the lower bulbs. In fact, the only glass that seemed unchanged was the emerald-filled one of Slytherin.

~~~ 

"Well, I'm gonna lose my shit if this continues." I said miserably as Fred, George, Terry, and I wandered the corridors, chatting. 

"Floppy is literally just such an asshole I'm surprised he's not Umbridge's son himself." George said. 

"I can't believe he can undermine Cedric like that." I fumed. "What a genuine piece of shit." 

"And Umbitch seriously thinking that we're just going to sit back and take this." Fred said in a low voice. I stopped, turning to him with a grin. 

"What are you thinking?" 

"I'm thinking that we shouldn't really care about getting into trouble any more." 

"We never did 'care.'" I said, as George laughed. 

"I suppose," Fred said, his eyes glinting, "but I mean REAL trouble." 

Terry clapped his hands together excitedly. 

"You lot planning an attack on the Headmistress's regime?" An arrogant voice came from behind the corner, and Will Ash appeared. George and Terry immediately tensed up, and Fred's fists clenched upon sight of him. 

"So what if we are?" Fred said coolly. "Rapist." 

Ash's face twisted in an ugly way. "Why do you say that?" 

I glared at him as his eyes darted to me. "Because you are. You're a disgusting piece of shit." 

"That'll be ten points from Gry-" 

But before Ash could finish his sentence, Fred, George, and Terry had grabbed the boy. I looked around and saw the Vanishing Cabinet next to the window, and grinned. 

"Over here, boys!" I said, holding open one of the Cabinet's doors. The three boys wrestled Ash over, and stuffed him head-first inside. 

"Well," I said, my voice lifting in happiness, "I think we should start right away. With our fireworks." 

Terry whirled around, grinning madly. "ALL of them." 

"Our whole stock." George nodded enthusiastically. 

Fred smirked. "Let's call this... Phase One." 

~~~ 

We made our way down the marble staircase for lunch after our Vanishing Cabinet fiasco (we had skipped class yet again). We saw Harry, Kylie, Ron, and Hermione watching the hour-glasses on the landing. 

"Noticed, have you?" Fred said to Ron. 

"Nott just docked us all about twenty points." Kylie said furiously, as we watched several more stones fly upwards from the Gryffindor hour-glass.

"Yeah, Ash tried to do us half an hour ago." George said.

"What do you mean, 'tried?'" Ron said quickly.

"He never managed to get all the words out," Fred said, "due to the fact that we forced him head-first into that Vanishing Cabinet on the first floor." 

Hermione looked very shocked.

"But you'll get into terrible trouble!" 

"Not until Ash reappears, and that could take weeks, I dunno where we sent him." Fred said coolly. "Anyway... we've decided we don't care about getting into trouble any more." 

"Have you ever?" Kylie asked.

"'Course we have." George said. "Never been expelled, have we?" 

"We've always known where to draw the line." Terry said.

"We might have put a toe across it occasionally." I shrugged.

"But we've always stopped short of causing real mayhem." Fred said.

"But now?" Ron said tentatively.

"Well, now -" I said.

"- What with Dumbledore gone -" Terry said.

"- We reckon a bit of mayhem -" George said.

"- Is exactly what our dear new Head deserves." Fred said.

"You mustn't!" Hermione whispered. "You really mustn't! She'd love a reason to expel you!" 

"You don't get it, Hermione, do you?" Fred said, smiling at her. "We don't care about staying any more. We'd walk out right now if we weren't determined to do our bit for Dumbledore first. So, anyway," He checked his watch, "phase one is about to begin. I'd get in the Great Hall for lunch, if I were you, that way the teachers will see you can't have had anything to do with it." 

"Anything to do with what?" Hermione said anxiously.

"You'll see." George said. "Run along, now." 

"I think we should get out of here, you know." Hermione said nervously to my brother, my girlfriend, and Ron. "Just in case..." 

"Yeah, all right." Harry said, and the three of them moved towards the doors to the Great Hall. 

Sniggering, the Insurgents scurried out the doors in the Entrance Hall and stood, facing Gryffindor Tower. We raised our wands. "Accio crate of fireworks!" We chanted, and waited. 

Soon, our enormous crate of enchanted fireworks was flying towards us, and we grabbed it, having to lift it between all four of us due to the immense weight. 

We brought it into the Entrance Hall, Fred lighting it with his wand, then we all scurried up the stairs laughing. 

It was fucking awesome. One floor down, pandemonium reigned. Dragons comprised entirely of green and gold sparks were soaring up and down the corridors, emitting loud fiery blasts and bangs as they went; shocking-pink Catherine wheels five feet in diameter were whizzing lethally through the air like so many flying saucers; rockets with long tails of brilliant silver stars were ricocheting off the walls; sparklers were writing swear words in midair of their own accord; firecrackers were exploding like mines everywhere I looked, and instead of burning themselves out, fading from sight or fizzling to a halt, these pyrotechnical miracles seemed to be gaining in energy and momentum the longer I watched.

Filch and Umbridge ran down and halted, apparently transfixed in horror, halfway down the stairs. As I watched, one of the larger Catherine wheels seemed to decide that what it needed was more room to manoeuvre; it whirled towards Umbridge and Filch with a sinister 'wheeeeeeeeee.' They both yelled with fright and ducked, and it soared straight out of the window behind them and off across the grounds. Meanwhile, several of the dragons and a large purple bat that was smoking ominously took advantage of the open door at the end of the corridor to escape towards the second floor.

"Hurry, Filch, hurry!" Umbridge shrieked. "They'll be all over the school unless we do something - Stupefy!" 

A jet of red light shot out of the end of her wand and hit one of the rockets. Instead of freezing in midair, it exploded with such force that it blasted a hole in a painting of a soppy-looking witch in the middle of a meadow; she ran for it just in time, reappearing seconds later squashed into the next painting, where a couple of wizards playing cards stood up hastily to make room for her.

"Don't Stun them, Filch!" Umbridge shouted angrily, for all the world as though it had been his incantation.

"Right you are, Headmistress!" Filch wheezed, who as a Squib could no more have Stunned the fireworks than swallowed them. He dashed to a nearby cupboard, pulled out a broom, and began swatting at the fireworks in midair; within seconds the head of the broom was ablaze.

I had seen enough; laughing, I ducked down low, ran to a door that was concealed behind a tapestry a little way along the corridor and slipped through it to join Fred, George, and Terry, who were hiding just behind it, listening to Umbridge and Filch's yells and quaking with suppressed mirth. 

George wiped tears of laughter from his face. "Oh, I hope she tries Vanishing them next... they multiply by ten every time you try." He whispered. 

The fireworks continued to burn and to spread all over the school that afternoon. Though they caused plenty of disruption, particularly the firecrackers, the other teachers didn't seem to mind them very much.

"Dear, dear." Professor McGonagall said sardonically, as one of the dragons soared around her classroom, emitting loud bangs and exhaling flame. "Miss Brown, would you mind running along to the Headmistress and informing her that we have an escaped firework in our classroom?" 

The upshot of it all was that Umbridge spent her first afternoon as Headmistress running all over the school answering the summonses of the other teachers, none of whom seemed able to rid their rooms of the fireworks without her. When the final bell rang and we were heading back to Gryffindor Tower with our bags, I saw, with immense satisfaction, a dishevelled and soot-blackened Umbridge tottering sweaty-faced from Professor Flitwick's classroom.

"Thank you so much, Professor!" Professor Flitwick said in his squeaky little voice. "I could have got rid of the sparklers myself, of course, but I wasn't sure whether or not I had the authority." 

Beaming, he closed his classroom door in her snarling face.

Fred, George, Terry, and I were heroes that night in the Gryffindor common room. Even Hermione fought her way through the excited crowd to congratulate us.

"They were wonderful fireworks." She said admiringly.

"Thanks." I said, both surprised and pleased. "Weasleys' Wildfire Whiz-bangs." 

"Only thing is, we used our whole stock; we're going to have to start again from scratch now." George said. 

"It was worth it, though." Fred said, who was taking orders from clamouring Gryffindors. "If you want to add your name to the waiting list, Hermione, it's five Galleons for your Basic Blaze box and twenty for the Deflagration Deluxe..." 

"This is so awesome." I said happily, throwing my arm around Terry. "This is one of the best nights of my life!" 

"Same!" Fred said brightly, as a silver-tailed Weasley rocket zoomed past the window. "I feel so much more alive." 

We glanced at each other, our eyes making contact for a long moment. Fred smiled, his eyes softening, his face relaxing...

"Hey, babe." Kylie wrapped her arms around me from behind, and Fred turned away, his expression hardening. "I'm so in awe of my swaggy prankster girlfriend..." 

I turned, giggling, and kissed her full on the mouth. 

I could still hear the distant bangs of escaped firecrackers when me and the twins went up to bed several hours later; and as I got undressed a sparkler floated past the tower, still resolutely spelling out the word 'FUCK.' 

I got into bed, yawning. The occasional firework passed the window, looking like sparkling clouds in the distance, beautiful and mysterious against the black sky. I turned on to my side, wondering how Umbridge was feeling about her first day in Dumbledore's job, and how Fudge would react when he heard that the school had spent most of the day in a state of advanced disruption. Smiling to myself, I closed my eyes...

The whizzes and bangs of escaped fireworks in the grounds seemed to be growing more distant... or perhaps I was simply speeding away from them...

I had fallen right into the corridor leading to the Department of Mysteries. I was speeding towards the plain black door... let it open... let it open...

It did. I was inside the circular room lined with doors... I crossed it, placed my hand on an identical door and it swung inwards...

Now I was in a long, rectangular room full of an odd mechanical clicking. There were dancing flecks of light on the walls but I did not pause to investigate... I had to go on...

There was a door at the far end... it, too, opened at my touch...

And now I was in a dimly lit room as high and wide as a church, full of nothing but rows and rows of towering shelves, each laden with small, dusty, spun-glass spheres... now my heart was beating fast with excitement... I knew where to go... I ran forwards, but my footsteps made no noise in the enormous, deserted room...

There was something in this room I wanted very, very much...

Something I wanted... or somebody else wanted...

My scar was hurting...

BANG!

I awoke instantly, confused and angry. The dark dormitory was full of the sound of laughter.

"Cool!" Lee said, who was silhouetted against the window. "I think one of those Catherine wheels hit a rocket and it's like they mated, come and see!" 

Fred, George, and I scrambled out of bed for a better look. The pain in my scar subsided as I forgot about my dream, watching as glittering pink and silver winged piglets soared past the windows of Gryffindor Tower. I lay and listened to the appreciative whoops of Gryffindors in the dormitories below us. 

This is what school should be all about...